December 31st-January 1st, 2012- Starting New New Year’s Traditions!

     Since we had so much fun starting our Christmas Advent tradition this year, I decided we needed to come up with some New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day traditions too. As usual, from a tiny atoll in the Pacific where you cannot stop by the local bookstore or pop into a specialty or party store to see what’s available in the “starting family traditions” department, I headed for the internet. Of course, we have always had the tradition in my family of staying up until midnight to “watch the ball drop” on TV and having black eyed peas and ham hocks on New Year’s Day for good luck, but that’s it, and I wanted something more.  Plus, we can’t “watch the ball drop” because it hasn’t dropped in New Year when it’s already midnight here across the International Date Line.

     There were so many ideas, I decided to print out my favorites (or the ones I thought we’d be most likely to do), and talk to the boys at the lunch table to see which ones they agree upon.  Here’s what we did:  “Fortune Tree” and “An Ancient Tradition.”  The fortune tree consisted of everyone finding small objects around the house, which would symbolize something “fortunate,” such as a coin for wealth, a matchbox car for travel, etc…My oldest loves fortune cookies, so this was perfect for him, and he turned out to be quite good at it, writing down enough fortunes that we each had two to choose instead of just one. The idea is that you write a fortune to go with the object, then you wrap it up and “hang it on the tree like an ornament to pick out at midnight.  The boy’s objects were too big to hang on the tree, so we wrapped them all up individually in tissue paper and put them under the tree instead, and since no one (except my fiancé) was able to stay up until midnight, we moved it to a “noon day” fortune picking today.  That turned out to be my favorite tradition this year.  The others included having fondue for dinner last night (I did not realize that a lot of people have fondue on New Year’s Eve), and making not just black-eyed peas, but some “Hopping John” for our meal today.  We also made peanut butter pancakes with bananas and honey roasted peanuts on top for breakfast, but since we usually make some type of pancakes every weekend, I suppose that wasn’t so much of a new tradition. J 

     Last, but certainly not least, we completed the ancient tradition of writing down some bad habit or luck we wanted to get rid of and burned it in in our “propane fireplace” outside before making s’mores, and we wrote a “predictions/accomplishments” letter to ourselves to be opened next year and see what we got right.  And now, well I am catching up on my blog since one of my New Year’s resolutions is to get back to writing and blogging more like once a week instead of once a month.  Happy 2012!! 

December 25th-30th Getting Ready for 2012!

     Christmas morning was full of excitement and the spirit of Christmas as my parents, my boys, my fiancé, and I all opened presents, enjoyed pancakes and bacon, and relaxed all day long.  After our tradition of opening gifts one at a time from youngest to oldest (so we can all enjoy what everyone else has gotten), we had breakfast and sent the boys off to their dad’s for the rest of the day.  Then, my fiancé spent hours in the kitchen preparing our Christmas Day Feast of turkey and gravy, stuffing, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, mashed sweet potatoes, and chocolate pie for dessert. Yum!! We even were able to talk to the rest of the family in Oregon by speakerphone. It was a memorable day.  The high of the holidays over, we continued throughout the week settling back into routines and saying goodbye to gammy and grandpa as they headed off to Hawaii for the rest of their vacation. Only New Year’s left and 2012 begins.  I wonder was the New Year has in store for all of us…

December 24, 2011-New Birth!!

     A few weeks ago, both my boys started asking about being baptized. At bedtime, we regularly talk about God and His word, and this particular night, the boys wanted to know if they could be baptized.  So, I spoke with the local protestant chaplain, who also happens to be my neighbor, about meeting with my babies.  After ensuring they knew what baptism was all about, the chaplain left it open for us to decide whether or not baptism is what the boys wanted at this time in their lives. A resounding and confident, “yes, we’re sure” from them later on was all it took for me to know God is working in their lives to lead them to Him.  We scheduled the baptism for today in the salty water of the Kwajalein Lagoon. It was a brief, but very touching ceremony surrounded by close friends and family (including my mom and dad).  I am so proud of them both! We decided upon Dec. 24 as it is not only the eve of Christ’s birth (or at least the eve we celebrate the coming of Jesus to earth), but it is now also the beginning of my sons’ new lives in Christ.  I can’t wait to see what He has in store for them.  The most comforting thought for me is knowing the King of Kings now has them firmly in the palm of His hand and will be living in their hearts from now until forever. This means whenever I cannot be there for them (and even when I am), they will have the ultimate guide and “boss” for their lives, leading them to His greater good and guiding them through all those big decisions in life. In fact, that is part of how baptism was explained to them, as making Jesus the “boss” of your life.  Following the instructions of the “supreme Boss” will never lead you astray. Even when it leads you through trials, you will ultimately come out the winner in the end if God is in it.   Thank you, Father, for loving my boys and leading them to you.  Guide them throughout their lives and make them Godly men, never afraid to humble themselves before you and recognize you at their shepherd, friend, savior, and healer in times of need and in times of blessing.  Happy New Birth, my baby boys! Always remember how much God loves you and how far He will take you into love, life, peace, and freedom if you will just let Him.
 

November 26-December 23, 2011 Speeding through the Holidays!

     After a much needed “Tom Turkey” Thanksgiving celebration with my matron of honor and her family, life sped up again.  Thanksgiving this year was more than I ever could have asked for. I’m not a big crowd kind of person, so spending the day with my immediate family + my matron of honor’s family of 4 was no less than perfectly perfect. My friend made a fabulous turkey with a scrumptious gravy, creamy mashed potatoes, and a delicious stuffing while my fiancé and I tried a couple of new things this year, such as “sweet potato pie,” not sweet potato casserole as I am used to coming from the South. We also made fresh cranberry sauce (I am now a super big fan of real cranberry sauce, although I always disliked the canned and jellied kind growing up) as I have found that fresh cranberries with a little sugar and orange juice mixed in is so good on turkey! The green bean casserole recipe from last year made it back to our feast again this year, and of course, we had pumpkin pie for dessert! I know I am leaving something out, but that’s what happens when you don’t write for a month at a time.  L In addition to the wonderful food, the company was superb. The rest of the holiday weekend was spent in decorating for Christmas and helping my oldest son through his scuba classes in the pool.  He is so excited to get into the “real water” soon and see what he can see. He’s a fish, but who wouldn’t be growing up on an island as he has. 

     On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, December began its marathon of activities around the atoll starting with Santa’s arrival and the Christmas Tree ceremony.  The following weekend was just as packed with our department holiday party, the cub scouts cub car races, and the PTO Mother-Son Luau event.  Back to work for a few days, and the second weekend in December was spent on Roi enjoying their Tree Lighting Ceremony, and a Christmas Themed Photo Scavenger Hunt around the island! As if these events were not enough, during all this, I also decided to start a new Advent Family Devotional Tradition this year, so each evening (or sometimes during our lunch hour), the boys and I would read about the events leading up to the birth of Jesus and often complete a related activity or discussion.  This quickly became one of my favorite parts of this holiday season, and I wish I had started it sooner or even known of the abundance of resources out there to enjoy the Advent season with your children while teaching them about the reason for the holiday.  I think I can safely say that my boys enjoyed it as much as I did. Praise God!

