October 31, 2010-A Quiet Halloween

     Halloween has never been one of my favorite holidays.  As a child, I remember dressing up and having a good time at my church's alternative celebrations, which are usually called "Fall Festivals" or "Fall Carnivals," and they are very much like the carnivals and festivals of Halloween, just without the scary costumes or spooky elements.  I had more fun at those carnivals than I ever did trick-or-treating, but over the last couple of years, I've learned to appreciate the holiday in a new way. On the atoll, we have a costume carnival as well as a costume parade at school and plenty of Halloween parties in the classrooms. Since switching over to the education side of the company the year before last, I've really enjoyed being a part of these celebrations with my children. I've even gotten into the spirit of dressing up. It's really fun to see how creative the kids are with their costumes and to watch them show their creations off to their friends.  I have always loved arts and crafts, so having an excuse to create Halloween crafts with my kids is a treat too, and I have to admit, there are certain types of candy I love to "try" on this particular very sweet American holiday. This year, I had fun eating "Peeps Ghosts" and "Reeses Peanut Butter Pumpkins."
     Even some of the Marshallese have gotten into the spirit since the Americans have been here. A couple of years ago, we brought the 4-H Ebeye Citizenship Club over for the Costume Carnival, provided them with costumes, and taught them about the origins of the holiday in order to share a bit of our unique culture with them. Everyone had a fabulous time that day.  The base usually allows a certain number of children from Ebeye to come over on Halloween night as well, just to trick-or-treat.  Many times they knock on your door with just a giant garbage bag dressed as themselves, but it's kind of hard to come by costumes on Ebeye since it's not a traditional holiday for them.  In fact, many Marshallese are very superstitious and scared of ghosts.  I remember when the American Dean of the College of the Marshall Islands where I worked passed away.  His home was right across from the school on Guegeegue, and I continued to work there for a couple of years after his death until the satellite campus finally shut down, unable to run effectively and efficiently without the former Dean's direction and tireless work to keep everything going. One day, I asked why the head of campus maintenance didn't move into his home since his was too small for his growing family, and the dean's old apartment was in much better shape, and I was told that no one will go near the dean's place, especially at night. "Why," I asked. "Because sometimes we see his ghost walking up and down the causeway, and we know he still lives in that apartment." This surprised me because the dean, who had lived and worked in the Marshalls most of his life starting out as a Peace Corps volunteer in the outer islands, was beloved and treated like Marshallese royalty upon his death, but they were scared of his spirit after death, of any supernatural occurrences, possibly due to their culture's history as being very involved in black magic and other superstitious beliefs.  Because of that, I'm not so sure Halloween is one of their favorite holidays as a whole either.  Really only those whose parents work on the base or whose children go to school there have a chance to participate. It's not an American tradition that has been adopted by the culture on any other island that I'm aware of like the western Christian holidays such as Christmas and Easter.
     For me, the actual day and evening of Halloween was very quiet this year, and I liked it that way.  During the rainy, cloudy day, my boyfriend and I relaxed, watched movies, and got our costumes ready for the small party at the Outrigger Bar, the only bar on the island.  We had a good time dressing up and catching up with some friends socially, but there was maybe 15-20 people there total throughout the night, and compared to last Halloween at the bar when we had an American Armed Forced Entertainment Services band playing on island, and a couple of friends who had too much to drink and caused a ruckus, it was very, very quiet, and that was good.  It was a perfect way to end the month of October on the atoll.

October 30, 2010-Home...

