November 30, 2010- Seeing the World Through One Eye...

    

     Just in case you were wondering, we are still in the process of figuring out what is wrong with my youngest son’s eyes. The doctors here did refer us to specialists in Hawaii, but they did not feel his loss of sight in one eye was an essential or emergency matter, so we have to write an exception to policy to request to have a paid medical leave for him to get further tests on his eyes.  Apparently during talks with the chosen specialist in Hawaii, my son’s father found out that the doctor really cannot be sure if it is a congenital cataract based on the information provided by the doctors here, and he will require a full battery of tests which will take about a week to complete.  He does suggest that it would be good to do this soon, but if it really is a congenital cataract, and he has had it since he was born, he may possibly never have sight in his left eye.  So, today, we are faced with seeing the world through my son’s future, which may be only one functioning eye. 

     Although this is a very disheartening situation which causes great distress to me as a parent, wondering if I could have done more to catch this “birth defeat” earlier and being flabbergasted that I never noticed a problem before his seventh year of life, I feel very encouraged by how well he has done despite this handicap of sorts. He is learning to read and is at the most normal level he could be at for a first grader in all his skills and even his maturity level, and he really does not seem that affected by his impaired sight. Maybe not having sight since birth is a blessing in disguise rather than developing a cataract later in life and lamenting what he has lost, he just rolls with it as all kids tend to do with difficult situations.  They are definitely more adaptable than adults.  Somehow, we seem to lose our ability to change and grow as we get older, getting stuck in our ways, and complaining that change is too hard. If we could all just remember sometimes to try and see the world through the eyes of those less blessed than we are, maybe we would appreciate more what we do have. 

     I don’t yet know what challenges my son may face by not having any depth perception if they indeed discover that he will never have sight in that eye, but I know that he will move through those challenges with grace and determination as he doesn’t let anything stop him from being who he wants to be, even at seven.  I am proud of him for these traits as they are ones I have had to work on and develop, not ones I was simply born with as he was.  It’s good for me to put myself in his shoes once in a while and see the world through his eyes so I can better understand him, learn from him, and grow as a person because of my interactions and relationship with my baby boy.  That’s what so great about being a teacher. I believe we are more tuned in to looking for those learning opportunities and figuring out how to best teach even the most challenging students, so we tend to learn as much from them, and many times more, as they do from us, and my kids humble me and teach me something new every day.     

November 29, 2010-Odds and Ends...Move ‘em in!

     It’s done! Well, it’s all in one place at least. I haven’t had all my “stuff” in one place since I moved into that tiny Bachelor Quarters room in October of 2007! I’ve had some in my BQ, some still in my ex-husband’s house, some in my classroom, some in my office, and some at my boyfriend’s place because that was my gypsy lifestyle the past few years.  Actually, I do still have a few personal things in my office since the boys hang out with me there after school until I am finished with work, and there are a few things on Roi with my baby doll, but all the things I need to be with the boys in one place whenever they are with me is here, as of TODAY!
     I rented a cart this morning, determined that I would get all the odds and ends out of my room while the boys were with dad, so I could truly settle in for good, and somehow, between about ten trips to the store to get a grill (housewarming/Christmas gift from my honey-thank you!), and various tools and screws for hanging things on the concrete walls in my house, going to the grocery for food to cook on the grill (yes, the grocery store again-I just can’t seem to stay away now), cooking food, and hanging shelves and pictures downstairs (actually, I can’t take any of the credit for either of those things as I only took the last 5 trips to the store to get what he needed, but my magnificent chef and handy man did the rest), I toted at least 4-5 more loads of miscellaneous stuff from my life down three flights of stairs, into the cart, and finally, into my house. It was exhausting, but I couldn’t stop there because I could barely walk through the house, and the boys will be staying with me again tomorrow. Now, it’s almost 11 pm, and I have only 3 crates of books and work material to go through, and at least 2 large boxes of stuff by the door to be sold or given away, and I am done for the night.  Almost everything has been gone through, organized, put away, and settled down into its new home.  Unbelievable!
     As I walked out of my BQ for the last time today (I will have to go back and clean it up, but there’s nothing left of me in there except maybe some skin cells and hair as I tend to shed like crazy the older I get), I thought of all that room had been to me, everything I had been through there. The tears, the laughter, the late night talks with the love of my life as we got to know each other, the hurts and the joys combined of the last 3 years made me realize that my time alone there would always hold a special place in my heart. It’s the spot where God healed me, and I found love and life again.  I walked out with only my purse, keys, and a lamp I had purchased while living there even though one was provided me when I moved in. I wanted my own unique light to define my space, and as I left with that light, I realized I had found myself there, the girl I had lost in trying to become a woman.  It took getting away from everything and everyone for me to begin to reach my potential, to find my purpose once again, to come back to the person God made me to be, and I understand now, in a way I couldn’t have even a year ago, why God didn’t say “yes” to this house when I first requested it.  He had work to do, and of course, He still does, but this time, I am bringing the light with me, and I’m praying that it never goes out again!   

November 28, 2010-Getting Used to Shopping Again...

     Now that I am mostly moved into the house, I am getting used to shopping again, especially for groceries! My usual routine is to buy no more than I can fit in one or two small dorm size room refrigerators and maybe a small shelf or basket near by because that was all I had available to me, and that worked for lunches and the few other instances when the boys and I were eating together and certainly for me eating alone at my BQ.  I would buy a few more things when I house sat being that I had a large fridge, but I was still careful to buy mostly perishables or other foods we would eat within a week or so because I would have to move it all back out again and fit it in dorm room size refrigerators when the real owners came back to claim their digs. :)
     So, I have gone a little wild with shopping for food the last week or so and for sure, today.  My boyfriend keeps asking why I am buying so much food, and I say, “Well, I’m not used to being able to buy stuff that I don’t have to use immediately or within a week, so I am kind of overbuying right now.”  I suppose I’ll have to go through this stage until I get used to being in my own home again.  I still feel a bit in shock that this “thing” I have dreamed about happening for the last three plus years has finally happened. It’s like I’m waiting for the other reality to come back and slap me in the face, but it hasn’t yet. I’m really here, stocking up a full size refrigerator and a full size freezer, which is not even close to full yet, thank goodness! It’s been a wild ride, my last 13+ years on the atoll, that’s for sure, but I can handle it. Heck, after what I’ve been through the past decade, I think I can handle almost anything. Isn’t God amazing?  Couldn’t have made it through AT ALL without Him! His faithfulness is new EVERY MORNING when mine waxes and wanes with the trade winds. Thankfully, He loves me anyway, and I am blessed! 

November 27, 2010- Black Friday?

     So, today was our “Black Friday” on the atoll.  Our 2 department type stores did have some sale items, but it was limited, and I just kept wondering, why is it called Black Friday? It sounds like I’m going to a funeral when I’m really just going shopping. I don’t get it. So, in the true nature of a teacher, I looked it up.  According to ezinearticles.com, there are two reasons why we refer to the day after Thanksgiving by such an ominous sounding name.  First, because consumers were so anxious to get to the stores and take advantage of those great deals, there tended to be lots of traffic accidents on this day. In fact, the term was coined back in 1966 by the Philadelphia Police department due to this fact. Interestingly enough, this infamous shopping day actually began back in 1924 along with the first Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, and it was simply called “After

Thanksgiving Sales,” and the term “Black Friday” was not regularly used until the late 1970’s, so it is a young term based on the history of the day.