     The third week of December was not only full of holiday parties and activities for my kids as it was the last week of school before break, but it was also the arrival date of my parents! Yes, my parents came to visit for the holidays!! It is my mom’s fifth visit during my 15 years here, but my dad has never made it before, so it’s been quite an experience for him.  After a couple of days relaxing and getting over their jet lag, I made them get up and go again. This time, we headed up to Roi to learn about the WWII history there as well as the current lifestyle. My oldest son joined us after his second 2-day camping trip with the boy scouts (this time to the island of Carlos), and my fiancé and my dad had a chance to compete once again at table tennis. It’s been over a year since they played together last, and it is one of the games we have decided to include as part of our wedding reception activities, so it’s good they have had a chance to practice and “buff up” on their skills before our upcoming July event. J  We did all our usual favorite Roi-Namur activities including eating at the snack bar and chow hall, swimming at the pool, visiting the beach shack, and riding around in a golf cart. Simple pleasures…that’s what island life teaches you.  I’d rather be out in the sunshine or in the beautiful waters of the Central Pacific than tweeting or texting, that’s for sure. I do like to blog, but on my own time, in the wee hours of the morning or night when life has slowed down even more than usual.

     After returning from Roi, the Kwaj holiday event kicked in again with Scuba Santa and the Parade of Lights (boats in the lagoon showing off their electric holiday decor).  Even though I’ve experienced these events year after year, it is nice to see them still going, despite the pressures of a failing economy, declining budget, and a smaller island population than we’ve seen here in a long time.  Life still moves on, and the most important and special of traditions are kept no matter what, in the spirit of the season, keeping life on the atoll unique and worth sticking around a while longer for. So, that takes us through Dec. 23, which is my brother’s birthday stateside. Happy Birthday, Bro! Hope it was a good one.  It’s a nutshell narration, but it’s all mine, and a way to remember what my life was like in December of 2011.  It’s fun to look back at what I was doing this time last year and see what is the same and what is different.  Fortunately for me, I have all the same blessings if not more, and my life on the island goes on….much longer than I ever would have thought.  But that’s okay. God is with me here as he will be wherever he takes me next, whether that be in the year 2012 or 2020.  Speeding through the holidays is not so bad because it simply means I’ve been having plenty of fun, right?!?! 

November 24-25, 2011- Thanksgiving Cute Kid Quotes!

     Today we are celebrating Thanksgiving (although here it is actually Friday the 25^th on Kwajalein), so that we are on track with everyone else in the states and can watch football and the Thanksgiving Day Parade with the rest of the world as tomorrow we have to go back to work one more day before the weekend. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my children and the funny things they say.  Usually, my stories of funny quotes come from my youngest, as he is my “class clown,” but this time, I have a few stories that came from my oldest that I wanted to share.  A few weeks ago, I had mentioned to a co-worker who was over having dinner with us that our boss said she was going home after work to have a glass of wine. It was just one of those comments that was part of the story I was telling, but before I could finish, my son (who was just introduced to the D.A.R.E. program at school) stopped me and said, “She needs to be in the D.A.R.E. program!” Of course, we had to explain that there’s a difference between having one glass of wine after work than being addicted to drugs or alcohol, but thank goodness, my boss got a kick out of the joke. It’s interesting how literally children take everything we say. That’s why we parents have to be very conscious of our speech at all times (unless we want to do a lot more explaining what we mean all the time). J 

     That next week, my son and I got some ice cream from the local Baskin Robbins, and as we were enjoying it, he said, “Hey mom, this is not hot!”  I said, “What? It’s not supposed to be hot” to which he replied, “but look…” and he showed me where it was written on the container, “Caution-Hot!!” It was actually a macaroni and cheese container. That’s life on Kwaj. When the ice cream shops runs out of ice cream containers, they use the food containers from other restaurants in the food court to get by until the boat comes in with supplies. 

    Finally, my co-worker dressed up as a girl from the 1960’s for Halloween, and as we were walking to one of the kid’s Halloween parties, my son called out to his friends, “Hey, look at the 80’s girl!”  I guess today’s 80’s is like yesterday’s 60’s. J  At any rate, Thanksgiving, for me, is a time to enjoy the blessings of family, friends, the abundance of food we have been given as well as the joy of life on an atoll.  We are very lucky today to have jobs, to have a roof over our heads, and to have food and water (as my youngest son has taken to thanking God for each night). We are lucky enough to be able to enjoy luxuries such as a good glass of wine, a scoop of ice cream, and a fun filled Halloween party. So many in our world never have a chance to experience any of these treats or events in life. Today, I will strive to remember those things whenever I am tempted to complain about there not being any fresh green beans at the grocery store yesterday for the green bean casserole or that I have to clean up after my son for the third time today because he keeps sharpening his new colored pencils at the table and drops the shavings on the carpet underneath him.  Today is a day for being thankful that we will have turkey, cranberry sauce, pumpkin and sweet potato pie, and that my son was able to purchase those new colored pencils with his own money from his birthday presents.  Today is a day to be thankful for life and everything that comes with it! Happy Thanksgiving!! 

October 19-November 23, 2011- Blogger’s Block

     Instead of writer’s block this last month, I’ve been experiencing blogger’s block.  This consists of all the life events that keep me from sitting down and writing, such as planning 2 sleep overs and one beach party for my sons’ 8^th and 10^th birthdays, leading the cub scout’s Wolf Den (in which my youngest son participates), carrying out my monthly 4-H Citizenship Club activities, teaching Sunday School, serving as the PTO (Parent Teacher Organization) secretary, celebrating Halloween, helping my oldest son through Scuba classes and attending their cub scout, basketball, and then flag football events, getting ready for Thanksgiving, and taking care of both my boys full time while their dad was away on a month long business/vacation trip back to the states.  Now that Thanksgiving is only a day away, I feel I have a moment to breathe before the next set of holidays starts up.  It’s been a little too much for me lately, but this is always how it happens. I think I’ve scheduled myself and my boys for just the right amount of activities, volunteering, sports, and so forth, but then when things finally ramp up, I realize it’s too much.  Balancing schedules is always more complicated then it seems like it will be. Oh well, we made it through and have hopefully learned a lesson for next time...Too many things on the schedule make for less time to rest and ensure we are staying on the right track with what’s most important in life, our health and happiness, and our relationships with family and friends and our God.  

October 15-18, 2011-Coming back to Life…

      I guess the stress at work and the rough weekend ride back to Roi from our camping trip did me in.  The next week, I became sicker than I have been in years.  Working with children, especially preschoolers, and having my own young ones, I have built up immunity. Even my fiancée said, “I’m never seen you sick like this, ever.”  Well, that must be why it hit me so hard.  I literally was “hacking up a lung” (as the saying goes) in my office several days in a row. It was so disturbing to my staff that they kept coming in to ask if I was okay, and when I finally planned to take a day off from work to focus on getting some rest and hopefully “kicking my cough,” my co-workers were very supportive.  Finally, I am coming back to life and getting ready to celebrate both my boys’ upcoming birthdays as well as all the myriad of holidays that roll around this time of year.  

October 9-14, 2011-Lost at Sea!

    Well, now it is almost November 14, and I am just getting around to writing about last month. Where has the time gone? Apparently, life took over, and writing became a last priority, but I have missed it, so it’s time to get back to it.  A few weeks ago, after a very stressful week of work, I was looking forward to going outer island camping on the tiny island of Mellu, just a few miles by B-boat from Roi-Namur.  Everything started out fairly uneventfully, and we had a fabulous time setting up camp, exploring the island, and getting a camp fire going in which to enjoy some time around with good friends and fascinating conversation.  But, the next morning began with white caps in the ocean all around us, and my fiancé was particularly concerned that the small motor boats scheduled to pick us up at high tide that afternoon wouldn’t be able to come out due to a small craft warning.  We used the radio several times to ask about a possible warning, but there was nothing. No warning, and before we knew it, the boats were on their way out to “rescue” us from our adventurous overnight camping trip to Mellu Island. 

