August 25-29, 2011: Back to School-The First Three Days

     School started back this week with my sons in second and fourth grades.  It is amazing how time flies. I can’t believe they are getting so old already. They both had their annual sports physicals a few weeks ago, and my oldest (who is not yet ten) is currently 5 feet tall and 95 pounds. Wow! My youngest is just over 4 feet and around 50 pounds (and he’s not quite 8).  Although they are getting bigger physically, they remind me often that they are still little boys in many ways.  My oldest son always prefers I ride or walk him to a friend’s house, beach, or party he has been invited to even though everything here is close, and the kids his age go back and forth to school and other places by themselves all the time.  And my youngest is afraid to go upstairs by himself, even to the bathroom or to his room because he is “scared of ghosts.”  They are not grown up totally yet. J 

      It was good to get them back into the routine of school, and with that, life has officially sped up again.  I have spent the weekend ordering Halloween costumes and birthday party supplies as my babies big days are right before Halloween and a couple of weeks after. At least we get it all taken care of at the same time and before the next 2 big holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas.  J  Other than time, life marches on as it usually does with no big news one way or the other.  I am working on more mobility with my arm, and all is well on the atoll, for now.  Thank God for that.  Hope you all have a good, uneventful upcoming week too!  Enjoy every quiet, relaxing moment while you can because you never know what life-changing event or character building challenge is around the next corner.  “Talk” to you again soon. 

August 18-24, 2011 Limited Mobility, Endless Determination

     I may have limited mobility, which slows down my blogging, but I have endless determination to keep going despite any and all obstacles.  Never having broken anything more than a finger or toe in my life, I am gaining new perspective on having the use of two arms and hands. The biggest challenges so far are working on a computer all day long, pulling my hair back into a ponytail or braid, and working with food (including cutting with a knife, opening bottles, cans, and bags). I cannot move my arm back to reach around my hair, and the use of my fingers sends an ache up the cracked bone in my arm.  In fact, this is the first time since my accident that I have typed anything with both hands.  I started using the mouse with my right hand again yesterday after getting my splint off on Tuesday afternoon, but typing was still difficult and may continue to be at work since my keyboard is higher up on my desk than the one in my lap at home right now.  The good news is that the bone is not displaced, and I do not have to have a cast or any type of surgery to repair the damage, so I am already able to start working back towards full mobility unlike the amazing girl in the movie Soul Surfer that we watched just last week.

     My determination is nothing compared to hers. Bethany Hamilton lost an entire arm to a shark and was back surfing within 3 weeks of this potentially tragic and fatal event in her life. She is now a professional surfer and also an amazing example of what faith can do in the life of a believer! The things I am struggling with temporarily, she had to figure out a way to handle permanently.  Cutting up fruit for her family’s breakfast, pulling her hair back to surf (which she will never be able to do by herself again), and surfing with one arm (I can’t even do that with two arms). She figured it all out in record time, and God has used her in great ways because of the loss of her arm.   It just goes to show that sometimes God allows difficult or challenging things to happen in order to do greater things through our lives to touch others and bless us at the same time.  If you ask God to use you to serve others, He will, but you better be prepared for anything in the process of getting to where He has planned for you to be.  I’ve gone through a lot to be with my boys, but my relationship with them now is better than it has ever been because I was willing to work through that and suffer myself in order to get there.  I am in no way comparing my small life challenges to Bethany’s, but God knows us better than we know ourselves, and He doesn’t give us more than handle. What He does do is give us plenty of chances to grow, gain character, and become more like Him when we accept Him into our hearts and lives.   Thank you, God, for your servant Bethany, and for all the faith and character building experiences in life and using them for our good and for helping others gain peace and a stronger relationship with You.  

August 16-17, 2011- Going All Out!

     I’ve often heard my mom tell others that her daughter is not afraid to try anything. What she is usually referring to are things like going to Spain for a semester abroad and staying two extra weeks by myself to explore Europe at the last minute when I was in college or traveling halfway around the world with a toddler and an infant by myself just because I needed a break from the small “rock” we call home. When it comes to traveling, I am most definitely not afraid and ready to try anything, but risks that could affect me physically are another matter all together. I could never bring myself to try bungee jumping, even when visiting the bungee jumping capital of the world in New Zealand. I do not have a desire to climb a mountain and freeze my butt off at the top just to say I made it, and until recently, I did not have a desire to try race or mountain biking, mainly because I was not totally comfortable clipping my feet in due to my potential to get hurt when I couldn’t get out. I can be very graceful when dancing or doing yoga, but I can be very clumsy with things I have not grown up doing or am nervous about starting.