     The second reason why it is sometimes called “Black Friday” comes from the accounting term for profits. Operating “in the red” means losses and operating “in the black” means making a profit, which has certainly become the case for most retailers on this day.  Another interesting fact I read in the ezine article is that President Roosevelt changed the date of Thanksgiving to a week earlier during the Great Depression to give retailers more shopping days in the season to sell their goods.  We are such a consumer based society, aren’t we?  A holiday created to remind us of the things we should be thankful for in life quickly becomes a day for pushing, shoving, and shopping for the best deals to “show” our families how much we love them with formally “expensive” material goods.  Sometimes, I think we’ve moved too far away from the true meaning of the holidays due to our own prosperity as a country.

     I usually don’t go shopping the day after Thanksgiving simply because it is too crowded and crazy for me, but I did shop a bit yesterday, both online and in the stores here.  We have less than 2,000 people on the island among 2 department stores, so it really doesn’t get that bad. No lines, no waiting, just the same old stuff being sold from last year that didn’t sell. I like to window shop more than anything anyway, and the day after Thanksgiving at the mall is NOT the day to leisurely stroll around looking in the floor to ceiling windows and browsing through the stores.  What I do miss is spending the day with my mom or my girlfriends shopping for specifics that I need.  Since I only have the opportunity to go to the mall for one month each year, we usually make a day of it.  Driving to the outlet mall together chit chatting, stopping for lunch at a favorite restaurant or a new one I haven’t yet been to, then finishing up the day with a few more stops and heading home is a good way to catch up on life with those you love.  Believe it or not, shopping for women can also be good bonding time.  Maybe that’s why most women enjoy it.  It’s the quality time with each other that matters more than the deals, at least for me it is.  I hope I always feel that way because today, on Black Friday, I miss my family more than shopping.  Summer come quickly so I can catch up with everyone again and make those new life enriching memories!  

November 26, 2010-What I’m Thankful For....

    

     As I sat at the “Thanksgiving” breakfast table with my three boys this morning, I asked them to share what they were thankful for.  We had all the usual responses of family, friends, homes, food, etc...and when it came my turn to say thanks, I simply felt like praying.  So, we said a Thanksgiving prayer, and as I thanked God for all the blessings in my life, I realized that there’s nothing I’m not thankful for right now.  My life is not perfect or easy, but whose life is?  It reminds me of the “Moostache” books that I have been reading on Saturdays to my son’s first grade class. As all stories go, the main “Moose” character in the store always starts out with a great plan and a wealth of ideas for something special for wants to do or a problem he needs to solve, and the recurring line with each new idea is “It’s so easy, so simple, so perfectly perfect!”  Of course, he always discovers as he tries to implement his plan that it’s not so easy, not so simple, not so perfectly perfect. But that’s life, isn’t it?  There are always going to be bumps in the road, and just like Moose, if we stay strong and determined, we can always find a solution that works and learn from our experiences, making our lives and characters richer in the process.  I’m thankful all my experiences today, even the painful ones, and especially the humbling ones of which I seem to have had an abundance lately because it’s taught me to stop rationalizing, stop making excuses, and stop reacting defensively and realize that I’m not perfect, and that’s okay.  I thank God for free will and for giving us the ability to gain insight, learn from it, and change if necessary, to become better people and to reach our potential in life and as human beings.  I thank God for my home, my children, my sweetheart, and the food on my table today.  I thank God for life and the experiences which have taught me to appreciate it as I do now.  I hope you all can find the myriad of blessings in your life today too and be thankful as I am because it brings a peace like none other when we simply accept everything and everyone as they are and learn to be content and thankful in all circumstances. 

November 25, 2010- The Day Before Thanksgiving

    

     It’s Thursday here on the atoll, but because Thanksgiving is an American holiday, and we are on an American military base, it is the day before Thanksgiving, and we will celebrate tomorrow, on Friday. That always feels funny to me, even as often as I’ve eaten my holiday meal on the island instead of with family in the states.  I believe I’ve only been home once for Thanksgiving in 14 years now.  Most people on Kwajalein either go to a friend’s home to eat or they stand in line to eat crab legs, turkey, and dressing at the Pacific Dining Room (PDR) for this important family gathering.  For the past couple of years, I have been on Roi, enjoying dinner at their chow hall, and I will miss that this year, but for good reason.  Instead, I will spend the morning with my honey and my babies, having a Thanksgiving breakfast in my new home, then I will send the boys off to have a meal with their dad while my boyfriend and I make turkey and dressing (this will be the first turkey I have ever been involved in helping cook), sweet potato pie, green been casserole, French bread, spiced pumpkin pie, and maybe even a chocolate pie, if we feel like it.  I even bought some frozen king crab legs just in case we miss our normal chow hall seafood.  I wasn’t sure whether or not my honey would be able to make the flight down from Roi today, so I am very excited to spend a quiet Thanksgiving meal with him that we cook together. I hope you all feel as blessed as I do this holiday season. Happy Turkey Day!

November 24, 2010- ITTP and Getting Ready for the Holidays!

    

     The third grade here on the atoll has a tradition of celebrating Thanksgiving with the ITTP (International Thanksgiving Tasting Party), and today was feast day!   Each student works for a couple of weeks at least on preparing for the event, including completing their family trees, making posters about the country their family comes from, and finding and writing out a family recipe for a traditional dish representative of their culture. It’s inspiring to see how in touch the families are with their ancestry. I expected to see more than one student with a poster and dish from the U.S., but my son was the only one.  Our family’s heritage is a greater percentage of Southern born United States than any other culture way back in our history, so this was the area he proudly represented at the party. Our dish was sweet potato pie, which I discovered pretty late in life and after leaving the South for the islands, is really yam casserole, as it was always orange at our family celebrations, and only yams are actually orange. Interestingly enough, this must be a common mistake as the recipe I found off the internet, which was as close to my family’s long lost recipe as I could remember, showed a picture of the dish just as orange as I knew it to be, but it was still called “sweet potato casserole.”  My cousin always called it “orange pie,” although it’s not really a pie at all, at least not the way we made it. 

     The other countries represented ranged from Ireland, Wales, England, Sweden, Scotland, Russia, Italy, Australia, Marshall Islands, Pohnpei, and many more. From these countries, we enjoyed such dishes as Irish Potato Soup, Pirogues, Swedish Pancakes, Coconut Rice Balls, Meatballs, Potato Salad, Gingerbread cookies, and other dishes I know were delicious as they were already gone by the time I made it through the line! For the children this was an all day event from set up and decoration to eating, presenting their work, and cleaning up afterwards. For me, it was an excellent way to kick off the holiday season! Between moving and continuing to find my way in a job I’ve only been at for 2 months, it was wonderful to relax and enjoy a meal with my boys, their friends, and their fabulous teachers! Unfortunately, after lunch, it was time to get back to work, and I’ve not slowed down since until now.  Between meetings, unpacking boxes, eating dinner, and gathering a few more things from my old home to bring over to my new home, I’ve been quite the busy girl.  But, as I mentioned last night, I am so blessed to have a home to spend the holidays in this year, food to eat, a job to go to every day, and amazing friends to share it all with! What am I thankful for this year: life, love, and the everyday business of raising a family and learning how to be content in all circumstances, no matter what!  

November 23, 2010-Finally Settling In!

    

     This morning was the first morning I woke up truly feeling like this is now home. For the past two nights, my sleep has been broken up by tossing and turning and waking up wondering where I am.  It just didn’t feel right, but last night, I went to sleep in a bedroom that looked familiar to what I left at the BQ with my boys in their own room next to me, and even as tired as I was, it felt good to be home in my own bed instead of some kind friend who is just loaning me their house while they are away.  Unfortunately, it was another long day of work and everyday chores like fixing meals, washing dishes and clothes, and working some more, so I didn’t get much unpacking or organizing done, but I don’t feel quite so worried about it anymore. It’s amazing what a little sleep will do for you.  Today was also the first day that lunch with my boys seemed right in a long time. I actually had plenty of food in the pantry to give them some choices, and I was able to fix it and eat with them all before noon instead of having to scrounge for what could fit inside my dorm room fridge in the classroom we are used to eating in, then possibly fix meals with a combination of toaster oven and microwave cooking by running around to two different spots within the school to use these appliances, and after all that, hope to be close to finished eating before school started back again at 12:30.  It was nice to be home for lunch in one small kitchen with everything I needed right there, including my children! As I get ready to retire for the night, I am thankful for home, here, there, and everywhere it has even been or will be as there’s nothing quite like it.    

