December 7, 2010- Uneventful Tuesday with the Garfield Mondays...

     When the beginning of the week rolls around (which is Tuesday for our island), I often think of Garfield and his Monday blues, especially after a good weekend that I don’t want to see end. Garfield was my favorite comic book growing up, and in fact, I still have all the “treasuries” I collected, and they are enjoyed now by my oldest, proving Garfield the Cat is timeless. Point being, Garfield hates Mondays and tries to stay in bed rather than get up because something bad always seems to happen to him on Monday.
     The good thing about my “Monday” is that I don’t actually dread going to work. I enjoy it, even on the tough days.  I’m doing what I am supposed to be doing at this juncture in my life, and I have no doubts or regrets about the path my life has taken. In fact, that path, as twisted and convoluted as it’s been at times, has made it possible for me to be who I am and follow my passions in life.  I didn’t always feel this way, but God has matured me greatly through the trials and tribulations of my short time on Earth, and I’m sure there’s still a long refining process to complete, but I am content with where I am and who I am at the moment.  That sure is a good feeling, even on an island “Monday.” Unfortunately for my blog readers, an uneventful Monday makes for an uneventful read. Not much to say today. I worked; I played with my kids; I ate, and now I am ready for bed. I suppose some days are just like that, and that’s okay. It’s nice to have a day without feeling I am part of a never ending soap opera. It’s nice to feel normal again...

December 6, 2010- Home Sweet Home!

     Now that I’ve spent one whole weekend washing dishes, taking care of laundry, “spring cleaning” old baskets, file folders, and bins of stuff on my list to sort through, and finally decorating for the holidays and making Gingerbread cookies in my very own kitchen, I think I can finally call this place my “home sweet home,” at least for a little while.  This is the first weekend, I have not had to move a thing or unpack any boxes, and that is heavenly.  It was fun to get the Christmas decorations out, watch Christmas movies with the kids, make cookies, and even create some special gifts for teachers and family and not have to pack it up before school started tomorrow or drag it back to my BQ in a few days.  I finally have a place to comfortably do all the things I love to do with my children.
     I believe I am a homebody at heart as I do love just being in my home or my family’s homes.  I’m definitely most comfortable at home.  I can take my shoes off, relax on the couch, take care of the every day business of life, and not feel the pressure of anyone waiting to meet or talk with me or needing my help in the classroom.  I can just be me, annoyed at my children’s loud voices at times or making a grand mess in my kitchen with the flour for the gingerbread dough that turned out much sticker than it was supposed to be, and that’s okay. It’s my domain.  And I have to admit, it sure it nice to have a domain again, and not one that exists solely online! ;)
     I’ve waited for this to come to pass for a long time, thinking as I wished and prayed for it, “what if the house is not enough either?” Even asking myself, “am I one of those pessimistic people who is always going to find some other reason not to be completely satisfied in my circumstances no matter how spoiled I actually am?” Thank goodness that has not been the case. This place with my children is worth every extra hour at work, every night away from them, every frustration and hurdle I jumped to get to it because as much as I am a homebody, I became much more than that the day God blessed me with children. I am a mother above all else, and there’s no higher calling than that. A mother without a home and way to provide for her children is like a camp without a campfire. It makes it very difficult to provide warmth and light to your family, and there’s no gathering place to tell stories and share memories together. 
     With the strength of God and some very special people in my life, I was able to bring my boys through the last 3 years with light, warmth, and a place to be together, although the place rotated frequently and was never ours, but now I can rest a bit more. I can let go of the constant worry and guilt of not being able to fully be a mom to my children all the time.  I have a peace I haven’t felt in a long time...as I type from my own home, just a few feet from my two precious sleeping boys in their room at the top of the stairs.  Home sweet home...there’s nothing like it.  

December 5, 2010- A Christmas Story...