     Once I stepped off the plane on Roi this afternoon, I instantly felt more relaxed.  After more than 2 long weeks of hard work and non-stop activities on Kwajalein, I needed this time to simply be.  Over the last 3 years or so, Roi has become as much my home as Kwaj, and in some ways, it's more home to me than anywhere else in the world right now. Home may mean different things to different people. For me, the meaning of home has changed over the years. When I was growing up, home was where all my stuff was located and where my mom and I lived together.  When I was married, home (even though it moved all the way from Alabama to Kwajalein Atoll) was still where my stuff was, and instead of mom and I living together, it was my husband and me.  Since the divorce and move to the BQ, home is no longer where my stuff is or even necessarily where my family lives because the boys' home is not my home anymore. The gypsy lifestyle I've been living with my children and boyfriend moving from house-sitting job to house-sitting job and hotel room to hotel room between not only the islands of Roi-Namur and Kwajalein, but also Alabama, Oregon, and Hawaii where we go to visit family and friends for a month to six weeks a year has changed my understanding of home.  Home has become whatever safe, comfortable place I can be with all three of my boys. Home is what and where we make it, and sometimes for me, it changes weekly, but that's okay. It's still our place, our home. It's where we are together. It's where we spend quality time with each other, and that's all.  Love, shelter, food, those are our basic needs, and as long as those are met, it doesn't matter where it is or how much of our stuff is around us.  Home is wherever we travel together in life, and with whoever joins us along the way or whoever we stop to see and choose to spend our days with.

     There are days when I almost feel alien in my own BQ room because it's been so long since I've slept there or spent anytime in that spot. It's become more storage for my stuff than a home.  I can't be there with those I love, so it's only a temporary shelter for me, not a home.  I do hope and pray that as I move into my very own house in a few weeks that I will remember what I've learned about home.  I know we will make lots of wonderful memories and spend plenty of quality time in our new place, but it's still just a place to rest our feet and keep our stuff. It's what we do in it and what we make of it that gives us that comfortable, secure feeling of home while we are there.  Home is in so many places for me now from the atoll all the way to the west coast and the deep south because that's where those I love are located, and those are the places I can go with my all my boys and feel welcome, safe, and loved. No matter how long we stay on this atoll, whether it's six more months or six more years, I will be content in whatever home we have or multiple homes because home is where my boys are, where I can visit with my family, where I can be in love with life, and feel and share that love with others, just as I will do with this weekend on Roi.  I'm home here because love is here with me. It may not be a whole home without the little ones, but it is still home, and I am so glad to have more than one place I can feel safe and comfortable, run to, and call home.  

October 29, 2010-Watching Time Pass You By...

     The older I get, the more time seems to speed up! My elders have told me such all my life from the "You better just enjoy being a kid because before you know it, you'll be all grown up" to the favorite advice of those with grown kids to new mothers, "My only regret is that I didn't just enjoy it more and worry less when my kids were little because they really do grow up so fast," so I had a sense it would happen, but it's so much more surreal once it actually does.  My youngest turned 7 this week, and my oldest will turn 9 on November 14th, and it's almost the end of October 2010, and I don't know where the time has gone.  I guess it's simply a fact of life.  We grow up, gain perspective and wisdom, and figure out how precious life is just as it begins to pass us by more quickly.  Well, for me, this means I need to ensure I make the most of every moment I have!
     This will begin tomorrow, as I consider the day and realize, I will have little time to take care of work because I will be busy dressing up as Snow White, helping the little darlings at the preschool get safely on the bus and on their way to a trick-or-treating field trip, having lunch with my boys while they change into their costumes for the afternoon, and finally helping the third graders make tootsie pop spiders out of lollipops, pipe cleaners, puff balls, and googly eyes, and having cupcakes and treats with both my kids at their Halloween parties at school, and then heading up to Roi, still in my Snow White costume, mind you, to see my sweet darling for our own weekend Halloween celebrations.  And when I think about this, even though not much real work will get done tomorrow, it's the most important work I could do. I know I'll be glad I took the time to spend it with those I love instead of sitting in an office doing paperwork that really won't matter all that much to me a few years from now when the kids are grown and life has slowed back down.  Enjoy the day, my friends, for time will pass you by in the blink of an eye. :)

