October 28, 2013 For my Youngest on His Tenth Birthday!!

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity…Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” 1 Timothy 4:12, 16

     I have this book called “My Son’s Blessing Book,” which I had intended to write in every year of his life until it was full or until I needed to start a new one. Each 5-page blank journaling section starts out with a Bible verse. Unfortunately, my once a year goal was unmet for the first 2 years of his life (first entry 2005-he was born in 2003), then it went into “hiding” until 2012, when he was over 9 years old.  This year, I have now written twice, once this summer and again today, so I suppose I am making up a bit for lost time.

     When I do write in it, I tell my son what he is like at that moment in time. I may talk about the class he is in at school and his accomplishments there, and I write about how his personality has developed.  I hope someday he will enjoy reading about himself in this way, about moments in time that gradually fade and sometimes meld and change themselves into a whole batch of other memories and/or are often forgotten completely as we age.  This is part of what I love about the process of writing and journaling in the moment….the ability to have a “snapshot in time” of not just what was happening, like in a photograph, but the description of how you felt, the mindset you were in, and how your thought about life at that time. It’s fascinating to see how our thinking changes and how wisdom is developed over the years. 

     For this particular 10^th birthday entry, I thought the verse from “My Son’s Blessing Book” (reprinted above) was quite apt.  This school year, we’ve seen a bit of an evolution with our son.  He’s always been a good kid, but this year, he has become an example for other children in his school and student council group. He’s the one who encourages and helps fellow students out in class. He’s the one to stay after the school dance volunteering to help vacuum and getting applause for his “over and beyond efforts” from all the teachers at the end.  He is excelling in his grades, and he takes instruction from his sports coaches well. Everyone can see that he is really trying to do his best in all he is tasked with throughout the week, whether it is at home, school, scouts, or sports. 

     So, I want to tell him today (in the spirit of the verse above) to not allow anyone to bully or belittle you, to not let those who consider themselves “cooler” than you to cause you to think less of yourself or anyone else that they don’t consider “cool” because right now, at this very moment in time, you are setting the ultimate example of good character in your life.  From your sense of responsibility and pride in the work you do to your love for others, no matter who they are or where they come from and your tremendous respect for your teachers and other adults, you amaze me.  You are kind to all you meet, and you work hard to please and be good to even those who don’t always treat you with the same kindness and goodness. You are a blessing and a child of God. He is proud of you and who you are becoming just as we are. 

     Son, watch your life closely and keep the child-like faith you now hold. Do not allow the world to change who you are or to bring you down.  Remember that you are loved by your family and by God and even though life will not always be easy, you always have a choice and that choice could mean the difference between saving or losing yourself.  When those tough times come, remember who you were when you turned 10 years old, a boy who loved with all his heart, was dedicated to doing his best for his God, family, friends, and teachers, and who was strong in his convictions, not allowing others to change his mind.  You set the example, continue to do that throughout life, and you will not only help save yourself from future hurts, but you will also bring others to a better life through your influence.  I love you, baby doll! Happy Birthday!!

October 7-27, 2013 The Joys and Sorrows of Parenthood…

“The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him. Then Simon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: ‘This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.’” Luke 2:33-35

     After reading through the entire Old Testament, I have finally made it back around to the time of Jesus. I love this part of the Bible because this is where God brings His message to the common man, to those not born into the culture of

complicated, ritualistic ceremonies and processes of the Jewish people in days gone by, but to all of us and in a way that can still be easily applied to our lives today. By reading about Jesus’s life, including his trials, temptations, and responses to those who questioned Him and came to Him for help, I understand so much better what He wants us to do within our own lives.  I also love reading about His earthly parents, Mary and Joseph, and their feelings about Him because as a mother myself, I relate to them. 

     The verse above occurs a little over a month after his birth when Joseph and Mary take him to the temple for the rite of purification where every first-born male is to be consecrated to the Lord according to the Law of Moses. Simeon (a man in Jerusalem who was considered righteous and devout and to whom the Holy Spirit had revealed the identity of the baby Jesus) took Jesus in his arms, praised God, and said, “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.” Luke 2:29-32

     We (and I think I can speak for most parents when I say this), start dreaming about the lives of our children before they are even born or promised to us. What are they going to be like? What will they grow up to do? What kind of person will they be?  And when they are finally born, they are perfect, at least in the eyes of their parents, and it’s hard to imagine anything but wonderfulness when you look into the eyes of an infant in your arms. Unfortunately, for Joseph and Mary, they learned early on, from Godly men like Simeon, that their Son, although perfect in righteousness, would still have to go through so many trials, and in the end, their souls would ache because of what it would mean for His life in becoming the ultimate sacrifice for our sins forever.