November 22, 2010- Over scheduling...

    

     Tonight, I am exhausted and emotional. I did have a chance to load another full truck load of stuff from my BQ and transport it over to the house in the short hour the boys were at hip hop practice, and that was almost more than my poor body could take.  I dropped my boyfriend off at the terminal to go back to work, sent the boys off to dance, and rushed around to get the microwave, a large Marshallese basket of the boys’ keep sakes from school, and last but not least, my shoes and clothes. Somehow, I didn’t end up getting most of those in the two previous days of frantic moving!  There’s still plenty sitting there waiting for me to go through and pack up, but I have the essentials and more, and now I just need to sort it out and put it away or give it away. I ended the day with friends from Ebeye at the 4-H Citizenship Club Reading Night, and even though I wouldn’t give up my time leading the club for anything, I might have been a bit too ambitious this weekend in my scheduling because as soon as I got home I felt completely overwhelmed and teary eyed. Well, it’s not the first time I’ve caught myself over scheduling, and it probably won’t be the last.  I’m sure a bit of sleep will help. Good Night!

November 21, 2010- Moving Day!

    

Amazingly, our two ace movers (my boyfriend and myself) accomplished a ton today, despite numerous interruptions to the schedule and with the help of one very patient young man! We are totally exhausted, and the house is a wreck of boxes and miscellaneous household junk from my 13 years on island, actually, from my whole life, as I brought many things from my high school and college days with me when I arrived as a 22 year old youngster, but it’s here, or the majority of it at least. The boys and I had a few appointments today, so between Sunday School, the Boy Scout Space Derby, and a sleep over for my oldest son at his friend’s house, we somehow moved pretty much all the big and important stuff. Then, we rewarded the little one with a new Wii game and a movie to watch for being so good about riding back and forth from the house to the BQ and waiting outside while we hauled more stuff down.  He loves to help and carried what he could from the bottom of the BQ steps to the truck, but most things were way too big for him.  I was, however, very impressed with how well he handled it all as it was not necessarily a fun day for a 7 year old. So, now it’s time for a little relaxation and playing games with the boys before crashing into bed. I will go ahead and rent another truck for tomorrow morning and try to load up some things before my boyfriend has to catch a flight back to work and before my little boys get done with hip-hop class, but for now, I’m so glad it’s finally all coming together. Time to sleep...         

November 20, 2010- Exception to the Rule...

     Since I began this blog back in the summer, I have been exceptionally good at keeping it up daily and rarely not writing something every 24 hours.  For this, I am pretty proud of myself because that was part of my goal when I started, to write something everyday. So, I want to thank my faithful readers for holding me accountable and keeping me writing. Now, I must apologize for getting slightly more than 24 hours behind.  It is now Tuesday morning on the atoll, and I am playing catch up on the blog! There’s always an exception to the rule it seems, especially for an English teacher like myself! That darn English language appears to be nothing but exceptions to the rule when you are teaching it to others, and so I now have an exception to the rule for missing a couple of days on my blog, moving! Whenever I am moving, you might expect that I will get behind on my

writing, unfortunately.  Hopefully, I will not be moving very often, so I will be able to keep up better on my blog.  At any rate, if you have been waiting to see what happened over my weekend, I know, you ARE waiting with baited breath and hanging on my every word, right?! :) Thank you for your patience and understanding. 

     Now, back to the events of Saturday. I left work a bit early to move more essentials over to the house before the boys arrived home from school, and I’m so glad I did.  Going up and down three flights of stairs and cattycorner across the street just to get the basics at the house took a lot more time and trips than I thought.  I will definitely get my arms and legs worked out before this weekend and move is finished! Thankfully, my honey arrived on the plane from Roi just minutes after my babies arrived home from school. And after an early dinner at the snack bar, sending the boys off to football practice and boy scouts space derby registration, we shopped for some rugs and tools for putting up window coverings, then headed to the grocery store for breakfast items, and it was back to the house to get down to the real work! I unpacked and arranged, took more trips back and forth to the BQ, and freaked out when I thought the shades I ordered wouldn’t fit, while my boyfriend calmed me down by reading the directions for the shades and installing them, showing me they were just perfect for the house! Thank goodness as we are on the main road, and I really don’t want all my neighbors and their neighbors and the whole population of the island checking out my new digs every time they ride to the store or post office. :-)  Now that the boys have arrived safely at home from their events, and my sweetheart has finished putting up the shades in both the bedrooms, it’s off to bed as we have a big day tomorrow! It still doesn’t feel quite real yet. It’s been a long three years in a BQ without a place for my boys, but I’m sure as we move all the comforts of home in here tomorrow, it will become all I have every wanted and more!

November 19, 2010- Getting the Keys to My New Life

    

     Someone asked me this afternoon if I had moved into my house yet, and when I told them I get the key today, they then asked, “Are you excited or does it even seem real yet?” My response, “Not really, and I don’t think it will seem like more than another house sitting job or rental home to me until all my stuff is put up and arranged there, and it looks like my home.”  The moving, arranging, and general nesting will take a little while longer, but as I take my BQ apart and put it back together in my house, I am looking forward to riding home with my boys to have lunch together instead of eating in my classroom, to saying prayers and singing them to sleep at night in their own beds in their mom’s home, and to even wash my sheets and towels in my own washer and dryer where I can forget about them for a while and not have to worry about taking up a community washer and dryer from someone else on the floor.  As I’ve said before, sometimes it’s the little things. 

     Today, I am thankful for a little shiny key that gives me a fresh, new start on life and for getting everything on my “blog to-do list” from last night done today, and finally for silly moments in the day that make me smile and laugh.  For example, it was rainy off and on all day today, and after school, I asked the boys if they wanted to come see their new home. Instead of riding bikes, I had to walk and pull my “new” used bike trailer behind me because I have not had a chance to properly affix it to my bike yet. Unfortunately, it is configured to a different type of trailer hitch than what I already have, so I put a couple of my bags of stuff on the trailer along with my tool box that had ended up at work, and I began walking and pulling. The funny part came when the rain started up again.  I didn’t want to get soaked, so I began running with the trailer behind me. I giggled as my youngest son rode on his bike to my left and my oldest jogged slightly behind me on the sidewalk, and my little one asked, “Why are you laughing?”  It was hard to explain, but I had a picture of myself in my head as one of those Rickshaw drivers who carries his two wheeled load behind him. Thank goodness I did not have to carry my two sons or two grown adults as is usual on my “rickshaw” or I may have never made it home safely.  I couldn’t remember the name of this human powered transport, so I had to Google it just now, and I discovered that some countries have recently discouraged or outlawed the use of rickshaws due to concern for the welfare of the rickshaw workers. It’s interesting to me that there are still places that use them at all with the various other types of vehicles available to travel in today.  At any rate, I got a taste of being a rickshaw driver today, and I’m okay with not having to do it again anytime soon, although it did provide me with my giggles for the day. 

     Other than that, I worked more than my 8 hours, had a successful parent-child workshop, and moved a few things here and there to the house before my back began hurting, and I decided to call it a day.  There will be more time tomorrow and this weekend to move my life from here to there.  Overall, even with the stress of the past couple of weeks, the first day of my new existence on the atoll was good! The clouds have parted, and even though I got a little wet on the way through, the most recent stormy weather in my life is passing, and I am thankful for today.  