October 28, 2010-Lessons from a Moldy Jack-O-Lantern

     One of my co-workers came up to me today and asked, "What happened to your pumpkin?" The Jack-O-Lantern the boys and I made over the weekend was on the small end table by my phone right inside my office, and it had become very dark and fuzzy inside. Pumpkins mold and rot very, very quickly out here.  I had already cleaned it out once, but overnight, the mold had gone into overtime! I noticed it first thing in the morning and had planned to clean it out and try to make it last one or two more days, but by the afternoon, when my co-worker saw it, the mouth and nose had begun to cave in.  Poor Jack-O-Lantern, it was time for him to go bye-bye! Now what lesson, you are thinking, can you learn from a moldy Jack-O-Lantern? Well, that's part of that love of learning for me in that if I am not actively in school and learning, I'll find something to learn from because I just like learning so much. 
     The moldy Jack-O-Lantern lesson actually came without much effort. As I was thinking about what to write for my blog, I remembered the pumpkin I threw out this evening and realized that even though I didn't want to let it go just yet, I needed to. That's part of what writing this blog has been for me, a way to completely let go of those things I'm still hanging on to since my divorce, such as having control over every aspect of my children's lives, being there for every important or not so important event, recognizing that their dad is not always going to do things the way I would OR even be on the same page as me.  It feels really good to let go, just as it felt good to get rid of that moldy pumpkin.  I love my boys, and I know that I'm doing the best I can for them in every way possible, and as far as the rest, that's up to God to handle.  All I can do is pray and realize that some of the little things just aren't important enough to make a big deal out of, and that it's a waste of my time and energy to make a mountain out of a mole hill, just like it would have been a waste of my time and energy to try and fix that pumpkin's mold problem, so I could get one or two more days out of it.   

October 27, 2010-What it Takes to be a Teacher and Love Your Job!

     I've been thinking a lot lately about what it takes to be a teacher and enjoy it. As I think I've stated before, it's not a job for everyone.  It's takes a certain kind of person to dedicate themselves fully to working with children every day or even to teach adults on a regular basis. First, I believe you really have to love the learning process and the education field in general. I consider myself a "lifelong learner." I loved attending college because of the discussion groups, the projects and papers, the insight I gathered about myself, life, and the world as a whole through learning about it in all subject areas.  If I could have been a lifelong student, I probably would have been, so the next best alternative for me was to become a teacher, so I could still participate in the learning process with the added benefit of gaining joy from helping "turn the light on" for others like me. 
     Second, I believe you need to enjoy the social aspect of being around children and adults during your working hours as a teacher.  You cannot be someone who has to work alone all the time in order to get anything done or to focus on the task at hand.  What I have discovered over the years though is that you don't have to be a naturally social person outside of teaching, just in the classroom. I am an introvert by nature, but in the classroom, I am an extrovert.  I vastly prefer small close knit groups to hang out with outside of work or even staying at home to hang out more than going out, but in the classroom, I can feel the adrenaline pumping when I stand up in front of the class or move around the help students with projects or activities we are working on.  Teaching is in my blood! Being in front of everyone, at least when I have a goal and plan for what I am doing, comes naturally to me.  Without a plan, now that's a different story, but a teacher without a plan has a classroom full of chaos which leads me to my last point.
     Finally, in order to be a strong teacher and leader in the classroom, and therefore, love what you are doing, you need to be a planner and an organizer.  If you walk into a classroom, especially with young children, but even with youth and adults, and you do not have a plan or a schedule, you will begin to feel like you are drowning, and the students will not enjoy your class either.  Without a plan and organization, stress ensues and is easily sensed and passed on to your students.  I love to plan and organize, but even I have had days/nights where I was not as prepared to teach as I should have been, and those are the times I know I have failed my students, and that's not a fun feeling. However, when I am prepared and organized, teaching is the best job in the world!

October 26, 2010-Busy, Busy Bee

         “It’s time for group; come sit on a bumblebee,” directed one of the preschool teachers today as I helped her implement a new schedule for her class to assist with classroom management and allow the lead and assistant teachers to work more in small groups with children at their developmental levels in the mixed age classroom.  The “actual” bumblebees are part of a carpet in the group area, and although I was excited to be there for the changes today, and it was so much fun to be in the classroom assisting in ways that make me feel needed, I was such a busy, busy bee myself. It made time fly, and I’m glad for that, but I also miss my own boyfriend bumblebee on Roi, and I can’t wait for the weekend! It’s been over two weeks since I saw him last and sometimes hearing his voice and reading his funny and sweet e-mails during the day is just not enough.  I need to touch his face and look him in the eyes and have uninterrupted time to just catch up and be together.  It’s quality time that is my love language, and it’s tough to have that when you live 50 miles away from each other across the ocean! So weekend, come quickly and take your time once you arrive! :)

October 25, 2010- Turtles, Rope Swings, Milkshakes, and Bedtime Routines...

