Why is it that I can only get stronger and better in my
running ability when I am careening downhill with my dog as my pacer? That’s
the thought that came into my head after my 5-mile race with Gunner last
weekend when my run times were better than normal, and I didn’t even really
notice the hills that I had to walk up back last June for another race on the same
5-mile stretch of rolling payment. As I
pondered this during one of our daily walks around the neighborhood, I realized
that the reason I asked this question of myself is because I don’t like needing
his help to get better. I want to be stubborn and get better all on my
own. Isn’t that the way of the world
these days, well, at least, the American world? We are all so independent and
often too prideful to ask for help. We
hear it as young as toddlers in our centers, “I can do it by myself!” they call
out in frustration when the adults try to step in and help. I can recall more than one friend, family
member, and even co-worker who almost get offended when someone tries to help
or they take it that they weren’t doing what they were supposed to do in the first
place, just because you are helping them.
We want to feel
like we have it all under control, our control, right? Even with my dog, I
realize that I am never fully in control. Yes, he minds my commands, most of
the time, but there’s always the risk that he’s going to see a rabbit dart into
the woods ahead of us and take off after it, dragging me along with him. He
knows I will pull him back, but he can’t resist the temptation to chase that
rabbit EVERY time. Just like I can’t run
a 10-minute mile every time without his help.
And you know what I decided? That’s okay. It’s okay to need his help. It’s okay to ask
for help when I need it. In fact, in
other cultures (such as the Marshallese culture), it’s a given that you won’t
do anything by yourself. From birth to
death, someone is always with you.
Pregnant women are not allowed to be by themselves during the pregnancy,
and when someone dies, family members sit with the body (often for weeks while
they wait for funeral arrangements to be finalized) 24 hours a day until it’s
time to lay them to rest in a cemetery. And the in between parts of life,
Marshallese rely on family for support, for income, for help with the elderly
and the children and well, for everything, really.
What running on
canine power has taught me is that doing everything or even most things, without
help, is overrated. Whether it’s help
running, help at work, help with the dishes, or help with a problem I’m
struggling with, we all need someone to help us at times, maybe more times that
not. I know I couldn’t take care of all
the bills and our home without my husband.
I know I couldn’t keep up with all the laundry and housecleaning without
my family’s help. I couldn’t teach my
English class without my students and the support of the staff at the
college. I couldn’t manage the before
school program without all the teachers and staff who show up early with me
every day. So, why do I think I should
be able to be a better employee, wife, mother, daughter, and believer without
help?
Where does my
help come from? It comes to me through many different people and in many
different ways, but God is in it all.
Lately, I understand that more and more, that I cannot do this life
without help from God. What does that
look like, living with God’s help on a daily basis? I’m still figuring that
out. How do I give up my own control issues and surrender to His? I’m still
pushing back on that out too. I have
done it once before, let Him take over, but it was in a time of great stress in
my life, so it felt easy because I was already so tired and had no choice but
to ask for help. Now, I realize I have taken responsibility for everyone and everything
in my life too much upon my own shoulders again, and even though there’s not so
much stress as before, I still need His help to grow and move forward in this
life. I let myself fall back into old
habits of relying on my own knowledge, strength, and experience that I left God
behind, waiting for me. It’s time to
step back and let God lead again. The
ride is so much smoother when He’s in the driver’s seat, when He’s my
pacer. So, thank you, Gunner, for
teaching me how to slow down and ask for help from God. Even though I know you
were simply busy trying to win the race and catch that rabbit, you taught me
that running on canine power means winning the race as a team with God leading
the pack.
I lift up my
eyes to the mountains—
where
does my help come from?
My help comes
from the Lord,
the
Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not
let your foot slip—
he
who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who
watches over Israel
will
neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord
watches over you—
the
Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will
not harm you by day,
nor
the moon by night.
The Lord will
keep you from all harm—
he
will watch over your life;
the Lord will
watch over your coming and going
both
now and forevermore.
Psalm 121
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