Over the last 2 plus years, I have moved around a lot from job to job. This is mostly because of budget cuts within the company and government, but it is also in an effort to obtain a position that would rate housing for my boys and me. This is an elusive goal because just as the budget is being cut, so are housing positions. They are harder and harder to come by. Every time I think I’ve tried all I can to move into a position to provide better for my children, I discover another potential opportunity, and I go for it, only to be shot down over and over again. It’s probably kind of like those looking for employment in the states right now with the economy so bad, one rejection letter after another, so to speak. Today, I was making a rather discouraging comment to my boyfriend about not wanting to put myself through the rejection phase anymore, and he said, “then don’t,” and my immediate gut reaction was, “well, that’s not going to happen. I have to keep trying, for my kids and for us.” I was surprised that there was absolutely no hesitation for me in that decision. How could I ever stop trying to make life better and easier for those I love most? Love is such a powerful force and motivator. So, here I am, waiting it out once again, seeing what God has in store for me tomorrow and praying He’ll be able to sustain me until the time comes for change.
Putting it all in perspective, it’s not such a bad place to wait it out. I mean, the major difference between living on an island and living in the states is that time is on your side. Everything runs on island time, and there’s plenty of it: time to reflect on life, time to enjoy life, time to wait at the store for your groceries, although that wait is nothing compared to wait time in the states for almost anything. I have more time than usual right now due to summer break at school, and I do wonder how I will have time to keep up this journal every day when life really kicks back in for me next week with work duties, child care responsibilities, and extra curricular activities, but honestly, on a daily basis, we have a “Jimmy Buffett” type lifestyle on the atoll.
One of our biggest troubles is blowing out a flip flop, to which my typical ribbing question is, of course, “did you step on a pop top?” In fact, a friend of mine blew one out just the other day, and she was cruising around with two different shoes, one borrowed from a kind friend who was walking around without one at all. Even the kids at school suffer from this quite often. I’ve had many a child come up to me on the playground with an awkward high step walk from trying to hold their flip-flop on and telling me, “My shoe broke.” Several parents have been called to run home and get another pair of shoes for their child because it’s only a short bike ride home and over to the school. I’ve done it myself for my son, in fact. Tough life, huh? Life on an island is truly a dream, most days. While sailing recently, I mentioned to a friend who was lounging on the deck of the ship resting her eyes, how difficult we had it as I sat in my “Princess” chair behind the wheel and out of the way of the crew’s work. She agreed, sarcastically, of course.
I see my boys every day before and after school in my classroom and at least every other weekend when I get to take them snorkeling, fishing, and camping on Roi, and I am able to be there for every school and sporting event due to my work schedule, which is the same as their school schedule, and I am able to save money for their futures without having to worry about the bills I’d have in the states with a house, car, etc...so if one of the worse problems I can think of is “blowing out a flip-flop,” life is pretty good. Yes, I’ll still try for “the American dream” of a home with my kids on this wonderful island, but I’ll take this life for awhile longer rather than the hardships of bills, lack of employment opportunities, traffic, and crime ever present stateside. In fact, last night, I soothed my “blown out flip flop” worries with a “cheeseburger in paradise.” My boyfriend made us some Swiss mushroom “Bubba Burgers” with an extra dose of delicious fat, like the old style burgers used to always contain. Might as well enjoy the atoll while I can because you never know what tomorrow will hold.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
August 17, 2010-Chocolate, Sunshine, and Laughter
What is it about a warm, plush blanket or a yummy brownie and a glass of milk that instantly makes one feel warm and fuzzy from the inside out? To each his own, I guess, but when I am feeling blue, a couple of hours in the warm sunshine with a fascinating read or an afternoon with a cup of hot chocolate and a fun romantic comedy on the movie channel lifts the clouds and puts a smile back on my face. Sometimes, of course, only a hearty cry and a chat with a close friend, brings me back to myself, but the power of chocolate, sunshine, and a good laugh is amazing.
Today, I am missing my children. I called to talk to them and hung up the phone to a pool of tears forming in my eyes. It hit me that fast and hard. My life would not be the same or as full without them. These are the times I look for my warm, plush blanket and maybe a sweet treat to put the spring back in my step, although it’s not always that simple, and I’d added many methods to my repertoire over the years for chasing the blues away.
When I first arrived on the atoll back in 1997, I used to spend my afternoons at the pool soaking up rays, reading books, writing poetry, swimming laps, and just relaxing. This was how I cleared my mind and kept myself from becoming too homesick. Over the years, I’ve learned that there’s more than one way to get my mind off life’s challenges, such as scrap booking, basket weaving, hula dancing, yoga, and scuba diving. These are all activities which require very focused attention and a one-track mind, so to speak, which means I put all my thoughts and energy into what I am doing at that very moment and am able to relax my mind from worries or other negative thoughts that disrupt peace in my heart and mind.
