July 23-26, 2011- Lost and Found!

     Several months ago, my then boyfriend (now fiancé) and I found a small LCM (Landing Craft Mechanism) that had been dumped near where the lost tank we were diving for was found.  We have been back once or twice since finding the tank and LCM to try and find the landing craft again, but with no luck.  Over the weekend, we went diving for it and found it! This time with had a float with us, so we could mark the exact spot, head back to the boat, then motor over and mark it on the GPS.  It was exciting to see the shadow of the small, stripped wartime transport water craft appear angled against the coral head where it most likely landed decades ago when it was pushed into a watery retirement from service.  It was not the only thing we found on our dive adventures Sunday. As my fiancé and I descended into the “Crater” dive spot, a couple of curious sharks begin swimming around us.  Next thing we knew, there were six to eight sharks hanging about.  They were like most other creatures of nature, more interested in seeing who or what we were than anything else, just curious, although it was fun to watch them watching us.  There were babies, but one of them couldn’t seem to move on. He would swim away, then come back to see us again, back and forth, until he finally had his fill of the “strange fish” with bubbles trailing behind them. 

     It was so fulfilling to get back in the water again.  I’ve missed it…I’ve not been motivated to do much lately without my babies here and an uncertain future with budget cuts on the atoll and an ex-husband who may be departing the island any day to go back to the states, most likely leaving me to make some hard decisions in regards to being with my children.  But underwater, none of that matters.  All that matters is how much air you have left, how much safe time you have at the depth you are cruising, where the boat is, and how much beautiful and exciting sea life and history you can cram into your dive before you have to get back to the boat to head home. Diving is about surviving and focusing on what matters most in life, the continual and consistent motion of the tide, the beauty all around us if we simply take the time to stop and look, and focusing only on breathing and enjoying each moment we have instead of all the myriad and potential “troubles” around the corner. It’s about losing those worries and finding peace again in all life has blessed us with.  “I once was lost, but now I’m found…was blind, but now I see.”  

July 20-22, 2011-Taking it one day at a time...

     I've written enough of these blog entries now to start repeating myself. I know I have probably used this same title before or some version of it, but some days or weeks, life moves by at a snail's pace, you wonder where it will be taking you next, and you feel you are in a holding pattern. During those times, all you can do is "take it one day at a time" as my mom always reminds me when I am anxious about the future and venting about the every day frustrations that come with work, raising kids, and putting my trust in people rather than God.  I mention the last part because I realize that so often my anxieties crop up when I am depending on someone else to do things the way I would do them or to take care of business on my terms. I am putting my trust in others to control situations in life when it's something I'm not in a position to control myself.  Well, once again, my wise mother reminded me, you don't need to trust "XYZ," you only need to trust God.  He'll take care of you and yours, and He always knows what's best, so who better to put your trust in.  As Americans, our country has grown up around the ideals of freedom and independence, pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps, so to speak, and that's all fine and well, but it takes our Higher Power and putting trust in Him away from us when we are so busy "doing it ourselves." Some things you can't do all by yourself. Some things you will never have the answers to that you want. Some things you will never be able to control. Sometimes you will not know where you are going or how you will get there until you are there.  That's where the faith and trust comes in, and I'm awful thankful for God's work through my mom to remind me of that.  Trust, faith, and love....that's all you need to find peace and contentment, and even if you don't understand where life is taking you, and it's a struggle, don't try to take more than one day at a time. Each day has enough trouble of its own, so just get through today and let God worry about tomorrow.  Wishing you all a fabulous upcoming weekend! Enjoy every minute of it!

