“Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord; point out the
right road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are
the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.” Psalm 25:4-5
In about 2 weeks
now, our annual vacation will be over, and we’ll be on a plane headed back
home. In years past, I’ve been excited,
ambivalent, and even one year in recent memory a bit panicky when it came to
going back to the island I’ve called home for the past 16 years. It’s not always been easy; I suppose this is
because life is not always easy, and being on an isolated island in the middle
of the Pacific for 6-12+ months straight with the same 1,000 people or so can
be a bit stifling at times because there’s no way to be anonymous and no way to
escape for the weekend or evening when work or life become difficult. Despite
the challenges of living on an tiny atoll, God has continued to lead me back
there year after year now. Once back at home, we settle in, and any anxiety
about coming back for one more go around the sun dissipates. It is in so many ways, a surreal place to
live, and it’s not for everyone, especially not long term. My life there has had many, many wonderful,
happy moments, but I also can’t help but wonder how many more years we will
remain and what life will be like when we finally leave the rock we’ve called
home for so, so long. I’ve thought about that future life a lot on this trip as
my husband and I considered purchasing a home for investment purposes near his
family in Oregon and as we have both been going through applying for jobs and
going to the occasional interview.
Mostly, when I really think about moving back to the states, I feel
timid and anxious, in much the same way I have felt some years on my way back
to Kwajalein. I’m not concerned about
the same things, the isolation of the island and the stresses of work, etc…but
instead I’m nervous about how my family will afford life in the states, how we
will pay for cell phones, cars, a house, and all the other many, many bills, I
have never really had to pay because I’ve lived on the island since I was
22. At least on the island, I know
exactly what I am going back to. Returning to the states at this point in my
life will be pure culture shock for at least the first year, I’m sure. So, that’s where I put my hands up in the air
and give it over to God, once again.
Show me the path I should walk, Lord. Point out not only the right road
for my family, but help us navigate it safely and successfully. Lead by your truth as you always do and teach
us how to handle it all with grace and faith, knowing you are not only the God
who saves, but also a loving God who wants us to put all our trust in Him, so
we do not have to worry about anything ever again. Help me to put all my hopes
and dreams in You, believing in your plan for our lives and trusting in the direction
of our family’s path as we place You in the lead.
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