Lately, I have gone back to writing as my outlet of choice. I’ve discovered that when I write out my thoughts, my troubles, my worries, for some reason it’s like “setting the truth free,” and when it’s all out in the open, especially in the tangible, permanent way that blogging to the public about my life is, there’s no longer any worries to plague me. If I am not afraid to reveal my greatest fears and challenges in life to everyone, then they can’t keep me entrapped anymore.
I think that’s why women in particular feel the need to talk things out so much because when you tell someone else how you are feeling, you find out it’s normal to feel that way and even if it’s a legitimate worry, your friend puts it in perspective and lets you know that it’s something you can’t control anyway. Writing it out is truly a form of therapy for me like chocolate, sunshine, and laughter is a prescription from many doctors to help with sickness and disease. Writing keeps the grip of depression, fear, and worry from taking hold of me and making me physically and mentally sick. This also goes for yoga, swimming, and all those other wonderful activities the island life has provided me with over the years to keep me sane. What’s your favorite form of therapy? Keep it in mind the next time you need a mental or emotional lift. For me today, it’s absorbing the sunshine with a long morning walk and distracting my mind from the sorrow of missing my boys by allowing myself to become absorbed in a good movie. Break out the popcorn and the brownies! I’m ready for some comfort food and a good laugh.
Today, I am missing my children. I called to talk to them and hung up the phone to a pool of tears forming in my eyes. It hit me that fast and hard. My life would not be the same or as full without them. These are the times I look for my warm, plush blanket and maybe a sweet treat to put the spring back in my step, although it’s not always that simple, and I’d added many methods to my repertoire over the years for chasing the blues away.
When I first arrived on the atoll back in 1997, I used to spend my afternoons at the pool soaking up rays, reading books, writing poetry, swimming laps, and just relaxing. This was how I cleared my mind and kept myself from becoming too homesick. Over the years, I’ve learned that there’s more than one way to get my mind off life’s challenges, such as scrap booking, basket weaving, hula dancing, yoga, and scuba diving. These are all activities which require very focused attention and a one-track mind, so to speak, which means I put all my thoughts and energy into what I am doing at that very moment and am able to relax my mind from worries or other negative thoughts that disrupt peace in my heart and mind.
Lately, I have gone back to writing as my outlet of choice. I’ve discovered that when I write out my thoughts, my troubles, my worries, for some reason it’s like “setting the truth free,” and when it’s all out in the open, especially in the tangible, permanent way that blogging to the public about my life is, there’s no longer any worries to plague me. If I am not afraid to reveal my greatest fears and challenges in life to everyone, then they can’t keep me entrapped anymore.
I think that’s why women in particular feel the need to talk things out so much because when you tell someone else how you are feeling, you find out it’s normal to feel that way and even if it’s a legitimate worry, your friend puts it in perspective and lets you know that it’s something you can’t control anyway. Writing it out is truly a form of therapy for me like chocolate, sunshine, and laughter is a prescription from many doctors to help with sickness and disease. Writing keeps the grip of depression, fear, and worry from taking hold of me and making me physically and mentally sick. This also goes for yoga, swimming, and all those other wonderful activities the island life has provided me with over the years to keep me sane. What’s your favorite form of therapy? Keep it in mind the next time you need a mental or emotional lift. For me today, it’s absorbing the sunshine with a long morning walk and distracting my mind from the sorrow of missing my boys by allowing myself to become absorbed in a good movie. Break out the popcorn and the brownies! I’m ready for some comfort food and a good laugh.
Monday, August 16, 2010
August 16, 2010- Saving the World with the Big Three Plus One
Only 8 days until it’s back to work for me, and 10 days until it’s back to school for all the kids in the Kwajalein School system. As much as I love my job (and I really do; it’s honestly a perfect fit for me), and as much as I can’t wait to see my children when they arrive back on Saturday, I am also in love with Roi and with the life I’ve had here with my sweetheart for the last few weeks. I’ve spent a lot of time on Roi-Namur over the past 2 ½ years, and I really think if I could live on Roi and work at the public school on Enniburr (Third Island), I would do it in a heartbeat, but that’s not something I can do at this point in my life. I have my boys to care for and responsibilities and a life on Kwajalein I need to get back to.
I think the biggest struggle in my heart and mind right now is the thought of having to go back to the gypsy lifestyle I have lived since my divorce. I love having a normal, stable life and home to spend my off times in like we’ve had on vacation and in the islands the last 2 plus months, and a home for me on Kwajalein with my boys and sweetheart is just not something that has come to pass for me. It’s not in the cards, so to speak. And that’s okay; I believe there’s a reason for that, and I have faith that God is in control, but it doesn’t make it any easier to actually live this way.