July 16-19, 2011- Adjustments…

     There’s always a bit of an adjustment coming back to the islands from a visit to the “mainland,” and this time it’s been a little harder for me than usual.  I know a lot of this is because I had no children to come home to and keep me on my toes. There’s not much slowing down with 7 and 9 year old boys, and when we are together, my focus is on taking care of their needs and not my own.  With just myself to look after (even my fiancé is back on his island, so I can’t even distract myself by hanging out with him), I find myself going to work, eating, exercising, and going to bed, and that’s all. It makes me miss the fun, family, and road trips of our recent vacation in Oregon.  It makes me want to move back “home.”  It’s quiet on the island in summer because half the population is gone for the 2+ months that comprise “summer vacation” here, so it’s nice to be able to get things done at work, but somehow the motivation is not there as it usually is when the pressure is on. J  Even though I enjoy my job, and I’m doing something I love, work, in the end, doesn’t mean anything if there’s nothing really to work for. What I mean is that work is worth it because it provides us the ability to go on those family vacations, to provide things for our family, to spend time with those we love on the weekends and holidays in a comfortable fashion.  For now, work for me, is saving up, saving for the day we’ll be able to move back to the states, saving for our future.  It may not be as exciting right now, but it’s a necessary part of life, and I know it won’t last forever because school starts back at the end of next month, families all arrive back on the atoll, and life will speed up with a vengeance to get back the time it lost over the summer!

July 14-15, 2011- My Baby's Eyes...

     Well, it's been over 3 months since my son has the congenital cataract in his left eye removed, and he's been attempting to strengthen it through patch therapy and wearing glasses at least 10 hours a day.  This week, he had a follow up appointment with his surgeon in Alabama while there on vacation with his dad.  Apparently, he can now see the large "E" at the top of the eye chart from about 5 feet away, which is, believe it or not, a gain in sight since the last appointment in April.  The funny thing is, my son struggles with finding motivation to wear his patch 10 hours a day and not peek out of any crack he can find in it, and he tries to take the glasses off at every opportunity. This does NOT help improve his sight, but if you think about it, he's never had very strong sight in that eye having had the cataract since birth, and it had only grown larger over time and impaired his vision more, so to him, he does not know what a difference it would make for him to be able to use both his eyes more fully. He's never seen anything in 3-D, so he doesn't really know what that is.  He's always used the right eye for sports, reading, etc...and he does very well with that one eye, which has perfect sight, so why would he want to work so hard to see in an eye that has always been useless to him?  I understand his perspective, but it still makes me sad.  Who knows how much sight he could gain if he had a stronger motivation to work at it?! I am thankful though that he has some sight back, and he has been told by the doctor to continue to wear the patch and glasses until he has no further gains in sight, so we'll see where he is at in another 3 months.
     For me, right now, sight or no sight, I miss my babies! Kids are kids and like the rest of us, they are not perfect.  We sometimes get annoyed with each other, and sometimes they talk back or frustrate me, but not having them near and having to let go of them so much when they are still so young  is one of the most heart breaking things I've ever experienced.  As parents, I believe we become so attached to our children that they are like an extension of ourselves, so when they fail or make a mistake, we feel their pain. When they are sad, we are sad. When they are far away, our lives are not complete. The house is quiet, too quiet, without them.  Days at work are long as I stay late to avoid having to go home to the emptiness.  Sure, I get things done that I would struggle to complete otherwise, but they are all trivial things, things that mean little in comparison to that precious time with my children, who are growing up so fast. They will be gone for another 3 weeks or so, and I can't wait to hug and kiss them when they step off that plane back onto the island they've grown up on and call home. 
     It's been about a year since I started this blog, in an attempt to record what I thought might be my last year on the island, and even though for now, we are still here, I know the days are getting shorter and circumstances in their lives are changing...I know it will be necessary for them to move on soon and maybe me too, so I'll attempt to enjoy every moment here with them while I have it because once we move away from the island, life will become more chaotic in the "real world," and I may have no choice but to be further away from my babies for longer and longer periods of time, and I don't look forward to that at all.  I know God knows what's best, and He'll work it all out for our good, but until then, I am still learning to be content in my present circumstances and find joy in all the little and big moments of life with and without my babies.   

July 11-13, 2011- Settling Back In…

     The 11^th proved to be a longer day than we originally planned for with an extra 2 hours of sitting on the tarmac in Honolulu in the airplane while they checked on an indicator light (indicating a potential mechanical issue) that was flashing in the cockpit.  So, our regularly scheduled 7-hour flight turned into 9 hours, and needless to say, we were exhausted by the time we arrived back home.  The alarm woke us up at 2:30, so we could be prepared to leave by 3:30 and arrive at the airport at 4 am to check our bags for the 5:30 flight. The delay put us landing on Kwaj at 12:30 pm instead of 10:30 am on Tuesday, July 12, and we were starved! After a late lunch at Subway in the food court, we relaxed at home, settling back in after 3 weeks away. I had to head into work for a couple of hours at the end of the day, but it was good as I was able to get caught up on e-mails before a full day of work today. 

