Tuesday, June 12, 2018

June 12, 2018 Only Love...

Overcome with emotion, yet bound by fear. 

How did I get here? 

One moment in time changed everything.

One boy who pushed too hard.

One girl who lost her way.

One careless choice led to another, 

And only one stood beside her all along, keeping her from harm, 

While she built herself a wall of bitterness and stuffed down her pain. 

Two decades later, she comes up for air and finds forgiveness, 

Yet fear is still in charge.

How did I get here? 

How do I fix it? 

Only love can drive it out. 

Only love can crush bitterness into powder and blow it away in the winds of time.

Only love can conquer fear and replace it with courage.

Only love can heal so much brokenness…

And tear down my walls against the world. 

They were only meant to protect me, 

But it turns out they kept me from being who God designed me to be. 

They kept me from myself and from you. 


Only love…

Saturday, March 31, 2018

March 31, 2018 Once Upon...



Once upon a laugh, I understood how easily a few well placed words can spring joy.
Once upon a tear, I saw how a word not chosen well can draw hurt on a heart forever.

Once upon a smile, I knew how important it was to peddle encouragement.

Once upon a frown, I grieved the loss of kindness and gentleness in the world.

Once upon a touch, I felt the power of love wrapped around me on a dark night. 

Once upon a slap, I experienced the sting of rebellion and anger. 

Once upon a kiss, I discovered how sweet or sour love can be in the hands of a human.

Once upon a lie, I lost my innocence and found bitterness in its place. 

Once upon a nail pierced hand, I found my sin and need for His love. 

Once upon a cross, I witnessed a man give everything simply because He loves. 

Monday, January 15, 2018

January 15, 2018: Forgetting what is behind…

“Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

It was a rough transition into 2018.  I spent the final couple of days before the New Year in mourning. Literally, I wavered between holding back tears and all out bawling in the closet of my bedroom, then in the bed, then out on the first run I’ve taken since an injury in August. I couldn’t really figure it out at first. Yes, there were some things on my mind, but it had been a really long, long time since I cried so much my head hurt, and my eyes got puffy. After talking with my brother in the midst of all these tears (Bet he was so happy to catch me in that emotional place! J), I realized that I was crying for what has been left behind….relationships (some lost in the shuffle, some lost to illness and death, and some simply lost for a reason I may never understand) and life already lived. 

I let it all out in those final days of 2017. I haven’t had any more crying jags since then, and as I navigate the first month of 2018, my only resolution is this…to love more completely in my relationships, to love my life (in whatever stage it’s in), and to love my God more fiercely and more fully than I did in 2017.  Love is the one word that has been resounding in my head these first few weeks of the New Year. It’s everywhere I look, in everything I read and hear, and always on my mind. How can I love my family better? How can I love the children I work with in the way they need? How can I love my staff and co-workers better?  How can I love God with my whole heart? I don’t know where God is going to lead me, but I don’t want to be left behind, and if his word for me this year is to love, then love I must.  Love with my words, love with my actions, love in everything I do.  Forgetting what is behind, striving toward what is ahead….I don’t know what this love is going to look like. I can’t say that you, as my family and friends, will see a stark change in me, but change there will be. All I know is that I will need God’s help to accomplish learning to love more unconditionally. 


Our world is built on conditions.  I’ll love you when you meet my needs. I’ll love you when you respect me. I’ll love you when you value the things I value and believe the way I believe.  To quote an old Beatles classic, “all you need is love,” and from the most read book in the world, “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers all wrongs.” Proverbs 10:12. What else is there? What else matters? We sing about it, we seek it all our lives, we kill for it, die for it, and put our lives on the line for it.  What better resolution could there be, but to seek out how to love better. I choose love, will you choose it with me? Let’s see how love can change the world together! To all of our who are read this, I love you, more than you could ever know!

Saturday, November 25, 2017

November 25, 2017: Thankful for My Heritage!

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.

Psalm 127:3

A sentiment I’ve often heard from my mom during times of transition is “life changes quickly sometimes.”  In saying this, I believe she is reinforcing the old boy scout motto, “be prepared” because you never know when these changes will happen. Of course, there’s only so much you can be prepared for a sudden and sometimes tragic change in life, but simply knowing unexpected changes WILL happen can help you to rise up and ride the waves threatening to knock you over and pull you under.