     Most of us have to wait a long time to see our questions about our children answered, and somewhere, along the way, we realize they are fallible, imperfect people, who make mistakes and struggle through life in the same ways we do, but we still love them, no matter what. Our dreams for them do not always turn out like we hoped, but they are a blessing from God, nonetheless.  And we find, we are thankful to have been given the opportunity to parent them, even if we messed up a few times along the way.    What you can never prepare for is the same thing experienced by all parents at some point, even our own Father in heaven. You can never prepare your heart for the pain of watching your children suffer or struggle in life.  Even thinking about the possibility of hard times is painful.  And what a way for Simeon to put it into context for Joseph and Mary, “…a sword will pierce your own soul too.” From the first time they have to be admitted to a hospital all the way to the little hurts, such as dealing with a bully at school, every pain our children experience is amplified ten-fold for their parents because you watch them go through it for the first time and lose that child-like innocence and faith little by little. 

     I would never ever wish for my life to be any different. Being blessed by God with two beautiful baby boys who have become my greatest joy has taught me so much and brought me so much closer to God.  Reading about Mary and Joseph and feeling the pride in their hearts for their son, just as I have pride in my heart for my babies when they are praised by their teachers or friend’s parents, helps me to understand more about how God loves us.  Parenthood is the ultimate humbler of the spirit and teaches us so much about unconditional love.  Even though I know there will be struggles for both my boys ahead in their lives, I pray that God will teach them through those struggles, bringing them joy in the morning, knowing that He loves them so much more than even I could as their mother and their biggest advocate on this earth.  I commit my life to my boys through good and bad, joy and sorrow, I will be there for them and hope and pray they know that, and even more, that God’s love is beyond infinite and will hold them and protect them when nothing and no one else can! 

September 24-October 7, 2013 The Lord IS with you…

“…Thus says the Lord to you, ‘Fear not, and be not dismayed at this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s’…Fear not, and be not dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, and the Lord will be with you.” 2 Chronicles 20:15, 17

     When I think back on my life and the times that were most difficult, I realize now that I made those times harder because I tried to battle them all on my own.  I feared; I worried; I cried; I fought HARD against things happening that I didn’t want to happen and that I didn’t think I could possibly deal with.  What I’ve learned from my relationship with God over the past couple of years is to stop battling my problems and give them over to God to fight. 

     The great multitude spoken about in the verse above is the large number of Moabites and Ammonites who want to fight God’s people in Judah, but when I read the verse and put it in the context of our lives today, I think of the “multitude” as the large number of daily concerns and troubles that overtake us at times. It may be a death in the family, a really bad day at work, increasing debts, and/or personal relationship problems. It may not be warriors coming to kill us physically and take over our land and possessions, but it is our “multitude,” and we don’t have to allow it to stomp us into the ground. We can give whatever ails us or whatever difficult challenge is before us to God to battle. He longs to guide us through this life he’s put together for us. He loves it when we lean fully into Him and reveal our faith in His protection and promises. 

     I can’t imagine living in Bible times when battles were won by God’s miraculous power and when whole seas were parted to save the Israelites from going back into slavery with Egypt. Reading through the Bible this year, I am struck by the many, many awe-inspiring stories of God’s power and when I put them all together in my small mind, it’s hard to understand how God’s people could have ever lost faith when God showed them real, physical evidence over and over again that the battle was His and He was with them. Well, the battle is still His, and He is still with us.  Whatever it is you are facing today, remember this: fear not, and be not dismayed for the battle is God’s, and the Lord will be with you.  

September 9-23, 2013 In the Shelter of the Island…

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1

     There are moments in time, like when I sit on my back porch in the early morning or late evening and watch the colors change with the sun or when I am out running and see a bright, full moon surrounded by red and orange clouds, that I really appreciate the beauty and safety of the island I have lived on for so long. During those moments, I have a hard time seeing myself living anywhere else.  I’ve had more and more of those moments lately, moments of peace, moments of clarity, where I can almost see God’s plan for our lives perfectly. 

