Tell us
about a time you did a 180 — changed your views on something, reversed a decision,
or acted in a way you ordinarily don’t.
I’m a fairly
structured, consistent individual, so I’d say I’ve never really had a true
“180” change, at least not one that happened so rapidly that anyone would say,
“who, she’s changed.” But, I do believe I had a SLOW 180 change. And it started
in college and continued when I arrived on Kwajalein completing in the final
years of my time there. And this 180 is a permanent change, some might say it’s
more like a “coming of age” 180. Here’s
a few of the ways I am a very different girl from the one I left behind in AL
after graduating from high school in the early nineties:
Then:
1. Painfully shy with everyone except
family and close, close friends (Back then, I would not even feel comfortable
talking to the grocery store clerks at our local “Big Brothers” grocery down
the street from where I grew up, but would talk my parents’ ears off on car
trips!)
2. Low self-esteem-cannot believe
sometimes how low my self-esteem was as a teenager and young adult. Could not
and would not stand up for myself or my needs, wants, and concerns. This became
one of the major problems within my first marriage because I had no belief in
myself and my role as a wife and later as a mother.
3. Avoided Confrontations-would get sick
to my stomach when thinking about the possibility of having a confrontation or
conflict with someone and agonize over it until I was physically sick and
tearful…many times would start crying the moment the confrontation began
because I was already so worked up about it.
This was a second major problem with my first marriage and all my
relationships during that time period.
Could not address the concerns or problems I needed to address with
others, whether it was personal, with friends and family, and/or work
situations.
4. Views of the world and people were very
black and white. Whatever I was told by teachers, church, my parents, and
friends was the absolute truth-black and white. Not that all of these sources
didn’t provide me with lots of good truths to carry me throughout life, but years
of experience provided me with the colorful fillings between the oreo cookies that
make love, friendships, and living in this world so colorful.
Now:
1. Introverted at times, but not shy. Will
talk to perfect strangers, teach and give presentations in front of a room full
of adults, start conversations instead of just responding minimally to ones
others start and have no more problems with grocery store clerks! J
2. Know what I can do and who I am now.
Have confidence in my abilities. Will stand up for myself when necessary. (Revealing
Fact: The few clothes I had in storage from before I went to Kwajalein at all
Extra Large even though I was about 20 pounds lighter then-that’s because I was
so conservative and unsure about myself and my looks that I only wore really
baggy clothes then to hide myself and my body-Now I wear things much more
appropriate to my body type, size, and confidence level.)
3. Keep the peace, but will confront others
when necessary and realize that certain confrontations are important to
make things right. Confrontations don’t
have to be stressful and “angry,” but instead can be handled calmly and with reason
if thought out and including others’ perspective before approaching the person
or situation. Not going to say I’m perfect in confrontational situations, but I
do not live in FEAR of having them any longer.
4. My views of people, life, love, and people
have all evolved and changed over the years. I know now that it’s not all
black and white. There’s lots and lots of gray and purple and pink and all
kinds of others colors within this world and the way it works. Traveling around
the world, living on a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, going
through a divorce, and making my share of life-changing mistakes has taught me
that nothing is simply one way or another. Every situation and every person is
so unique. Life and love are complex, and God is the only rightful judge of any
of it. All we can do is the try our best
to be kind, loving, and a blessing to those around us.
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