September 9-23, 2013 In the Shelter of the Island…

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1

     There are moments in time, like when I sit on my back porch in the early morning or late evening and watch the colors change with the sun or when I am out running and see a bright, full moon surrounded by red and orange clouds, that I really appreciate the beauty and safety of the island I have lived on for so long. During those moments, I have a hard time seeing myself living anywhere else.  I’ve had more and more of those moments lately, moments of peace, moments of clarity, where I can almost see God’s plan for our lives perfectly. 

     The verse above speaks about living in the shelter of God’s shadow and during these moments of clarity, I find myself feeling like I am living in the shelter of God’s shadow over this island.  It’s not a perfect place, not a Garden of Eden, or anything like that, but there is a certain amount of security living here that I believe attracts people to come here, stay, leave, and keep coming back. 

     Life, surprisingly, moves quickly here because there are no seasons to mark the time by (as evidenced by my being here almost 17 years now even though it seems like a short decade or less), but the time we have is more about quality than quantity. There’s plenty of time to try everything or to do nothing because there’s no traffic to get caught up in, no malls to waste time shopping at, and no pressures to work two or three jobs in order to pay the mounting bills for every little luxury of life. It’s island time, magically slow and delicious. J 

     Because of all this, I sometimes feel I AM living in the secret place of the Most High, in His shadow on this sheltered island, far from the storms of life. I’m not sure why God blessed me and my family with this particular place and time in our lives, but I am most grateful for it.  Even as I write this, I sense that it will not be a place of shelter for us forever, that one moment in time could change all of that, but for now, I am thankful for this moment, remembering that the island itself is not what is sheltering us, but God Himself and wherever he places us will be in His protective shadow as long as we continue to seek and dwell in His love and keep our faith in His divine providence for our lives.  

August 19-September 8, 2013 What now, God?

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4: 11-13

     Since we returned from our stateside vacation and have been busy settling back into life on the atoll for yet another school year, I’ve found myself thinking, “What now, God?” He’s led our family through so many challenges the past few years, and now that my oldest son is back in the states, and we are back here trying to adjust to life without him with us, I find myself conflicted about God’s plan for us now.  Are we to continue our lives here for a while longer? Are we to try even harder to obtain work back in the states or elsewhere to begin a new life off the atoll and possibly closer to our families in the U.S.? Or, are we to go back into that waiting mode, where we find comfort in our current circumstances and work on quieting our minds, so we can hear when God speaks a new direction into our lives?  Frankly, I’m not sure right now. 

     I do know that God has taught me during my many years on this island how to be content no matter what the situation because if he hadn’t, I wouldn’t still be here.  I know that, amazingly, he used the last year in particular to prepare me to come back here without one of my children. I know this because there is a peace and contentedness about the current situation that would not be there if God had NOT been in this. Both boys, so far, are thriving in their changed circumstances, their new environments, and I never would have thought I could have a peace about separating them for a time, about living so far away from one of my children, but God has made it okay.  His plan truly is awe-inspiring to the point of never would have seen it coming, gives me “goosebumps” perfect!

     It reminds me of our memory verse for the children in Sunday School yesterday. “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. (Isaiah 55:8)  I could not have dreamed that separating the boys this way would be best, but I prayed for God’s will and for what was best for each child individually as well as collectively as a family, and God answered that prayer in a unique way and fully according to his plan.  His ways are NOT my ways, thank goodness, because I’m sure I would have messed it all up by now if I was leaning completely on my own understanding. 

     As I write this, I realize that it’s still very early on in this transition…I haven’t even been without my firstborn for over a month yet, but so many of the things I have been afraid of did not happen.  For example, I told my husband that I was unsure I would be able to handle everyone asking me about my son when we returned to the island, that it would make me cry every time they asked. And the only part that came true in that scenario was that everyone would be asking me how my son is doing and how he likes living in the states and being away from his brother. The part of how I would react has surprised me. Instead of being bitter or sad about the fact that he actually loves it and is doing well, I am so, so pleased for him. I am happy for my baby as long as he is happy.

    You see, it is possible for people to change, and it is possible for God to keep growing us year after year after year until we become wiser, mellower, and much, much closer to Christ-like than we started out as when we were babes ourselves.  Thank God I’m not the same person I was when I was younger.  While on vacation, I heard that a family member once described me as “smart and bitter,” and to the first part I happily agree, yes I am smart. J  I also readily agree to the description of me being bitter, and it was not the first or last time in my life I was to experience this feeling or even to be called bitter by anyone, but I can happily say now that much of that bitterness has been melted away by God’s blessings in my life, and what’s left is hanging on by a thread, soon to depart as well.  I’ll never be perfect, but I have learned to be content, no matter the circumstances, and I can handle anything as long as God is with me, giving me strength to face whatever is in store for our lives next.