March 29, 2011-Preparing to leave once again...

     It's the night before we leave in a jet plane for the states once again.  I have been frantically cleaning out the fridge, sweeping and washing the rugs, taking out the last of the garbage and recycling, as well as trying to pick out some clothes, shoes, jewelry, and work related materials and deciding where and how to pack them all so I'll have access to what I need on the plane and can take through security, access to what I might need if luggage (cross your fingers) gets lost temporarily, and quick access to a change of clothes and toiletries that we'll need for our short stay in Hawaii before hoping another red eye flight to Alabama to see my baby boy.  I have definitely learned from my travels back and forth over the last decade plus on the atoll. I can pack pretty quickly and live without lots of things if need be.  At any rate, you may not hear much from me for a couple of days, but the next time I write, it will be from the beautiful state of Alabama all the way back across the international dateline on the other side of the world from the small atoll I've come to call home.  Say a prayer for us tonight for safe travels if you have a chance as flying still gives me a nervous stomach no matter how many times I've done it.

March 28, 2011- The Chore Chart...

     A couple of weeks ago, I started my nine year old son on a chore chart in response to his complaint that he wished he had more money to buy all the things he wanted.  He had just spent about $30 of his own money on a video game, and knowing we were heading to the states soon, where there would be so much more he would see at the mall and want, he was concerned that he wouldn't have enough to get anything else.  So, I suggested he start earning weekly allowance money by doing chores. Surprisingly, he agreed to it and has impressed me with making his bed regularly, putting away his own laundry, helping out with yard work, and doing various other tasks around the house that normally is accompanied by much whining and complaining. 
     I've tried charts like this in the past for my kids with special privileges being given when they do well, but it's never really stuck  long term.  This time, I think we can make it work.  I mean, I have my very own "chore chart" every week called my "to-do list." This is a very useful concept to teach my son.  Of course, things like hanging his towel up after he takes a shower, taking his plate to the kitchen after dinner, and generally cleaning up after himself are not part of the chore chart, much to his chagrin.  I explained to him that those are habits he should be in without having to be compensated for it.  After all, as adults, we do that kind of stuff every day without thinking, hopefully. That or someone is doing it for us or we are living like slobs. :)
     I hope that my son will learn to appreciate these habits and even begin to find intrinsic motivation to take care of his home and himself one day, showing respect and consideration for those he lives and shares his life with.  My "to do list" is motivated intrinsically now.  I don't do the yard work because I am getting paid, and I don't clean the house because someone is giving me special privileges to do it.  I am motivated to do it because it makes life more pleasant, because it keeps the chaos to a minimum, and because it's healthy for me and my family and shows pride in the blessing of having my own home that I worked so hard to get in the first place.  Who ever thought I chore chart could teach so much? No matter how much or little my son gets out of the chart, it's a starting place toward independence, toward teaching responsibility, respect for your home and your parents, and consideration of others living in the same space, and that's worth more money than I could ever hand to him out of my small wallet.  :) 

March 27, 2011- Big, Big Talent...Itty, Bitty Island!

     Tonight, my fiance and my son attended the Yokwe Yuk Women's Club annual Kaleidoscope of Music event with me.  Even though this event has been occurring for several years now, it was my first year to attend.  The women's club runs, completely through volunteers, the Micronesia Handicraft Shop (selling local handcrafts), the Bargain Bazaar (selling donations from the community of anything and everything you can think of-like a consignment shop), and this dedicated ladies' group sponsors several fundraising events each year.   A majority of these events go to support education in Micronesia, particularly on Ebeye and the outer islands, but the Kaleidoscope is set aside for senior scholarships for youth attending the base school right here on Kwajalein.
     There were over 20 acts of all ages and kinds performing piano pieces, saxophone duets and ensembles, and several guitarists and full bands playing and singing modern day rock songs, classic Gershwin pieces and several folk and bluegrass type numbers.  There were a few original pieces, including one by a 13 year old future song writer along with some old hat performers who sing and play for all sorts of island functions simply because they enjoy it.  For the first time, an entire family got up on stage playing piano, bongos, and guitars while the only daughter (aged around 12) of the family of 5 sung "I Hope you Dance."   It was amazing! There were also some hip hop and lyrical dancers from the dance recital last weekend doing a repeat performance, and the ever popular "Pure Polynesia" band, which is who you call on when you desire true island style musical accompaniment at a birthday party or other such important celebration. The entire night of performances was well worth the two plus hours of sitting in the audience along with the small monetary amount it cost to attend.  For an itty, bitty island that doesn't have any museums, orchestras, playhouses, and other sorts of cultural events and places to visit, it sure makes up for it in the amount of big, big talent brought to the atoll through the people who choose to live here and share their love of music and their skills with us! Life is what you make of it, and even on a small piece of coral in the middle of the ocean, you can find a whole lot of talent and culture, as long as you are just willing to get out of your house and support the local organizations and events happening around town!     

