Halloween has never been one of my favorite holidays. As a child, I remember dressing up and having a good time at my church's alternative celebrations, which are usually called "Fall Festivals" or "Fall Carnivals," and they are very much like the carnivals and festivals of Halloween, just without the scary costumes or spooky elements. I had more fun at those carnivals than I ever did trick-or-treating, but over the last couple of years, I've learned to appreciate the holiday in a new way. On the atoll, we have a costume carnival as well as a costume parade at school and plenty of Halloween parties in the classrooms. Since switching over to the education side of the company the year before last, I've really enjoyed being a part of these celebrations with my children. I've even gotten into the spirit of dressing up. It's really fun to see how creative the kids are with their costumes and to watch them show their creations off to their friends. I have always loved arts and crafts, so having an excuse to create Halloween crafts with my kids is a treat too, and I have to admit, there are certain types of candy I love to "try" on this particular very sweet American holiday. This year, I had fun eating "Peeps Ghosts" and "Reeses Peanut Butter Pumpkins."
Even some of the Marshallese have gotten into the spirit since the Americans have been here. A couple of years ago, we brought the 4-H Ebeye Citizenship Club over for the Costume Carnival, provided them with costumes, and taught them about the origins of the holiday in order to share a bit of our unique culture with them. Everyone had a fabulous time that day. The base usually allows a certain number of children from Ebeye to come over on Halloween night as well, just to trick-or-treat. Many times they knock on your door with just a giant garbage bag dressed as themselves, but it's kind of hard to come by costumes on Ebeye since it's not a traditional holiday for them. In fact, many Marshallese are very superstitious and scared of ghosts. I remember when the American Dean of the College of the Marshall Islands where I worked passed away. His home was right across from the school on Guegeegue, and I continued to work there for a couple of years after his death until the satellite campus finally shut down, unable to run effectively and efficiently without the former Dean's direction and tireless work to keep everything going. One day, I asked why the head of campus maintenance didn't move into his home since his was too small for his growing family, and the dean's old apartment was in much better shape, and I was told that no one will go near the dean's place, especially at night. "Why," I asked. "Because sometimes we see his ghost walking up and down the causeway, and we know he still lives in that apartment." This surprised me because the dean, who had lived and worked in the Marshalls most of his life starting out as a Peace Corps volunteer in the outer islands, was beloved and treated like Marshallese royalty upon his death, but they were scared of his spirit after death, of any supernatural occurrences, possibly due to their culture's history as being very involved in black magic and other superstitious beliefs. Because of that, I'm not so sure Halloween is one of their favorite holidays as a whole either. Really only those whose parents work on the base or whose children go to school there have a chance to participate. It's not an American tradition that has been adopted by the culture on any other island that I'm aware of like the western Christian holidays such as Christmas and Easter.
For me, the actual day and evening of Halloween was very quiet this year, and I liked it that way. During the rainy, cloudy day, my boyfriend and I relaxed, watched movies, and got our costumes ready for the small party at the Outrigger Bar, the only bar on the island. We had a good time dressing up and catching up with some friends socially, but there was maybe 15-20 people there total throughout the night, and compared to last Halloween at the bar when we had an American Armed Forced Entertainment Services band playing on island, and a couple of friends who had too much to drink and caused a ruckus, it was very, very quiet, and that was good. It was a perfect way to end the month of October on the atoll.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
October 30, 2010-Home...
Once I stepped off the plane on Roi this afternoon, I instantly felt more relaxed. After more than 2 long weeks of hard work and non-stop activities on Kwajalein, I needed this time to simply be. Over the last 3 years or so, Roi has become as much my home as Kwaj, and in some ways, it's more home to me than anywhere else in the world right now. Home may mean different things to different people. For me, the meaning of home has changed over the years. When I was growing up, home was where all my stuff was located and where my mom and I lived together. When I was married, home (even though it moved all the way from Alabama to Kwajalein Atoll) was still where my stuff was, and instead of mom and I living together, it was my husband and me. Since the divorce and move to the BQ, home is no longer where my stuff is or even necessarily where my family lives because the boys' home is not my home anymore. The gypsy lifestyle I've been living with my children and boyfriend moving from house-sitting job to house-sitting job and hotel room to hotel room between not only the islands of Roi-Namur and Kwajalein, but also Alabama, Oregon, and Hawaii where we go to visit family and friends for a month to six weeks a year has changed my understanding of home. Home has become whatever safe, comfortable place I can be with all three of my boys. Home is what and where we make it, and sometimes for me, it changes weekly, but that's okay. It's still our place, our home. It's where we are together. It's where we spend quality time with each other, and that's all. Love, shelter, food, those are our basic needs, and as long as those are met, it doesn't matter where it is or how much of our stuff is around us. Home is wherever we travel together in life, and with whoever joins us along the way or whoever we stop to see and choose to spend our days with.