     After loading our stuff in very rough surf, we climbed aboard and tried to find a secure spot to hold onto in the tumultuous waters churning around us.  No such luck. Not more than 5-10 minutes after departing the island, we crashed hard into a rising wave, swamping the boat and sending one of our anchor lines flying to the back of the boat and fouling the prop. Thanks to my darling, the prop was unfouled, but the engines were too full of water to start again.  The Boston Whalers we have out here are “unsinkable,” which I can verify is true, at least as far as our experience. The boat was filled with water, but not sinking.  We called our dilemma into the marina and were able to off load shortly onto the police boat, so that the determined and hardy marina crew was able to empty the boat of the offending salt water and get the engines going again, but the ensuing trauma and rough ride took its toll on everyone, especially me.  Unfortunately, I had my second experience with getting sick off the side of the boat.  It probably would have been in the boat if my honey hadn’t been there to help me over the side and hang onto me while I was “feeding the fishes,” so to speak. 

    Contrary to my blog subject heading, we weren’t really “lost at sea,” but our stuff was. Our entire Rubbermaid container of camping gear, including my camera and my better half’s keys were lost to the ocean when the boat was swamped. From my safe position on the bow of the boat, I watched our stuff float away, thankful that I was with it.  Everyone came back safe, and that was all that mattered in the end.  In fact, we had a fun time the next day (which was absolutely calm and pleasant on the water) diving a fairly complex search pattern using our compasses to attempt to find our lost gear.  We had no luck, although it was good for me to go right back out on the water, so that I won’t even have a chance to be nervous again the next time I venture out on the high seas. J

September 27-October 6 Floating...

     Last weekend, the boys, some friends, and I went to the beach to "float." After another long, exhausting week at work, I just wanted to lie in the water and let it hold me up for awhile.  It was good for the kids too because, believe it or not, living "next" to the beach almost all of their young lives, means the kids don't go to the beach as much as you would think. It quickly becomes clear that it's one of the few forms of entertainment here having no museums, skating rinks, malls, aquariums, zoos, or any other of the myriad of weekend family fun options that the states offer, and because of that, beach time becomes old quickly too. Sometimes they would rather just be at home and play there, but we all needed to get out and breath in the salt spray and let the warm water wash over us and take away the stresses of the work and school week.  And last Sunday, the kids had no option. I told them we were going to the beach to float. Period.
     It's amazing how much floating soothes my soul.  The ever constant movement of the tides, knowing life in and below the water keeps going, no matter what. Swimming, diving, snorkeling, and really any time in or on the water has always given me a sense of calm and peace that I don't feel from other forms of recreation.  I'm by no means a "sailor" type of water person who could go out for days and months at a time, but short stints in "liquid languor," enjoying the beauty and quietness of mind that being under the water provides makes everything else bothering me in life melt away for awhile. It's kind of like giving your burdens over to God to carry. He takes them on His shoulders, and carries them for you, so you can rest, just as the water takes the weight of my body and supports it while the sights under the water carry my mind away from my troubles. So, next time you have the opportunity to spend some time at a coast near you, be sure and pick up something to float on while you are there and find out how languishing in the water can soothe your tired soul and renew your spirit.  Or find out what your version of "floating" is.  Like the "green pastures and still waters" that David talks about in the Psalms, it's important for all of us to find a place where we can quiet our minds and truly rest. 

October 7, 2011-Happy Saturday!

     On Saturdays, the last day of the work week for us, I exchanged the usual "Happy Saturday" good morning greetings with my co-workers.  Sometimes I even catch some of the ladies doing a "Happy Saturday" dance.  :-) It's become part of our Saturday morning ritual, a sort of celebration of the coming weekend, time to relax and be with family.  As much as I enjoy the experience of working, what I have learned from it, and how much I have grown through it, my favorite thing is to be at home with all my boys, at the beach with my very best friends, and when I can make it back to the states, hanging out with my extended family too.  I know I have said it before, but the older I get, the more important spending time with my family becomes.  Work is work and will always be there, and as close as we may become with our friends or attempt to immerse ourselves in the cultures and worlds of others while living or working with  them, no one is there for you like family.
     No one understands and accepts you just as you are like family.  And today, I am so thankful for my fiance, my boys, my parents, my brothers, my best friend (who has become family to me), and my extended relatives and soon to be relatives back in Alabama and Oregon.  I know they will be and are always there for me, no matter what storms life brings because they have proved it over and over again.  More than once in my life, I have discovered that someone I believed to be a close friend and someone who I thought would be there for me no matter what because they understood me has chosen to pull away when things got difficult or has misunderstood me and instead of coming to me to resolve it has chosen a different path, and it has altered our friendship forever. These kinds of friends or acquaintances come and go and often serve an important purpose, providing us with life lessons we might otherwise have never had. And family, at least the one I am lucky enough to have, well, they are right there, waiting for you to come back from exploring life elsewhere or to hold you up you when you cannot support yourself. I hope and pray that all of you have someone (whether it be blood relatives or not) that you can call family because life is so much richer and sweeter when you have "family" to share it with.  Happy Saturday! Enjoy your weekend.

September 20-26, 2011- Year Four of 4-H!

Another week has come and gone, and I still have a job, my family is healthy, the roof over my head is strong, my fridge has more than enough food to nourish my body, and I live on a tropical island in the middle of the Pacific.  I am blessed! These are tumultuous times, but if we can be thankful for what we do have, life is so much smoother day by day. 

     As September comes to a close, all the activities of the school year are in full swing. This year, I volunteered to be secretary of the PTO (Parent Teacher organization), and a Den Leader for the Cub Scouts in addition to my usual commitments to teach Sunday School, be a weekly reader in my child’s class, and lead the 4-H Ebeye Citizenship Club.  As for 4-H, this will be my fourth year organizing and leading this club, and I am super excited for what is in store this year.  We have a record number of participants this time from both Ebeye and Kwajalein.  At our first organizational meeting and campus cleanup yesterday at Ebeye Public Elementary School, we had over 50 participants, including accompanying parent and teenage volunteers.  It was fabulous!!