March 26, 2011- The Challenges of Friendship...

     Even the best of friends don't always see eye to eye, but the test of true friendship is the ability to work through those differences and remain loyal to each other and the commitment you've made to be "BFF's" (best friends forever).  I don't have a ton of really close friends. I was never in the "popular clique" in high school, and even though I have certainly overcome my almost painful shyness as I've grown into an adult, I am still not a social butterfly, per say, seeking out friendship and attending every social occasion I am invited to because I need or crave the social networking that seems to fill a void in some people's lives.  I am, more so than not, a homebody, so one or two really close friendship is all I desire.  The long lasting friendships I do have are those that are build on mutual trust, support, and commitment to each other.  They are not "fair weather" friendships; they are anything but that.  They are not "small talk" friendships, which I consider merely acquaintances.  If I have nothing else to talk to you about than the weather or the gossip around the island than our friendship probably doesn't run very deep.  The friends I deem life long are those I can share my most painful moments in life with. Today, I had to discuss a very difficult subject with a friend, and I needed to be able to say exactly what I felt. I needed to know I could say what was going on in my head and heart in order for us to move forward and continue in our friendship without any awkwardness, distrust, or feelings of leaving something unsaid, and thankfully, I was able to do just that, as I believe she was too.
     In my short journey through this life, I have found that the moment I no longer feel comfortable letting someone know how I feel or what I am thinking, that's the moment that friendship will begin to fall by the wayside. I am a very open, honest, and at times, emotional person, wearing my heart on my sleeve.  Once I feel comfortable around someone new, once I feel that you are genuine, I will open up. More times than not, this has ended up in hurt for me, so I am more guarded about sharing my full, true self with people anymore, and that's too bad.  It's sad that we cannot always fully be who we are with anyone and everyone we meet.  It's unfortunate that it is so hard to make true, life long friends.  That's where this blog has been an eye opener for me.  To put myself out there to mostly family, but certainly a stranger or two, is my way around that boundary the world and its hurts have put on me.  Writing is the one way I AM not so guarded, the one way I AM comfortable being completely myself with anyone and everyone who wishes to take the time to get to know me and hopefully gain something from my life lessons being shared through these words.
     Friendship comes with it's share of challenges, just as putting yourself out there does, but in the end, it's worth it to go through several bad friendship experiences in order to find that one who will never be far from your heart and that one who you know will be there for you no matter what.  So, what have I learned from these challenges of friendship? To never let myself become totally closed off to anyone, to never let myself succumb to fear or total distrust of all people because if I do that, I may miss out on that BFF I never knew I could have.  If you are not willing to open up and try again, even after being hurt, you will never know what life saving friendship or special hoped for relationship you might have gained from not letting fear rule your interactions with others.  It's not always easy, but how dull would life be if we had no challenges to learn from, no experiences to share, nothing to teach or grow from?  I choose life and friendships with all the ups and downs because it's better than no life at all!

March 25, 2011- Bullies!