There are days when I almost feel alien in my own BQ room because it's been so long since I've slept there or spent anytime in that spot. It's become more storage for my stuff than a home. I can't be there with those I love, so it's only a temporary shelter for me, not a home. I do hope and pray that as I move into my very own house in a few weeks that I will remember what I've learned about home. I know we will make lots of wonderful memories and spend plenty of quality time in our new place, but it's still just a place to rest our feet and keep our stuff. It's what we do in it and what we make of it that gives us that comfortable, secure feeling of home while we are there. Home is in so many places for me now from the atoll all the way to the west coast and the deep south because that's where those I love are located, and those are the places I can go with my all my boys and feel welcome, safe, and loved. No matter how long we stay on this atoll, whether it's six more months or six more years, I will be content in whatever home we have or multiple homes because home is where my boys are, where I can visit with my family, where I can be in love with life, and feel and share that love with others, just as I will do with this weekend on Roi. I'm home here because love is here with me. It may not be a whole home without the little ones, but it is still home, and I am so glad to have more than one place I can feel safe and comfortable, run to, and call home.
Friday, October 29, 2010
October 29, 2010-Watching Time Pass You By...
The older I get, the more time seems to speed up! My elders have told me such all my life from the "You better just enjoy being a kid because before you know it, you'll be all grown up" to the favorite advice of those with grown kids to new mothers, "My only regret is that I didn't just enjoy it more and worry less when my kids were little because they really do grow up so fast," so I had a sense it would happen, but it's so much more surreal once it actually does. My youngest turned 7 this week, and my oldest will turn 9 on November 14th, and it's almost the end of October 2010, and I don't know where the time has gone. I guess it's simply a fact of life. We grow up, gain perspective and wisdom, and figure out how precious life is just as it begins to pass us by more quickly. Well, for me, this means I need to ensure I make the most of every moment I have!
This will begin tomorrow, as I consider the day and realize, I will have little time to take care of work because I will be busy dressing up as Snow White, helping the little darlings at the preschool get safely on the bus and on their way to a trick-or-treating field trip, having lunch with my boys while they change into their costumes for the afternoon, and finally helping the third graders make tootsie pop spiders out of lollipops, pipe cleaners, puff balls, and googly eyes, and having cupcakes and treats with both my kids at their Halloween parties at school, and then heading up to Roi, still in my Snow White costume, mind you, to see my sweet darling for our own weekend Halloween celebrations. And when I think about this, even though not much real work will get done tomorrow, it's the most important work I could do. I know I'll be glad I took the time to spend it with those I love instead of sitting in an office doing paperwork that really won't matter all that much to me a few years from now when the kids are grown and life has slowed back down. Enjoy the day, my friends, for time will pass you by in the blink of an eye. :)
This will begin tomorrow, as I consider the day and realize, I will have little time to take care of work because I will be busy dressing up as Snow White, helping the little darlings at the preschool get safely on the bus and on their way to a trick-or-treating field trip, having lunch with my boys while they change into their costumes for the afternoon, and finally helping the third graders make tootsie pop spiders out of lollipops, pipe cleaners, puff balls, and googly eyes, and having cupcakes and treats with both my kids at their Halloween parties at school, and then heading up to Roi, still in my Snow White costume, mind you, to see my sweet darling for our own weekend Halloween celebrations. And when I think about this, even though not much real work will get done tomorrow, it's the most important work I could do. I know I'll be glad I took the time to spend it with those I love instead of sitting in an office doing paperwork that really won't matter all that much to me a few years from now when the kids are grown and life has slowed back down. Enjoy the day, my friends, for time will pass you by in the blink of an eye. :)
Thursday, October 28, 2010
October 28, 2010-Lessons from a Moldy Jack-O-Lantern
One of my co-workers came up to me today and asked, "What happened to your pumpkin?" The Jack-O-Lantern the boys and I made over the weekend was on the small end table by my phone right inside my office, and it had become very dark and fuzzy inside. Pumpkins mold and rot very, very quickly out here. I had already cleaned it out once, but overnight, the mold had gone into overtime! I noticed it first thing in the morning and had planned to clean it out and try to make it last one or two more days, but by the afternoon, when my co-worker saw it, the mouth and nose had begun to cave in. Poor Jack-O-Lantern, it was time for him to go bye-bye! Now what lesson, you are thinking, can you learn from a moldy Jack-O-Lantern? Well, that's part of that love of learning for me in that if I am not actively in school and learning, I'll find something to learn from because I just like learning so much.
