July 10: Writing Prompt #191-Earworm

Write whatever you normally write about, and weave in a book quote, film quote, or song lyric that’s been sticking with you this week.

You know how certain songs will stick in your head, and all of a sudden, you hear the song over and over again on the radio or TV too?  That’s what happened to me this week.  One of my favorite songs that I rarely hear on the radio kept popping up and on different stations to boot. Tracy Chapman’s 1996 hit, Give Me One Reason, took on new meaning for me the past few days.  I always liked this song, the beat, the words, etc…, but not because I really connected to it personally.  After all, in the years after this came out, I was in college and then getting involved in a relationship with my ex-husband, and these were the early days, the naïve days.  I wasn’t at a point in my life yet to understand what Tracy was really singing about. Now, I am. 

Three days ago, I celebrated my third wedding anniversary with my forever guy.  And I feel blessed and amazed to be so lucky. Marriage has its trials and tribulations, and it is forever changing as it goes through various stages in the participant’s lives, but I wouldn’t want to go through it with anyone but my husband now.  And I know that beyond the shadow of a doubt because of experience.

I was married previously, for 10 years, and it failed, despite my efforts to make it work for the kids and for my own pride.  I never wanted my children to be from a broken family, and I swore I wouldn’t get divorced as my own parents had done, but I was not prepared for my first marriage nor did I really know all that much about who I was marrying. 

Today, when I hear Give Me One Reason, it reminds me of the later years of my failed marriage.  I was desperately seeking a reason to stay, for my boys and to stay true to my own values about marriage, but I was so miserable, and that reason I was looking for never came.  Besides for my children, I had no reason to remain in that marriage.  And in the end, I didn’t want my boys to think that the husband-wife relationship they were seeing was what they should seek out for themselves. We were both terribly unhappy, and my emotional instability during that time was affecting my children too. 

I am so, so much happier now, and I don’t regret letting go of that marriage (as difficult as it was) because now my boys see what it means to be at peace and to have a healthy marriage and parental relationship.  I’ve carried a lot of guilt over the years because of my contributions to the failure of my first marriage, and there’s a part of me that will always carry an irrational fear inside that my marriage today will fail because of me and my inadequacies, but I am more confident and comfortable in my current marriage than I have ever been with anyone my entire life, and that’s a really good feeling. 

July 9: Writing Prompt #190-Keep Out

Who is the one person you hope isn’t reading your blog? Why?

Truly, I wouldn’t be posting this blog for all to see publicly and especially on Facebook daily if there was anyone I didn’t feel comfortable with reading my blog.  I decided a long time ago when I started blogging that I would not be afraid to be me and share my thoughts, and over the years I’ve become more and more bold in that effort than I was at the start.

If I am completely transparent, I will say that back in 2010, I didn’t want my ex or anybody that was close enough to him to choose to share it to read my blog, but only because it would expose me, make me even more vulnerable to their scrutiny than I already was. And because I was afraid of what they would think, how they would interpret my feelings and opinions, and then spin them to make me look like a jerk or a crybaby and then share THAT with the entire tiny island we all lived on together at the time. 

But today, well, it’s not that I don’t CARE what others think. It’s just that I am not going to let the way I feel about myself be affected by the way others think or feel, so as I would say to the kids who are requesting specific parts of the birthday cake, this is how it is with me, “you get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit.”  If you do have a problem with me, well, I will still be kind toward you and treat you no different than anyone else, but we will probably not hang out and certainly not be the best of friends, but there’s no reason not to be cordial.  I will simply try to do right by you as I hope you would do with me, like me or not and vice versa. 

So, blog readers, this is me, raw and unfettered, sharing myself as I am, flaws and all.  You are all invited to share in my experiences, but you certainly don’t have to.  I learned after many painful years that happiness in not found in what someone else thinks of me or in their happiness. I make my choice daily to find contentment in my life as it is and not depending on if my husband, co-workers, or friends are happy.  I am here for them and will be a sounding board, supporter, and an encourager, but I will not let them change who I am or bring me down. Negativity and fear abound in this world, but we do not have to let it take over our hearts and minds. Happiness is found in fulfilling our purpose in life and mine is to share my story, give 100% to what I do each day, and love others with all that is in me, especially my family and friends. 