I realize compared to so many others I have it pretty easy. Life could be so much tougher. I could be jobless, homeless, or on my deathbed, but I’m not, and I’m thankful for that. I really am. I am blessed in so many ways that others are not, so I continue on, normal lifestyle or not. I do what I can to ensure the best for my kids and to ensure healthy, happy relationships with my loved ones here and in the states. And that’s all I can do, right? Life is the real deal, not the movies with the fairy tale endings. I have to say, though, that movies have come into their own reality the last couple of decades. There’s a lot more dark comedies and harsh realism in the movies than there used to be or at least that I was attuned to in my former life.
I’ve watched a few more movies than normal these last few weeks on Roi, and more than not have been unusually depressing, ending with little hope and even less evidence of faith in anything. Tonight, we watched “Defendor” with Woody Harrelson, and it was full of reality and certainly did not have a happy, fairy tale ending, but it did have the big three plus one: faith, hope, love, and truth. And isn’t that what the world needs and operates best on in the end?
I get very into movies, and I show emotions easily. I used to think too easily, but I’ve come to accept that about myself and love it. I am proud to wear my heart on my sleeve because it reveals my honesty and my genuine nature, and it is who I am. I am fully myself with most everyone I meet, and this takes a lot of pressure off of me. I don’t have to hide or keep secrets or try to impress. You either like me and get me or you don’t. And either way, that’s okay. Just like the character of “Defendor” in the movie. Although simple-minded, “Defendor” only wants to help, to make a difference. He did this through becoming a “super hero” of sorts, and it gave his life purpose and meaning, and he gave others hope.
I think sometimes we analyze life and our actions too much. We worry too much about what others think and live in fear about everything, really. We think too much and then are afraid to take those risks that make the most difference to those around us. All I want to do is make a difference, like “Defendor.” I want to be a good mom to my kids and make a difference in their lives. I want to be a good companion and friend to my sweetheart and to my best friends and know that I was there for them when they most needed it. I want to be a supportive daughter and helpful member of my family back in the states. I want to do my job to the best of my ability and give back to the community through my volunteer work. I want to represent truth, faith, hope and love in all I do, and of course, I’m not perfect, but I want to at least know that I’ve done my best, and that I helped those closest to me, and even a perfect stranger, if I could.
I remember a time when I was working in the mall at a gift shop back in college, and I had been helping customers all afternoon as usual. There was nothing extraordinary or different to me about the day or the customers until I left out of the store on my break. As I was leaving, a man I had helped earlier came up to me with a card from the Hallmark store down the way. He told me I gave him hope because of my smile. His card said essentially the same thing, thanking me for treating him with kindness and for my beautiful smile. And that was it. I never saw or heard from him again. Whatever was going on with that man, he had clearly been having a hard time or a bad day, and a simple smile made a difference. So, you never know what little action or words you might provide that give someone hope or make their day a little easier. It may be something very easy like taking the time to listen to a co-worker who’s frustrated with something they’ve been dealing with or providing a hug or a chocolate from your candy jar at work to a friend who seems to be having a bad day. It’s those few extra minutes or thoughtful gestures that can change lives in small, but important ways.
I believe it goes the other way too. We can easily ruin someone’s day by allowing a negative attitude or our own stressors in life to spew out on a co-worker, family member or friend. A snappy response or maybe even being completely in your own world and ignoring someone you usually stop and talk to can make someone feel yucky and wonder if they’ve done something to offend you. Being considerate of others and thinking of others first is really becoming a lost art. I’d like to start reclaiming that. My boyfriend’s family is one that has taught me a lot about respect and consideration for others. They’ve held onto tightly to those values in their family when so many others have lost them or simply let them slip away. It’s a character trait that sets their family apart from many of the families I interact with today as a parent and teacher.
Personally, I hope to become better at practicing those values this year by minimizing negative self-centered types of interactions and concentrating on what I can do and be for others, providing hope, love, and encouragement instead of spreading unkind words, gossip, or other negative attitudes. It’s easy to get caught up in your own world and problems in life, but in the end, it doesn’t bring you peace, and I choose peace over anything else, which I believe comes through a life focused on love, faith, hope, and truth not fear, image, self, and tearing down others. So, I say “You go Defendor!” Let’s save those we can and become superheroes, even if it is only in our own small worlds.
I think the biggest struggle in my heart and mind right now is the thought of having to go back to the gypsy lifestyle I have lived since my divorce. I love having a normal, stable life and home to spend my off times in like we’ve had on vacation and in the islands the last 2 plus months, and a home for me on Kwajalein with my boys and sweetheart is just not something that has come to pass for me. It’s not in the cards, so to speak. And that’s okay; I believe there’s a reason for that, and I have faith that God is in control, but it doesn’t make it any easier to actually live this way.
