Bullies come in all kinds of different packages. They may arrived disguised as a concerned parent threatening teachers with their sheer size and using irrational words stemming from their greatest fears, which unfortunately, they are unknowingly passing on to their children as well. OR the bully may come in the form of a little girl who tells your son that her friend is going to beat him up after school or says his hair smells like puke, then tattles on him to teachers saying he pushed her or said mean things. As an adult, you become used to people not always behaving appropriately. You learn that everyone is not always kind, loving, and considerate of others, but it always surprises me how quickly children learn this type of behavior and begin using it against each other. In the American Heritage College Dictionary, a bully is defined as, "A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, esp. to smaller or weaker people." and "To force one's way aggressively or by intimidation." What drives a bully to the point of feeling like they have to get their way using aggression or intimidation rather than using love and kindness? I think it's fear....for adults, fear of things they can't control, like protecting their children from every possible harm in the world, including bullies they will run into at school or in life someday. For kids, I think it's fear of not having friends or not being "like liked" by the kids they like, but instead of attempting to gain those friends through softness, they become the "hard, tough" kids who use their fists or words to seem better than others and to make themselves feel better when they are really just lonely.
What's the solution? Well, there will always be bullies, and this week, I've had to deal with that fact with my own child. I remember getting picked on as a very shy, emotional girl in elementary school, being called a "cry baby" for years. I hated it. Those years growing up were not easy because kids can be so cruel, but I had put it behind me until today. Seeing my son in tears over the mean things kids are doing to him at school and needing me to come to tennis with him tonight because he's now uncomfortable around these classmates is like a knife in an open wound. To a certain extent, there's nothing I can do about it. The kids have not physically hurt my child, and mostly it's little girls who I think like my child but do not know how to express it appropriately, so it's not a case of extreme bullying to be reported. In a sense, it's just kid's stuff, just the hard kind of kid's stuff. My baby will have to learn those difficult truths about life and people like I did, all on his own and through some possibly tough experiences. I can be here to comfort him, to teach him how he should react and behave, despite any negative treatment he receives from bullies, but I do not have control over how others will treat him and make him feel. I can talk to him and teach him about not being a bully himself, and hopefully that will be enough to get him through and to assist him growing up as an adult who has the knowledge and ability to deal with life without becoming a bully himself.
There are tons of websites on bullying (like the one found at this link, "Pete's Power Point Station," which uses PowerPoint presentations made by kids for kids) to help you and your kids learn about bullying and how to deal with it. In the past, our guidance counselor at school, has covered it with the third grade class my son is a part of this year, but in the absence of that teaching this year, I think it's time I covered it myself at home. Sharing some of the PowerPoint presentations from the website above and helping my kids learn about what and who they are dealing with and why it's happening is my new task for the weekend. Knowledge is power, right! I encourage you to do the same; teach your kids about bullying before they are bullied or become one themselves. It's hard enough growing up, but without guidance from parents on important issues like these, kids feel lost and alone and often become the bully. Take the time to sit down with them today and make their lives so much better because you took a moment to show them how much you care!
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