The moldy Jack-O-Lantern lesson actually came without much effort. As I was thinking about what to write for my blog, I remembered the pumpkin I threw out this evening and realized that even though I didn't want to let it go just yet, I needed to. That's part of what writing this blog has been for me, a way to completely let go of those things I'm still hanging on to since my divorce, such as having control over every aspect of my children's lives, being there for every important or not so important event, recognizing that their dad is not always going to do things the way I would OR even be on the same page as me. It feels really good to let go, just as it felt good to get rid of that moldy pumpkin. I love my boys, and I know that I'm doing the best I can for them in every way possible, and as far as the rest, that's up to God to handle. All I can do is pray and realize that some of the little things just aren't important enough to make a big deal out of, and that it's a waste of my time and energy to make a mountain out of a mole hill, just like it would have been a waste of my time and energy to try and fix that pumpkin's mold problem, so I could get one or two more days out of it.
The moldy Jack-O-Lantern lesson actually came without much effort. As I was thinking about what to write for my blog, I remembered the pumpkin I threw out this evening and realized that even though I didn't want to let it go just yet, I needed to. That's part of what writing this blog has been for me, a way to completely let go of those things I'm still hanging on to since my divorce, such as having control over every aspect of my children's lives, being there for every important or not so important event, recognizing that their dad is not always going to do things the way I would OR even be on the same page as me. It feels really good to let go, just as it felt good to get rid of that moldy pumpkin. I love my boys, and I know that I'm doing the best I can for them in every way possible, and as far as the rest, that's up to God to handle. All I can do is pray and realize that some of the little things just aren't important enough to make a big deal out of, and that it's a waste of my time and energy to make a mountain out of a mole hill, just like it would have been a waste of my time and energy to try and fix that pumpkin's mold problem, so I could get one or two more days out of it.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
October 27, 2010-What it Takes to be a Teacher and Love Your Job!
I've been thinking a lot lately about what it takes to be a teacher and enjoy it. As I think I've stated before, it's not a job for everyone. It's takes a certain kind of person to dedicate themselves fully to working with children every day or even to teach adults on a regular basis. First, I believe you really have to love the learning process and the education field in general. I consider myself a "lifelong learner." I loved attending college because of the discussion groups, the projects and papers, the insight I gathered about myself, life, and the world as a whole through learning about it in all subject areas. If I could have been a lifelong student, I probably would have been, so the next best alternative for me was to become a teacher, so I could still participate in the learning process with the added benefit of gaining joy from helping "turn the light on" for others like me.
Second, I believe you need to enjoy the social aspect of being around children and adults during your working hours as a teacher. You cannot be someone who has to work alone all the time in order to get anything done or to focus on the task at hand. What I have discovered over the years though is that you don't have to be a naturally social person outside of teaching, just in the classroom. I am an introvert by nature, but in the classroom, I am an extrovert. I vastly prefer small close knit groups to hang out with outside of work or even staying at home to hang out more than going out, but in the classroom, I can feel the adrenaline pumping when I stand up in front of the class or move around the help students with projects or activities we are working on. Teaching is in my blood! Being in front of everyone, at least when I have a goal and plan for what I am doing, comes naturally to me. Without a plan, now that's a different story, but a teacher without a plan has a classroom full of chaos which leads me to my last point.