     The rest is boring work stuff, especially considering that my body is still readjusting to the time change, and I woke up at 4 am this morning and felt like the day should have been over by lunchtime! J  I did make it through until after 6 pm at work, but I will be turning in early again tonight to try and catch up on sleep and get my system back on track.  It’s always hard to settle back in the first few days, but it is nice to be home in my own space.  

July 10, 2011- Sunday in Honolulu…

     We arrived in Hawaii around 9:30 pm on Saturday night and after filling our tummies with some IHOP breakfast entrees, we headed up to our hotel room next door to the restaurant and fell fast asleep.  Waking up early due to our bodies still adjusting to the time change, my fiancé asked me, “What are we going to do today?” We had a whole day to hang out and having been to Hawaii many times before, there’s not much we haven’t done there in the past, so that makes it hard to come up with something new or interesting to do for less than 24 hours. I know, hard life, having to find SOMETHING to do in Hawaii, but it’s not the cheapest place to spend a few hours, and frankly the Waikiki area where we were staying is just a big, busy city. At first, I wasn’t sure what we should do as seeing the Iolani Palace (the one thing I haven’t done yet in Hawaii) wasn’t possible since it is closed on Sunday. So, I took a shower instead to get ready for whatever was in store for the day. As often happens to me in the shower, I started thinking and came up with what turned out to be a pretty good plan.  First, we’ll have breakfast at our favorite spot just two doors down, the Wailana Coffee House, then we’ll go for a walk on the Hilton Hawaiian Village grounds to see the birds who reside there, including penguins and flamingos. Next, we’ll head to the Ala Moana mall to pick out some surprises for the boys when they return home from their vacation with their dad.  Finally, we’ll catch a movie in an actual movie theater, go to dinner at Outback Steakhouse (where we can use the gift certificate that was a Christmas present we haven’t been able to use yet), and head to bed early for our 4 am check in time.  Good plan, huh?! Well, it was, and that’s exactly what we did, spent a leisurely day in Honolulu doing the same types of things most of the locals do. After all, we are by now, more local than tourist during our Hawaii adventures. The streets there are more familiar to me than my own hometown in Alabama anymore.  It’s changed so much since I left, but good ‘ole Honolulu, on the island of Oahu, is the same to me as it was the first time I passed through over 15 years ago. 

 

July 8-9, 2011- Checking off the list…

     Time to head back to the islands, but before we go, we have to check off the last few things on our list: pick up my fiancé’s altered suit, try some more cake from our wedding cake bakers and get the cake consultation deposit to them, and purchase my new cross bike to ride on Kwaj.  I tried out several different bikes earlier this week, but the store closed before I had a chance to decide. It’s a large purchase for me, like this computer was a few months back, so I want to make sure I get the right one.  It was fun trying the different bikes out in the park behind the store, and I can’t wait to get my new bike home to try on our roads. We both hate to go and leave our family and all the potential road trips and scenic biking we could do if we lived here regularly, but our lives our not here yet. They are back in the heat and salt air of the atoll, and it’s time to take the long journey back. Hawaii, here we come…again. 

 

July 5-7, 2011- Road Tripping…

     One final road trip before heading back to the flat atoll we call home was in order after settling so many of our wedding and reception event details the first 2 weeks of our trip, so we took off inland this time headed to see the Sisters mountains, the rapidly growing town of Bend, and finally the deep, clear, blue waters of Oregon’s only National Park, Crater Lake.  Just driving practically anyway in this state is an adventure in sightseeing alone.  Never in my life have I known a place where the scenery is never boring and is so frequently breathtaking.  From the tall and short varieties of gorgeous evergreen flora and fauna to the abundance of lakes, rivers, mountains, colorful farmlands and gently waving fields of beautiful green grass, the Northwest appears to have no ugly stepchild in terms of its landscape.  Even the high desert plains of the Bend area have their own brilliance in the warm sunshine of July here. 

