Today, the trade winds stopped completely, and the clouds dumped rain on the island in a literal downpour. I walked to church and back zipped and buttoned up in my dark green Coleman rain coat, saying “Good Morning” to people along the way who replied back with perplexed looks on their faces, thinking, “Who’s that?” as only the very center of my face peeked out from the cinched hood over my head, and they could not tell who I was. I walked because you can sometimes stay drier that way than charging through the pools and puddles of water on your bicycle, but mainly, I walked because I enjoy trudging slowly through the warm puddles. There’s something about wading through puddles that makes me feel like a little girl again, especially when I have on the right kind of “slippahs” (the Hawaiian slang word for flip flops) that are not affected by the wetness.
Unfortunately, no little ones showed up for my Sunday school class this morning due to the rain (although I found out later that my own little one didn’t show up because he went with his brother down the street to play in the rain with friends), but that’s okay. I was in no particular hurry to get back home as I had no particular plans for the weekend. This is unusual for me because when it’s not my weekend with the boys, it’s my weekend with my love, but I couldn’t make it this time. The flights on Sunday have been cancelled indefinitely, and I committed to teaching on Sunday mornings, and there’s only so many times I can ask someone else to cover class for me.
Anyway, on the way back home through the puddles, I stopped at the store to grab a movie or two and something for lunch later as it was clear the rain was not letting up anytime soon, and that’s what you do on rainy days, right? You stay inside, read, watch movies, eat comfort foods, and drink hot chocolate. Yes, even on a warm, tropical island, we like hot chocolate on yucky days. Sometimes, I can even imagine it is autumn weather outside as I sit by the window and drink my cocoa. I do miss fall and spring in the states more than I ever would have believed when first coming out here. After picking up my chick flicks and snacks, I stopped under the cover of the walkway outside the stores to wait out the rain a bit and chat with a long time friend on the island.
Eventually, we came around to the subject of how long each of us planned to stay as it’s been over a decade so far for both of us. “Well,” my friend said, “I’m staying 4 more years until I’m old enough to retire.” Like me, he has been through a lot out here, watched his kids grow up and move away along with most of his good friends, and there’s not a whole lot of draw to staying anymore, so his plans are now purely practical, staying for financial reasons. I told him what I’ve told many others over the last few years in that I am only here because of my boys and boyfriend. He told me, “At least you have someone.” And while I am so thankful for my honey, I hate living on two separate islands. Upon expressing this to my friend, he used the cliché that titles this blog entry, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” While in many ways, I can agree, my immediate reaction to that is, “but it doesn’t make being apart any easier.”
It may not give us the chance to experience the everyday challenges of living together, such as when one of us is in a bad or down mood or when we say something curtly to the other and hurt feelings crop up, but I want to experience the chaotic times along with the late night chats, the challenges of maintaining a strong relationship along with the kind consideration and comforting hugs of each other through thick and thin. I do want both the easy parts and the hard parts all wrapped up together. I don’t want the absence.
I have been reading the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, and I went online to take the love language profile that helps you identify what “love language” you communicate through most (words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch), and surprise, surprise, my strongest love language is quality time. I just want to be with those I love having real conversations, listening to what they have to say, and putting our attention and focus on each other. This love language applies to all those in my life whom I love, my family and friends too. I love to just be with you all. Yes, maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder as you quickly forget those tough times due to the simple fact of missing out on the good times, but I would much rather spend all my time, positive and negative, surrounded by friends, family, and especially the 3 loves of my life, my three best guys! :) Missing you all today...
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