July 8: Writing Prompt #189-Barter System

If the world worked on a barter system, how would you fare? Would you have services to barter? Would you be successful, or would you struggle?

Actually, I think I would fare okay in a barter system. Over the years, I have become fairly adept at making soap and lotions, weaving baskets, and throwing and hand-making pottery. These are all things I have not done in quite some time, but with regular practice, I know I could get back into it and possibly use these goods to barter for what I needed. If these were the only services I had to barter, I might struggle a bit (pay check to paycheck type deal), but my greatest services would be anything to do with writing and editing. I could create marketing materials for a business, edit business or personal written materials, assist with resumes, letter writing, or tutoring students in English and writing.  I could also trade my speaking or teaching skills for other goods. If, for example, a store manager needed someone to create and/or lead a specific training course for the employees, I could do that on a variety of training topics because of my job experience over the last several years. I think offering a trade for these services would push me more into the successful realm of bartering.  I am also fairly good at party and event planning for small groups, so we could add this to the list of things to trade, and I’m sure there are other things I haven’t thought about too. It’s hard to know what things come natural and easy for you which do not for others and/or are “chores” for some and “fun” for others.  These are the types of services that end up being successfully traded once you discover there’s a need or want for them. Back in the real days of bartering, a lot of my skill set would NOT have been useful, but given today’s world, I think the services I have to offer would be very valuable to a wide range of people.  

July 7: Writing Prompt #188-Rolling Stone

If you could live a nomadic life, would you? Where would you go? How would you decide? What would life be like without a “home base”?

I might experiment with being nomadic for a short period of time, but I cannot imagine choosing it for a lifestyle.  I would most likely travel here in the US and/or in Europe where there’s so much to see that can be reached by public transportation or even by riding bikes and without having to fly or take a boat long distances.  I would decide upon this short nomadic adventure by making sure all my other affairs were in order first (kids raised and taken care of, retirement savings in place, and ensuring I had enough funds to take this time to explore in this manner). And as far as life without a “home base,” I don’t know that I could do that.  I have never been without a home base, so even if home base was my parents or in-laws homes, I would probably maintain one with a few things there that I couldn’t take along on the journey, but would want or need for settling down again later. 

All that said, I am obviously not prepared for a nomadic life because the whole concept of that would be not having the need to keep a home base and feeling comfortable traveling around, stopping to work when needed, etc…in order to keep that lifestyle going, and that’s just not me.  I admire those who can do it (in fact, I have a brother and sister-in-law who are currently nomadic by choice), but I need more consistency, thrive best on a schedule, and like to travel for the sake of traveling (meaning not having to stop and work in order to keep traveling).  I also like to travel by living in a place for longer than a few weeks or months. I don’t feel I can really experience a new country or state fully until I have been a resident for several years because I like to immerse myself in the culture so completely.  Given that scenario, if I end up in Europe, it will be as a permanent employee for a longer period of time, and I will enjoy that country’s bounty and beauty during my off times and within the security and stability of my 40 hour a week job.  I know, sounds boring, huh? To each his own, right?!  Are you nomadic by nature?

July 6: Writing Prompt #187-Tables Turned

Are you as comfortable in front of a camera as behind one? Being written about as well as writing?

No and no.  I don’t mind being in front of people (I mean, after all, I am a teacher by trade), and when I have a lesson plan, speech written and practiced, or a specific message to pass on, I can deliver my planned talk with ease.  But, I do not particularly enjoy being filmed by a camera. I get a little camera shy.  As far as being behind one, I’m good with that, as long as it is still photos. I don’t know anything about video taping, except for my limited experience with my childhood friend when we used my dad’s new fangled video camera (you actually had to lug the VCR with you on your shoulder as you taped) to make our “spy shows” wearing trench coats in the sunken den.  Playing those videos back, we look like ghosts or shadows of ourselves. That’s how old the technology was the last time I tried to film anything.  I don’t even use my phone currently to record events. I only take photos with it. 

I would rather write than be written about, but that’s only because I am nervous about what they would write, exposing all my faults and failings. I know what I believe and think about myself, but I don’t know what others think, and even though I am curious, I’m sure it would be hard to hear.  People can be very brutal with their honestly, and while I appreciate genuineness, I still like a spoonful of sugar with my medicine.