      Bullies come in all kinds of different packages.  They may arrived disguised as a concerned parent threatening teachers with their sheer size and using irrational words stemming from their greatest fears, which unfortunately, they are unknowingly passing on to their children as well.  OR the bully may come in the form of a little girl who tells your son that her friend is going to beat him up after school or says his hair smells like puke, then tattles on him to teachers saying he pushed her or said mean things.  As an adult, you become used to people not always behaving appropriately. You learn that everyone is not always kind, loving, and considerate of others, but it always surprises me how quickly children learn this type of behavior and begin using it against each other.  In the American Heritage College Dictionary,  a bully is defined as, "A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, esp. to smaller or weaker people." and "To force one's way aggressively or by intimidation." What drives a bully to the point of feeling like they have to get their way using aggression or intimidation rather than using love and kindness?  I think it's fear....for adults, fear of things they can't control, like protecting their children from every possible harm in the world, including bullies they will run into at school or in life someday. For kids, I think it's fear of not having friends or not being "like liked" by the kids they like, but instead of attempting to gain those friends through softness, they become the "hard, tough" kids who use their fists or words to seem better than others and to make themselves feel better when they are really just lonely.
     What's the solution? Well, there will always be bullies, and this week, I've had to deal with that fact with my own child.  I remember getting picked on as a very shy, emotional girl in elementary school, being called a "cry baby" for years. I hated it.  Those years growing up were not easy because kids can be so cruel, but I had put it behind me until today. Seeing my son in tears over the mean things kids are doing to him at school and needing me to come to tennis with him tonight because he's now uncomfortable around these classmates is like a knife in an open wound.  To a certain extent, there's nothing I can do about it.  The kids have not physically hurt my child, and mostly it's little girls who I think like my child but do not know how to express it appropriately, so it's not a case of extreme bullying to be reported. In a sense, it's just kid's stuff, just the hard kind of kid's stuff.  My baby will have to learn those difficult truths about life and people like I did, all on his own and through some possibly tough experiences. I can be here to comfort him, to teach him how he should react and behave, despite any negative treatment he receives from bullies, but I do not have control over how others will treat him and make him feel.  I can talk to him and teach him about not being a bully himself, and hopefully that will be enough to get him through and to assist him growing up as an adult who has the knowledge and ability to deal with life without becoming a bully himself.
     There are tons of websites on bullying (like the one found at this link, "Pete's Power Point Station," which uses PowerPoint presentations made by kids for kids) to help you and your kids learn about bullying and how to deal with it. In the past, our guidance counselor at school, has covered it with the third grade class my son is a part of this year, but in the absence of that teaching this year, I think it's time I covered it myself at home.  Sharing some of the PowerPoint presentations from the website above and helping my kids learn about what and who they are dealing with and why it's happening is my new task for the weekend.  Knowledge is power, right!  I encourage you to do the same; teach your kids about bullying before they are bullied or become one themselves. It's hard enough growing up, but without guidance from parents on important issues like these, kids feel lost and alone and often become the bully.  Take the time to sit down with them today and make their lives so much better because you took a moment to show them how much you care!

March 24, 2011- Training to Save Lives...