     In case you are not familiar with 4-H or think it is only for farmers dealing with pigs and cows, etc…I’d like to take a minute to write about it here. 4-H is an organized group of at least 5 youth from 3 different families who meet regularly with adults and/or staff volunteers for a long-term, progressive series of educational experiences. 4-H is open to all youth ages 5-18.  The purpose of 4-H is to provide positive youth development activities to meet the needs of young people and to give them experiences in belonging, mastery, independence, and generosity.  There are many different types of 4-H clubs, but ours is focused on Citizenship and becoming good citizens, which is defined by the Character Counts! Program as people who stay informed and vote, are good neighbors, obey laws and rules, respect authority, protect the environment, and make their schools and communities better.  The Ebeye Citizenship club strives to encourage all its members to be active citizens and provide them with the opportunity to practice citizenship.  Active citizens who with others to create, change, and improve the world around them, which we did in some small measure today by cleaning up the campus of the public school on Ebeye.  We are looking forward to more projects like this throughout the 2011-2012 school year, such as our planting project where we can fulfill the 4-H pledge by employing our heads to clearer thinking, our hearts to greater loyalty, our hands to larger service, and our health to better living for our club, our community, our countries, and our world! Wish us luck and if you live on Kwaj or Ebeye, come out and join us when you see our group out and about! J

September 12-19, 2011- Giving Back to the Islands…

     Giving back is a part of every culture and country in the world, and there are so many ways to do so.  In the Marshalls, education has become a primary focus of charity organizations and events over the years.  On Kwajalein, there’s a group called the Yokwe Yuk Women’s Club (YYWC), and they give back to education through sales at the Micronesian Handicraft Shop and the Bargain Bazaar, which they staff by club volunteers alone. The money generally goes to buy school supplies for schools throughout the Marshall Islands, including very remote sites and those just a couple of miles away.  There are many others who give of their time during the week or on weekends to volunteer at the schools on Ebeye, teaching math or English, to the 30+ students per class, most of whom do not have a book through which to learn, but instead have to copy down every math problem or English conjugation by hand from the board with their limited supply of paper and pencils.  In addition to the one public school on the island, Ebeye is populated by more than 5 different religious organizations, most of whom have established private schools on the island with over 15,000 people living on 80 acres of coral.  Around 50% of the native population is under the age of 18, so the one public school cannot handle all the children, and the missionary schools help to educate the overflow, as long as you can afford the tuition. Many families cannot afford to attend any school (as the public school charges tuition as well), so there are many children who receive no education at all.  All of this is just a small part of the numerous reasons why education has become such a need in the Marshalls and the focus for most donations and service work coming from outsiders to the atoll. 

     This weekend, the boys and I headed back to Roi (it’s been quite a while since my babies have been to Roi, so we were all very excited to jump on the plane to commute to what has become one of our favorite relaxing “road trip” spots on the atoll) for an ECCF (Enniburr Children’s Christmas Fund) Fundraising Chili Cook-Off Event.  Like Ebeye is to Kwajalein, Enniburr (or Santo as the locals call it) is to Roi-Namur.  This is the island where many friends and co-workers reside, and like Ebeye for Kwajalein residents, it is the closest view for those living on base of real Marshallese life, and so it has become a focus for charity and service as well.  Unlike Ebeye, Enniburr has only one school, the public school, and a much, much smaller population, but similar to Ebeye, there are families who cannot afford the $10 tuition to send their child to school, and so they receive no education.  The ECCF was established, like the YYWC, in order to give back to education, but specifically for Enniburr.  The main focus of its fundraising work each year, including the Chili Cook-Off, is to raise money for the big Christmas Party for the children of the island.  Around the holidays, all the families of Enniburr are invited to Roi-Namur to eat, play, and receive presents (usually backpacks full of school supplies and flip flops) to start off the New Year right.  The Chili Cook-Off has always been the biggest fundraiser towards this effort. Basically, t-shirts, food, and beverages are sold, all proceeds for the ECCF fund, and chili chefs compete for the best chili, charging $10 for each judge who wants to taste test and vote. Oh, and then there’s the pie toss, where employees of the contractors on base put money up in order to throw a pie in the faces of a boss or supervisor or sometimes just a popular friend on the atoll, all for the children’s fund. 

      It turned out to be an awesome day, no matter how much money was made. In fact, the giving began before the event was even finished when ECCF donated $200 to the school to pay for 20 students tuition for the year, so all students on the island could attend! That was the best part in my book because as an educator, I want nothing more than to see all of the children of the Marshalls have a chance at a better life in a way that only education can provide.  

September 6-11, 2011- Kidisms…

     On this day ten years ago, I was pregnant with my first child, and I remember waking up to the tragic acts of terrorism inflicted upon America on September 11, 2001, and in my shock and horror, my mind went directly to my belly and the life growing inside of me.   How could I possibly bring a child into this kind of world?  Now, I realize that children are exactly what the world needed to get us all through because children mean hope, second chances, and new life in a chaotic and imperfect world.  Children bring us humor, joy, and the promise of a better future for everyone as they grow in character and learn from the mistakes of the world and attempt to correct those mistakes when a brand new day dawns. 

      Since I last wrote, my children have shown me their great capacity for humor, joy, and compassion, and on this day, remembering 2001, when Americans experienced one of the scariest and saddest moments in our history, instead of allowing the terrorists to win in 2011, I choose to laugh and find joy in the future of America, in America’s children, particularly my own.  Keeping that in mind, I’d like to share some of the fun and heartwarming “kidisms” of my week, which provide me with hope for their future and the future of the great country we are blessed to call our home. 

     To start, my oldest showed his most sensitive side this week when spending our last weeknight with my fiancé, who has to head back to his home island to work and live after commuting back and forth the last 3 weeks to help me while my cracked radius bone was healing.  Now, that I am almost back to my full range of motion with my “broken wing,” he has to go back to being a Kwajalein “weekend warrior,” at least until we find a more permanent solution to this dilemma. This was tough on all of us, but most surprising of all, my first baby broke down in tears at bedtime while we said prayers that final night with the man who has become such a good friend and guidance counselor to my boys and my best friend and love of my life.  It’s not that we won’t all see him again soon (just have to wait until the weekend), but my son’s compassion and show of pure emotion at our family being “split” between islands again for awhile was heartbreaking, but also made me feel very blessed to have a child with such a sensitivity for others.  With his soon to be stepfather, my child has fully accepted him into his life and heart and truly misses him when we can’t all be together.  I thank God for my boy’s sensitive spirit and compassionate heart.  Maybe it’s because he was born not longer after our nation’s most tragic terrorist attack…born with the capacity to weep and wail for others when they cannot do so for themselves…born to love and accept others just as they are and display empathy for their struggles, even when they are not his own. He’s my hope for a better future, and my youngest, well; he shows me how to find humor in any situation because he does it so naturally for himself. 

     For example, the other day he was looking at a recipe book with my fiancé as they decided what new dishes they could make that day, and when the recipe for “Tuna Cakes” was mentioned, my son replies, “I don’t like tuna, but I love cake, so I would eat the cake part.”  A kid’s perspective is so much different than our own, and we couldn’t help but giggle at his “chef joke.”  On a more serious note, one afternoon, my youngest was being talked to about his occasional accidents when it comes to going to the bathroom. It was suggested to him that he would never have his game, friend time, and treat privileges taken away at all if he would stop having accidents in his drawers versus going on the potty as soon as he needs to.  I have yet to find the age that “potty talk” is not funny to a boy, tooting, burping, and talking about poop seem to have a never ending fascination for the male species.  To that end, as soon as “poop” and “drawers” were mentioned, my son says with a giggle, “Oh, I’m going to poop in my drawer, you know, not my drawers, but my drawer.”  I know, I know, you can’t believe I’m writing this down for all to “hear,” but hey, kids say the darnest things, right?  I’m not proud of his “potty talk,” but I do see the humor in it.  At least kids are never afraid to say exactly what they are thinking or to just be silly for that matter.   And we should never be afraid of anything with God as our anchor and his love, joy, and peace within our reach whenever we need it.  God bless those today who have given their lives for our freedom and provided us with the opportunity to live life to the fullest.   Now go chat with your kids or someone else’s today, so you can have a “kidism” story of your own to share and laugh about with others.  