     The verse above speaks about living in the shelter of God’s shadow and during these moments of clarity, I find myself feeling like I am living in the shelter of God’s shadow over this island.  It’s not a perfect place, not a Garden of Eden, or anything like that, but there is a certain amount of security living here that I believe attracts people to come here, stay, leave, and keep coming back. 

     Life, surprisingly, moves quickly here because there are no seasons to mark the time by (as evidenced by my being here almost 17 years now even though it seems like a short decade or less), but the time we have is more about quality than quantity. There’s plenty of time to try everything or to do nothing because there’s no traffic to get caught up in, no malls to waste time shopping at, and no pressures to work two or three jobs in order to pay the mounting bills for every little luxury of life. It’s island time, magically slow and delicious. J 

     Because of all this, I sometimes feel I AM living in the secret place of the Most High, in His shadow on this sheltered island, far from the storms of life. I’m not sure why God blessed me and my family with this particular place and time in our lives, but I am most grateful for it.  Even as I write this, I sense that it will not be a place of shelter for us forever, that one moment in time could change all of that, but for now, I am thankful for this moment, remembering that the island itself is not what is sheltering us, but God Himself and wherever he places us will be in His protective shadow as long as we continue to seek and dwell in His love and keep our faith in His divine providence for our lives.  

August 19-September 8, 2013 What now, God?

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4: 11-13

     Since we returned from our stateside vacation and have been busy settling back into life on the atoll for yet another school year, I’ve found myself thinking, “What now, God?” He’s led our family through so many challenges the past few years, and now that my oldest son is back in the states, and we are back here trying to adjust to life without him with us, I find myself conflicted about God’s plan for us now.  Are we to continue our lives here for a while longer? Are we to try even harder to obtain work back in the states or elsewhere to begin a new life off the atoll and possibly closer to our families in the U.S.? Or, are we to go back into that waiting mode, where we find comfort in our current circumstances and work on quieting our minds, so we can hear when God speaks a new direction into our lives?  Frankly, I’m not sure right now. 

     I do know that God has taught me during my many years on this island how to be content no matter what the situation because if he hadn’t, I wouldn’t still be here.  I know that, amazingly, he used the last year in particular to prepare me to come back here without one of my children. I know this because there is a peace and contentedness about the current situation that would not be there if God had NOT been in this. Both boys, so far, are thriving in their changed circumstances, their new environments, and I never would have thought I could have a peace about separating them for a time, about living so far away from one of my children, but God has made it okay.  His plan truly is awe-inspiring to the point of never would have seen it coming, gives me “goosebumps” perfect!

     It reminds me of our memory verse for the children in Sunday School yesterday. “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. (Isaiah 55:8)  I could not have dreamed that separating the boys this way would be best, but I prayed for God’s will and for what was best for each child individually as well as collectively as a family, and God answered that prayer in a unique way and fully according to his plan.  His ways are NOT my ways, thank goodness, because I’m sure I would have messed it all up by now if I was leaning completely on my own understanding. 

     As I write this, I realize that it’s still very early on in this transition…I haven’t even been without my firstborn for over a month yet, but so many of the things I have been afraid of did not happen.  For example, I told my husband that I was unsure I would be able to handle everyone asking me about my son when we returned to the island, that it would make me cry every time they asked. And the only part that came true in that scenario was that everyone would be asking me how my son is doing and how he likes living in the states and being away from his brother. The part of how I would react has surprised me. Instead of being bitter or sad about the fact that he actually loves it and is doing well, I am so, so pleased for him. I am happy for my baby as long as he is happy.

    You see, it is possible for people to change, and it is possible for God to keep growing us year after year after year until we become wiser, mellower, and much, much closer to Christ-like than we started out as when we were babes ourselves.  Thank God I’m not the same person I was when I was younger.  While on vacation, I heard that a family member once described me as “smart and bitter,” and to the first part I happily agree, yes I am smart. J  I also readily agree to the description of me being bitter, and it was not the first or last time in my life I was to experience this feeling or even to be called bitter by anyone, but I can happily say now that much of that bitterness has been melted away by God’s blessings in my life, and what’s left is hanging on by a thread, soon to depart as well.  I’ll never be perfect, but I have learned to be content, no matter the circumstances, and I can handle anything as long as God is with me, giving me strength to face whatever is in store for our lives next.