    

November 18, 2010-Another Crazy Day!

    

     Where has the week gone and how will I get it all done? Tomorrow the long awaited key to my new home will be turned over at 2:30, and I am NOT ready! In addition to trying to move and work, I have my first interactive Parent-Child workshop to put on tomorrow night from 6-8 pm, so I have limited time to get anything moved until Saturday after work. In addition to limited time, I also have limited resources. My bike trailer broke unexpectedly last week, and I had to drag it home screeching from the Youth Center where I had to work until 7.  The metal frame finally rusted through and pushed the tire out sideways and parallel to the ground.  Thanks to a friend, I was able to obtain a newer, better constructed trailer, but I don’t have the right kind of connection to hook it up to my bike, so the next challenge begins, and my list of to-dos grows. Here’s what I have to do tomorrow: Go to work, get the materials ready for the parent-child Pre-K skills workshop, set up the workshop in the Coconut room, figure out what to fix my kids for lunch and feed them, don’t forget to eat myself, attempt to make my new bike trailer fit my bike, so I can pick up the boys’ bedding and other things I had stored at their dad’s house to take to my new house, make it to the grocery store to buy snacks for the workshop, haul as many essentials as I can to the house to lessen the load for Saturday, and finally, somewhere in there get some sleep and prepare for the final day of work for the week.  Ahhhh....Lord, just get me through tomorrow!

November 17, 2010-Weighted Down...

    

     Ten hour work days, packing boxes, and trying to hold it all together when the only thing I want is a vacation and to be with my boys, my honey, and my family back in the states is definitely weighing me down right now as I’m sure you can tell from what I’ve been writing lately.  I just got home from work about an hour ago (it’s now 9 pm), and after searching for the can opener I had already packed for the can of beans I have as my only source of dinner for the night since the chow hall and stores are all closed, I have had a bite to eat and instead of relaxing and getting rest for another long day tomorrow, I am instead catching up on my blogs which I’ve fallen behind on.  That said, this one will be short and possibly not so sweet.  Exhaustion, stress, and general home sicknesses is affecting my mood and my writing, so forgive me for not ending with moonbeams and star shine tonight, but tomorrow is a new day, and I’m so glad I get another chance to start fresh!

November 16, 2010- Error in Judgment

    

     We all make them...little errors in judgment when faced with new or unfamiliar situations, especially when under extra stress and strain. Unfortunately, I have made a couple of these in the past week, and I regret that I did not stop to think or just stop before making a mistake I cannot take back.  I anticipated that with the new job, moving, and all the other things going on in my life the past few months that I would make these types of minor mistakes along the way. In fact, every time I start a new job or I am faced with a new personal situation, I fret over the idea that I will mess up at some point along the journey, and this is the perfectionist side of me.  I beat myself up, often way more and for way longer than healthy, when I make such errors.  The interesting part of it to me is that when I am unhappy with myself or my performance, I tend to want to run home to my mom.  It’s the same way I discussed feeling a couple of blogs ago when describing the depression I experienced at the dissolution of my marriage.  I simply want to run away and have my mom take care of me until I feel better or until the challenges of life are over, and I don’t have to stress about them anymore. 

     I suppose it’s common to want to run away from problems, to be embarrassed and regretful about the mistakes made in our lives, work wise and/or personal, and maybe it’s even common to want to go home to mom. It makes sense. I mean moms are traditionally the ones who always see the best parts of us even in the midst of us showing them the worst parts. They are the ones who always know what to say to encourage and make their children feel better and worthy of this life they’ve been given.  Bottom line, moms are there for us no matter what, and when I’m feeling down, mom is always able to make me feel better. I hope I can do the same for my children as they grow, especially considering that my oldest is already showing signs of my perfectionism and concern for always doing everything right and not upsetting anyone.  All I can do is be there for him and realize that in terms of myself, I’m never going to be perfect, and the best thing I can do for my boys and me is to learn from my mistakes, allow them to humble me, and share those experiences with my kids when appropriate so they can learn from them too.   

November 15, 2010- The Kwaj Experience

     After almost 14 years on the atoll and visits to various places around the globe, I can say with confidence that living on Kwajalein is like no other experience anywhere in the world.  The last few days I’ve had a friend visiting who is doing research on the relationship between the Marshallese and Americans from WWII to the present, and trying to explain to someone who has never lived here what it’s like is challenging.  What other place in the world do you know that has regular large scale reunions for all residents of that “town” past and present who wish to attend? Who else creates newsletters to send out updating former and present residents about what’s going on in the lives of those who’ve had a Kwaj experience at some point in their lives?
     Kwaj is its own familiar entity.  People here become each other’s families for better or for worse.  It’s hard to tell anyone else stories about the island because you develop your own language for talking about it full of acronyms, anecdotes, and day to day stuff that has to be explained as an aside to non-residents. If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you’ve already experienced this (in parenthesis, of course, which is how I choose to clarify and elaborate on all the Kwajisms that I know need to be explained to the “lay person” in the states or elsewhere in the world). There are many evolving and complex relationships between the diverse groups that inhabit and/or visit the island regularly including main land Americans, Hawaiians and other Polynesians, Marshallese and other Micronesians, Philippinos, Japanese, and many, many other Indo Pacific, Asian, Hispanic, and French speaking countries around the world. I suppose this is like just about anywhere else in the states nowadays, but for such a small island and population of people, it’s quite incredible how diverse it’s always been.  And what’s most amazing is that any stereotypes, misconceptions, or misinterpretations of other cultures and peoples tend to fall away for the most part.  There’s no room for that stuff on a three mile long, half mile wide island three thousand miles from the big city and civilization as the majority of us know it.  Sure, there’s pettiness, bitterness, complaining, cliques, and all the other gossiping and rumors associated with human beings in any small town where you know everybody’s business, but when you really need a helping hand or someone to grieve with, the community is there for you. There’s always someone willing to help the little girl who fell off her bike riding home from school or to put on a talent show to raise money for a family who has suffered a great loss. And there are those who go above and beyond their jobs and families here and give of their time and education to volunteer teach at the schools on Ebeye and support the Yokwe Yuk Women’s Club with their Christmas drops to the outer islands or organize social and educational cultural exchanges with the Marshallese women’s clubs in the area.
     Why am I writing about all this?  Well, maybe to dispel some of the fear that those who have never lived here will have trouble understanding what we are and what we do and how positive it is and continues to be. There has been a preponderance of negative stuff written about the atoll and about the American military presence here, but not a lot has been written about the wonderful aspects of the leasing of these islands to the U.S. I believe there have been more advantages than disadvantages, more positives than negatives over the years of the relationship between the host nation and the rest of us.  These are the stories that need to be told to and shared with outsiders.  It’s hard to trust outsiders to our community because they too often have burned the way of life here and have made it out to be something evil and disparaging to those who have invested their entire careers and families in Kwajalein. 
     It’s not a perfect place, the American government is not perfect, but neither is the Marshallese government or the people that are associated with this place or those governments, but in that way, it’s no different from anywhere else.  We simply do our best to live our lives and perform our jobs to the best of our ability in order to take care of our families and our livelihoods.  Kwaj is a unique place, like none other, and it is a peaceful place, a place where two cultures work almost seamlessly together and support each other through thick and thin despite any hurts or slights from the past. After all, it’s a familiar place. People here become each other’s families for better or for worse, no matter what culture you originally came from, once you arrive here to stay, you are part of the culture of Kwajalein. 

November 14, 2010- Boogieing with my Boys!

