Even the best of friends don't always see eye to eye, but the test of true friendship is the ability to work through those differences and remain loyal to each other and the commitment you've made to be "BFF's" (best friends forever). I don't have a ton of really close friends. I was never in the "popular clique" in high school, and even though I have certainly overcome my almost painful shyness as I've grown into an adult, I am still not a social butterfly, per say, seeking out friendship and attending every social occasion I am invited to because I need or crave the social networking that seems to fill a void in some people's lives. I am, more so than not, a homebody, so one or two really close friendship is all I desire. The long lasting friendships I do have are those that are build on mutual trust, support, and commitment to each other. They are not "fair weather" friendships; they are anything but that. They are not "small talk" friendships, which I consider merely acquaintances. If I have nothing else to talk to you about than the weather or the gossip around the island than our friendship probably doesn't run very deep. The friends I deem life long are those I can share my most painful moments in life with. Today, I had to discuss a very difficult subject with a friend, and I needed to be able to say exactly what I felt. I needed to know I could say what was going on in my head and heart in order for us to move forward and continue in our friendship without any awkwardness, distrust, or feelings of leaving something unsaid, and thankfully, I was able to do just that, as I believe she was too.
In my short journey through this life, I have found that the moment I no longer feel comfortable letting someone know how I feel or what I am thinking, that's the moment that friendship will begin to fall by the wayside. I am a very open, honest, and at times, emotional person, wearing my heart on my sleeve. Once I feel comfortable around someone new, once I feel that you are genuine, I will open up. More times than not, this has ended up in hurt for me, so I am more guarded about sharing my full, true self with people anymore, and that's too bad. It's sad that we cannot always fully be who we are with anyone and everyone we meet. It's unfortunate that it is so hard to make true, life long friends. That's where this blog has been an eye opener for me. To put myself out there to mostly family, but certainly a stranger or two, is my way around that boundary the world and its hurts have put on me. Writing is the one way I AM not so guarded, the one way I AM comfortable being completely myself with anyone and everyone who wishes to take the time to get to know me and hopefully gain something from my life lessons being shared through these words.
Friendship comes with it's share of challenges, just as putting yourself out there does, but in the end, it's worth it to go through several bad friendship experiences in order to find that one who will never be far from your heart and that one who you know will be there for you no matter what. So, what have I learned from these challenges of friendship? To never let myself become totally closed off to anyone, to never let myself succumb to fear or total distrust of all people because if I do that, I may miss out on that BFF I never knew I could have. If you are not willing to open up and try again, even after being hurt, you will never know what life saving friendship or special hoped for relationship you might have gained from not letting fear rule your interactions with others. It's not always easy, but how dull would life be if we had no challenges to learn from, no experiences to share, nothing to teach or grow from? I choose life and friendships with all the ups and downs because it's better than no life at all!
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