Finally, in order to be a strong teacher and leader in the classroom, and therefore, love what you are doing, you need to be a planner and an organizer. If you walk into a classroom, especially with young children, but even with youth and adults, and you do not have a plan or a schedule, you will begin to feel like you are drowning, and the students will not enjoy your class either. Without a plan and organization, stress ensues and is easily sensed and passed on to your students. I love to plan and organize, but even I have had days/nights where I was not as prepared to teach as I should have been, and those are the times I know I have failed my students, and that's not a fun feeling. However, when I am prepared and organized, teaching is the best job in the world!
Second, I believe you need to enjoy the social aspect of being around children and adults during your working hours as a teacher. You cannot be someone who has to work alone all the time in order to get anything done or to focus on the task at hand. What I have discovered over the years though is that you don't have to be a naturally social person outside of teaching, just in the classroom. I am an introvert by nature, but in the classroom, I am an extrovert. I vastly prefer small close knit groups to hang out with outside of work or even staying at home to hang out more than going out, but in the classroom, I can feel the adrenaline pumping when I stand up in front of the class or move around the help students with projects or activities we are working on. Teaching is in my blood! Being in front of everyone, at least when I have a goal and plan for what I am doing, comes naturally to me. Without a plan, now that's a different story, but a teacher without a plan has a classroom full of chaos which leads me to my last point.
Finally, in order to be a strong teacher and leader in the classroom, and therefore, love what you are doing, you need to be a planner and an organizer. If you walk into a classroom, especially with young children, but even with youth and adults, and you do not have a plan or a schedule, you will begin to feel like you are drowning, and the students will not enjoy your class either. Without a plan and organization, stress ensues and is easily sensed and passed on to your students. I love to plan and organize, but even I have had days/nights where I was not as prepared to teach as I should have been, and those are the times I know I have failed my students, and that's not a fun feeling. However, when I am prepared and organized, teaching is the best job in the world!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
October 26, 2010-Busy, Busy Bee
“It’s time for group; come sit on a bumblebee,” directed one of the preschool teachers today as I helped her implement a new schedule for her class to assist with classroom management and allow the lead and assistant teachers to work more in small groups with children at their developmental levels in the mixed age classroom. The “actual” bumblebees are part of a carpet in the group area, and although I was excited to be there for the changes today, and it was so much fun to be in the classroom assisting in ways that make me feel needed, I was such a busy, busy bee myself. It made time fly, and I’m glad for that, but I also miss my own boyfriend bumblebee on Roi, and I can’t wait for the weekend! It’s been over two weeks since I saw him last and sometimes hearing his voice and reading his funny and sweet e-mails during the day is just not enough. I need to touch his face and look him in the eyes and have uninterrupted time to just catch up and be together. It’s quality time that is my love language, and it’s tough to have that when you live 50 miles away from each other across the ocean! So weekend, come quickly and take your time once you arrive! :)
October 25, 2010- Turtles, Rope Swings, Milkshakes, and Bedtime Routines...
As I wrote the title of this blog, I couldn’t get the sight and sound of Julie Andrews from the Sound of Music singing, “These are a few of my favorite things” out of my head. I’m not a big musical fan, but I can’t help but love the magnificent scenes of Austria
During my second year of leading the 4-H Ebeye Citizenship Club last year, I decided to try a new activity on Kwaj, “The Island Tour.” Originally my thoughts on the tour were to provide the Marshallese children an understanding of why there is an American base near their homeisland of Ebeye
During my second year of leading the 4-H Ebeye Citizenship Club last year, I decided to try a new activity on Kwaj, “The Island Tour.” Originally my thoughts on the tour were to provide the Marshallese children an understanding of why there is an American base near their home
First, we took our comfy island bus to the Kwajalein Turtle Pond where 3 resident sea turtles have spent most of their lives. These guys love leafy greens, and we brought plenty to fill their bellies. The best part is when they are looking for more and raise their heads above the water, open their mouths, and breathe loudly in the potential meal provider’s direction. I never get tired of visiting my turtle friends, and not to mention checking out the view next to the pond of the sailboats moored in the most beautiful blue-green lagoon in the world. Next, we headed to the best beach on the island, “Coral Sands” where they have a most adventurous rope swing hanging off the branches of some sort of pine tree right over the water at high tide. My two boys, of course, ended up dragging their bottoms in the water and sand while swinging, but that’s part of the fun, after all. The sand is the softest and deepest on the island at this spot, and the ghost crabs for chasing down the beach are abundant! After washing and brushing the sand off our feet, we were back on the bus headed to the snack bar. Normally, the snack bar would not be high on my list of favorite things to do, but the comfort of the milkshakes and/or ice cream you can get there is a favorite for both my kids and me!