This year was another one of change for our family.  Over the summer, our boys decided to “change places.”  So, my oldest, who has been living with his dad for the past 4 years, decided to move here to WA, while our youngest, who has always lived with us, decided to go back to his birthplace on the island.  Even though it was something I thought I was prepared for (as the youngest and I had talked about it before it was decided), I am always surprised at how these changes affect my emotions, sending me on a rollercoaster and making me queasy for a bit.  Once my stomach settles, I remember what my mom says about change, wipe my tears, and adjust to the new normal. 

It’s been about 3 months since the boys completed their switcheroo, and even though I miss my baby boy terribly, I am enjoying spending daily life with my oldest again, and the verse that comes to mind is Psalm 127:3.  God has blessed me with two beautiful sons, two sweet souls, and I have very little to do with how wonderful they are.  Being a mom is still the most challenging job I’ve ever had, and my boys are a gift to me. I didn’t do anything to earn them nor to be able to keep them in my life. I try to love and guide them the best that I can, but bottom line is that I was simply rewarded with them by a gracious God, who has granted them wisdom beyond their years, knowing what their parents would need and being willing to sacrifice in order to bring peace to the family. They are a reminder to me that my treasure does not lie in my possessions or in anything I have done or will do in this world. My sons are my heritage, and I am thankful for them. 


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God, thank you for the gift of my children. Guide them throughout life and help me love them the way you do and to raise them in the way that you would have them to go. 

Sunday, March 19, 2017

March 18, 2017: WA Honeymoon Woes…

Is a few minutes of sunshine and a temperature above 47 degrees too much to ask? This was the question I wanted to shout out to the cars barreling past me as I ran with Gunner in the pouring rain for the umpteenth time last week. Back in November, running in the rain was somewhat of a refreshing novelty. Now, it’s March, and running in the rain has made me feel like WA is telling me the honeymoon is over!

Since arriving here a little over 3 years ago, the NW has been on its best behavior, much like two teenagers in love.  The temperatures have been mild the majority of the year, yet kindly reminding me in summer of my island home for a very short month or so, making the transition stateside a little easier.  Until this winter, I haven’t felt the way everyone told me I would about the rain, but WA has begun to show her true colors, expressing the rainy reputation that follows her all over the world and making the nickname, “Emerald City,” a reality!  

Of course, the day after I was yelling about the cruelty and unpredictability of nature, the temps rose to 52 degrees, and I had a dry run with a sport or two of sunshine, but then it was back to rain, rain, and more rain. When I left Kwajalein, I was so happy to be able to walk out my door with my hair down and without feeling immediately like I needed to go back inside to take a shower because I was already wind-blown and sweaty, and now, it’s the cold rain bringing me down. The stubborn, prideful part of me never thought I’d say that or even actually feel that way. So, it just goes to prove that old adage, the grass is not always greener on the other side. Well, it is actually ALWAYS greener in the Evergreen State of WA, but metaphorically speaking, not so much. 

The one thing living overseas on an isolated, tropical island in the middle of the sea taught me is that you can choose to allow your circumstances to dictate your attitude about life OR you can choose to change your perspective and find contentment in EVERY circumstance, so even though WA and I have suffered a few honeymoon woes this winter, I was still able to pull some nuggets of golden life lessons out of those long, wet runs with my spoiled, energizer bunny chasing dog.  (Or at least I am reminded of the life lessons I tend to forget when I am cold, wet, and trying desperately to dodge the pond like puddles blocking the path while I run.)

What I’ve Learned:
·      Nature is always a cure for whatever is ailing you. After a long day cooped up inside at work, then a long drive in I-5 traffic home, getting outside, even in the rain, is refreshing and relaxing. I may drag my feet and grumble as Gunner pulls me out the door, but I am always content when we arrive home.
·      Beauty and opportunity are literally around every new bend, state, job, home, etc...It was easy to see it at all this at first because I lived in such a small world for so long, so everything was filled with beautiful new promise. Now, after three years in a much bigger world, I can say that WA has a way of making you continue to appreciate the sunshine on the road and stunning views all around of the sound and the mountains because of the months of clouds and rain, not in spite of it.  Mt. Rainer doesn’t let you take her for granted by showing her magnificence every day. And with these attractions so close and the abundance of activities in this state, we have still not exhausted all the family adventures on my list of “things to do in WA.”   
·      It’s not easy being green, but it sure is pretty! I always loved going to Hawaii because even though it usually rained at least once a day there, it was a warm, soft rain, and it kept everything so lush and green. Well, it’s similar here. The rain is what makes the rainforests so uniquely mossy and what makes running outside year round more palatable. I had forgotten how brown other states get in the winter until going back to AL for Christmas. I was shocked by the barrenness of the South in the winter, and immediately realized it was because I rarely see that here in the NW. It’s always green!  
·      Life is better when lived in the moment. I can’t say I never pine for the long days of summer with perfect camping weather, but it does teach me to live in the moment. 

