June 17, 2011- Wedding Vows?

     Ever since the idea of working on our wedding vows was mentioned by my fiancé in an e-mail to his mom back in February, I have been mulling over potential vows in my mind. That’s part of my writing process. The best writing I do comes from days and days of thinking about what I want to write at random quiet moments throughout the day, trying to imprint the ideas I think are my best ones by repeating them a few times in my head as I take my walk or try to settle down for bed or cook dinner.  I used to do the same thing with important papers I had to write in college. I’d plan and organize the essay in my mind before I ever committed it to ink and paper.  But this is not simply a college essay, so it has taken me a few months to decide for sure upon a direction for this most important task…

     There are a lot of things in terms of weddings and wedding planning which are brand new to me, and wedding vows are one of those. I have never written anything remotely like a wedding vow, so I am looking forward to doing so.  There’s an idea that’s been rolling around in the “squishy stuff” between my ears (as my son’s most recent first grade teacher once called their brains) for a while now, and when I began thinking about it as I was trying to get to sleep last night, I decided it was time to start writing my ideas down, not last night, of course, as I fell asleep not long after thinking that, but I did start tonight when I had a moment of quiet at home by myself.  I am not going to tell you all the specifics of my idea in this blog, obviously, as I want it to be heard for the first time on our special day, but it is an important moment my life and my fiancé’s that I wanted to record.

     I am extremely nervous to say what I’d like to say in front of everyone because I tend to get really shy when others are watching me in a private moment. In fact, I could probably sing it better than say it, if I could write the music to accompany it, that is, and not just the words. I used to sing all the time in front of the church growing up, with only a few shaky moments at the start of the song.  I know it sounds funny because I am a teacher, and I have no problem teaching to any age or number of people, but when it is a very intimate moment, such as pouring out my heart to my soul mate in front of all our closest family and friends, I clam up.  So, I figure as long as I keep my eyes on my darling the whole time, as if I am speaking to him only with no one else watching, I’ll be okay, but writing everything down ahead of time and practicing saying it won’t hurt either.  When I consider writing something for him, there are, in many ways, no words to describe how I feel, no way to truly express how much he means to me, but I am going to do my best to use my limited skills to give him even just a tiny part of my heart through words on this momentous day in our lives.  I truly cannot wait to marry my love, vows and all.  It’s a chapter in my life I look forward to starting more than anything else right now.  Wish me luck as I write out my heart and get ready to deliver my message to my future husband next summer!