Last but not least, my other favorite activity really has nothing to do with the 4-H Club or the atoll. It’s a very personal favorite that involves my kids and our bedtime routine. I was able tonight to put my kids to bed while their dad was at an island function, and it just reminded me of why I’ve missed that so much the past three years I’ve not be able to be with them every night. I love the reading, praying, and singing parts of bedtime with my babies. My oldest son, when I asked him if he wanted me to put on his bedtime music from the CD player I bought for them as infants for just such a purpose, said, “Oh yeah! And can you say prayers with me? I’ve been saying them every night now.” I told him that I would love to, and I was so glad he wanted to hear his music as it’s not a tradition that his father has kept up since I’ve been gone. It was kind of a mom thing between my son and me. At any rate, when I did put the music on, he told me about the songs he used to love listening to at bedtime and how he looked forward to being able to have our bedtime routine together at my new house soon. That melted my heart, and to put a cherry on top of my already delicious evening with them, I went to my youngest son’s room, and he asked me to sing to him like I still do when he is able to stay with me, and he said, “What’s that song you sing that I like?” and when I sang some of it, he replied, “Yeah, that one, can you sing it?” I did, but before that he told me how whenever I sing to him it makes him go right to sleep because I sing so “good.” Okay, now my heart is just a ball of melted wax. These are the things I needed to hear right now, and a day full of my favorite things has put life back into perspective. I can’t wait to move into the newest phase of my life in a home of my own on the most beautiful atoll in the world!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
October 24, 2010-Practicing my Slang...
You know, some days being a divorced single parent with 2 little boys on a tiny atoll in the middle of the ocean without a home to stay with them in for the weekend really sucks! There, I've said it, in very plain, not very elegant, English slang. It sucks! After a late to bed, early to rise sleep over party last night, my precious babies were totally exhausted today when I went over to their dad's house to pick them up. It's not that I didn't expect them to be a little worn out because I knew they would stay up late. What kids wouldn't stay up late at a sleep over party? It's just that we had the costume carnival to attend this afternoon and a 4-H event tomorrow. It's a big weekend, and it's my weekend with them. So, after pitching a few fits about not wanting to stay with me tonight (because as usual we have to stay at someone else's house since mine is not ready to move into yet), we finally got everyone dressed up into their costumes and ready to head to the youth center for some fun. This year, my little one decided to be a Lightning McQueen Pit Crew Member, and my oldest was the famous wrestler Ray Mysterio. I, on the other hand, at the last minute too, chose to be something every little girl wants to be at one time or another, a princess named Snow White!
The big event at the carnival today was the pumpkin walk because, unfortunately, not enough pumpkins were ordered this year for all the families to be able to have one, so there are very few real Jack-O-Lanterns around the island, and the pumpkin walk was one of the few ways to get one to carve. My son wanted one so bad, not for the carving part, but for the pumpkin seed roasting, and thank goodness on the next to the last pumpkin giveaway round, he won! He told me, "Mom, my wish came true! I wished, and I prayed, and God helped me get a pumpkin!" I'm so glad He did because it made what started out as a very rough weekend a sweetness that I was missing. And tonight, I get to look up pumpkin seed roasting recipes to make tomorrow even better!