     Tonight, the boys and I went to see the “classic” Christmas Story movie with Ralphie and his Red Ryder BB Gun that he so desperately wanted for Christmas. It’s such a down to earth portrayal of one family’s middle class holiday season in the United States, and my favorite part is the narration from Ralphie as an adult.  I suppose everyone has their stories from family get togethers and life growing up, but Ralphie’s is told with a ton of humor and warmth, and so much so that you can’t help but love each member of his family in their own unique way and despite their idiosyncrasies. 
     I hope my children will look back on their childhood with such insight and humor as well as that same good measure of fondness.  I know I feel that way when it comes to my childhood. My favorite memories of Christmas come with the eve of Santa’s arrival when we would gather with just our immediate family and open one present together, one at a time, so we could all enjoy the gifts given. I still abide by this rule, to open presents one at a time from youngest to oldest as it really brings home the spirit and meaning of the holiday, which is one of giving and receiving and being thankful for times spent together in quiet reflection and peace.  There’s no rush when you are opening one at a time. There’s not cacophony of ripping paper so loud you have to raise your voice to be heard above it. There’s just patience and enjoyment of everyone’s gifts, instead of just focusing on your own.  It brings the center back to family and away from the growing consumerism of the holidays.
     My second favorite memory is of sneaking downstairs on Christmas morning and standing at the top of the three wooden stairs into our sunken den to try and get a peak of Santa’s goodies.  My brothers and I all knew better than to actually step foot into the den without our parents, and Santa knew not to place gifts near the stairs where they could be seen easily, so it became part of the routine...give mom and dad a few extra minutes of sleep while building our own excitement for the morning ahead.  Then, there was waking mom and dad up, getting down to business, and having a leisurely breakfast together afterwards.  The best part of it all is being able to pass these traditions down to my children. I love sharing special family time with my boys as I still love Christmas and believe in its spirit as much as I ever did and having them gives me an excuse to be that little girl anticipating Santa’s arrival once again!  

December 4, 2010- Island Style Christmas Tree Lighting

    

     For the past 43 years, Kwajalein has held an annual tree lighting ceremony on the first Saturday in December. This is the big event to start off the holiday season for our tiny island community.  I’ve watched this event evolve from the real pine tree imported here to the front of the Yokwe Yuk club which was trimmed to fit the typical Christmas tree mold and decorated with large ornaments, tinsel, and lights to a fake tree set up outside the mini-mall area decorated with ornaments purchased and hand painted by resident families to this year’s newest and most truly island style coconut palm tree ordained delicately with lights running around and around the trunk to trickle down and off each palm frond at the top, sort of like a holiday umbrella.  The event actually kicks off with the arrival of Santa, who in the past has always arrived by the Roi commuter plane, but this year, he pulled up in a boat off the magnificent Pacific, which seemed fitting for an island Santa.  After the candy laden Santa greets the children lined up to see him, St. Nicholas gets onto the Santa Mobile (a large flat bed truck) and rides to the down town area while the “Wheel Walkers” protect the children running by the vehicle who are grabbing candy pinged at them by the Elves on the truck.  Sounds strange and maybe a little dangerous, but the kids love it!

     Once everyone makes it to “downtown Kwaj,” there’s an official ceremony which has also evolved over the years, but has always included a welcome, prayer, Jr./Sr. High School band and choir performances, and this year, the Girls Scouts singing, the hula dancers telling stories with their hands, and my boys as part of the hip-hop group taught by their PE teacher (a Caucasian women who is very good at being gangster and choreographing some very cool routines for a group of mostly boys, who would probably never dance otherwise). I was proud of my babies as this was their first performance in front of the entire community at this annual ceremony, and all they kept saying afterwards was, “That was so fun!”  They are now officially on record as participants in this long standing Kwaj tradition.  Island boys they are and no matter what, probably always will be.  

December 3, 2010- All You Need is Love...

     The other night, the boys and I were reading from a Daily Bible for Kids that I gave them for Christmas last year that we haven’t had a chance to actually get through yet, and the passage was the one on love from 1 Corinthians 13. This is one of my favorite passages from the Bible. It makes it all sound so simple.  It defines love exactly, and then reminds us that in the end, love is all you need and above all else.  Working with young children the past couple of years has really drilled this home for me more than anything else I’ve ever done in life. So often, when a child is upset or acting out, instead of allowing it to frustrate you or practicing a stricter form of discipline with them, it comes down to just loving them to help them gain perspective and settle down for awhile.  As a teacher, obviously, you can’t solve all their problems, but you can gather them up and hug them or speak to them in a calm, loving voice and ask what’s wrong. You can try to understand how they are feeling and comfort them, even when nothing they are doing makes sense to you.
     The world is such a scary place, and I’ve learned that so many children don’t receive enough of that simple form of love through hugs and comforting words or even an adult in their lives who truly listens to them, so if I can help be that for them, I will. I get frustrated too sometimes, and I want to throw a temper tantrum as well, and I know what helps me the most during one of those times is for someone I care about to come to me, talk with me, offer a hug if necessary, and let me know it’s all going to be okay.  That’s love: patient and kind. Love does not envy nor boast, and is not proud.  Love does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking nor easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