    

     Oh, what a night! Last year around this time, I was dressing up as Princess Leia to attend the Mother-Son Star Wars Night, which was quite an elaborate production put on by the PTO (Parent-Teacher Organization) for Elementary School moms and their sons.  A few of our moms on island have quite a talent for coming up with and executing event ideas, and the Star Wars night was complete with a light saber jousting area, Space Bar with special drinks, and other theme related activities to keep the boys and their moms busy.  Tonight, the theme was a Mother-Son Glow Stick Dance.  As we entered the black lit multi-purpose room of the high school, an archway of white balloons greeted us along with a huge black and white butcher paper wall sign welcoming us to the dance. I had a brief flashback at this moment of attending my own high school dances. Next, the boys and moms were decorated with glow sticks up and down their arms and legs and around their necks. Several of the boys looked like glow stick skeletons when they were finished. We were instructed to wear all black, and then some high school volunteers taped long glow sticks up and down the boys’ arms and legs to make them glow!

     The Space Bar was set up again this year offering snow cones, coke floats, Shirley Temples, and more fun drinks for the guests, and after a light dinner of pupu’s and desserts provided by all the moms attending, it was time to dance! From YMCA and the Macarena to the crowd’s hip-hop favorites, even the shier boys like my oldest finally got into the groove.  My two favorite parts of the event were dancing around the talented young hip-hoppers as they showed off their moves in the center of the dance floor and dancing with my oldest son, hands on each other’s shoulders, with a glow stick ring hooked around us as we chatted and attempted to “hold the love in” during the last two songs of the night. (“Holding the love in” is a bit of an inside joke as my youngest often comes between my boyfriend and me when we are walking together somewhere and holding hands and tells us he is going to “break the love” as he tries to unhook our fingers so he can hold our hands and walk between us instead.) Oh, what a night! I can’t wait to see what the lovely ladies of the PTO come up with for next year!

November 13, 2010- Fleeing from Negativity

    

     I don’t know why, but the last couple of weeks I have fallen back into a negative thinking pattern.  I don’t want to be the glass half empty person or the one who always finds a way to fight against good suggestions others provide or even turn positive comments about others into negative ones simply because I am not happy with others or that particular situation.  For example, tonight I made sure to shoot down every good reason my boyfriend gave me for why I should find out if the company will help defray the costs of my move from the BQ to the house since it was part of my contract change and not simply moving from one BQ to another or one house to another which is considered a personal choice and not a “forced move.” After getting off the phone, I thought, why didn’t I say, “That’s a great suggestion. I wish I had thought of it before” instead of hemming and hawing about not being sure I wanted anyone else packing my stuff and not wanting to wait for them to have time to move me. Why would I want to put myself in possible danger when moving furniture and heavy boxes down three floors of a BQ to a house if I can have help?  I realized it’s not that I don’t want to find out about help or take it if offered. I was just in a negative mood, and I would have argued anything he had to say to me simply because I had my mind in the wrong place tonight.
     Maybe my mind goes there when I feel like I am not in control of my life.  That has certainly been the case the past few weeks.  I don’t have control on when I am going to move or possibly the help I might have.  I don’t have control over what my boys do when they are with dad and their new step-mom. I don’t have control over having a place to stay with them yet. And I don’t have control over the type of influence their step-mom and dad have with my sons.  I admit. I don’t agree with certain ways my ex-husband and his new wife deal with the boys or what they allow them to do or not do, but they are safe, happy, and healthy little boys, and there are many positive things I could say about the situation and the people involved, but instead I have been focusing on what I don’t like or agree with, and I make sure those who try to state the positive about it know I don’t agree with them. But why? Well, I don’t feel comfortable with the new wife, and I certainly don’t feel positive about not being able to be my children's mom for them every moment of the day and having another woman do things for them that I want to be doing. And I don’t feel comfortable about the fact that they may decide to leave any time, and I don’t seem to have any input or say so about it even though they will be taking my sons with them.

     There, I’ve said it. I’ve laid it all out on the table. I am allowing those things I don’t have control over to affect my thinking process, to keep me drowning in that half full glass of pessimism. I hate feeling this way, and it makes me want to run away from all this. That was my strongest feeling during my months of depression in the last years of my marriage, the feeling of needing to get away, and it didn’t matter where. It could have been the hospital, just something to get me away from myself and my self-depreciating thoughts and my fears that I was going crazy, and I was not going to make it through.  I never want to go there again, and so far, I’ve been able to catch the beginnings of that sort of depression by recognizing when it’s time to flee, not from life as I wanted to before, but from negativity.

     Tonight as I prepare for my young students coming to Sunday School in the morning, God is thankfully filling my glass, humbling me, and teaching me a lesson I learned a long time ago, but I don’t always practice, to treat others well.  Much of my negativity lately comes from those times of thinking about all the things that bother me and then “venting” to friends and co-workers about others whose opinions or actions I don’t agree with and against those who I feel have slighted me or hurt me in some way, and it’s okay to vent and cry it out sometimes, but it can go from venting to simply “talking trash or gossiping” with no positive end result if not carefully monitored.  I have allowed my fears of losing control and my fears of not being the number # mom to my sons to keep me mired in negative thinking, and it’s time to stop. I’m only human, and I can’t always stay positive, but God can, so I’ll ask Him to help me be a good example to those children of someone who always speaks well of people and treats them as they’d want to be treated because if I’m treating others well, it’s the same as treating God well, and who doesn’t want to please God!   

November 12, 2010- Hobby Shopping...

    

     After a long day at work going from CPR training first thing in the morning to a quick lunch and then meetings and making cupcakes for my son’s birthday at school tomorrow, it was a welcome respite to head to the local island hobby shop tonight to paint wine glasses with some friends.  Before my first baby was born, I used to frequent the hobby shop.  I took every class they offered and spent hours making ceramics and learning how to throw a pot on the wheel, not to mention the trimming, glazing, and firing that comes after the initial creating! Here’s what I remember loving about my time there and why I was so willing to devote some much of my life to lumps of clay and colored glazes.  It’s the feel and motion of the soft clay as it rotates around and around the wheel, the sometimes hypnotic act of creating something from nothing. Because the motion of the wheel and the addition of water squeezed onto the clay with a sponge can make the clay very fragile as you mold it, collapsing in on itself with one small slip of a finger or jerk of the foot pressing the wheel and making it speed up, it requires all of your mind’s ability to focus on just that one thing, the formation of the dirt or clay into something useful and/or artistic.  Even making a mold from slip, you have to pay attention to the steps to go from slip to hardened mold carefully or your mold will not come out as you planned. And glazing, well it’s possible to chat and gossip while you are painting or glazing a piece, but it may not come out as perfect as you would have liked if your focus was divided among your creation and your friends.

     I don’t make it to the hobby shop much anymore, and mostly when I do, it’s to take my kids there to enjoy creating something as much as I used to do.  I create other things now, special experiences and memories for my kids, written stories of our lives together, and opportunities for them to flourish, find their own way, and enjoy life, but I do occasionally miss my days making something at the hobby shop. Mostly I miss the lack of time I have to devote to it, and the ability to focus so fully on something completely creative and purely for pleasure, but that’s part of what growing up and having a family is all about.  Time is short, you learn how to focus in short spurts and come back to it later when interrupted, and pleasure takes on a whole new meaning. Pleasure is the story my friend was telling me tonight about the cute things her 3 year old son was saying to her at dinnertime. Pleasure is going on a treasure hunt with my kids or enjoying an ice cream cone with them for no particular reason. And for now, that’s enough. I’ll have time to go back to the hobby shop when the kids are grown, but until then, I’ll place my focus and pleasure in my family, so that I won’t regret not having those snippets of time with them later because I was playing with clay. 

