October 30, 2010-Home...

     Once I stepped off the plane on Roi this afternoon, I instantly felt more relaxed.  After more than 2 long weeks of hard work and non-stop activities on Kwajalein, I needed this time to simply be.  Over the last 3 years or so, Roi has become as much my home as Kwaj, and in some ways, it's more home to me than anywhere else in the world right now. Home may mean different things to different people. For me, the meaning of home has changed over the years. When I was growing up, home was where all my stuff was located and where my mom and I lived together.  When I was married, home (even though it moved all the way from Alabama to Kwajalein Atoll) was still where my stuff was, and instead of mom and I living together, it was my husband and me.  Since the divorce and move to the BQ, home is no longer where my stuff is or even necessarily where my family lives because the boys' home is not my home anymore. The gypsy lifestyle I've been living with my children and boyfriend moving from house-sitting job to house-sitting job and hotel room to hotel room between not only the islands of Roi-Namur and Kwajalein, but also Alabama, Oregon, and Hawaii where we go to visit family and friends for a month to six weeks a year has changed my understanding of home.  Home has become whatever safe, comfortable place I can be with all three of my boys. Home is what and where we make it, and sometimes for me, it changes weekly, but that's okay. It's still our place, our home. It's where we are together. It's where we spend quality time with each other, and that's all.  Love, shelter, food, those are our basic needs, and as long as those are met, it doesn't matter where it is or how much of our stuff is around us.  Home is wherever we travel together in life, and with whoever joins us along the way or whoever we stop to see and choose to spend our days with.

     There are days when I almost feel alien in my own BQ room because it's been so long since I've slept there or spent anytime in that spot. It's become more storage for my stuff than a home.  I can't be there with those I love, so it's only a temporary shelter for me, not a home.  I do hope and pray that as I move into my very own house in a few weeks that I will remember what I've learned about home.  I know we will make lots of wonderful memories and spend plenty of quality time in our new place, but it's still just a place to rest our feet and keep our stuff. It's what we do in it and what we make of it that gives us that comfortable, secure feeling of home while we are there.  Home is in so many places for me now from the atoll all the way to the west coast and the deep south because that's where those I love are located, and those are the places I can go with my all my boys and feel welcome, safe, and loved. No matter how long we stay on this atoll, whether it's six more months or six more years, I will be content in whatever home we have or multiple homes because home is where my boys are, where I can visit with my family, where I can be in love with life, and feel and share that love with others, just as I will do with this weekend on Roi.  I'm home here because love is here with me. It may not be a whole home without the little ones, but it is still home, and I am so glad to have more than one place I can feel safe and comfortable, run to, and call home.