Maybe it's the dressing up, but after a fairly tense birthday party the night before with their dad and step-mom (it's the first party for the boys we've all participated in together), and a really tense few moments with my son as he pitched his "I'm exhausted" fit before settling down to get dressed for the carnival, life felt a little less "crappy" to use another lovely slang word. Sometimes slang or what others might consider "bad words" are the only ones that come to mind and feel appropriate for the moment. When you're frustrated, when you're tired, when life has thrown you too many curve balls that have hit you right in the noggin, a loud, long scream of anguish or just a well timed curse at nothing in particular except the unfairness of it all makes you feel better. I don't know why. It just does. I guess it's just another way to get those pent up emotions out so you can move on. Fortunately, I also learned through my brief stint as Snow White today, that a well placed squeal of delight, dancing for pumpkins with the youth of the island, and a Tootsie pop or two can make you feel better as well, maybe even better than the slang and anguished screaming. :) So, hopefully, more times than not I can take Snow White's high road, leave the slang behind, and start practicing sharing a dance with a friend or a Tootsie pop with my son, which allows us all to benefit and find the sweetness in life instead of focusing on the sourness of situations that sometimes just suck.
The big event at the carnival today was the pumpkin walk because, unfortunately, not enough pumpkins were ordered this year for all the families to be able to have one, so there are very few real Jack-O-Lanterns around the island, and the pumpkin walk was one of the few ways to get one to carve. My son wanted one so bad, not for the carving part, but for the pumpkin seed roasting, and thank goodness on the next to the last pumpkin giveaway round, he won! He told me, "Mom, my wish came true! I wished, and I prayed, and God helped me get a pumpkin!" I'm so glad He did because it made what started out as a very rough weekend a sweetness that I was missing. And tonight, I get to look up pumpkin seed roasting recipes to make tomorrow even better!
Maybe it's the dressing up, but after a fairly tense birthday party the night before with their dad and step-mom (it's the first party for the boys we've all participated in together), and a really tense few moments with my son as he pitched his "I'm exhausted" fit before settling down to get dressed for the carnival, life felt a little less "crappy" to use another lovely slang word. Sometimes slang or what others might consider "bad words" are the only ones that come to mind and feel appropriate for the moment. When you're frustrated, when you're tired, when life has thrown you too many curve balls that have hit you right in the noggin, a loud, long scream of anguish or just a well timed curse at nothing in particular except the unfairness of it all makes you feel better. I don't know why. It just does. I guess it's just another way to get those pent up emotions out so you can move on. Fortunately, I also learned through my brief stint as Snow White today, that a well placed squeal of delight, dancing for pumpkins with the youth of the island, and a Tootsie pop or two can make you feel better as well, maybe even better than the slang and anguished screaming. :) So, hopefully, more times than not I can take Snow White's high road, leave the slang behind, and start practicing sharing a dance with a friend or a Tootsie pop with my son, which allows us all to benefit and find the sweetness in life instead of focusing on the sourness of situations that sometimes just suck.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
October 23, 2010- My Birthday Boy!
My youngest son turns 7 this coming Thursday, October 28th. Tonight he is having a small sleep over party with his friends. The theme was Monster Jam Monster Trucks, and when I left them a little while ago at his dad’s house after pizza, ice cream cake, a piñata, and presents, they were all having a blast! I can’t believe he’s almost seven already. My second baby came into the world drawing the attention of everyone in the small atoll hospital here on Kwajalein .
I know I’ve mentioned the story of my son’s birth before in the Oct. 1st blog, but to commemorate his big day, I thought I’d give you more of the nitty gritty details this time. I went into labor while moving around boxes and unpacking in my new three bedroom home with a view of the vast Pacific. I was not actually due until November about a week later, but my babies are not ones to wait or be induced into the world as my first one came almost a month early. Since I had my almost two year old at home with me at the time, I called a friend and asked if I could bring him over to her house while I ran over to the hospital just to check as I wasn’t sure if I was in false labor or not. Turns out I was NOT in false labor, but I was in a very slow moving labor.