August 30-September 5, 2011- When I grow up…

     Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do when we leave the islands.  With uncertainty abounding both here and in the states, I don’t know where I’ll be, even next year.  For today, I don’t have plans to leave the atoll, but tomorrow, well, who knows what tomorrow will bring.  Every couple of months or so, I look around at possible job opportunities, sometimes in the states, sometimes overseas. It’s just wishful thinking, mostly, and it helps me to identify what types of jobs exist out there where I might fit in with my education and experience.  ESL or college teaching jobs are usually the focus, but other areas pop up every now and then that I never thought about before.  For example, who knew that National Parks often have education directors who write and apply for grants and direct educational opportunities for children and adults alike?  I didn’t until I found a position online a couple of years ago that does just this.  I think I would love this type of job, and I have experience with grant writing and developing educational program materials to boot. Another career possibility I’ve considered is within the church, although I don’t have the seminary education I would probably need for this, I would love to direct children’s and/or youth programming as well as Sunday School and other educational programs within a large church which can actually hire and pay for someone to direct this area of ministry.    I’ve wanted to do a Vacation Bible School here over the summer for a couple of years now, but we simply don’t have enough population on the atoll in summer to pull it off successfully, although my experience with recreational/academic programs for children and adults would serve me well in this area of the church. I have actually done a search before for church jobs, and there are all sorts of job boards out there.  The internet and its far-reaching resources are quite amazing at times and very scary at other times.

     Bottom line, I really don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and leave the atoll I’ve called home for so long now.  I don’t know what God has in store. All I know is that I want to do something that makes a difference for others. I want to serve in a way that is fulfilling for both me and those I work with and for.  I want to live and work with purpose, and I know if that’s what my heart truly desires, God will find a way to fulfill His purposes through me.  For now, I believe much of my purpose is in raising my babies and preparing my heart and mind for whatever my Father has in store next, and there is more than enough meaningful purpose for me in that today.  I told my fiancé this morning that I have no plans to leave here anytime soon, and he giggled knowing that my mind changes sometimes daily on that point, and even though it is sometimes a struggle to not be concerned about the future for our family, I am going to strive to worry only about today, not tomorrow or next week because the future has enough trouble of its own.  As it says in Matthew 6:25-34:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Enough said, right?! J

August 25-29, 2011: Back to School-The First Three Days

     School started back this week with my sons in second and fourth grades.  It is amazing how time flies. I can’t believe they are getting so old already. They both had their annual sports physicals a few weeks ago, and my oldest (who is not yet ten) is currently 5 feet tall and 95 pounds. Wow! My youngest is just over 4 feet and around 50 pounds (and he’s not quite 8).  Although they are getting bigger physically, they remind me often that they are still little boys in many ways.  My oldest son always prefers I ride or walk him to a friend’s house, beach, or party he has been invited to even though everything here is close, and the kids his age go back and forth to school and other places by themselves all the time.  And my youngest is afraid to go upstairs by himself, even to the bathroom or to his room because he is “scared of ghosts.”  They are not grown up totally yet. J 

      It was good to get them back into the routine of school, and with that, life has officially sped up again.  I have spent the weekend ordering Halloween costumes and birthday party supplies as my babies big days are right before Halloween and a couple of weeks after. At least we get it all taken care of at the same time and before the next 2 big holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas.  J  Other than time, life marches on as it usually does with no big news one way or the other.  I am working on more mobility with my arm, and all is well on the atoll, for now.  Thank God for that.  Hope you all have a good, uneventful upcoming week too!  Enjoy every quiet, relaxing moment while you can because you never know what life-changing event or character building challenge is around the next corner.  “Talk” to you again soon. 

August 18-24, 2011 Limited Mobility, Endless Determination

     I may have limited mobility, which slows down my blogging, but I have endless determination to keep going despite any and all obstacles.  Never having broken anything more than a finger or toe in my life, I am gaining new perspective on having the use of two arms and hands. The biggest challenges so far are working on a computer all day long, pulling my hair back into a ponytail or braid, and working with food (including cutting with a knife, opening bottles, cans, and bags). I cannot move my arm back to reach around my hair, and the use of my fingers sends an ache up the cracked bone in my arm.  In fact, this is the first time since my accident that I have typed anything with both hands.  I started using the mouse with my right hand again yesterday after getting my splint off on Tuesday afternoon, but typing was still difficult and may continue to be at work since my keyboard is higher up on my desk than the one in my lap at home right now.  The good news is that the bone is not displaced, and I do not have to have a cast or any type of surgery to repair the damage, so I am already able to start working back towards full mobility unlike the amazing girl in the movie Soul Surfer that we watched just last week.

     My determination is nothing compared to hers. Bethany Hamilton lost an entire arm to a shark and was back surfing within 3 weeks of this potentially tragic and fatal event in her life. She is now a professional surfer and also an amazing example of what faith can do in the life of a believer! The things I am struggling with temporarily, she had to figure out a way to handle permanently.  Cutting up fruit for her family’s breakfast, pulling her hair back to surf (which she will never be able to do by herself again), and surfing with one arm (I can’t even do that with two arms). She figured it all out in record time, and God has used her in great ways because of the loss of her arm.   It just goes to show that sometimes God allows difficult or challenging things to happen in order to do greater things through our lives to touch others and bless us at the same time.  If you ask God to use you to serve others, He will, but you better be prepared for anything in the process of getting to where He has planned for you to be.  I’ve gone through a lot to be with my boys, but my relationship with them now is better than it has ever been because I was willing to work through that and suffer myself in order to get there.  I am in no way comparing my small life challenges to Bethany’s, but God knows us better than we know ourselves, and He doesn’t give us more than handle. What He does do is give us plenty of chances to grow, gain character, and become more like Him when we accept Him into our hearts and lives.   Thank you, God, for your servant Bethany, and for all the faith and character building experiences in life and using them for our good and for helping others gain peace and a stronger relationship with You.  

August 16-17, 2011- Going All Out!

     I’ve often heard my mom tell others that her daughter is not afraid to try anything. What she is usually referring to are things like going to Spain for a semester abroad and staying two extra weeks by myself to explore Europe at the last minute when I was in college or traveling halfway around the world with a toddler and an infant by myself just because I needed a break from the small “rock” we call home. When it comes to traveling, I am most definitely not afraid and ready to try anything, but risks that could affect me physically are another matter all together. I could never bring myself to try bungee jumping, even when visiting the bungee jumping capital of the world in New Zealand. I do not have a desire to climb a mountain and freeze my butt off at the top just to say I made it, and until recently, I did not have a desire to try race or mountain biking, mainly because I was not totally comfortable clipping my feet in due to my potential to get hurt when I couldn’t get out. I can be very graceful when dancing or doing yoga, but I can be very clumsy with things I have not grown up doing or am nervous about starting.

     That’s why it was such a big deal for me to purchase my new bike. It’s not like my usual leisurely rides to work and back on my Sun bike. This is a road/mountain bike with the clip in pedals I have only ever tried out in the bike shop while the bike was stabilized on a trainer, meaning I did not have to balance myself. Biking like this can be dangerous if you fall or hit something in the road and have little time to react. In fact, my oldest brother now has a plate in his jaw from a wreck on the road while out training with his team several months back. Knowing the potential dangers, I went ahead with the purchase anyway, and since my fiance and I had already spent so much time, energy, money, and thought on the choosing and putting together of my bike, I decided to test it out on my own yesterday evening.  Unfortunately, my fiance had to go back to Roi because of work the next day, but I knew how to clip in and out, and I was only planning on practicing around the block anyway.