December 2, 2010- A Stomach Full of Butterflies

     Tonight, my oldest son performed as a newscaster in his third grade holiday musical.  The Kindergarten through third grade all have one musical play a year, the K-1st grades combine for a show around May, and the 2^nd- 3^rd grades always perform in December. This may be one of the last musicals I’ll see my son in because next year they start going to band and choir instead of whole class musicals, so unless he gets into performing theatrically in his teenage or adult years, it’s another sign of how quickly time passes and how much he’s growing up. He will be in upper elementary school next year, and I’ll probably become not so cool to hang out with anymore, although I hope not.
     I’ve really enjoyed spending these years so close to my son, not only in terms of our close relationship, but also in terms of working and living as close as any island community does.  Unlike other parents who work outside of education, I have had the privilege of being intimately involved in school activities since he was in preschool due to my career in the field, and I am thankful for that too.  I love to watch my sons grow, and it also reminds me of what it’s like to be a kid, so I can relate better to them when there’s a challenge in their lives. For example, tonight and actually the past day or two, my oldest has had an upset stomach, but with no real indication of why. When he started complaining about it after school today and told me that he was excited and nervous about performing tonight (as he had more lines in this play than he has ever had before, and he forgot one or two during the dress rehearsal performance for the school yesterday), I realized EXACTLY what it was.  He just had a stomach full of butterflies.
     I performed a lot growing up, especially for the church, up in front of the entire congregation singing solos for the special music.  I always started out with a slight shakiness to my voice, and I could feel my whole body trembling as those butterflies stirred about, but once I got going and realized I was going to do fine, my voice strengthened, and it never kept me from wanting to perform.  Now, I am so used to be up in front of people of all ages because of my teaching experience that I don’t usually have butterflies.  Sometimes I wish I did though because there’s also such a thing as being too comfortable and saying too much or not in the way you intended.  Bottom line, I remember what those butterflies feel like, and I was excited and nervous for my son due to my own memories of that time in my life.
     When we are little, everything else around us seems so large and bigger than life. I remember seeing my PE teacher from elementary school years later when I was grown, and I couldn’t believe how small he was.  He was always so tall and such a presence in my school life.  Later, he was just a man, no larger or smaller than any other.  He is still a really neat, fun-loving teacher, but just a man, not the Super Hero of Physical Education I remember. That’s what I have to keep reminding myself about the boys as they grow up, that things which seem like minor issues to me as an adult, sometimes really feel like the end of the world to my kids.  Comfort them, encourage them, maybe help them realize that it’s not the “be all end all,” and stay calm when they are not. That’s the most important thing I’ve learned. Don’t ignore or discount what they are feeling, just let them feel it, knowing it’s a part of growing up that won’t last forever, for either of you.   

December 1, 2010- It’s December Already? Where did the year go?

    

     Another year of life is coming to a close this month, and I don’t even have time to catalog it.  Sorting through the last of my boxes and bins the past few days, I discovered tons of scrap booking materials, along with many packages of photos not yet put in pictures books.  I also found basket weaving, soap making, and various other craft supplies, and I wondered, “How did I ever have time to do all this?” Life changes quickly sometimes as my mom always says, and boy did it!  All of a sudden the photo albums of my boys just stop, and I don’t even remember what was happening that year when I no longer had time to devote to it, and since then, we have gone to all digital photos, and I don’t even print them out anymore.  At any rate, I decided to pass on the craft making kits to someone who could use them a lot more than me, but I held onto all the scrap booking materials and placed the albums and photos in a prominent storage location near the vacuum (which, hopefully, I will be using frequently), so I can get back to that someday.  Photos are the one thing, besides writing, that captures life at the moment, including all the feelings, trends, youth, and age, and that brings back the memories of that very day, and that’s something I don’t want to leave behind in last year, but preserve for the future and for my family.