       Recently, and as part of the requirement for the new job I started back in October, I received training to be an instructor in CPR and First Aid.  Today and tomorrow are my first times to actually have to put that training into action by teaching more than one person at a time.  Interestingly enough, I had a personal experience to relate to them from the very start with the section that discusses reasons that people tend to be reluctant to help or step in during an emergency situation.  At the bowling alley on Saturday night, a woman slipped on the freshly waxed lanes and hit her head on the hard wood floor.  Immediately, several people in the group she was playing with surrounded her to help, so my fiance and I both stayed back, thinking they had it in hand.  Then, they began to try and help her up, which we knew from our training in the past, was not a good idea with a possible serious head or neck injury, so we stepped in, although still cautiously, to advice them to have her stay down on the ground until help could arrive.  The bowling attendant appeared a little scared and since I knew him personally, I wanted to see if he was doing okay and needed any further help.  I asked if he had called 911, and he hadn't yet, so we made sure he did that, and then kept a watch on the lady. He got her some ice wrapped in a towel for her head and pretty soon, she seemed to be drifting off into sleep, so once again, as bystanders, we were concerned, because if she had a concussion, you don't want her  to go to sleep like that.  We encouraged her to stay awake, and within minutes, the EMS personnel had arrived to take care of the rest.  By the way, I did see her out walking a couple of days later, and we chatted. She's okay, which was my concern, and I was glad to be able to touch base with her and know that.  She thanked me for my  help, but I really didn't feel like I did anything much and certainly not as much as I could have done if I hadn't been a little scared for her myself.
     Unfortunately and surprising to me, I held myself back out of fear that I would do something wrong or that I wasn't making the right decisions in regard to her care.  There were also lots of other people around, and I began to make the assumption that they must know what to do, so I stayed back a little longer rather than stepping up right away.  Knowing now that I have that fear, I hope that I will be able to overcome it next time. Nobody is going to make all the right decisions all the time, but some help is better than no help or even possibly untrained help.  Her reaction to me afterwards also encouraged me to step up more fully and immediately next time because in the end, early intervention and help from even a layperson like me, can make all the difference in saving a life in an emergency situation!

March 23, 2011- Awesome Artwork!!

     Today, my son's teacher called to tell me she had some artwork of my son's I might want to pick up.  I was super excited because I knew it was the artwork from the art show they had a couple of weeks ago at school. As they get older and school becomes more about learning to read, write, do multiplication, and understand social studies and science, there's not as much of the fun stuff that comes home for keepsakes of their childhood, so I always look forward to seeing what "Art Mama" as she is fondly called by the kids, has in store for them each year. Unfortunately, the "specials" teachers often get forgotten in the midst of the more essential "academic" skills the parents tend to focus on their children mastering as they grow, but I love that my children have art, music, PE, and computers class in addition to their regular work because it makes them more well-rounded, and it gives them much needed breaks from the norm and time to become a little more cultured and refined in a small island world that doesn't provide them many other opportunities for that.  There's no operas or orchestras to go see, no marching bands at football games, no museums or art shows to visit, except for Art Mama's shows, like the one two weeks ago that I neglected to mention in the midst of tennis lessons, Tsunamis, and my son's journey on the airplane in the heart of the storm brewing, but that I didn't want to leave out entirely because it's too important!
     Art Mama explores a different theme for the artwork produced by the kids each year.  This time around, she focused on "Wonders of the World," ranging from "Nessy" the Loch Ness Monster, to the St. Basil's Cathedral in Russia and the wonder of a geode found in an ordinary rock.  The show itself is put on in one of the open meeting rooms at the elementary school called the Coconut Room. One week it's for the K-3rd grades to show off their work, and the next for the 4th-6th graders.  There are tables, walls, and this time, even a cabinet full of artwork to "ooh" and "ahh" over, and it helps fulfill my longing to wander the halls of a art museum as I check out all the fascinating and beautiful interpretations of the wonders of the world that artists I know have personally created. My 1st and 3rd grader each had about three pieces of artwork in the show.  I have them all nicely tucked away in my rosewood trunk upstairs in my room where I am saving all their treasures for later years to come, but the ones that stood out most to me are the "Abominable Snowman" drawing the three graders did. So many had this fluffy perception of the snowman playing with kids in the snow. It was just fabulous! The geode pinch pots the 1st graders made were stunning as they glittered in the lights of the room.  The watercolor and shiny papers of the "St. Basil's Cathedral" collages really turned out nicely, and the carefully cut out chalked and waxed construction paper butterflies made me smile broadly (especially at the fact that the art teacher considers "butterflies" a wonder of the world because I do too!) It was a wonderful show as usual and packed the whole time I was there with not only beaming parents, but also plenty of kids, happy to show off their work to each other.  So, this blog is in tribute to "Art Mama" and all the "specials" teachers in the world for not only being brave enough to follow your passion and do what you love for a career, but for also choosing to teach and share this passion and your awesome skills with children and the communities where you live! I hope your contributions to the school are never "budgeted out" because we need you and our children's education would suffer gravely without you!