November 11, 2010- A Veteran’s Commitment

    

     It’s Veteran’s Day, which means we get a day off in the middle of the week to honor our soldiers’ commitment and service to our country. On a day which originated to pay homage to those who fought in unimaginable conditions against people they’ve never met in order to preserve the freedom of so many who don’t always appreciate what they do, we get to relax and enjoy time off.  I suppose those who lived through the wars of the world get to rest as well on this day, but somehow it feels a bit wrong that we don’t have to make a similar sacrifice for our vets. 

     As for my free time today, I traveled up to Roi and basically laid around watching movies all day, movies about war and about our babies who fight in these wars.  I have no idea what it’s like to be a soldier, to go through basic training, to shoot a gun, to face the destruction and devastation of a war zone, and to be honest, I have no desire to experience these things. They scare me.  That said, I have nothing but the utmost respect and awe for those who not only choose this type of profession, but can say they truly love it, and it is their calling or purpose in life.  Everyone has their unique purpose, and unfortunately, I think only a few of us are able to find it and live to our potentials while we are still relatively young. My calling is to be a teacher, and for others, it’s to be a soldier, to serve their country and maybe even give their lives for the rest of us who are not brave enough or strong enough to do so.  I just don’t have the words to express what it means to me to know there are men and women putting themselves in harm’s way for their country. The only thing I can equate it to in life is my love for my family and kids. It’s the kind of love I would die for, the kind of love I would and do sacrifice for, the kind of love that cares less about itself than those it serves, a Godly love. As odd as it may sound to some, I believe God is totally at work in the minds and hearts of those soldiers who throw themselves on a grenade for their fellow troops and those who keep the morale and momentum going for their platoon when the going is toughest, and for those who think what they’ve done to serve the country was simply their duty. That’s unconditional love, love that can only come from one place, an unconditional God, who loves us all just the way we are. So, God bless all our veterans today, and all those who share and practice an unconditional, unselfish love with all those they come into contact with daily, be it friendly or enemy.  

November 10, 2010-It’s a Small World After All...

    

     It’s easy to forget when you are in the middle of your own life traumas and challenges, how normal those challenges are for many others across the world besides you.  There are not many experiences on this earth that someone else hasn’t already gone through in some shape or form before you, including the good, bad, and ugly. I’m reminded of this through a particularly poignant song or movie often.  I admit, it doesn’t take much for me to tear up and empathize with others on TV or in music. I’m one of those who cries at commercials if they touch me in a certain way.  I may be more open with my emotions than others are comfortable with for themselves, but the bottom line is: those commercials, movies, and songs touch people in various ways because they share human experiences we can relate to in our own lives.  It’s good to have these reminders that others have been what you’ve been through and made it, and that they’ve felt what you felt and survived it, and that more times than not, they were all the better for what they had dealt with and been through because of it. I maintain that the toughest times in our lives are character builders, insight givers, and wisdom makers for us.  It’s just nice sometimes to know that you’re not crazy in how you feel, and that you’re not alone. The human experience is exactly that, a human experience, not an individual one.  The people and circumstances which make up the challenges we face in life may be different, but the feelings and the learning experiences all meet in the middle, and that’s why we pay so much money and spend so much of our time and energy with those artists of film and music because they are able to put on screen or into words and sound what we don’t always know how to express ourselves, and we can empathize with those persons and work through our own traumas better by knowing we are not doing it alone, knowing that it’s a small world after all...

November 8, 2010-Finally, a Little Sunshine!

    

     It’s definitely rainy season on the atoll. The rain has been almost non-stop for what seems like weeks now.  Rain on the island ranges anywhere from drizzle throughout the day to a downpour for several hours! The fresh water the rains bring are necessary on an island surrounded by nothing but salty ocean, but enough is enough, and a little sunshine here and there never hurts. We were lucky yesterday to be able to complete our treasure hunt between rains, although it was awfully humid as we trudged through the jungles of Roi-Namur hunting for pirate booty. But today, I was really excited to see clear, blue skies, so I pulled the boys away from their new birthday treasures to go for a swim and get some much needed vitamin D from the sunshine! :) It’s truly amazing how just an hour or two in the sun can raise your mood as well as your calcium absorption rate. :) Swimming was the perfect way to get some exercise and spend our last day on Roi for a few weeks, and it broke up our relaxing day of reading and playing games in our rooms.  Gotta love the sun! It’s part of why we love living on this rock we can an atoll!

   

November 9, 2010-Congenital Cataracts...

     A couple of months ago, when I took my youngest son to the doctor for his annual "Well Child" physical, he had trouble seeing the eye chart with his left eye.  He had never had this problem before, and since he had never been testing using the letters, only pictures, and he was just fresh off of summer vacation after his kindergarten year, I thought maybe he had just forgotten some of them and then got embarrassed when he couldn't remember which letter was which. Boy, was I wrong. The general practitioner who examined him suggested I at least check it out with the eye doctor when he came on island. Unfortunately, we don't have a full range of specialists here, so you have to wait until the ophthalmologist from Hawaii comes out every few months in order to get an appointment, so I did, for today. The initial diagnosis is that my son has a congenital cataract, one that he was probably born with, and it is keeping a majority of the light on the other side of his lens out, so he is suppressing the rest of his vision and using only his good 20/20 eye on the right for everything. For example, he cannot see in depth. He sees only what we can all see when we close one eye.  The funny thing is that he's never complained about it or even seemed to know that anything was wrong.  I guess if that's how you've always seen life than you don't know any different until someone tells you that you are not seeing everything, right?
    At any rate, the good news is that it's fixable.  The cataract, if that's what it is in the final diagnosis, can be removed and hopefully we will be able to have it done in enough time that my son's receptors in his eyes won't be permanently damaged.  Here's the catch though. Medical problems on an isolated island require the patient to have a referral from the doctors here to doctors in Hawaii in order for the company to help defray the exorbitant cost of flying and staying in a hotel there while seeing the specialists and/or getting surgery, so now we have to wait (while my son can see out of only one eye) to see if they will refer us and cover the costs or if they will say it is an elective type surgery or one that is not an immediate concern (meaning we can wait until we go on vacation in the summer and pay for it ourselves) and decide not to refer him and cover the costs. Obviously, either way, we will have it taken care of, but it would be nice if the company could help with the cost being that we are on such an isolated island without the necessary doctors to aid in my son's possible surgery and recovery.  It's one of the hiccups of living on an atoll, but I am thankful for a job and an employer who does cover my medical expenses, and all we can do now is wait, pray, and hope that it will all work out for the best in the end.  Who would have thought...a seven year old with cataracts! Life is full of challenges and surprises every day, even on a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific.

November 7, 2010-Hunting for Treasures!!

