“People with good sense restrain their anger; they earn
esteem by overlooking wrongs.” Proverbs 19:11
This was one of
the verses in my devotional readings over the weekend. It’s very apt for what happened before the
weekend started. I’ve noticed that God always gives me the readings and wisdom
I need to hear when I need it the most.
I’m not always very good at overlooking wrongs done to me and/or my family. I’ve prayed to God to help me forgive my
father for the wrongs he did to my family over 20 years ago, and to a certain
extent I have forgiven him, but I have not forgotten, and I tend to be harder
on him because of those memories. I have
prayed that God would help me to forgive co-workers and friends in the past who
have said or done things to hurt me, but I still harbor a harder heart against
them than my heart for others who have not bruised me in some way, shape, or
form. And even though there’s a part of
me that doesn’t even WANT this, I pray to God to help me forgive my ex-husband
daily for the things he has done and continues to do that hurt me and/or my
children (whether they realize it or not).
This is definitely an area of my life that could use a LOT of work. Oftentimes, I consider my anger against those
who have injured me without cause to be righteous anger. The problem is that my
righteous anger never subsides, and I never do anything useful with it. For
example, righteous anger against a school shooter can be utilized for good when
directed in going up the chain to those politicians and a government who can
make decisions to keep other young children from being harmed in the
future. Righteous anger against a
terrorist can motivate a country to be more vigilant in their awareness and
fight for our freedom and help us to come together in love and support of one
another. My “righteous anger” sits and
festers until it is no longer righteous anymore, but instead is bitter and
useless. Continuing to judge those who I
am angry with does nothing but make me ripe for the judging by others. I even quoted the verse from Matthew the
other day about “taking the log out of your own eye before taking the speck out
of another” because I was upset at someone who was judging others by not
looking at themselves and their own faults on the very same subject. Well, as you can imagine, I immediately felt
a check in my own spirit for this judgment.
I have noticed
lately that this type of behavior has increased in me. Thankfully, God has shown me the error of my
ways, and even maybe some of the route cause. Looking back over my life, I
realize that I always tend to start judging others more and being less forgiving
when God has really grown me closer to Him and more knowledgeable in His word
over a period of time. This is when
Satan attacks…when I am growing in the right ways toward God. He starts planting these seeds of judgment in
my mind and feelings of pride over “accomplishments” in my spiritual life. That’s precisely the time when I should be
paying attention more closely to my thoughts and where they are coming from and
going to. And rest assured, this is not
all Satan’s doing. I took those seeds of
judgment he planted and watered, fed, and nurtured them repeatedly until God
put everything back into perspective.
So, where do I go
from here? I know that this will not
stop immediately and be all better. It will be a lifelong and even daily
struggle, but I really hope, knowing all the other miraculous things God has
done in my life and in the lives of those around me, that today can be a start
toward judging less and loving more. I
desperately want to be able to just love my father for who he is, flaws and
all. I’ve always wanted that, but I’ve also always struggled to get there. I pray today, again, for God to plant that
kind of unconditional love and forgiveness in my heart for him. I also want to be able to show my children
what God’s love looks like by being able to love their dad the way God does, so
I pray that God will help me to develop that kind of love for him. And finally, I pray that God will help me to
quickly let go of all the little wrongs that acquaintances, co-workers, patrons
of my worksite, and even friends do and have done that bothered me and show
them love, knowing that I may be doing the very same things to them or others
that hurt and bother them without even realizing it. I’m far, far from perfect, so who am I to
judge others? I’m a child of God saved by grace alone. Help me to remember
that, Lord, and to give all the credit back to you for anything good and lovely
in my life. Help me to love others in the way your son showed us when he walked
this earth. Forgive me for not doing
that lately. Amen.
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