May 13-18, 2012 Pre-Marital Chatting…

     For the past few weeks, my fiancé and I have been going through pre-marital counseling with my cousin (who also happens to be our minister for our upcoming marriage).  Over the past 18 months, he assigned us to read several books which would help us to identify each other’s love languages, needs, wants, etc…and how to meet them in the long term marriage relationship. There was also a book on finances and how to manage money wisely, save for the future, and so forth. The final book we have to complete is actually a workbook of sorts to prepare us for marriage, and each week for the last 3 weeks or so, we have been receiving a phone call at 2 pm our time on Monday to discuss the “homework” we’ve been completing in our workbook. During our chats, my cousin (who is my age, but has been successfully married for 16 years with 4 children-two about the same age as my two) does not go through the answers to our homework with us, he merely brings up the topics we were asked to be thinking and writing about in our homework and gives us a chance to really consider subjects and potential issues that may arise in our future marriage and talk about how we might resolve those or deal with them.  He often speaks from his own experience (which I love as personal experience has always taught me more than just words in a book about what you should or shouldn’t do) and gently guides us in topics of discussion for the next week.  For example, last week, we talked about family rules we had growing up, how we expect to handle holidays and vacations as a couple, our family responsibilities around the house, conflict resolution, dealing with sickness, and elderly parents.  Many of these things may be way in the future for us, but many of them we have already started to deal with to some degree. And although, there are still plenty of things I realize would be beneficial for us to discuss or at least put out on the table for how we might handle this later on, I am pleased to say that we already have discussed or just naturally fallen into a good place with how we handle so many aspects of life as a couple. For me, this natural flow confirms even more how right we are for each other and reassures me that our marriage will be able to weather any storm that comes its way. 

    In so many ways, this marriage feels like a first for me, and that makes me very happy. I often feel that my fiancé deserves more than someone who was married before and failed at that marriage, so to know that we are both going through so much of this marriage for the first time together is like God wiping away my past and truly giving me another chance and a new start to do things right this time.  For example, I never went through pre-marital counseling before; I never planned a wedding before (it was all done for me); I never had my father walk me down the isle (which he feels bad about, but I am extremely excited for because it’s so right this time-it just makes more sense that he should be there in a way he couldn’t be before); I never had my brothers or any extended family attend, and so on and so forth.  God is amazing. He has made it all new again, like the very first time.  In some small way, that makes me feel better for my fiancé too. That he knows we are both doing this truly for the first time.  And so, I look forward to our next call today, although I admit, I am not finished with my homework yet.  I’ll get it done by the time he calls as I usually work better under pressure anyway. J  Wish me luck!