     My boyfriend and I wanted to do something extra special to celebrate both my boys' birthdays today on Roi.  My oldest will be 9 a week from today, and my youngest just turned 7, but this is the only time we will all be together to have some family birthday time for them this year, so it was important that we make the most of the time we have.  On my birthday last year, my boyfriend and my boys created a special birthday Geo Cache for me, which is like a treasure hunt using a GPS as your map to guide you to the way points where they had presents hidden.  The boys absolutely loved this idea, and we knew they would like to do something similar for their birthdays. In order to put a little kid flair into it, we decided it should be more like a real treasure hunt with a map and everything.  I looked up a couple of ideas on the Internet detailing how to make a treasure map and pull off a successful treasure hunt and cut and paste the info into an e-mail to my honey, but I was absolutely amazed today at what he did with that information and how he put it into use.  I should have known it would be "grawesome" as my son would put it, because when my baby has a task set before him, he develops a vision and sets out to make the actual end product perfection, and he'll stay up all hours and work himself to exhaustion to complete it just the way he envisioned it. I know that about him, but he still never ceases to astound me with his dedication to a task and various abilities to create something so special every time.  Now, I'm sure your curiosity is up about our treasure hunt, so here's the story.
     While the boys and I were attempting to sell holiday wreaths for Boy Scouts in front of the chow hall, my sweetheart took the golf cart he'd rented for the day and hid the treasures.  When we returned to the room, he was still out and about, but we found a trail of dark chocolates wrapped in royal purple foil leading from one of the room doors to two locked closet doors in my room.  I wasn't sure whether or not they were supposed to see that yet, so I sent them to their room to wait for our treasure hunt leader to return.  I passed the time by blowing up some balloons I had brought for the occasion and writing notes on our cards for the boys, then I laid out the presents from the grandparents which they were going to open before the actual hunt.  Almost as soon as the front door to my room opened, and my favorite pirate burst in with a "Har, Har, Har," my youngest peeked in through the back door of the room and inquired, "Is he here?" Looking appropriately rogue with his black, plastic eye patch and red bandanna covering his lack of pirate locks, we were officially ready to begin the hunt!
     The boys followed the chocolate trail to the closets, asked for the key, and searched through the dresser drawers until they discovered the first part of the puzzle.  As they pulled out an old brown treasure map and clue scroll, a smoky smell emanated from the drawer.  "It smells burnt," my son commented. As we opened up the scroll and map, which had been sealed with burgundy colored wax and a special, yet not quite identifiable set of initials,  we figured out where the burnt smell was coming from. Both papers had been involved in a fire at one point or another in their time.  As we opened the map, it revealed a simple, yet very clear and exact outline of the islands of Roi-Namur complete with a pirate shipwreck off the north shore and a skull and crossbones in the "Doom Lagoon." There was also a set of numbers off to the side of the map, and a dotted line connecting a twisted palm tree leading to some sort of lake and finally ending between two trees near what appeared to be an airplane on land.  Thank goodness there were directions to go with the map or we would have been utterly lost on our hunt.
     Written in pirate English were three paragraphs of directions on how to find the keys to three locks and a puzzle to unlock the treasure at the end of the dotted line. I felt like "Dora the Explorer" as we cruised around the island searching for our three spots on our way to the treasure. Our clues included a stop to find a key at the  Twisted Tree, a key at the Skull and Crossbones Lake, and finally, after stopping to figure out the alphanumerical puzzle from the numbers on the map and the letters on the back of the scroll, we ended up at a Pirate Hospital (which is actually the real American underground hospital used during WWII on the atoll).   Although before heading to the hospital, we discovered one more clue to the treasure. This clue ended up being my youngest son's favorite part. Turning the map over as we rolled it back up, we discovered a large drawing of a pirate skull on the back of the map with a burned out eye and an "X marks the spot." There were also some words from the pirate, "I have me eye on U."  It took us a bit to figure out where the pirate's eye could be, but we finally discovered if you fold the map over itself, you find the pirate's eye right in the middle of the lake, and the "X" falls right on top of what looks like an airplane beside the two trees on the map. My boyfriend later told me that the underground hospital is in the shape on an airplane if you are looking from up high, so this was an extra special clue, and now we were really excited to make it to our final stop. In Dora's words, we had already been to and found the "Twisted Tree" and the "Skull and Crossbones Lake," and now we just needed to find the "Pirate Hospital" in order to get to the treasure.  Inside the Pirate Hospital, we found a real wooden treasure box with a large chain and three locks, one of which was a number lock, not a key.  We then had to go back to the scroll and find the number combination from within the clues.  It was a very exciting afternoon overall, and I was just as stumped as the boys trying to figure out the clues. 
     The really spooky part came when we found an actual skull and crossbones flag sticking out of the coral in just the spot where the mapmaker had drawn a mast with such a flag sticking out of the water. The flag was not there when the treasure was planted earlier in the day and no one knew about the map but the mapmaker.  Maybe there really are pirates on Roi-Namur.  I hope we didn't upset them by finding the treasure and figuring out their map!

November 6, 2010-Half Days...

     Every year at school on Kwajalein, the students and teachers get at least two half days off due to parent teacher conferences. The teachers work one long day, usually until about 8 at night, then they are given the following afternoon off because of the extra hours the day before.  With my new position and work schedule, I no longer get this time off with my own children as I did last year, but I decided to use some of my saved up personal time to take the afternoon off anyway and spend it with my boys. In addition, the half day gave us a chance to make it up to Roi a little earlier for the weekend. This was important to me as it may be the last time on Roi all together for awhile as I will be moving into my house in less than 2 weeks now, which makes me both happy and a little sad all at the same time.  I will miss having so much time on Roi, and I believe the boys will too as they were so excited to be going today, and they talked about it all week long! It was a different kind of week for them because they had all day Friday off from school while the teachers held conferences, and then only had to attend from 8:30-11:30 on Saturday for the half day, so they really only went to school for three and a half days this week.  They don't realize how nice it is to be a kid! And I must admit, just taking that half day off with them was quite refreshing.
     I worked from 8:30-11:30 and because I knew my time was limited, I made the most of what I had at work and finished up any timely unfinished business in short order, then I headed off to lunch with my babies. Because we were not rushing to get back to work and school by exactly 12:30 as the boys will have to go to the office to get tardy slips if they are late, we were able to truly relax with our food and watch an entire movie together before getting ready to head to the terminal around 1:30. The time actually flew by as my oldest kept saying, "Oh, it's 1 already or it's 1:30 already."  Once on Roi, we simply relaxed some more until dinner time, but I highly recommend implementing these half days into all our personal and work lives.  Sometimes you just need a half day.  It gives you time to take care of the most important priorities of the day at work or home, but it also gives you time to settle personally, so you can start your weekend off right.  I guess that's why they still have "siesta" time in Spain and other European countries where their shops and places of business close for a couple of hours each afternoon because they recognize the importance of taking a long lunch or working hard for a while, the breaking hard for a while. At any rate, I like half days because I feel as if I've accomplished something both professionally and personally, and life is best when it is balanced in this way. Yea for half days!

November 5, 2010- Family Trees and Recipes

     My third grader has been assigned to complete a family tree and to share a family recipe with his class for their annual ITTP (International Thanksgiving Tasting Party), and it has got me thinking about my family, and some of my favorite dishes served and eaten over the years.  Unfortunately, I don’t know as much about my ancestry as I would like, and I don’t have a large collection of ethnic family recipes, but what I do have is a very normal Southern United States upbringing, and a few very simple, but delicious deep South dishes that have served me and those I have shared meals with over the years pretty well, so this is what we will share with my son’s class, his Southern heritage and a popular Southern dish, “Sweet Potato Pie.”  This pie, or some might call it a casserole, is actually made with yams, and it took me until just a couple of years ago to realize that.  I always thought this orange colored potato looking vegetable was a sweet potato, and so did the rest of my family, I guess, because my little cousin, who is no longer little, always looked forward to eating that dish at Thanksgiving in my grandmother’s house, and she called it “Orange Pie.”  Either way, it’s yummy!

     When helping my son complete the family tree, I had to look back in the “Grandmother and Grandfather Remembers” scrapbooks I was fortunate enough to have three out of my four grandparents completed for me before they passed away. I am so proud of these books. The family history I do have is recorded in those books, and the parts that are most special to me are the memories shared, the stories told, and the pictures inside. These books reiterate to me how important it is to establish and maintain those family traditions and memory building experiences with my own boys as I discussed in the blog last night.  Nothing means more at the end of our days on this earth than quality time with family and the love shared through our traditions and lives together.  It’s the perfect topic for this month because it’s a time to be truly thankful for what we have instead of what we don’t.  And right this very moment, I’m happy it’s Friday night, and that tomorrow I will be with those I love as much if not more than anyone in the world on a beautiful tropical atoll in the most amazing ocean in the world making memories to last a lifetime!