     The short of what is becoming a very long story (especially since I am typing right now with only one hand) is that I clipped in, took off, rode around the block twice, stopped, unclipped my left foot successfully, then promptly forgot to turn my right foot out of the clip and fell on my right arm, cracking my radius bone right up by the elbow. Ouch!! I am now in a splint for the rest of the week, and then physical therapy to get range of motion back in my elbow for the next several weeks. At least I was not afraid to try! I went all out on time, thought, and money on the bike, so I had to go all out on riding it, which I did. Now I can say I had my first broken bone (other than fingers or toes), and it only took 36 years and one clip in cross bike to do it!

August 13-15, 2011- My Brand New Ride!

     While in Oregon last month, I splurged and purchased a cross bicycle from one of the many popular bike shops in the state.  I had been wanting one for awhile, and knowing that life is unpredictable and may take me from my life on an atoll at any moment and back to a place where my money will be quickly spent on a house, car, monthly bills, etc…, I decided to go ahead and make the leap to get a nice bike for now and hopefully 10 years into the future while I do have the money to afford it. It was not something I could bring back with me on the plane as it had to be ordered in my size, and it finally arrived on island this week, and I have been patiently waiting for my fiancé and his awesome bike mechanic skills to put it all back together for me from the box in was broken down into in order to make it out here.  It took the majority of the day yesterday just to get it all together, and today, my baby helped fit me to it, so I can take it out on a ride when the rain clears, and I have a chance to test it out on my own.  I can’t wait to practice with it! This will be my first “professional” type bicycle with clip in pedals, special bike shoes, gloves, padded “pants,” and a special shirt with pockets in the back for my snacks and such. J  It’s so exciting and will hopefully assist me in my efforts to get into better shape sooner rather than later.  While here, I hope to get very comfortable with my new ride, so that when we return to Oregon or wherever we end up in the states, I’ll be able to ride it out on the trails and roads on weekends.  That’s the one thing I am missing most right now while living on a small island, the inability to take off on road trips and/or bike trips over the weekend.   There’s so much more world out there to take advantage of, to enjoy, to fall in love with, and I’m ready to explore it.  Summer’s almost over, and school starts soon, so for now, I will simply have to dream of those long mountain and trail rides, the cool breeze, fresh air, and gorgeous mountains and coast around me while I practice my biking skills traversing the flat asphalt road around the island airport, and even though it may seem like I am getting nowhere except back to where I started, I will know I’m training my mind and heart for a lifetime of healthy habits, a love and appreciation of the simple magnificence of nature wherever I live, and a future full of adventure out on the roads and trails of life!

August 11-12, 2011- Time off with a Houseful of Boys!

     Tonight, I am writing this blog as I listen to the whispers and light snoring of 5 boys in my house.  I was lucky enough to be able to take a couple of days off this week to catch up with my babies since they arrived back from vacation with dad, and I found out rather quickly that they are at the age when they simply want to be with friends, so I compromised and said, “Well, let’s invite some friends over for a sleepover and beach day, and we’ll all spend time together then.” Of course, the boys were all for that, and during the first part of the evening, when they were all riled up and wrestling, voices rising as the excitement of being all together built up, I was wondering if maybe I’d made a hasty decision to have them all over at once and for a full 24 hours, but as we sat down to dinner, I was so glad I had.  I am amazed at the manners and maturity of the kids my boys have chosen as friends.  They were thankful for the tacos I made, polite when asking or receiving things, cleaned up after themselves (for the most part-like all boys J), and more than anything, they included me in the evening.  Each one loves to chat, and they want to know what I think about things, just as I want to know what they think.  I never realized that at 7 and 9, I would have so much to talk about with my children and their friends. 

     I have enjoyed every stage of my boys’ lives so far in one way or another, but I believe I am now getting closer to what may become one of my favorite “growing up” years with them.  I remember my mom telling me once that one of her favorite times with all of us (my brothers and me) was when we were teenagers, which is usually the age most parents dread getting to and going through with their kids.  I was surprised at first when she told me this, but I understand more now than I ever have in the past.  I mean, that’s when you can really talk to your children and get to know them as the beautiful children of God they are becoming. How cool is that?!

     I am blessed and lucky to not only have healthy, intelligent, and compassionate children, but also to have boys who enjoy chatting and learning about life and people.  I am floored by their insight, and I love their openness and honesty.  I hope they never lose that as they get older.  And I am not talking just about my boys, but their friends who are here with me tonight as well.  They are all precious young boys, quickly growing into respectful and kind young men.  I look forward to watching them grow up and seeing where life takes them.  Whoever thought the highlight of my week would be spending time with five 7-9 year olds in a 900 square foot house! I’m so glad it is, and I can’t wait to see what interesting conversations we will have together tomorrow!

     God bless these precious boys and their futures, may life be full of positive learning curves and people who treat them as kindly as they been treated and have been taught to treat others.  May they always remember that hope, faith, and love will get them through anything and to never give up or lose their optimism and openness, keeping their childlike faith and love for life and others forever. May God bless their parents as well, who have taken their jobs seriously and made a valiant and worthwhile effort to do their best to assist their boys in becoming great men someday in a day and age when expecting your children to show respect and listen to elders is considered too harsh because it might hurt their self-esteem.  Thank you, “old school parents” for teaching your children character and going “against the grain” to do what you know in your heart is best for them.  

August 9-10, 2011-The Wee Morning Hours and Ooossssaaa…

     Yesterday, my boys arrived back on island, and you would think it was me, unadjusted to the time as it is now 6 am on the 10^th, and I can’t sleep anymore.  I know, that’s not really “wee morning hours” early, but I have been awake for a while, and when my usual schedule is to arrive at work at 8:30, I sleep until the sun begins streaming through my shades, but not today.  My body, in just a couple of days, has already adjusted to being up between 5-5:30 to open up our center at 6:45.  I am not opening this morning, so I was hoping to sleep in a bit, but instead, I will take advantage of being wide awake to blog, make coffee, and maybe even do a bit of yoga before beginning the day.  It’s been rough at work lately, a very negative atmosphere.  It’s funny how just one or two negative mindsets, shared daily with the rest of us turns everyone to negativity.  It ends up being a daily struggle to try and stay out of that negativity, and I must admit, it’s been a bit of a losing battle for me lately.  I’ll fallen into it just as everyone else has, but I am trying to pull myself out of it. I can’t change others’ minds, and I certainly can’t change their attitudes, but I can change mine.  I can make an effort to not allow others’ negativity to affect me that way.  It’s not easy, but it can be done.  As my friend and co-worker says, I need to practice more “Ooossssaaaa.” When one of the other of us is stressing out at work, we do a meditative or yogic type move or sometimes just hug while saying “ooossssaaa” and releasing all that negative junk to focus on something more productive.  It sounds silly, but that’s exactly why it works. It brings a smile to our faces and makes us think of something other than what is bothering us. I practice it with the boys all the time, do or say something funny when they are upset, and it brings a giggle while they forget about what was hurting them.

    For me, I simply have to learn to let go, focus on doing my job to the best of my ability, and not worry about how others are doing or trying to fix things in their areas that I am not responsible for fixing.   I am a bit of a caretaker though, and I have a hard time not helping others out at work when I know it’s something I can do for them easily.  It’s the same with my babies.  I want to fix everything for them and make sure everyone else is doing their best by them when it’s not my time or place to worry about it.  It doesn’t help right now that I am anxious about our futures on the island and elsewhere, but again, I have to learn to let go of that and let God take care of it.  Breathe in, breathe out, let go, ooossssaaaa….

