January 15, 2018: Forgetting what is behind…

“Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

It was a rough transition into 2018.  I spent the final couple of days before the New Year in mourning. Literally, I wavered between holding back tears and all out bawling in the closet of my bedroom, then in the bed, then out on the first run I’ve taken since an injury in August. I couldn’t really figure it out at first. Yes, there were some things on my mind, but it had been a really long, long time since I cried so much my head hurt, and my eyes got puffy. After talking with my brother in the midst of all these tears (Bet he was so happy to catch me in that emotional place! J), I realized that I was crying for what has been left behind….relationships (some lost in the shuffle, some lost to illness and death, and some simply lost for a reason I may never understand) and life already lived. 

I let it all out in those final days of 2017. I haven’t had any more crying jags since then, and as I navigate the first month of 2018, my only resolution is this…to love more completely in my relationships, to love my life (in whatever stage it’s in), and to love my God more fiercely and more fully than I did in 2017.  Love is the one word that has been resounding in my head these first few weeks of the New Year. It’s everywhere I look, in everything I read and hear, and always on my mind. How can I love my family better? How can I love the children I work with in the way they need? How can I love my staff and co-workers better?  How can I love God with my whole heart? I don’t know where God is going to lead me, but I don’t want to be left behind, and if his word for me this year is to love, then love I must.  Love with my words, love with my actions, love in everything I do.  Forgetting what is behind, striving toward what is ahead….I don’t know what this love is going to look like. I can’t say that you, as my family and friends, will see a stark change in me, but change there will be. All I know is that I will need God’s help to accomplish learning to love more unconditionally. 

Our world is built on conditions.  I’ll love you when you meet my needs. I’ll love you when you respect me. I’ll love you when you value the things I value and believe the way I believe.  To quote an old Beatles classic, “all you need is love,” and from the most read book in the world, “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers all wrongs.” Proverbs 10:12. What else is there? What else matters? We sing about it, we seek it all our lives, we kill for it, die for it, and put our lives on the line for it.  What better resolution could there be, but to seek out how to love better. I choose love, will you choose it with me? Let’s see how love can change the world together! To all of our who are read this, I love you, more than you could ever know!

November 25, 2017: Thankful for My Heritage!

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.

Psalm 127:3

A sentiment I’ve often heard from my mom during times of transition is “life changes quickly sometimes.”  In saying this, I believe she is reinforcing the old boy scout motto, “be prepared” because you never know when these changes will happen. Of course, there’s only so much you can be prepared for a sudden and sometimes tragic change in life, but simply knowing unexpected changes WILL happen can help you to rise up and ride the waves threatening to knock you over and pull you under.

This year was another one of change for our family.  Over the summer, our boys decided to “change places.”  So, my oldest, who has been living with his dad for the past 4 years, decided to move here to WA, while our youngest, who has always lived with us, decided to go back to his birthplace on the island.  Even though it was something I thought I was prepared for (as the youngest and I had talked about it before it was decided), I am always surprised at how these changes affect my emotions, sending me on a rollercoaster and making me queasy for a bit.  Once my stomach settles, I remember what my mom says about change, wipe my tears, and adjust to the new normal. 

It’s been about 3 months since the boys completed their switcheroo, and even though I miss my baby boy terribly, I am enjoying spending daily life with my oldest again, and the verse that comes to mind is Psalm 127:3.  God has blessed me with two beautiful sons, two sweet souls, and I have very little to do with how wonderful they are.  Being a mom is still the most challenging job I’ve ever had, and my boys are a gift to me. I didn’t do anything to earn them nor to be able to keep them in my life. I try to love and guide them the best that I can, but bottom line is that I was simply rewarded with them by a gracious God, who has granted them wisdom beyond their years, knowing what their parents would need and being willing to sacrifice in order to bring peace to the family. They are a reminder to me that my treasure does not lie in my possessions or in anything I have done or will do in this world. My sons are my heritage, and I am thankful for them. 

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God, thank you for the gift of my children. Guide them throughout life and help me love them the way you do and to raise them in the way that you would have them to go. 

March 18, 2017: WA Honeymoon Woes…

Is a few minutes of sunshine and a temperature above 47 degrees too much to ask? This was the question I wanted to shout out to the cars barreling past me as I ran with Gunner in the pouring rain for the umpteenth time last week. Back in November, running in the rain was somewhat of a refreshing novelty. Now, it’s March, and running in the rain has made me feel like WA is telling me the honeymoon is over!

Since arriving here a little over 3 years ago, the NW has been on its best behavior, much like two teenagers in love.  The temperatures have been mild the majority of the year, yet kindly reminding me in summer of my island home for a very short month or so, making the transition stateside a little easier.  Until this winter, I haven’t felt the way everyone told me I would about the rain, but WA has begun to show her true colors, expressing the rainy reputation that follows her all over the world and making the nickname, “Emerald City,” a reality!  

