When you started your blog, did you set any
goals? Have you achieved them? Have they changed at all?
Yes, when I
started the blog in 2010, my goal was to write every day or at least weekly,
and so far (5 years later), I’ve not fully accomplished that goal…thus,
the 2015 365 Day Writing Prompt
Challenge! I’m now 141 days in and still plugging away. It’s becoming more and
more of a habit, which makes it easier to meet the goal of writing daily. My only other goals over the years have been
to write in a way that is interesting to others and to write in order to share
my life with my family and friends who live far away. I think I have definitely achieved the goal
of being able to share my daily life with family and friends far away, but
writing DAILY AND MAKING IT
INTERESTING….that’s tough to do. J Some
days there’s not much to say and other days, the writing prompt is not one I
have anything to write about, but I am doing my best to keep your attention and
my own! Ha, ha!
My goals
have not changed over the years, although this year I did add a goal to be as
transparent as possible. I never felt entirely comfortable being fully transparent
while living on Kwajalein because of the tiny community, most of whom already
knew so much about me and my life and might take something I said out of
context and share it with others without putting it in perspective. Even as I write this, I am hesitate because
it could still be read and taken in a different manner than it is meant, but I
cannot live in fear any longer of what others think or how they might distort
or spin my personal life and thoughts. It’s my life, so no one can really know
and understand it without going through me first. J
Maybe it’s
turning 40 this year, but I have to be just be ME. And truthfully, it was not easy living
through a divorce on an island that sometimes feels like high school with its
cliques and coconut line gossip because there’s nothing better to do (for some)
than talk about others. There were dividing lines (apparently) between my ex
and myself, meaning some friends took sides and never returned. I believe this happens everywhere, but on a 3
mile long, ½ mile wide island, these divides stand out like the Great Wall of China
right in front of you, blocking that party your ex was invited to but you
weren’t (although every other year previous you were) OR that “courteous hello”
you are given that is so lacking the intimacy of a close friendship you used to
have and no longer do.
My way of
dealing with things was to withdraw from the world, so I wouldn’t have gone to
the parties we were both invited to anyway (and didn’t to the few that came
along), but being invited made me feel like I was at least still accepted by
the party hosts. My ex’s way was to go to EVERY party or event and show that he
was okay. And sometimes, I think that was my mistake (if you can call it that).
I didn’t go around socializing with everyone. I pulled inward and away, and the
consequences of that for me were losing those friends that needed me to seek
them out because they were too hesitant to come ask me how I was doing. And
that makes me sad…
To clarify,
I really don’t blame anyone. It is hard to watch friends go through something as
tragic as the dissolution of a family, but sometimes the loss of those people
you treasured as friends is almost as painful as the divorce itself because you
didn’t do anything to those friends to cause them to leave. They simply made a
choice, and it hurts. Maybe I’ll never get over that bittersweet part of it,
but hopefully, putting it out there to the world will help. And if you are reading this and have friends
that divorce in the future or are on the road to divorce now, please remember
that you don’t have to choose one over the other. You can continue to be
friends with them both by supporting them through it, drawing lines about what
you discuss, and just enjoying their company like you always have before. Everything doesn’t have to be about the lost
relationship. Friendships can endure
through all of life’s difficult times, but you have to choose to stick it out
and know that however much pain you may be experiencing, it’s nothing in
comparison to what the divorcees are going through and maybe they haven’t sought you out because they are in
too much pain to do so and need you to reach out first and just let them know
you still love and accept them.
Divorce is
the most difficult experience I’ve ever been through in my life, and I
certainly was not perfect in the way I handled my friendships and everything
before, during, and after that blurry time in my life, but I have also never
been in more pain than I was then, and we all act unlike ourselves in times of
pain. I am sorry for the mistakes I made and the friendships lost. But mostly,
I feel blessed to have many friends who weathered through it as well as many,
many “AD” (after divorce) friends who didn’t know the history, but accepted my
boys, their father, and me as we are. What
a wonderful example of true love, those who accept you unconditionally, no
matter your past, your mistakes, your present, or even your future because they
love you for you! I hope I can be and am half as good a friend to others as the
lovely men and women I call friends today.
No comments:
Post a Comment