I realize compared to so many others I have it pretty easy. Life could be so much tougher. I could be jobless, homeless, or on my deathbed, but I’m not, and I’m thankful for that. I really am. I am blessed in so many ways that others are not, so I continue on, normal lifestyle or not. I do what I can to ensure the best for my kids and to ensure healthy, happy relationships with my loved ones here and in the states. And that’s all I can do, right? Life is the real deal, not the movies with the fairy tale endings. I have to say, though, that movies have come into their own reality the last couple of decades. There’s a lot more dark comedies and harsh realism in the movies than there used to be or at least that I was attuned to in my former life.
I’ve watched a few more movies than normal these last few weeks on Roi, and more than not have been unusually depressing, ending with little hope and even less evidence of faith in anything. Tonight, we watched “Defendor” with Woody Harrelson, and it was full of reality and certainly did not have a happy, fairy tale ending, but it did have the big three plus one: faith, hope, love, and truth. And isn’t that what the world needs and operates best on in the end?
I get very into movies, and I show emotions easily. I used to think too easily, but I’ve come to accept that about myself and love it. I am proud to wear my heart on my sleeve because it reveals my honesty and my genuine nature, and it is who I am. I am fully myself with most everyone I meet, and this takes a lot of pressure off of me. I don’t have to hide or keep secrets or try to impress. You either like me and get me or you don’t. And either way, that’s okay. Just like the character of “Defendor” in the movie. Although simple-minded, “Defendor” only wants to help, to make a difference. He did this through becoming a “super hero” of sorts, and it gave his life purpose and meaning, and he gave others hope.
I think sometimes we analyze life and our actions too much. We worry too much about what others think and live in fear about everything, really. We think too much and then are afraid to take those risks that make the most difference to those around us. All I want to do is make a difference, like “Defendor.” I want to be a good mom to my kids and make a difference in their lives. I want to be a good companion and friend to my sweetheart and to my best friends and know that I was there for them when they most needed it. I want to be a supportive daughter and helpful member of my family back in the states. I want to do my job to the best of my ability and give back to the community through my volunteer work. I want to represent truth, faith, hope and love in all I do, and of course, I’m not perfect, but I want to at least know that I’ve done my best, and that I helped those closest to me, and even a perfect stranger, if I could.
I remember a time when I was working in the mall at a gift shop back in college, and I had been helping customers all afternoon as usual. There was nothing extraordinary or different to me about the day or the customers until I left out of the store on my break. As I was leaving, a man I had helped earlier came up to me with a card from the Hallmark store down the way. He told me I gave him hope because of my smile. His card said essentially the same thing, thanking me for treating him with kindness and for my beautiful smile. And that was it. I never saw or heard from him again. Whatever was going on with that man, he had clearly been having a hard time or a bad day, and a simple smile made a difference. So, you never know what little action or words you might provide that give someone hope or make their day a little easier. It may be something very easy like taking the time to listen to a co-worker who’s frustrated with something they’ve been dealing with or providing a hug or a chocolate from your candy jar at work to a friend who seems to be having a bad day. It’s those few extra minutes or thoughtful gestures that can change lives in small, but important ways.
I believe it goes the other way too. We can easily ruin someone’s day by allowing a negative attitude or our own stressors in life to spew out on a co-worker, family member or friend. A snappy response or maybe even being completely in your own world and ignoring someone you usually stop and talk to can make someone feel yucky and wonder if they’ve done something to offend you. Being considerate of others and thinking of others first is really becoming a lost art. I’d like to start reclaiming that. My boyfriend’s family is one that has taught me a lot about respect and consideration for others. They’ve held onto tightly to those values in their family when so many others have lost them or simply let them slip away. It’s a character trait that sets their family apart from many of the families I interact with today as a parent and teacher.
Personally, I hope to become better at practicing those values this year by minimizing negative self-centered types of interactions and concentrating on what I can do and be for others, providing hope, love, and encouragement instead of spreading unkind words, gossip, or other negative attitudes. It’s easy to get caught up in your own world and problems in life, but in the end, it doesn’t bring you peace, and I choose peace over anything else, which I believe comes through a life focused on love, faith, hope, and truth not fear, image, self, and tearing down others. So, I say “You go Defendor!” Let’s save those we can and become superheroes, even if it is only in our own small worlds.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
August 15, 2010 Snorkeling Fun
Well, it was just another beautiful day in the crystal clear Pacific waters around Roi-Namur. Today we took some new divers out to 6th island, a favorite spot for snorkeling and boat floats for residents due to its sheltered location and shallow waters dotted with small coral heads. I stayed up top this time with my friend’s youngest child, who is not yet old enough to dive, and we had a great time snorkeling the water and checking out the fish for a good hour. Right off the bat, we saw a 3-4 foot white tip reef shark patrolling one of the larger coral heads, and later on ran into a school of parrot fish. This is another of those things that is hard to beat anywhere else in the world, without needing the skills and expense of dive classes and gear, a snorkeler can see and enjoy so much in these waters, better than any of those walk through glass aquariums, mainly because we see the fish in their natural habitat, although I do still enjoy a good aquarium. :) I can’t wait for my own 2 boys to get back home, so I can take them to the very same spot for an afternoon snorkel adventure.
