November 16, 2010- Error in Judgment

    

     We all make them...little errors in judgment when faced with new or unfamiliar situations, especially when under extra stress and strain. Unfortunately, I have made a couple of these in the past week, and I regret that I did not stop to think or just stop before making a mistake I cannot take back.  I anticipated that with the new job, moving, and all the other things going on in my life the past few months that I would make these types of minor mistakes along the way. In fact, every time I start a new job or I am faced with a new personal situation, I fret over the idea that I will mess up at some point along the journey, and this is the perfectionist side of me.  I beat myself up, often way more and for way longer than healthy, when I make such errors.  The interesting part of it to me is that when I am unhappy with myself or my performance, I tend to want to run home to my mom.  It’s the same way I discussed feeling a couple of blogs ago when describing the depression I experienced at the dissolution of my marriage.  I simply want to run away and have my mom take care of me until I feel better or until the challenges of life are over, and I don’t have to stress about them anymore. 

     I suppose it’s common to want to run away from problems, to be embarrassed and regretful about the mistakes made in our lives, work wise and/or personal, and maybe it’s even common to want to go home to mom. It makes sense. I mean moms are traditionally the ones who always see the best parts of us even in the midst of us showing them the worst parts. They are the ones who always know what to say to encourage and make their children feel better and worthy of this life they’ve been given.  Bottom line, moms are there for us no matter what, and when I’m feeling down, mom is always able to make me feel better. I hope I can do the same for my children as they grow, especially considering that my oldest is already showing signs of my perfectionism and concern for always doing everything right and not upsetting anyone.  All I can do is be there for him and realize that in terms of myself, I’m never going to be perfect, and the best thing I can do for my boys and me is to learn from my mistakes, allow them to humble me, and share those experiences with my kids when appropriate so they can learn from them too.