     That’s why it was such a big deal for me to purchase my new bike. It’s not like my usual leisurely rides to work and back on my Sun bike. This is a road/mountain bike with the clip in pedals I have only ever tried out in the bike shop while the bike was stabilized on a trainer, meaning I did not have to balance myself. Biking like this can be dangerous if you fall or hit something in the road and have little time to react. In fact, my oldest brother now has a plate in his jaw from a wreck on the road while out training with his team several months back. Knowing the potential dangers, I went ahead with the purchase anyway, and since my fiance and I had already spent so much time, energy, money, and thought on the choosing and putting together of my bike, I decided to test it out on my own yesterday evening.  Unfortunately, my fiance had to go back to Roi because of work the next day, but I knew how to clip in and out, and I was only planning on practicing around the block anyway.

     The short of what is becoming a very long story (especially since I am typing right now with only one hand) is that I clipped in, took off, rode around the block twice, stopped, unclipped my left foot successfully, then promptly forgot to turn my right foot out of the clip and fell on my right arm, cracking my radius bone right up by the elbow. Ouch!! I am now in a splint for the rest of the week, and then physical therapy to get range of motion back in my elbow for the next several weeks. At least I was not afraid to try! I went all out on time, thought, and money on the bike, so I had to go all out on riding it, which I did. Now I can say I had my first broken bone (other than fingers or toes), and it only took 36 years and one clip in cross bike to do it!

August 13-15, 2011- My Brand New Ride!

     While in Oregon last month, I splurged and purchased a cross bicycle from one of the many popular bike shops in the state.  I had been wanting one for awhile, and knowing that life is unpredictable and may take me from my life on an atoll at any moment and back to a place where my money will be quickly spent on a house, car, monthly bills, etc…, I decided to go ahead and make the leap to get a nice bike for now and hopefully 10 years into the future while I do have the money to afford it. It was not something I could bring back with me on the plane as it had to be ordered in my size, and it finally arrived on island this week, and I have been patiently waiting for my fiancé and his awesome bike mechanic skills to put it all back together for me from the box in was broken down into in order to make it out here.  It took the majority of the day yesterday just to get it all together, and today, my baby helped fit me to it, so I can take it out on a ride when the rain clears, and I have a chance to test it out on my own.  I can’t wait to practice with it! This will be my first “professional” type bicycle with clip in pedals, special bike shoes, gloves, padded “pants,” and a special shirt with pockets in the back for my snacks and such. J  It’s so exciting and will hopefully assist me in my efforts to get into better shape sooner rather than later.  While here, I hope to get very comfortable with my new ride, so that when we return to Oregon or wherever we end up in the states, I’ll be able to ride it out on the trails and roads on weekends.  That’s the one thing I am missing most right now while living on a small island, the inability to take off on road trips and/or bike trips over the weekend.   There’s so much more world out there to take advantage of, to enjoy, to fall in love with, and I’m ready to explore it.  Summer’s almost over, and school starts soon, so for now, I will simply have to dream of those long mountain and trail rides, the cool breeze, fresh air, and gorgeous mountains and coast around me while I practice my biking skills traversing the flat asphalt road around the island airport, and even though it may seem like I am getting nowhere except back to where I started, I will know I’m training my mind and heart for a lifetime of healthy habits, a love and appreciation of the simple magnificence of nature wherever I live, and a future full of adventure out on the roads and trails of life!

August 11-12, 2011- Time off with a Houseful of Boys!

     Tonight, I am writing this blog as I listen to the whispers and light snoring of 5 boys in my house.  I was lucky enough to be able to take a couple of days off this week to catch up with my babies since they arrived back from vacation with dad, and I found out rather quickly that they are at the age when they simply want to be with friends, so I compromised and said, “Well, let’s invite some friends over for a sleepover and beach day, and we’ll all spend time together then.” Of course, the boys were all for that, and during the first part of the evening, when they were all riled up and wrestling, voices rising as the excitement of being all together built up, I was wondering if maybe I’d made a hasty decision to have them all over at once and for a full 24 hours, but as we sat down to dinner, I was so glad I had.  I am amazed at the manners and maturity of the kids my boys have chosen as friends.  They were thankful for the tacos I made, polite when asking or receiving things, cleaned up after themselves (for the most part-like all boys J), and more than anything, they included me in the evening.  Each one loves to chat, and they want to know what I think about things, just as I want to know what they think.  I never realized that at 7 and 9, I would have so much to talk about with my children and their friends. 