When the divers in our group returned, my boyfriend brought up a Pin Cushion Sea Star from the bottom to show everyone. The Pin Cushion Sea Star is from the seastar family, and it looks like a round hard coral, but when touched, it’s has a softer, slimier texture than expected. It’s in the shape of a small pillow or pin cushion (hence its name), and on the bottom, you can see the 5 points of a starfish as if they were drawn on the “pillow” in dark, thin lines. Some of them come more in the shape of traditional 5 pointed starfish, but the ones I’ve seen most out here are fully rounded. They are a thick-bodied version of the usual harder shelled star fish most people are familiar with. I like to think of them as “husky starfish.” The healthy coral reefs out here give these guys plenty to eat, so they are just plumped up versions of our skinnier friends in less nutrient rich ocean environments. It may just be a different species than the ones I’ve been able to find during my internet research, but it’s more fun to think of them as “husky.”
Overall, it was a wonderful day for snorkeling. The waters were calm, the sky was blue and filled with those cotton ball clouds I love to see, and it was spent in good company, both human and the animals of the sea. I look forward to the adventures that tomorrow holds. Until then, Bar Loe Eok (That’s Marshallese for see you later)!
When the divers in our group returned, my boyfriend brought up a Pin Cushion Sea Star from the bottom to show everyone. The Pin Cushion Sea Star is from the seastar family, and it looks like a round hard coral, but when touched, it’s has a softer, slimier texture than expected. It’s in the shape of a small pillow or pin cushion (hence its name), and on the bottom, you can see the 5 points of a starfish as if they were drawn on the “pillow” in dark, thin lines. Some of them come more in the shape of traditional 5 pointed starfish, but the ones I’ve seen most out here are fully rounded. They are a thick-bodied version of the usual harder shelled star fish most people are familiar with. I like to think of them as “husky starfish.” The healthy coral reefs out here give these guys plenty to eat, so they are just plumped up versions of our skinnier friends in less nutrient rich ocean environments. It may just be a different species than the ones I’ve been able to find during my internet research, but it’s more fun to think of them as “husky.”
Overall, it was a wonderful day for snorkeling. The waters were calm, the sky was blue and filled with those cotton ball clouds I love to see, and it was spent in good company, both human and the animals of the sea. I look forward to the adventures that tomorrow holds. Until then, Bar Loe Eok (That’s Marshallese for see you later)!
August 14, 2010-Sunset on the Atoll
The one other thing I remembered today that former Kwajalein residents say they miss when they leave is the sunsets. Many people have regularly scheduled evenings where they head down to Emon Beach to have a glass a wine and watch the sunset from their beach chairs. Often, when I take a walk or run around the perimeter or the island, I see residents, TDY (temporary duty) personnel, and/or visitors sitting on the benches placed strategically around the coastal areas enjoying the view at dusk. It is a beautiful sight and a truly unique place to live, and I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to experience it all these years. I never could have imagined this life for myself, and certainly never thought I’d still be here 13 years after stepping off that plane into the strong trade winds and wave of heat brushing across my cheeks. In many ways my childhood ended here and my adult life began, and I’ve experienced a number of wonderful events as well as growing pains while maturing as an adult on this atoll.
Because of our isolation and lack of many of the luxuries of life in the states, it becomes also a hobby for some or at least a bad habit to focus on the negatives of life here. Many an afternoon in the store, I’ve heard these words, “Of course they don’t have (pick any random grocery story item) to make the dish I planned for tonight. How hard is it to keep (various items that are periodically out of stock) on the shelves?” Or change it to, “I can’t even fix my bike because they don’t have the parts I need.” Or, most recently, “I can’t go fishing or diving this weekend because we are not allowed to go ocean side due to some problem with the SAR (search and rescue) boat.”
These kinds of quality of life problems seem petty when you live stateside. The stores have so much stuff in the U.S., and it’s hard for a Kwajalein resident to even choose a cereal or brand of yogurt because there are so many choices that we don’t have available to us in the islands. There’s basically one brand of each product on the shelves in the one grocery store on island, which more times than not, doesn’t even have what you went there to purchase. In fact, those who cook regularly here have learned how to be creative and supplement or substitute one ingredient for another. For us, it’s not petty, and it becomes a very big deal, for some more than others. The problem I find personally with allowing myself to get caught up in the habit of focusing on the negatives is that is ruins the good things about living here too because all you can think about is what you don’t have instead of focusing on the positives of what you do have.