As my husband so aptly reminded me the other day, in a few months, you’ll be longing for the rain again because it will be so dry.  He’s right, I will, so I think it’s better to enjoy today as is.  In fact, I really need to get off the computer now and head outside because guess what, the sun is out!! And the weather app on my phone says after today, it’s going to rain straight through from now until Tuesday after next.


Saturday, December 31, 2016

December 31, 2016 Reflections on Trail Running (into the New Year)

The big event for me this last day of 2016, a trail run on the mountain above the town I grew up in with 2 treasured friends.  It’s only 8:30 pm now, but I have no further plans to ring in the New Year.  I will probably be in bed by the time the ball drops in New York, but I still feel the need to take a moment to reflect before 2016 rolls into 2017.  This year flew by, as the years tend to do, faster and faster, the older we become.  We are so impatient to get to the next birthday, the next grade, and the next stage in our life when we are young, then once we have reached the majority of childhood and young adult milestones, we see time differently.  We wish to stop it and treasure life more rather than rushing through it.  We gain patience and wisdom, but lose time.  It’s been two years since I last saw my two running companions from this morning, but it doesn’t feel like two years. The only tangible sign to me that two years have passed are our kids, who have grown and changed a lot in that short time.  It will probably be two years before I see them again after this trip is over, but I will carry the simplicity of what I learned from our trail journey together this morning with me throughout the upcoming year. 

Our run today started out like any New Year really, with a bit of apprehension…will my body fail me today and not be able to make the full journey without complications that might possibly slow my friends down and affect their expected run as well? Every year comes with its challenges and changes and when these happen, we wonder how we will weather it and usually, we get through it unscathed, despite our apprehensions.  This was true of today as well because after we got moving on the trail, I realized how doable it was for me, and I found my rhythm and began enjoying the new challenge running on a rocky mountain terrain brings.  Then, as we got deeper into the woods, we had to slow and move carefully to avoid being tripped up by tree roots and leaf camouflaged protruding rocks.  At first, I was proud of my footballesque maneuvers to bounce over and around these obstacles until I had a couple of near misses, which made me stop and proceed with more caution.  So, the same is true of a New Year as well, with initial apprehension turning to real and unexpected trouble because just as we begin to gain confidence moving into the year unchallenged, life jumps up at us like the sideways, jagged rocks hidden underneath the pile of leaves at our feet.  In the end, we do the best we can to deal with the curve balls life throws at us, even though we may turn our ankles like a kid on ice skates for the first time when we hit that hidden bump on life’s trail. 


Life, like running, can also become very wearying at times, and today, as 1 mile turned into 3, my body began to rebel a little bit at the use of muscles normally only reserved for hiking a few times a year, but once again, I found the wisdom in the ache. Trudging forward, despite the growing soreness in my legs, I found myself in the middle of our 3-person running group, and it was very comforting to know I had a very skilled and understanding trail leader in front of me who always made sure no one was left behind too far and a kind and empathetic friend behind me who made sure I didn’t miss any of the beautiful scenic views along the way while keeping me motivated to continue no matter what pace we maintained.  And in this part of the trail run was the most meaningful of my reflections, in my humble opinion….No matter what the year brings, God will be there leading the way through His many skilled and understanding children, and He’ll go above and beyond (if you let Him) to make life even sweeter with friends and family who take the journey with you and get you through the tough spots by simply “having your back.”  And when the run’s over, and you’ve made it through another year’s journey despite the sleet, cold, and the hazardous roots and rocks, all that is left is to enjoy a hot meal and reflect on what is and what will be as we complete another year.  Happy 2017, Ya’ll! I hope this year’s trail run through life brings you as much joy and beauty as it does growth and insight! The trail may not always be easy, but it’s so very worth the occasional pain and hunger it takes to get through it!