*The writing prompt for today was to
freewrite for 10 minutes. This is a basic journaling exercise I’ve done many,
many times, so instead of that I began this morning thinking about a topic to
write about and getting my 4 points together in my head, so I am not exactly
free writing for 10 minutes, but instead I’m completing a FOCUSED free write on
the topic of raising kids. Hope you
enjoy!
I
have two kids, both boys, 13 and 11 years old. I have also worked daily for the
last 8 years with children from toddler to 18 years old, and this is my 2 cents
on raising kids:
1.
Pick your Battles: Yes, it’s cliché, you’ve heard it a million times already,
but there’s a reason for that…because it’s true. It’s so important to know ahead of time
whether or not what you are fighting for it is worth the battle. How much do you really want to be in control
of what your child is wearing or eating?
Is it life or death for them? Is
it detrimental to their healthy development?
These are the questions to ask.
If my son needs more time than other kids to get ready for school in the
morning in order to make it a peaceful transition from bed to bus, then I’m
going to wake him up earlier and give him that extra time instead of rushing
and fighting with him over it later. If
I can compromise with having him wear at least one piece of warm clothing to
school in the winter (either a sweatshirt or a pair of pants), then I’m good
with that. Why cause more stress in our
lives simply because we feel the need to be in control, make sure they know
who’s boss, or we just want them to do things the way we do them. It’s exhausting, so I pick what battles I
really need to fight before they even come up, if possible. Think like a grandparent on this one, instead
of like a parent. J
2.
Love them unconditionally: They are going to grow up to be very different
individuals than you, and that’s okay. Love all their quirks and embrace them
even when they make mistakes. They will
be more open and honest with you if they know you love them no matter
what. Judging them is not your
job…guiding them in how to make good choices and how to be independent and take
care of themselves is your job. Focus on
that instead of making sure they know what you don’t agree with about their
behavior and giving them “that look” of disappointment when they don’t act the
way you want them to. We all really take that to heart!
3.
Get to know them as individuals: For those of you with more than one child, you
already know how different they all turn out.
That means you can’t use the same discipline, the same rewards, the same
anything treatment with them. You have to take the time to get to know them as
individuals and figure out the ways to best talk and relate to them as they
grow, even the best ways to discipline them and help them learn. Taking that time will make all the difference
in your child’s success in school and in life.
4.
Really take the time to LISTEN to them.
We all get in the habit of saying “uh-huh,” and “that’s great,” and
“cool,” to our children when they are telling us stories about their day or the
latest, greatest video game level they recently made it to, etc….but it’s
important for all of us to take the time to really listen to what they are
saying. I have found this especially important with the children I work with
every day…just taking a few extra minutes to really listen to what they need to
say (whether it’s tattling on another child or a story about what they did over
the weekend with their family) because sometimes they just want to be heard.
It’s not that they need anything from you or that there’s a problem to solve,
it’s just that they need to know you care about what’s important to them.
There’s
so many more tidbits about bringing up children that I could discuss, but this
is the crux of the matter in my mind. Kids are going to grow up to be whoever
they want to be in the end, doesn’t matter what we do, really, as long as we
are trying our best to be good parents. Making sure they know we love them and
are there for them no matter what teaches them more than any piece of unsolicited
advice or battle over our little pet peeves ever could.
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