     I have enjoyed every stage of my boys’ lives so far in one way or another, but I believe I am now getting closer to what may become one of my favorite “growing up” years with them.  I remember my mom telling me once that one of her favorite times with all of us (my brothers and me) was when we were teenagers, which is usually the age most parents dread getting to and going through with their kids.  I was surprised at first when she told me this, but I understand more now than I ever have in the past.  I mean, that’s when you can really talk to your children and get to know them as the beautiful children of God they are becoming. How cool is that?!

     I am blessed and lucky to not only have healthy, intelligent, and compassionate children, but also to have boys who enjoy chatting and learning about life and people.  I am floored by their insight, and I love their openness and honesty.  I hope they never lose that as they get older.  And I am not talking just about my boys, but their friends who are here with me tonight as well.  They are all precious young boys, quickly growing into respectful and kind young men.  I look forward to watching them grow up and seeing where life takes them.  Whoever thought the highlight of my week would be spending time with five 7-9 year olds in a 900 square foot house! I’m so glad it is, and I can’t wait to see what interesting conversations we will have together tomorrow!

     God bless these precious boys and their futures, may life be full of positive learning curves and people who treat them as kindly as they been treated and have been taught to treat others.  May they always remember that hope, faith, and love will get them through anything and to never give up or lose their optimism and openness, keeping their childlike faith and love for life and others forever. May God bless their parents as well, who have taken their jobs seriously and made a valiant and worthwhile effort to do their best to assist their boys in becoming great men someday in a day and age when expecting your children to show respect and listen to elders is considered too harsh because it might hurt their self-esteem.  Thank you, “old school parents” for teaching your children character and going “against the grain” to do what you know in your heart is best for them.  

August 9-10, 2011-The Wee Morning Hours and Ooossssaaa…

     Yesterday, my boys arrived back on island, and you would think it was me, unadjusted to the time as it is now 6 am on the 10^th, and I can’t sleep anymore.  I know, that’s not really “wee morning hours” early, but I have been awake for a while, and when my usual schedule is to arrive at work at 8:30, I sleep until the sun begins streaming through my shades, but not today.  My body, in just a couple of days, has already adjusted to being up between 5-5:30 to open up our center at 6:45.  I am not opening this morning, so I was hoping to sleep in a bit, but instead, I will take advantage of being wide awake to blog, make coffee, and maybe even do a bit of yoga before beginning the day.  It’s been rough at work lately, a very negative atmosphere.  It’s funny how just one or two negative mindsets, shared daily with the rest of us turns everyone to negativity.  It ends up being a daily struggle to try and stay out of that negativity, and I must admit, it’s been a bit of a losing battle for me lately.  I’ll fallen into it just as everyone else has, but I am trying to pull myself out of it. I can’t change others’ minds, and I certainly can’t change their attitudes, but I can change mine.  I can make an effort to not allow others’ negativity to affect me that way.  It’s not easy, but it can be done.  As my friend and co-worker says, I need to practice more “Ooossssaaaa.” When one of the other of us is stressing out at work, we do a meditative or yogic type move or sometimes just hug while saying “ooossssaaa” and releasing all that negative junk to focus on something more productive.  It sounds silly, but that’s exactly why it works. It brings a smile to our faces and makes us think of something other than what is bothering us. I practice it with the boys all the time, do or say something funny when they are upset, and it brings a giggle while they forget about what was hurting them.

    For me, I simply have to learn to let go, focus on doing my job to the best of my ability, and not worry about how others are doing or trying to fix things in their areas that I am not responsible for fixing.   I am a bit of a caretaker though, and I have a hard time not helping others out at work when I know it’s something I can do for them easily.  It’s the same with my babies.  I want to fix everything for them and make sure everyone else is doing their best by them when it’s not my time or place to worry about it.  It doesn’t help right now that I am anxious about our futures on the island and elsewhere, but again, I have to learn to let go of that and let God take care of it.  Breathe in, breathe out, let go, ooossssaaaa….