Of course, the day after I was yelling about the cruelty and unpredictability of nature, the temps rose to 52 degrees, and I had a dry run with a sport or two of sunshine, but then it was back to rain, rain, and more rain. When I left Kwajalein, I was so happy to be able to walk out my door with my hair down and without feeling immediately like I needed to go back inside to take a shower because I was already wind-blown and sweaty, and now, it’s the cold rain bringing me down. The stubborn, prideful part of me never thought I’d say that or even actually feel that way. So, it just goes to prove that old adage, the grass is not always greener on the other side. Well, it is actually ALWAYS greener in the Evergreen State of WA, but metaphorically speaking, not so much. 

The one thing living overseas on an isolated, tropical island in the middle of the sea taught me is that you can choose to allow your circumstances to dictate your attitude about life OR you can choose to change your perspective and find contentment in EVERY circumstance, so even though WA and I have suffered a few honeymoon woes this winter, I was still able to pull some nuggets of golden life lessons out of those long, wet runs with my spoiled, energizer bunny chasing dog.  (Or at least I am reminded of the life lessons I tend to forget when I am cold, wet, and trying desperately to dodge the pond like puddles blocking the path while I run.)

What I’ve Learned:

·      Nature is always a cure for whatever is ailing you. After a long day cooped up inside at work, then a long drive in I-5 traffic home, getting outside, even in the rain, is refreshing and relaxing. I may drag my feet and grumble as Gunner pulls me out the door, but I am always content when we arrive home.

·      Beauty and opportunity are literally around every new bend, state, job, home, etc...It was easy to see it at all this at first because I lived in such a small world for so long, so everything was filled with beautiful new promise. Now, after three years in a much bigger world, I can say that WA has a way of making you continue to appreciate the sunshine on the road and stunning views all around of the sound and the mountains because of the months of clouds and rain, not in spite of it.  Mt. Rainer doesn’t let you take her for granted by showing her magnificence every day. And with these attractions so close and the abundance of activities in this state, we have still not exhausted all the family adventures on my list of “things to do in WA.”   

·      It’s not easy being green, but it sure is pretty! I always loved going to Hawaii because even though it usually rained at least once a day there, it was a warm, soft rain, and it kept everything so lush and green. Well, it’s similar here. The rain is what makes the rainforests so uniquely mossy and what makes running outside year round more palatable. I had forgotten how brown other states get in the winter until going back to AL for Christmas. I was shocked by the barrenness of the South in the winter, and immediately realized it was because I rarely see that here in the NW. It’s always green!  

·      Life is better when lived in the moment. I can’t say I never pine for the long days of summer with perfect camping weather, but it does teach me to live in the moment. 

As my husband so aptly reminded me the other day, in a few months, you’ll be longing for the rain again because it will be so dry.  He’s right, I will, so I think it’s better to enjoy today as is.  In fact, I really need to get off the computer now and head outside because guess what, the sun is out!! And the weather app on my phone says after today, it’s going to rain straight through from now until Tuesday after next.

December 31, 2016 Reflections on Trail Running (into the New Year)

The big event for me this last day of 2016, a trail run on the mountain above the town I grew up in with 2 treasured friends.  It’s only 8:30 pm now, but I have no further plans to ring in the New Year.  I will probably be in bed by the time the ball drops in New York, but I still feel the need to take a moment to reflect before 2016 rolls into 2017.  This year flew by, as the years tend to do, faster and faster, the older we become.  We are so impatient to get to the next birthday, the next grade, and the next stage in our life when we are young, then once we have reached the majority of childhood and young adult milestones, we see time differently.  We wish to stop it and treasure life more rather than rushing through it.  We gain patience and wisdom, but lose time.  It’s been two years since I last saw my two running companions from this morning, but it doesn’t feel like two years. The only tangible sign to me that two years have passed are our kids, who have grown and changed a lot in that short time.  It will probably be two years before I see them again after this trip is over, but I will carry the simplicity of what I learned from our trail journey together this morning with me throughout the upcoming year. 

Our run today started out like any New Year really, with a bit of apprehension…will my body fail me today and not be able to make the full journey without complications that might possibly slow my friends down and affect their expected run as well? Every year comes with its challenges and changes and when these happen, we wonder how we will weather it and usually, we get through it unscathed, despite our apprehensions.  This was true of today as well because after we got moving on the trail, I realized how doable it was for me, and I found my rhythm and began enjoying the new challenge running on a rocky mountain terrain brings.  Then, as we got deeper into the woods, we had to slow and move carefully to avoid being tripped up by tree roots and leaf camouflaged protruding rocks.  At first, I was proud of my footballesque maneuvers to bounce over and around these obstacles until I had a couple of near misses, which made me stop and proceed with more caution.  So, the same is true of a New Year as well, with initial apprehension turning to real and unexpected trouble because just as we begin to gain confidence moving into the year unchallenged, life jumps up at us like the sideways, jagged rocks hidden underneath the pile of leaves at our feet.  In the end, we do the best we can to deal with the curve balls life throws at us, even though we may turn our ankles like a kid on ice skates for the first time when we hit that hidden bump on life’s trail. 