November 4, 2010- Waiting for the Weekend...

     Even though I am still enjoying my new job, and I am very happy to be employed doing something I love, there are some weeks I feel I am simply waiting for the weekend.  Ever since Tuesday (which is Monday the start of the work and school week for us), my son has been telling me he can’t wait for the weekend.  This is because we have big plans to celebrate both my youngest and oldest sons’ birthdays on Roi-Namur. Their birthdays are only two weeks apart, so it just made since because we don’t get to go to Roi very often anymore, and this way, we could all celebrate as a family together. Of course, the boys each have their own separate parties with their friends, but I try to make their time with us extra special around this very important occasion, and on all holidays, vacations, and weekends together to be honest. 

     In the past, we have set up Geo Caches for each other, where we hunt for our gifts using the GPS and a golf cart to cruise around the island, and the boys loved it! This time we are attempting to create a treasure map and bury their presents to find.  Hopefully, the rainy weather we’ve been having lately won’t get in the way. So far all I have is ideas gleaned from the internet on how to create a treasure map that looks 100 years old from everyday household materials as well as tips on how to conduct a treasure hunt for kids, and I don’t know if we’ll use any of that info or not, but the point for me is to create memories and traditions with my kids more than focusing on the actual “treasure” they receive on their birthdays.

     I don’t remember what I dressed up for on Halloween when I was a kid, and there are very few birthday or Christmas presents that stand out, but what I do remember are the ways we celebrated special occasions together as a family.  Already, my children look forward each year to making Jack-O-Lanterns and roasting the pumpkin seeds from inside, and they look forward to snorkeling and camping trips on Roi, and geo-caching wherever we can discover one.  They love to leave reindeer food out and cookies and milk for Santa at Christmas time, and they know that the littlest kids get to hand out the presents from the tree, and we open them youngest to oldest one at a time, so we can all enjoy what was given and received.  None of these things are about the material goods of the holidays, but about the fun things we do together, and the traditions we create and pass on to our families generation after generation.  Roasting marshmallows and telling stories by the “Friday Night Fire,” which is a tradition of my boyfriend’s family back in Oregon, are what it is all about to me, and I’m so lucky to have such wise children who already recognize the importance of these things and appreciate them too! This is why I can’t wait for the weekend because I get to spend it with the three most wonderful boys in the world!

   

November 3, 2010-Eight to Eight

    

     Today was my 8 to 8 day at work.  Our Youth Center Director left for vacation, so several of us are filling in his shifts at the center with the youth and still doing our own jobs on top of that.  It’s only once or twice a week though as we are dividing it between three people, so it’s manageable.  For our co-worker, it’s his first vacation off the atoll after more than a year of being here. I remember my first trip back to “civilization” well. I don’t think you really fully appreciate the advantages of living here until you’ve taken that first plane ride back to the states. Back home, there’s traffic, lines, money flying out of your pocket at every turn, and major consumerism.  If you go back any time other than summer, the days are shorter, the commutes or drives to do anything longer, and there’s barely enough time in the day to take care of business, much less have time for entertainment activities.  Of course, there’s also family, long time friends, fresh and varied produce, 45 different kinds of toothpaste, 24 hour stores where you can get whatever you need at the exact moment you need it, and general life experiences that are simply not available on the island.  Advantages and disadvantages...

     My oldest son was telling me last year that he was about ready to PCS (permanent change of station OR move, in other words) back to the states because he was getting bored. As he seems to really be enjoying school and his friends and activities lately, I asked him at lunch if he was still ready to move because he’s bored here. He said, “I think I was bored because I needed a vacation. Once I go on vacation and get tired of the states, then I’m ready to come back to Kwaj.”  That sentiment is exactly what every long term resident figures out within their first couple of years on island.  In a nutshell, there are advantages and disadvantages to every place, and the grass is not usually greener on the other side; it’s just a different kind of grass with its own unique challenges for living with it and taking care of it. So, I don’t mind a few 8 to 8 work days in order to provide someone else with their much needed break from atoll life because it gives us time to reflect upon what we do love about living here, and it motivates us to come back with renewed enthusiasm for work and life.   

November 2, 2010-What a Storm!

     Out here on the atoll, we don't experience much in the way of storms. We are too near the equator to get the massive hurricanes, tropical cyclones, and typhoon type weather that our not so close neighbors of Guam and Japan experience frequently, but we do get plenty of rain and wind.  Tonight was a doozie! I ended up staying at work a little later than expected, and when I got ready to head out to a friend's house for dinner, the drops were already coming down heavy and sideways because of the wind.  Luckily, I had a rain coat in my office. I think I finally have enough rain gear strategically kept at my office, my classroom (which I still used periodically), and my home to get me through any rainy season here, and it's only taken me 13+ years to make that happen. :)  Anyway, as I left, knowing I didn't have far to go, I zipped and cinched up my lightweight green jacket to keep my clothes and purse safe and sound from the rain. I put my dressy black flip flops in my bike burley with my empty coffee cup from home because it was okay if they got wet, but I didn't want any muddy puddles splashing on my shoes, and I took off.  As the diagonal rain and wind pushed me across the road, I held on tight to my handlebars and ducked my head against the pelting wetness.  I didn't have to really worry about traffic because no one else was silly enough to get on their bikes and go somewhere in this storm.  When I arrived at my friend's house, she couldn't believe I wasn't soaked, and she was glad I made it over okay. We enjoyed catching up on life, eating a delicious Greek salad and homemade salsa. (This is my friend who loves to cook and whose food I love to eat!) In between, I played with her kids, whom I've known all their lives, and in some ways, are like my own, and she put them to bed, and we chatted some more.  Before we knew it, time flew by, and it was after 10, and time to hit the sack. The only problem is that the rain and wind was still just as fierce as it was when I arrived 4 hours earlier! What a storm! "Well," I said, "I must go," so I donned my now very wet green raincoat and headed out again, this time to home and a nice, warm bed with a nice, warm cup of hot chocolate to send me off into dream land.  The rain may be an inconvenience at times, especially because we don't have cars and garages to stay dry from the elements, but as my mom tells me, when we are discussing the island's weather, "as least it's warm rain."  I have to agree that I'm pretty lucky to live on a tropical island without all the major life threatening storms.  If the diagonal rain and winds, which can push you across the road on your bike, is all I have to worry about, I don't mind. It's all part of life on an atoll.

November 1, 2010-Dinner and a Movie...

     I used to love to go out to dinner and a movie when I lived back in the states.  There's really not any place to go to dinner on the atoll, except the illustrious Snack Bar or the Chow Hall, and the movies are free, but they are in outdoor theaters where the speakers don't always work so hot, and the weather does not always cooperate, so over the years, I've come to enjoy dinner and a movie at home more than going out.  I was always a bit of a home body anyway, so it's okay.  At home, you can make whatever dinner you want, and you can eat it wherever you want, and you can have all the popcorn you want, and you can pause the movie whenever you need to take a potty break or get more popcorn.  And you can do all this for virtually nothing as far as cost. It's the perfect entertainment for a small town island girl who just wants to kick her feet up on the couch, wrap up in a blanket and veg out.  Tonight, my boyfriend and I watched a so-so movie with a delicious dinner of steamed King Crab Legs (frozen of course, but they were still very tasty), steak on the grill, a take out salad from the Chow Hall, and a glass of Merlot.  My boyfriend unfortunately had to work all day as he is on 6 day work weeks right now, so it was a quiet day for me, and the most notable thing to write about was our dinner and a movie. Of course, he and my children are the most notable things in my life every day, but having the evening with him the night before it is back to another grueling work week just makes me happy. A home cooked meal and spending time with my honey can cure my blues anytime.