A few hours later, I still had not dilated past a 3 (I believe it’s when you’re dilated to 10 that you’re ready to deliver), and the baby inside me was not moving into the birth canal. He was staying high and tight in my womb. Just like my youngest boy to be stubborn and come into the world in a much different way than his brother. The bad thing is this way of coming into the world was a little stressful to my doctors and nurses. Either mine or the baby’s heart rate was slowing down every time I had a contraction, and in a small, isolated hospital thousands of miles from evenHawaii
Not knowing if there was a serious issue with my soon to be little bundle of joy, they decided to perform an emergency C-section to get him out. Needless to say, this was not the birth I had planned for him. I was not happy with the doctor’s decision, but who am I to tell the doctors what to do? So, with pretty much every doctor and nurse on the island in the operating room, I asked them not to cut me open while they covered my face with a mask to put me to sleep for the operation. When I awoke, my baby was no longer in my tummy, and I was not fully coherent for at least 2 days afterwards due to the medicines they had me on for pain. I was still pretty irritated and hormonal when I was awake long enough to converse with hospital staff about the C-section, but I knew it was truly necessary when taking a walk with my baby right outside the hospital in order to get some fresh air. While on this short walk around the hospital grounds, the chief medical officer stopped me to look at the baby. He said to me, “Oh, I was SO glad when I heard him cry after we took him out.” At that moment, I realized that they really thought he might die. I forgave them at that moment for cutting me open when I really didn’t want to be sectioned. I don’t know what my life would be like without either of my boys.
My little bit is strong willed, a class clown, a lover of cheese, crackers, bread, and anything sweet. He is often full of himself, which shows how much ego is genetic. :) It must be nice to have so much self-confidence early on in life. I wish I had more of his confidence in myself sometimes. He is also a giggle box and a cuddler. He’s my baby boy and most likely the last child I’ll ever bring into this world. On his birthday this year, I wish for him all the cheese in the world along with a healthy dose of faith, the kind of love which causes you to put others before yourself and give back to the world more than the world could ever give, a healthy well-adjusted family to spend his life with, and just enough challenges and trials to make him a better person, to develop his character to where it needs to be to succeed and yet hold onto his values and his faith and not destroy him or who he is in the process. Happy, Happy Birthday Baby Boy! I love you!
I know I’ve mentioned the story of my son’s birth before in the Oct. 1st blog, but to commemorate his big day, I thought I’d give you more of the nitty gritty details this time. I went into labor while moving around boxes and unpacking in my new three bedroom home with a view of the vast Pacific. I was not actually due until November about a week later, but my babies are not ones to wait or be induced into the world as my first one came almost a month early. Since I had my almost two year old at home with me at the time, I called a friend and asked if I could bring him over to her house while I ran over to the hospital just to check as I wasn’t sure if I was in false labor or not. Turns out I was NOT in false labor, but I was in a very slow moving labor.
A few hours later, I still had not dilated past a 3 (I believe it’s when you’re dilated to 10 that you’re ready to deliver), and the baby inside me was not moving into the birth canal. He was staying high and tight in my womb. Just like my youngest boy to be stubborn and come into the world in a much different way than his brother. The bad thing is this way of coming into the world was a little stressful to my doctors and nurses. Either mine or the baby’s heart rate was slowing down every time I had a contraction, and in a small, isolated hospital thousands of miles from even
Not knowing if there was a serious issue with my soon to be little bundle of joy, they decided to perform an emergency C-section to get him out. Needless to say, this was not the birth I had planned for him. I was not happy with the doctor’s decision, but who am I to tell the doctors what to do? So, with pretty much every doctor and nurse on the island in the operating room, I asked them not to cut me open while they covered my face with a mask to put me to sleep for the operation. When I awoke, my baby was no longer in my tummy, and I was not fully coherent for at least 2 days afterwards due to the medicines they had me on for pain. I was still pretty irritated and hormonal when I was awake long enough to converse with hospital staff about the C-section, but I knew it was truly necessary when taking a walk with my baby right outside the hospital in order to get some fresh air. While on this short walk around the hospital grounds, the chief medical officer stopped me to look at the baby. He said to me, “Oh, I was SO glad when I heard him cry after we took him out.” At that moment, I realized that they really thought he might die. I forgave them at that moment for cutting me open when I really didn’t want to be sectioned. I don’t know what my life would be like without either of my boys.