August 3-8, 2011-Hail and Farewell Island...

     I live on a military base, even though over 90% of it is inhabited by civilian contractors, it is still run very much like military bases anywhere else in the world or the United States.  Living like a military family means we have to say goodbye to friends and co-workers quite often.  We usually have PCS (permanent change of station) parties for those leaving before they go, but sometimes we have what the military calls a “Hail and Farewell” to see those all-important VIP’s off the island and onto new adventures.  This week, I hosted a farewell dinner party at my home for my co-worker and our director, who is heading to Germany approximately a week from now. She has been here for almost 8 years and was not only a big part of my children’s preschool lives as a teacher and director at the child care center where they attended, she has also been a friend, supervisor, and now co-worker of mine for the past 4 years. She will be sorely missed at our facility and within our department, and I have to admit I am a bit envious of her ability to take off and start fresh in a place I’ve always wanted to go in Europe.  Mostly, though, I am very excited for her and wish her the very, very best!

       Farewells are a part of life here, but as we get ready to start a new school year, and my baby boys arrive back on island tomorrow, I am going to focus instead not on the sad goodbyes, but on the new adventures ahead, for all of us, on the island and off.  It may be farewell to one life, but it’s also welcome to another, farewell to one summer and school year and welcome to another…life is full of farewells on the island, but it is also full of “Iakwe” and “Aloha,” hello with love.  

July 27-August 2, 2011-Precious Photos and Wonderful Words

     Looking back at the entire week/weekend that has gone by since I last wrote, I wasn't sure what to write. Mostly, I've been working, spending weekends relaxing on Roi with my fiance and enjoying the last bit of summer before it slips away into more work with the return of school, birthdays, holidays, and more and more changes with a new school year, smaller budgets, debt crisis, and an unpredictable economy to keep our minds and lives fully occupied and our futures uncertain, but still blessed compared to what we could be going through. Mostly though, I just can't stop thinking about my sweet babies returning to "the rock" we all call home exactly one week from today!  All I have had of them for over 6 weeks now to keep me close is pictures and words.  My mom graciously sent pictures of the fun they had at their house last week, and once or twice a week I am able to reach them by phone to hear their voices.  It's getting to the point of there not being much to say anymore, which to me means, it's time for them to come home! I miss them terribly. 
     As I browsed through photos from my workplace today (looking for pictures to put together in a collage for our director, who is PCSing soon), I found a few of my boys when they attended the preschool here. I couldn't help but smile, and it made me realize that no matter what the future holds for all of us, I have had so many precious years with them already! I am lucky to have been able to raise them in their younger years on the atoll with lots and lots of quality time and memories to go with it. It seems like so long ago when my youngest sported his gorgeous blond curls or when my older "spiderman" loved to swing at Emon Beach park, but it's been less than a decade since my oldest was brought into this world.  I have often been told by parents whose children are grown that the only thing they really regret about the years when their kids were young was not just enjoying it more and worrying about every little thing less.  I do get more anxious than necessary sometimes, but I also feel that I have enjoyed them (the last 4 years especially) in a really grand way, and hopefully I've enjoyed them enough to not have that regret in a few more years. 
     My "spidey sense" tells me that our lives will probably change drastically by this time next year, and I'm okay with that, even though I'm nervous and afraid at the same time.  I have done all I can to make my boys and my own years here the best they could be, enjoying almost every type of outdoor/indoor recreation available, growing spiritually, professionally, and in my relationship with my boys in ways I never realized were possible for me.  I've survived rough times as well, but learned from them to make myself a stronger and hopefully better person.  Photos and words are never enough when you can have hugs and family dinners together, but the time away from my boys has given me perspective that will take me through the next challenge life has for us.  I don't know if they will ever read all these words about them I've written over the last year, but I do know they have felt the love from my heart, the place these words flow from, and that's all that really matters...to know we are loved and experience the joy of loving someone back! Remember to enjoy the "loves of your life" today because you never know what tomorrow brings or how fast it will fly by, and you certainly don't want to have any regrets in regard to loving those most precious to you and enjoying life to the fullest while you can.  Love and hugs to all of you from me! :-)

July 23-26, 2011- Lost and Found!

     Several months ago, my then boyfriend (now fiancé) and I found a small LCM (Landing Craft Mechanism) that had been dumped near where the lost tank we were diving for was found.  We have been back once or twice since finding the tank and LCM to try and find the landing craft again, but with no luck.  Over the weekend, we went diving for it and found it! This time with had a float with us, so we could mark the exact spot, head back to the boat, then motor over and mark it on the GPS.  It was exciting to see the shadow of the small, stripped wartime transport water craft appear angled against the coral head where it most likely landed decades ago when it was pushed into a watery retirement from service.  It was not the only thing we found on our dive adventures Sunday. As my fiancé and I descended into the “Crater” dive spot, a couple of curious sharks begin swimming around us.  Next thing we knew, there were six to eight sharks hanging about.  They were like most other creatures of nature, more interested in seeing who or what we were than anything else, just curious, although it was fun to watch them watching us.  There were babies, but one of them couldn’t seem to move on. He would swim away, then come back to see us again, back and forth, until he finally had his fill of the “strange fish” with bubbles trailing behind them. 

     It was so fulfilling to get back in the water again.  I’ve missed it…I’ve not been motivated to do much lately without my babies here and an uncertain future with budget cuts on the atoll and an ex-husband who may be departing the island any day to go back to the states, most likely leaving me to make some hard decisions in regards to being with my children.  But underwater, none of that matters.  All that matters is how much air you have left, how much safe time you have at the depth you are cruising, where the boat is, and how much beautiful and exciting sea life and history you can cram into your dive before you have to get back to the boat to head home. Diving is about surviving and focusing on what matters most in life, the continual and consistent motion of the tide, the beauty all around us if we simply take the time to stop and look, and focusing only on breathing and enjoying each moment we have instead of all the myriad and potential “troubles” around the corner. It’s about losing those worries and finding peace again in all life has blessed us with.  “I once was lost, but now I’m found…was blind, but now I see.”  

July 20-22, 2011-Taking it one day at a time...

     I've written enough of these blog entries now to start repeating myself. I know I have probably used this same title before or some version of it, but some days or weeks, life moves by at a snail's pace, you wonder where it will be taking you next, and you feel you are in a holding pattern. During those times, all you can do is "take it one day at a time" as my mom always reminds me when I am anxious about the future and venting about the every day frustrations that come with work, raising kids, and putting my trust in people rather than God.  I mention the last part because I realize that so often my anxieties crop up when I am depending on someone else to do things the way I would do them or to take care of business on my terms. I am putting my trust in others to control situations in life when it's something I'm not in a position to control myself.  Well, once again, my wise mother reminded me, you don't need to trust "XYZ," you only need to trust God.  He'll take care of you and yours, and He always knows what's best, so who better to put your trust in.  As Americans, our country has grown up around the ideals of freedom and independence, pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps, so to speak, and that's all fine and well, but it takes our Higher Power and putting trust in Him away from us when we are so busy "doing it ourselves." Some things you can't do all by yourself. Some things you will never have the answers to that you want. Some things you will never be able to control. Sometimes you will not know where you are going or how you will get there until you are there.  That's where the faith and trust comes in, and I'm awful thankful for God's work through my mom to remind me of that.  Trust, faith, and love....that's all you need to find peace and contentment, and even if you don't understand where life is taking you, and it's a struggle, don't try to take more than one day at a time. Each day has enough trouble of its own, so just get through today and let God worry about tomorrow.  Wishing you all a fabulous upcoming weekend! Enjoy every minute of it!