That’s one of the good things about living here so long, that I have found I don’t actually “need” all those missing items that once were so important. I admit, it’s difficult to come back from a long vacation like the 6 week one we just finished and adjust again to the “not haves” when you just want to go to the store and pick out some good, fresh produce for a salad or a ripe watermelon to picnic with your friends at the beach. It’s hard to come back to a tiny bachelor quarters dorm room with no kitchen to speak of and no place for family and friends to visit. But, you have to look at what you do have, no bills to speak of, three meals a day provided as part of your contract at the chow hall, and more importantly, a magnificent ocean to explore and play in, a group of family like friends who will do anything for you and are always just around the corner when you need them, a safe environment where you can literally leave your wallet on the bar or boxes of mail and purchases from the store in your bike burley and not worry about anyone taking them, and fantastic sunsets almost every night just a short walk or bike ride from your door. Thirteen years on an atoll is not such a bad place to go through the ups and downs of life.
In fact, I’m lucky to still be here while others only wish they could move back out like the man we met at a water park in Alabama this summer who graduated from high school out here, met his wife, and had his first child on the atoll and couldn’t stop asking questions about it and expressing his interest in coming back out if he could. Pretty lucky alright, to get a chance to dive all the wrecks from the war that most divers never have access to due to the secure nature of the bases here, and to raise my boys their first few years of life without having to worry about them being kidnapped or run over by a car in the street or any number of other dangerous things that parents have to watch out for in the states.
These are the things that I have to remember on those days when the negatives appear to outweigh the positives. Making the most of where you are at, being content in all circumstances, and remembering it’s all a matter of perspective helps a lot. The one thing I do have control over is what this place, this atoll, will be and mean for me when I look back at my time here. I choose whether or not I’m going to enjoy the day no matter what and make memories that I will cherish by focusing on the good things about life on the atoll. Some days that may mean taking the time to go see the sunset or making it a personal challenge to create a new dish out of what’s available at the store, or just spending some time reflecting upon why I chose to move here and stay so long in the first place and put in all in perspective.
Because of our isolation and lack of many of the luxuries of life in the states, it becomes also a hobby for some or at least a bad habit to focus on the negatives of life here. Many an afternoon in the store, I’ve heard these words, “Of course they don’t have (pick any random grocery story item) to make the dish I planned for tonight. How hard is it to keep (various items that are periodically out of stock) on the shelves?” Or change it to, “I can’t even fix my bike because they don’t have the parts I need.” Or, most recently, “I can’t go fishing or diving this weekend because we are not allowed to go ocean side due to some problem with the SAR (search and rescue) boat.”
These kinds of quality of life problems seem petty when you live stateside. The stores have so much stuff in the U.S., and it’s hard for a Kwajalein resident to even choose a cereal or brand of yogurt because there are so many choices that we don’t have available to us in the islands. There’s basically one brand of each product on the shelves in the one grocery store on island, which more times than not, doesn’t even have what you went there to purchase. In fact, those who cook regularly here have learned how to be creative and supplement or substitute one ingredient for another. For us, it’s not petty, and it becomes a very big deal, for some more than others. The problem I find personally with allowing myself to get caught up in the habit of focusing on the negatives is that is ruins the good things about living here too because all you can think about is what you don’t have instead of focusing on the positives of what you do have.
That’s one of the good things about living here so long, that I have found I don’t actually “need” all those missing items that once were so important. I admit, it’s difficult to come back from a long vacation like the 6 week one we just finished and adjust again to the “not haves” when you just want to go to the store and pick out some good, fresh produce for a salad or a ripe watermelon to picnic with your friends at the beach. It’s hard to come back to a tiny bachelor quarters dorm room with no kitchen to speak of and no place for family and friends to visit. But, you have to look at what you do have, no bills to speak of, three meals a day provided as part of your contract at the chow hall, and more importantly, a magnificent ocean to explore and play in, a group of family like friends who will do anything for you and are always just around the corner when you need them, a safe environment where you can literally leave your wallet on the bar or boxes of mail and purchases from the store in your bike burley and not worry about anyone taking them, and fantastic sunsets almost every night just a short walk or bike ride from your door. Thirteen years on an atoll is not such a bad place to go through the ups and downs of life.
