Becoming a parent is the most challenging life long event I have ever taken on in my life. Some might call it the most challenging job they've ever had, and I wouldn't disagree, but it's not something we have to do to survive and support ourselves through this life; it's a choice, a way to enhance our lives and contribute to the survival of human life on earth. For those of us who have chosen and/or had the privilege of either having children biologically or adopting little ones, I believe we find out very quickly how much more responsibility and how much more understanding and patience it takes to raise them than anything else we've ever done in life. Even for those of us who are teachers of children and have the "education" or "head knowledge" it takes to understand child development, positive ways to discipline, and how to deal with difficult childhood issues, it's never the same when the child is your own. Every person in this world is so unique, and children are no exception to that. A technique or strategy that may work to help one child stop biting or potty train does not necessary work with the next child who has that issue. So, even when it's your job to help raise children through a day care or teaching position, it's a constant challenge, but for the parents, it's doubly so because they are investing their whole lives and hearts into their families, into ensuring those precious babies have everything they need and want and experience every advantage in life.
It's interesting to think about the presentation yesterday that I wrote about in this blog in relation to interacting with parents as a teacher or service provider. Work is always better when our hearts and passion are in it, when we enjoy coming every day to work, but in the end, you still go home to family and friends and often leave work totally behind on the weekends, vacations, and when you retire or change careers. With family, you never leave them behind; it's a "job" and "event" that takes all of your heart, and when you put others in charge of caring for your children when you cannot, you relate to them with you heart. It's so important to realize that when you "greet" a child each morning or when you take an extra moment to "rub a back" or "give a hug" to a child who's having a rough day, and as much as I hate to admit it, being a parent myself allows me to be more nurturing and more understanding of the children and the parents than I had the capacity to be before my precious boys came along.
Moving back from the school age level to working with the little ones has caused me to reflect a lot more on the role of parents in children's lives at this age. And I think at the infant/toddler and preschool level, it is particularly important to take a little extra time with each parent and child to assure them you are doing all you can to make their days without you comfortable and enjoyable because daycare is often their first experiences outside the home, especially for those duel working households. As a parent, you become so used to your babies depending on you for everything from day one when they can't do much but sleep and eat, and they need you to help them with that even, feeding them and making sure they get proper rest. We are one of the few creatures in this world whose babies are so completely helpless for the first several years of our lives, and it causes us to become so attached to our offspring. Your children become a part of you and your heart early on because neither of you have a choice. I remember carrying my first born son around in a baby "front pack" everywhere in the first year of his life. We rode the bike to the store together, and we went to community events like this so often that I began to understand what it felt like to be a marsupial with a "pouch" connected to me that my baby rode around in until he was big enough to walk on his own. This type of intimate human relationship causes your heart and emotions to become so wrapped up in your babies that you can't imagine anyone else can be to them what you are and have been. You know what every cry, grunt, funny face, and baby babble means when others struggle to understand what language your sweetheart is speaking.
I still find myself feeling that way at times, and my kids are way past that dependent stage. That concept of nobody else being able to do what mom does for them was very hard for me to let go of during the first couple of years after my divorce. I just knew that dad couldn't take care of them the way I could. It's easy to become very controlling about every little detail in raising them, and of course, it's because we are all trying to be the very best parents we can, but at some point, it's like my blog on "control;" you have to let go a bit and depend on your faith. You do the best you can and trust that others will do the same when your children are in their care. Having children is scary and perilous and wonderful and heart-wrenching, and sometimes the most difficult part is letting go and letting them grow up. They will make their own choices and lead their own lives some day, and we can be there for them, and we can love them and teach them all they need to know, but the rest is in God's hands.
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