     Sisters is a quaint, little town that I first visited on our vacation last year, and I couldn’t wait to get back.  After a filling lunch and a walk to one of our favorite stores, the Sisters Olive and Nut Company, to pick up some awesome goodies to share with family upon our return, we drove on down the road, enjoying the view of the 3 snow-covered Sisters mountains, Faith, Hope, and Charity, rising from the flat, dry valley around us.  Of course, along the way, we stopped for a hike at the Obsidian field, as all that riding in cars makes us want to get out and stretch our legs now and again. It was our second hike of the day, having stopped earlier on the drive to walk a couple of miles at a trail head with snow along the side. I had never been to an Obsidian field before, which is formed from lava that cooled too fast, making a mountain of black, shimmery glass to carefully hike around in amazement. I’ve been to volcanic sites before in Hawaii, but hadn’t realize there are so many lava fields and reminders of the work of volcanos long inactive visible in Oregon.  I would love to see more of that next year.

    Bend is a larger town than I expected, and it will be a place to return to next year as we had little time to explore it outside of finding and checking into our hotel and filling our bellies with a hot, full breakfast there the next morning before heading out to Crater Lake.  Unfortunately, there was too much snow surrounding the crater this year (they had 10 extra feet drop on them over the winter and spring of 2010-2011) to drive around the entire thing, and most of the hiking was out, but what a magnificent sight! With snow piled high and the water as clear and blue as I’ve ever seen any water, the lake is the deepest in North America and the seventh deepest in the world! Formed entirely within a crater left by the volcanic eruption of Mt. Mazama, the lake is 6 miles across and cut off from any and all lakes, rivers, and other bodies of water, being fed entirely by snow and rain.  Next trip, we will take a hike down to the shore and ride in a boat around the entire lake, but that was not to be this time as no trails are open now due to the snow.  We did, however, talk to a park ranger who told us we could walk down the closed part of the rim road for some cool sights if we really wanted to hike, so 3 miles down and back, we attempted to make it to Vidae falls, but the sun was getting ready to set, and we were still a couple of miles away, according to the GPS. We did see some smaller falls and heard plenty of running water as the snow all around us continued to melt in the late day sun.  It was totally worth the drive up and back, especially for the amazing pictures my fiancé was able to take with his new camera of the lake and the surrounding mountains and various natural wonders.  Another road trip for the books and more ideas for places to explore next time as there were plenty of amazing spots all along the road that we just didn’t have time to visit and want to go back to next year.  

July 3-4, 2011- Sunday Night Fires and Oregon Futures…

In a previous blog post written a few months back, I mentioned missing Oregon and “Friday Night Fires” at my future brother and sister in law’s house.  Well, on Sunday, we had a special treat, “Sunday Night Fires.”  It’s been wonderful to be here in the Willamette Valley of the great state of Oregon, surrounded by fir, pine, sequoia, and cedar trees and mountain after mountain after mountain…If only I had enough time to hike them all! Sitting around the campfire, enjoying each other’s company while warming our bare feet in the cool evening air of July in Oregon is part of what makes me yearn for more someday. I have no idea where in Oregon we’ll end up or what we’ll be doing for a living when we finally pick up and leave our island ways behind us, but I do know we’ll end up here eventually.  I can’t imagine not testing the waters of Oregon for a few years or maybe even permanently. 

     My brothers and I have never been afraid to travel and move away from our home state of Alabama.  Only my parents still live there, but only after having tried out some other towns and places away from their birth homes first and then moving back just a couple of years ago to be near family who have all stayed in pretty much the same area their whole lives.  In the beginning, it was very tough to move so far away from home as I didn’t just skip across the pond, but instead I leapt across the ocean and moved halfway around the world my first time. Today, I can’t imagine not having moved out to the islands or traveling to different countries on vacations. My life has been so enriched by that, and I’m blessed to have had the chance to see as much of the world as I have and to get to know and be involved in the lives of so many diverse cultures and peoples.  I told my fiancé the other day that I was looking forward to retirement to which he jokingly replied, “Is that a red flag?” J  But in all seriousness, I don’t mean I am looking forward to the day when I don’t have to work and can sit at home and do nothing type of retirement.  I look forward to road trips in my homeland, to visiting all the places nearby that I have never visited before. I look forward to being involved in more volunteer and non-profit groups and causes. I look forward to focusing my efforts on serving others and giving back to the communities of this life that have so enriched mine along the way.