In fact, I’m lucky to still be here while others only wish they could move back out like the man we met at a water park in Alabama this summer who graduated from high school out here, met his wife, and had his first child on the atoll and couldn’t stop asking questions about it and expressing his interest in coming back out if he could. Pretty lucky alright, to get a chance to dive all the wrecks from the war that most divers never have access to due to the secure nature of the bases here, and to raise my boys their first few years of life without having to worry about them being kidnapped or run over by a car in the street or any number of other dangerous things that parents have to watch out for in the states.
These are the things that I have to remember on those days when the negatives appear to outweigh the positives. Making the most of where you are at, being content in all circumstances, and remembering it’s all a matter of perspective helps a lot. The one thing I do have control over is what this place, this atoll, will be and mean for me when I look back at my time here. I choose whether or not I’m going to enjoy the day no matter what and make memories that I will cherish by focusing on the good things about life on the atoll. Some days that may mean taking the time to go see the sunset or making it a personal challenge to create a new dish out of what’s available at the store, or just spending some time reflecting upon why I chose to move here and stay so long in the first place and put in all in perspective.
Friday, August 13, 2010
August 13, 2010-Lost Tank Adventure, Take 2
Remember how I said we were not going to give up on finding that tank? Well, today we headed out into the deep blue sea once again on a mission to find that tank. We marked our spot from yesterday on the GPS and based on our underwater observations from that dive, my astute dive partner suggested we try to anchor on the coral head we found less than 100 feet from our first dive spot. Luckily, one of our anchors appeared to hook right on that coral head on the first toss.
As we headed down into the same murky dark blue water, I felt a tinge of nervous energy, just as I always do when I can’t yet see what’s below and around me. When our ears were appropriately cleared, and we reached our searching depth, I looked to my partner for instructions. We set our compasses and took off. Being a bit rusty at my underwater navigation skills, I kept bumping into my dive buddy and was having a hard time focusing on the task at hand. Then, right as frustration at my own lack of skills was setting in, I heard my buddy yell through his regulator and take off across and in front of me heading toward the bottom and pointing. Amazingly, he had found the tank and only about 50 kicks and 110 feet deep from where we anchored and headed down into the water.
Getting it up was another chore as I don’t think either of us really believed we’d find it that quickly or easily, so we hadn’t really planned out fully what we would do if we did. Fortunately, my ever prepared dive buddy brought a lift bag down with us, and he simply tied that to the tank and the loose anchor rope, filled the bag with air from his regulator and let it all lift up to the surface while we watched safely from below. The tank didn’t travel up the rope as we both thought it would, but it all went to the top, and that’s all that matters. Next, my buddy untangled the second anchor from the coral it was hooked on at the bottom and then we carefully held on to the line and followed it back up to the surface.
I still can’t believe we found it!! On a day when there’s no milk or Bonine (sea-sickness medicine) at the store, it’s Friday the 13th, and I miss my kiddos like crazy, it’s good to have a mission and succeed at it, even if I am just the sidekick and not the hero. I’m looking forward to the next adventure, on land or on sea or wherever it may be.
As we headed down into the same murky dark blue water, I felt a tinge of nervous energy, just as I always do when I can’t yet see what’s below and around me. When our ears were appropriately cleared, and we reached our searching depth, I looked to my partner for instructions. We set our compasses and took off. Being a bit rusty at my underwater navigation skills, I kept bumping into my dive buddy and was having a hard time focusing on the task at hand. Then, right as frustration at my own lack of skills was setting in, I heard my buddy yell through his regulator and take off across and in front of me heading toward the bottom and pointing. Amazingly, he had found the tank and only about 50 kicks and 110 feet deep from where we anchored and headed down into the water.
Getting it up was another chore as I don’t think either of us really believed we’d find it that quickly or easily, so we hadn’t really planned out fully what we would do if we did. Fortunately, my ever prepared dive buddy brought a lift bag down with us, and he simply tied that to the tank and the loose anchor rope, filled the bag with air from his regulator and let it all lift up to the surface while we watched safely from below. The tank didn’t travel up the rope as we both thought it would, but it all went to the top, and that’s all that matters. Next, my buddy untangled the second anchor from the coral it was hooked on at the bottom and then we carefully held on to the line and followed it back up to the surface.
I still can’t believe we found it!! On a day when there’s no milk or Bonine (sea-sickness medicine) at the store, it’s Friday the 13th, and I miss my kiddos like crazy, it’s good to have a mission and succeed at it, even if I am just the sidekick and not the hero. I’m looking forward to the next adventure, on land or on sea or wherever it may be.