August 3-8, 2011-Hail and Farewell Island...

     I live on a military base, even though over 90% of it is inhabited by civilian contractors, it is still run very much like military bases anywhere else in the world or the United States.  Living like a military family means we have to say goodbye to friends and co-workers quite often.  We usually have PCS (permanent change of station) parties for those leaving before they go, but sometimes we have what the military calls a “Hail and Farewell” to see those all-important VIP’s off the island and onto new adventures.  This week, I hosted a farewell dinner party at my home for my co-worker and our director, who is heading to Germany approximately a week from now. She has been here for almost 8 years and was not only a big part of my children’s preschool lives as a teacher and director at the child care center where they attended, she has also been a friend, supervisor, and now co-worker of mine for the past 4 years. She will be sorely missed at our facility and within our department, and I have to admit I am a bit envious of her ability to take off and start fresh in a place I’ve always wanted to go in Europe.  Mostly, though, I am very excited for her and wish her the very, very best!

       Farewells are a part of life here, but as we get ready to start a new school year, and my baby boys arrive back on island tomorrow, I am going to focus instead not on the sad goodbyes, but on the new adventures ahead, for all of us, on the island and off.  It may be farewell to one life, but it’s also welcome to another, farewell to one summer and school year and welcome to another…life is full of farewells on the island, but it is also full of “Iakwe” and “Aloha,” hello with love.  

July 27-August 2, 2011-Precious Photos and Wonderful Words

     Looking back at the entire week/weekend that has gone by since I last wrote, I wasn't sure what to write. Mostly, I've been working, spending weekends relaxing on Roi with my fiance and enjoying the last bit of summer before it slips away into more work with the return of school, birthdays, holidays, and more and more changes with a new school year, smaller budgets, debt crisis, and an unpredictable economy to keep our minds and lives fully occupied and our futures uncertain, but still blessed compared to what we could be going through. Mostly though, I just can't stop thinking about my sweet babies returning to "the rock" we all call home exactly one week from today!  All I have had of them for over 6 weeks now to keep me close is pictures and words.  My mom graciously sent pictures of the fun they had at their house last week, and once or twice a week I am able to reach them by phone to hear their voices.  It's getting to the point of there not being much to say anymore, which to me means, it's time for them to come home! I miss them terribly. 
     As I browsed through photos from my workplace today (looking for pictures to put together in a collage for our director, who is PCSing soon), I found a few of my boys when they attended the preschool here. I couldn't help but smile, and it made me realize that no matter what the future holds for all of us, I have had so many precious years with them already! I am lucky to have been able to raise them in their younger years on the atoll with lots and lots of quality time and memories to go with it. It seems like so long ago when my youngest sported his gorgeous blond curls or when my older "spiderman" loved to swing at Emon Beach park, but it's been less than a decade since my oldest was brought into this world.  I have often been told by parents whose children are grown that the only thing they really regret about the years when their kids were young was not just enjoying it more and worrying about every little thing less.  I do get more anxious than necessary sometimes, but I also feel that I have enjoyed them (the last 4 years especially) in a really grand way, and hopefully I've enjoyed them enough to not have that regret in a few more years. 
     My "spidey sense" tells me that our lives will probably change drastically by this time next year, and I'm okay with that, even though I'm nervous and afraid at the same time.  I have done all I can to make my boys and my own years here the best they could be, enjoying almost every type of outdoor/indoor recreation available, growing spiritually, professionally, and in my relationship with my boys in ways I never realized were possible for me.  I've survived rough times as well, but learned from them to make myself a stronger and hopefully better person.  Photos and words are never enough when you can have hugs and family dinners together, but the time away from my boys has given me perspective that will take me through the next challenge life has for us.  I don't know if they will ever read all these words about them I've written over the last year, but I do know they have felt the love from my heart, the place these words flow from, and that's all that really matters...to know we are loved and experience the joy of loving someone back! Remember to enjoy the "loves of your life" today because you never know what tomorrow brings or how fast it will fly by, and you certainly don't want to have any regrets in regard to loving those most precious to you and enjoying life to the fullest while you can.  Love and hugs to all of you from me! :-)