     As I wrote the title of this blog, I couldn’t get the sight and sound of Julie Andrews from the Sound of Music singing, “These are a few of my favorite things” out of my head. I’m not a big musical fan, but I can’t help but love the magnificent scenes of Austria in the movie as well as the catchy tunes sung by various “family members” throughout the story.  There are a few things that are as magnificent in experience and view as those in the movies here on the atoll, and I had the good fortune to see and participate in 4 of my favorite activities all in one afternoon.      
     During my second year of leading the 4-H Ebeye Citizenship Club last year, I decided to try a new activity on Kwaj, “The Island Tour.” Originally my thoughts on the tour were to provide the Marshallese children an understanding of why there is an American base near their home island of Ebeye and how our lives are connected.  This would mean having the kids visit Mission Operations and asking the rocket scientists and radar engineers there to explain their jobs, which can get quite technical. During the last summer camp I led here, we took such a field trip there, and although their extensive Power Point presentations were impressive, they did have some trouble “bringing the information down” to the kids’ levels. So, in thinking out my “island tour” ideas a little more, I realized a bunch of third through sixth graders whose English is limited at best, would get very little out of such a tour.  This is when I changed gears and decided the best island tour I could give them would be one in which we participated in some of our “island kids” favorite activities on base. It ended up being one of the most relaxing and enjoyable activities we’d ever done in the club, so I decided to do it again this year. 

     First, we took our comfy island bus to the Kwajalein Turtle Pond where 3 resident sea turtles have spent most of their lives.  These guys love leafy greens, and we brought plenty to fill their bellies. The best part is when they are looking for more and raise their heads above the water, open their mouths, and breathe loudly in the potential meal provider’s direction.  I never get tired of visiting my turtle friends, and not to mention checking out the view next to the pond of the sailboats moored in the most beautiful blue-green lagoon in the world.  Next, we headed to the best beach on the island, “Coral Sands” where they have a most adventurous rope swing hanging off the branches of some sort of pine tree right over the water at high tide.  My two boys, of course, ended up dragging their bottoms in the water and sand while swinging, but that’s part of the fun, after all.  The sand is the softest and deepest on the island at this spot, and the ghost crabs for chasing down the beach are abundant! After washing and brushing the sand off our feet, we were back on the bus headed to the snack bar.  Normally, the snack bar would not be high on my list of favorite things to do, but the comfort of the milkshakes and/or ice cream you can get there is a favorite for both my kids and me!

     Last but not least, my other favorite activity really has nothing to do with the 4-H Club or the atoll. It’s a very personal favorite that involves my kids and our bedtime routine. I was able tonight to put my kids to bed while their dad was at an island function, and it just reminded me of why I’ve missed that so much the past three years I’ve not be able to be with them every night.  I love the reading, praying, and singing parts of bedtime with my babies.  My oldest son, when I asked him if he wanted me to put on his bedtime music from the CD player I bought for them as infants for just such a purpose, said, “Oh yeah! And can you say prayers with me? I’ve been saying them every night now.” I told him that I would love to, and I was so glad he wanted to hear his music as it’s not a tradition that his father has kept up since I’ve been gone. It was kind of a mom thing between my son and me.  At any rate, when I did put the music on, he told me about the songs he used to love listening to at bedtime and how he looked forward to being able to have our bedtime routine together at my new house soon.  That melted my heart, and to put a cherry on top of my already delicious evening with them, I went to my youngest son’s room, and he asked me to sing to him like I still do when he is able to stay with me, and he said, “What’s that song you sing that I like?” and when I sang some of it, he replied, “Yeah, that one, can you sing it?” I did, but before that he told me how whenever I sing to him it makes him go right to sleep because I sing so “good.” Okay, now my heart is just a ball of melted wax.  These are the things I needed to hear right now, and a day full of my favorite things has put life back into perspective.  I can’t wait to move into the newest phase of my life in a home of my own on the most beautiful atoll in the world!