July 16-19, 2011- Adjustments…

     There’s always a bit of an adjustment coming back to the islands from a visit to the “mainland,” and this time it’s been a little harder for me than usual.  I know a lot of this is because I had no children to come home to and keep me on my toes. There’s not much slowing down with 7 and 9 year old boys, and when we are together, my focus is on taking care of their needs and not my own.  With just myself to look after (even my fiancé is back on his island, so I can’t even distract myself by hanging out with him), I find myself going to work, eating, exercising, and going to bed, and that’s all. It makes me miss the fun, family, and road trips of our recent vacation in Oregon.  It makes me want to move back “home.”  It’s quiet on the island in summer because half the population is gone for the 2+ months that comprise “summer vacation” here, so it’s nice to be able to get things done at work, but somehow the motivation is not there as it usually is when the pressure is on. J  Even though I enjoy my job, and I’m doing something I love, work, in the end, doesn’t mean anything if there’s nothing really to work for. What I mean is that work is worth it because it provides us the ability to go on those family vacations, to provide things for our family, to spend time with those we love on the weekends and holidays in a comfortable fashion.  For now, work for me, is saving up, saving for the day we’ll be able to move back to the states, saving for our future.  It may not be as exciting right now, but it’s a necessary part of life, and I know it won’t last forever because school starts back at the end of next month, families all arrive back on the atoll, and life will speed up with a vengeance to get back the time it lost over the summer!

July 14-15, 2011- My Baby's Eyes...

     Well, it's been over 3 months since my son has the congenital cataract in his left eye removed, and he's been attempting to strengthen it through patch therapy and wearing glasses at least 10 hours a day.  This week, he had a follow up appointment with his surgeon in Alabama while there on vacation with his dad.  Apparently, he can now see the large "E" at the top of the eye chart from about 5 feet away, which is, believe it or not, a gain in sight since the last appointment in April.  The funny thing is, my son struggles with finding motivation to wear his patch 10 hours a day and not peek out of any crack he can find in it, and he tries to take the glasses off at every opportunity. This does NOT help improve his sight, but if you think about it, he's never had very strong sight in that eye having had the cataract since birth, and it had only grown larger over time and impaired his vision more, so to him, he does not know what a difference it would make for him to be able to use both his eyes more fully. He's never seen anything in 3-D, so he doesn't really know what that is.  He's always used the right eye for sports, reading, etc...and he does very well with that one eye, which has perfect sight, so why would he want to work so hard to see in an eye that has always been useless to him?  I understand his perspective, but it still makes me sad.  Who knows how much sight he could gain if he had a stronger motivation to work at it?! I am thankful though that he has some sight back, and he has been told by the doctor to continue to wear the patch and glasses until he has no further gains in sight, so we'll see where he is at in another 3 months.
     For me, right now, sight or no sight, I miss my babies! Kids are kids and like the rest of us, they are not perfect.  We sometimes get annoyed with each other, and sometimes they talk back or frustrate me, but not having them near and having to let go of them so much when they are still so young  is one of the most heart breaking things I've ever experienced.  As parents, I believe we become so attached to our children that they are like an extension of ourselves, so when they fail or make a mistake, we feel their pain. When they are sad, we are sad. When they are far away, our lives are not complete. The house is quiet, too quiet, without them.  Days at work are long as I stay late to avoid having to go home to the emptiness.  Sure, I get things done that I would struggle to complete otherwise, but they are all trivial things, things that mean little in comparison to that precious time with my children, who are growing up so fast. They will be gone for another 3 weeks or so, and I can't wait to hug and kiss them when they step off that plane back onto the island they've grown up on and call home. 
     It's been about a year since I started this blog, in an attempt to record what I thought might be my last year on the island, and even though for now, we are still here, I know the days are getting shorter and circumstances in their lives are changing...I know it will be necessary for them to move on soon and maybe me too, so I'll attempt to enjoy every moment here with them while I have it because once we move away from the island, life will become more chaotic in the "real world," and I may have no choice but to be further away from my babies for longer and longer periods of time, and I don't look forward to that at all.  I know God knows what's best, and He'll work it all out for our good, but until then, I am still learning to be content in my present circumstances and find joy in all the little and big moments of life with and without my babies.   

July 11-13, 2011- Settling Back In…

     The 11^th proved to be a longer day than we originally planned for with an extra 2 hours of sitting on the tarmac in Honolulu in the airplane while they checked on an indicator light (indicating a potential mechanical issue) that was flashing in the cockpit.  So, our regularly scheduled 7-hour flight turned into 9 hours, and needless to say, we were exhausted by the time we arrived back home.  The alarm woke us up at 2:30, so we could be prepared to leave by 3:30 and arrive at the airport at 4 am to check our bags for the 5:30 flight. The delay put us landing on Kwaj at 12:30 pm instead of 10:30 am on Tuesday, July 12, and we were starved! After a late lunch at Subway in the food court, we relaxed at home, settling back in after 3 weeks away. I had to head into work for a couple of hours at the end of the day, but it was good as I was able to get caught up on e-mails before a full day of work today. 

     The rest is boring work stuff, especially considering that my body is still readjusting to the time change, and I woke up at 4 am this morning and felt like the day should have been over by lunchtime! J  I did make it through until after 6 pm at work, but I will be turning in early again tonight to try and catch up on sleep and get my system back on track.  It’s always hard to settle back in the first few days, but it is nice to be home in my own space.  

July 10, 2011- Sunday in Honolulu…

     We arrived in Hawaii around 9:30 pm on Saturday night and after filling our tummies with some IHOP breakfast entrees, we headed up to our hotel room next door to the restaurant and fell fast asleep.  Waking up early due to our bodies still adjusting to the time change, my fiancé asked me, “What are we going to do today?” We had a whole day to hang out and having been to Hawaii many times before, there’s not much we haven’t done there in the past, so that makes it hard to come up with something new or interesting to do for less than 24 hours. I know, hard life, having to find SOMETHING to do in Hawaii, but it’s not the cheapest place to spend a few hours, and frankly the Waikiki area where we were staying is just a big, busy city. At first, I wasn’t sure what we should do as seeing the Iolani Palace (the one thing I haven’t done yet in Hawaii) wasn’t possible since it is closed on Sunday. So, I took a shower instead to get ready for whatever was in store for the day. As often happens to me in the shower, I started thinking and came up with what turned out to be a pretty good plan.  First, we’ll have breakfast at our favorite spot just two doors down, the Wailana Coffee House, then we’ll go for a walk on the Hilton Hawaiian Village grounds to see the birds who reside there, including penguins and flamingos. Next, we’ll head to the Ala Moana mall to pick out some surprises for the boys when they return home from their vacation with their dad.  Finally, we’ll catch a movie in an actual movie theater, go to dinner at Outback Steakhouse (where we can use the gift certificate that was a Christmas present we haven’t been able to use yet), and head to bed early for our 4 am check in time.  Good plan, huh?! Well, it was, and that’s exactly what we did, spent a leisurely day in Honolulu doing the same types of things most of the locals do. After all, we are by now, more local than tourist during our Hawaii adventures. The streets there are more familiar to me than my own hometown in Alabama anymore.  It’s changed so much since I left, but good ‘ole Honolulu, on the island of Oahu, is the same to me as it was the first time I passed through over 15 years ago.