Life, like running, can also become very wearying at times, and today, as 1 mile turned into 3, my body began to rebel a little bit at the use of muscles normally only reserved for hiking a few times a year, but once again, I found the wisdom in the ache. Trudging forward, despite the growing soreness in my legs, I found myself in the middle of our 3-person running group, and it was very comforting to know I had a very skilled and understanding trail leader in front of me who always made sure no one was left behind too far and a kind and empathetic friend behind me who made sure I didn’t miss any of the beautiful scenic views along the way while keeping me motivated to continue no matter what pace we maintained.  And in this part of the trail run was the most meaningful of my reflections, in my humble opinion….No matter what the year brings, God will be there leading the way through His many skilled and understanding children, and He’ll go above and beyond (if you let Him) to make life even sweeter with friends and family who take the journey with you and get you through the tough spots by simply “having your back.”  And when the run’s over, and you’ve made it through another year’s journey despite the sleet, cold, and the hazardous roots and rocks, all that is left is to enjoy a hot meal and reflect on what is and what will be as we complete another year.  Happy 2017, Ya’ll! I hope this year’s trail run through life brings you as much joy and beauty as it does growth and insight! The trail may not always be easy, but it’s so very worth the occasional pain and hunger it takes to get through it!

November 30, 2016 Finding Thankfulness in “Life as is…”

You know how stores will sell products that are damaged in some way at a discounted price? At first glance, you may not see anything wrong with item, but the low price attracts you to it.  Upon closer inspection, you notice the sticker that says, “For Sale AS IS,” which generally means something is “wrong” with it.  It may be a minor defeat, such as uneven stitching in a pair of pants that did not pass quality inspection at the factory, or something major, like a missing part that causes the product not to function as it was intended, but it is still usable in some aspect, especially for the inexpensive price. I have purchased items “as is” before, and I have passed up others that I felt were not worth the discount due to the defect; however, when it comes to life, we often have no choice but to take it “as is.” 

     We are currently living in a very unsettled and divided society, often fueled by fear and a certain controlled chaos, but we don’t have to allow this to unsettle us personally and spiritually.  I, and I believe many others, have been a bit shocked at how personally the recent presidential elections have affected those from both parties.  In my opinion, neither candidate was an ideal choice. For either one or even a third party option, we are taking them “as is” and hoping for the best.  I guess I was surprised though by how many seem to be truly in fear of where the president elect will lead our country. It has become so “doom and gloom.” 

     I often write about fear in this blog, making the point of stressing to others that we should not live in fear. I blog about this, not because I am so good at keeping my own fears at bay, but because I have struggled with fear and control issues, and from many of these issues, God has set me free, one by one, but recently I realized I had begun to live in fear again.  This time, it’s a different issue, more a fear of commitment to my job, a new church, and my continuing walk with God.  For the first 2 years after moving to WA, I was steadily looking and applying for positions elsewhere, mostly overseas. The transition from overseas back to stateside life was tough. (That’s why I stayed there 17 years and was still very afraid to move back, even when we did.) I was unsettled. I was afraid that I had made the wrong choice and drug my patient husband and son with me. I have finally stopped trying to leave, but I have still not fully committed myself to the community here either.  It’s become a bit of an introverted, debilitating fear for me. For example, I’ll attend church, but quickly slip out before I have to talk to anyone. Or I’ll go to the local and on base road races, but I am still hesitant to join one of the running groups I made a New Year’s resolution last year to join.  I’ll put myself out there, but not commit to anything long-term or that requires me to be accountable to anyone. 

     So, even though I still have some of my own fears to overcome as 2017 approaches, I am thankful for my “life as is.”  I’m hoping that by sharing my fears, “the truth will set me free,” so to speak.  Sometimes just saying what your fears are out loud take the scare factor out of them. Let’s just say it then. We’ll all a bit scared of where the country is headed, no matter who is in charge, right?! We’ll all a bit scared to make major changes in our lives to new and unfamiliar places with new and unfamiliar people and unknown experiences.  What now? Well, I’m not in control. You’re not in control. Not even President elect Trump is in control.  God is in control, and that means, I surrender my fears to Him, let go of my control issues (because I can’t control everything anyway), and take life “as is,” believing that God knows what is best and will provide as long as we trust and obey. I know, to many of you, that probably sounds like blind faith that you simply can’t put your trust in, but in these unsettled and chaotic times, would you rather live in “doom and gloom” or try out a little faith in things unseen.  After all, with God on my side, what can mere mortals do to me! J 

When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord;

    he brought me into a spacious place.

The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.

    What can mere mortals do to me?

The Lord is with me; he is my helper.

    I look in triumph on my enemies.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord

    than to trust in humans.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord

    than to trust in princes.

Psalm 118: 5-9