     I could see myself doing volunteer tutoring or teaching others to read. I would love to do more with the 4-H communities in the states.  I could see myself volunteering at a women’s shelter or working with young girls who have lost their way for a while.  I could write more, have more time to complete my scrapbooks of photos and family mementoes for my boys. I’m sure my days will fill up quickly, even in retirement. I’m sure I’ll probably never make it around to doing all the things I’d like to do even then, but God willing, I’ll live a long, full life, contented with wherever I end up and whatever little I’ve been able to give back to others along the way.  

July 1-2, 2011- Ready for the Holiday Weekend…

     Most of the wedding details we can take care of this early have been settled, so the past couple of days it’s been time to just relax and visit with family.  Even though we’ve been “living” with them while here, we haven’t really had a chance to truly be in vacation mode until all our “business” was settled.  So, the first order of non-business for me on Saturday morning was to sleep until I felt like getting up. It was nice to know there was nothing particular on the schedule that day, no cake tasting appointments, no suits to pick up from the tailor, no internet searches to try and find out how much the rental items will cost us or where we can find a ping pong table for our “outdoor fun and games” reception…just waking up when we wanted, having a leisurely breakfast, and helping my future brother-in-law and his family set up for their annual “Independence Day” party was just what the doctor ordered for me.  Isn’t that what holiday weekends are all about anyway, resting and spending time with family and friends with no particular obligations to take you away from them?  I think so, and it was a perfect day for just that with absolutely beautiful weather unlike Oregon usually experiences this early in the summer season. I keep getting told I haven’t truly experienced the negatives of Oregon weather, such as the months of rain and colder temperatures, and I’m sure that’s true, but I feel very blessed to have seen nothing but awesome weather all four times I have visited this gorgeous state thus far.  Happy July 4^th to you all! Hope your weather and weekend is as relaxing and warm as mine has been.   

June 29-30, 2011- Dinner, Cake, Cake, and More Cake!

     Two days of trying out cake is more than enough for my mostly salty sweet tooth. In a round about way, we have finally found and secured a wedding cake maker and a dinner caterer for our event. Asking around for the past week or so has brought up little results, except the complaint that there are no wedding cake makers in the general vicinity of our event venue.  Asking as a last resort at the local party rental store, we were met with fantastic customer service when given several phone numbers for potential bakers and a suggestion to visit a local bakery/deli which orders delectable cakes from local bakers to sell by the slice and the entire cake.  So, having worked up an appetite, we found the deli, had lunch and then 2 melt in your mouth cakes of the Marion berry and chocolate cheesecake variety.  Upon talking to the owner, she provided us with the baker’s name and location, so we could set up an appointment.  The funny part about all of it is as soon as we arrived back at my future in-laws house, I noticed the name of the baker and bakery we had just discovered on her refrigerator.  Come to find out, a co-worker had recommended the same place to her earlier that day. Coincidence or fate?  You decide. The next step was to check out their website before driving over, and within moments of scrolling through the beautiful cakes on their site, we knew we had found our baker! J  Tasting even more of their cakes from their storefront just confirmed it. After cake eating, we headed to meet with a potential caterer, graciously set up through my future mother-in-law. Very down to earth, easy to talk with, and willing to do just about whatever we wanted in terms of food, it was another perfect fit.  Nailing all of these details down now makes me feel so much more relaxed about the event to come. 
      There have been days I’ve just wanted to turn it all over to my fiancé to take care of and have even said so to him, which was probably a mistake because what I really want is to do it all together. I just get overwhelmed, nervous, and stressed when I am walking on ground I have never walked on before.  I don’t know how to do all this. I am no wedding planner, that’s for sure, but I am an organizer, a planner, so it’s hard for me, feeling the need to organize and plan, but not really knowing where to start or what to do.  It’s definitely been an insightful process for me, not realizing the stress that would be associated with it and how to approach and address it productively when it appears, specifically in regards to myself.  The learning curve has thrown me way off track the past few days, but I’m gradually finding it again and working with my patient fiancé to find that crucial caterer and cake decorator is putting us back on the straight path to a memorable wedding and reception.