August 12, 2010-Lost Tank Adventure
Where else in the world can you get off work and go scuba diving or play 9 holes of golf, all before dinner at 6 pm? Okay, so maybe there’s a few places, but it’s probably more expensive and more time-consuming with driving to get there and back, etc...Yesterday, I flew down to Kwaj in the morning and flew back to Roi in time to catch up with my man for a dive. We were on a search and rescue mission, of sorts, to save a lost dive tank that rolled off the boat we were sailing on this weekend when we keeled to the right in the wind. How would we know where to look, well, we were fortunate enough to have a couple of hand held GPS’s on board, and my boyfriend quickly tagged the approximate area of the lost tank when we turned around to retrieve a BCD that had also taken a plunge into the water. We had no idea what might be down there, how deep it was going to be, or even if we’d be able to find the tank, but we were certainly going to attempt it. It could be a grand adventure; after all, you never know what you’ll find at the bottom of the sea!
After all the dive gear was packed on the boat, we set the GPS for our “Lost Tank” destination and took off. Once there, we tossed out the anchors, and the line kept going and going and going. Hmmmm, must be deep and probably a sandy bottom since we didn’t appear to hook any large heads of coral. Luckily, my savvy better half had brought an extra anchor; one of the original two on the boat looked a little beat up. He tied two together and let it out some more. I monitored the GPS to see if we were dragging anchors and drifting back. There was not a whole lot of chop or current, but we were steadily, but slowly moving away from the target, although not enough to abort the dive. We dove in to place the anchors in a more secure spot, if possible, and assess the situation.
Once underwater, it was fairly murky, especially for the waters out here. There were a lot of salps floating in the water on the way down and no bottom in sight. Salps are barrel-shaped jellyfish like organisms without the defense stinging adaptation. In this particular spot, the salps were floating all around us in little colonies, and they gave off a phosphorescence glow that really stood out in the dark blue water and drew my eyes to them as I descended. It felt like swimming in a deep blue outer space. As we slowly descended by the anchor lines, the bottom began to come into view, and it was as we suspected, mostly sandy and pretty deep, around 100 feet. There were a few pieces of coral (one of which the anchor had finally hooked on) and bottom growth and a few fish here and there, but not much else, which made our chances a little better for finding that lost tank.
We set out on our agreed upon search pattern finding little for most of the dive. Then, suddenly, something oddly man-made appeared through the silt in front of our masks. From the outline, I thought it was a small plane as there are lots from WWII in these waters, but as we moved closer, we saw it was a small LCM or “landing craft mechanized” unit used to transport troops and equipment to shore or a dock during the war. It was a smaller version of the ones we now use to transport the Marshallese workers back and forth from the base to their home island, and it was propped up from the back on a fairly large mound of coral. How exciting! We found something probably no one else knows about yet. No luck on the tank this dive, but we are not giving up yet! And the best part is, we got back from our dive just in time for dinner before the chow hall closed at 6:45, and then fit in a couple of games of pool at the bar before bedtime. Only on the atoll can you pack so much work and fun into one day!
After all the dive gear was packed on the boat, we set the GPS for our “Lost Tank” destination and took off. Once there, we tossed out the anchors, and the line kept going and going and going. Hmmmm, must be deep and probably a sandy bottom since we didn’t appear to hook any large heads of coral. Luckily, my savvy better half had brought an extra anchor; one of the original two on the boat looked a little beat up. He tied two together and let it out some more. I monitored the GPS to see if we were dragging anchors and drifting back. There was not a whole lot of chop or current, but we were steadily, but slowly moving away from the target, although not enough to abort the dive. We dove in to place the anchors in a more secure spot, if possible, and assess the situation.
Once underwater, it was fairly murky, especially for the waters out here. There were a lot of salps floating in the water on the way down and no bottom in sight. Salps are barrel-shaped jellyfish like organisms without the defense stinging adaptation. In this particular spot, the salps were floating all around us in little colonies, and they gave off a phosphorescence glow that really stood out in the dark blue water and drew my eyes to them as I descended. It felt like swimming in a deep blue outer space. As we slowly descended by the anchor lines, the bottom began to come into view, and it was as we suspected, mostly sandy and pretty deep, around 100 feet. There were a few pieces of coral (one of which the anchor had finally hooked on) and bottom growth and a few fish here and there, but not much else, which made our chances a little better for finding that lost tank.
We set out on our agreed upon search pattern finding little for most of the dive. Then, suddenly, something oddly man-made appeared through the silt in front of our masks. From the outline, I thought it was a small plane as there are lots from WWII in these waters, but as we moved closer, we saw it was a small LCM or “landing craft mechanized” unit used to transport troops and equipment to shore or a dock during the war. It was a smaller version of the ones we now use to transport the Marshallese workers back and forth from the base to their home island, and it was propped up from the back on a fairly large mound of coral. How exciting! We found something probably no one else knows about yet. No luck on the tank this dive, but we are not giving up yet! And the best part is, we got back from our dive just in time for dinner before the chow hall closed at 6:45, and then fit in a couple of games of pool at the bar before bedtime. Only on the atoll can you pack so much work and fun into one day!
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