My little bit is strong willed, a class clown, a lover of cheese, crackers, bread, and anything sweet. He is often full of himself, which shows how much ego is genetic. :) It must be nice to have so much self-confidence early on in life. I wish I had more of his confidence in myself sometimes. He is also a giggle box and a cuddler. He’s my baby boy and most likely the last child I’ll ever bring into this world. On his birthday this year, I wish for him all the cheese in the world along with a healthy dose of faith, the kind of love which causes you to put others before yourself and give back to the world more than the world could ever give, a healthy well-adjusted family to spend his life with, and just enough challenges and trials to make him a better person, to develop his character to where it needs to be to succeed and yet hold onto his values and his faith and not destroy him or who he is in the process. Happy, Happy Birthday Baby Boy! I love you!
October 22, 2010- Too Tired...
Tonight, I’m simply too tired for anything: too tired to write, too tired to sleep, too tired to think, too tired to talk, too tired. The last couple of weeks have been emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. The new job, the dynamics of the new step mom living on island with the boys, no time with my sweetheart, and no time to even rest properly is adding up to total exhaustion and maybe a little stress and depressed feelings for this mom. So, I’m going to opt out of the blog and catch back up with you tomorrow. Hopefully by then, I’ll be feeling more rested!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
October 21, 2010-“The New Mom”
The past couple of weeks I have been attempting to navigate the new “blended” family my children are now a part of due to the re-marriage of their dad this summer. Honestly, I don’t know how to even start doing this appropriately. I guess all divorced families go through this in one way or another, but I don’t know how. I need that non-existent instruction manual on this one for sure even with my previous experiences to guide me. You see, my parents divorced when I was about 12, but I just stayed with my mom as I always had, and I went to visit my dad and my step-mom whenever I wanted to see them or they wanted to see me. Simple as that, no court battles, no custody disputes that dragged out over years and years, and I thank my parents for considering me in that way, for not putting me through that. My agreement with my ex-husband is full joint custody on a three mile long island where I live in a BQ (at least for the last few years and up until the 20 of November when I will finally be allowed to move into a house here-Yea!), and everyone knows everyone. I was married for over 10 years, and all of it was on Kwajalein , so all the people who have been here for over 10 years know the details of our lives fairly intimately, good, bad, and ugly. Even more challenging for me is that all the kids who were born and raised here like my kids know me as the boys’ mom and my ex as their dad, period. That’s all they know.
Since the arrival on island of the boys’ new step-mom, there’s been a whole new community dynamic to deal with. For example, one mom told me her son came home after visiting with my son at his dad’s house and said, “There’s some strange woman there who is not their mom. Who is she?” And the conversation began. This morning I received a call from a parent whose son is invited to my son’s sleep over party. This child was upset upon receiving the invite because he has been told that my son has a “new mom” by other kids at school, and he was concerned with the “new mom” being at the party and not me, the mom he knows. Now this one broke my heart. I reassured the parent I would be at the party, but I would not stay there overnight.
This is the nature of living in such a small community where everyone knows your name and your history. My boys have a mom (ME), and I can’t say it doesn’t hurt me to hear kids in the neighborhood describing my kids’ step-mom as their “new mom.” But, all I can do is try to keep my cool and keep being the best mom to my boys as I can in the midst of even the most uncomfortable or heartbreaking of situations. The hardest thing for me has been to hear about her implementing discipline strategies or planning events with my boys or even directing them how to eat healthier and so forth. These are not bad things. It’s just my job to do them, and I never gave that job up. I may not be married to their dad anymore, but it does not mean I am not my kids’ mom, and that I no longer have the responsibility of being a good parent to them. In fact, I have continued to stay very involved in their lives since the divorce, and in some ways, even more so, and I don’t plan to change my level of involvement because there’s another parenting figure living with them now. It’s just all very mind boggling to me...I don’t know where or how to categorize what I’m feeling or how to deal with it.
I’ve been reluctant to write much about this in my blog before because it’s so personal to me, but it’s a big part of my life out here right now, and it affects me to the core, so I have to write it out, and maybe I can let go a little more and more forward toward the boys’ new blended family and their step-mom’s role in it with more grace and understanding as the Powers that be would have me to do. I know I can’t do it alone, so I’ll be praying for extra strength and to ability to see other’s through God’s eyes instead of my own as I walk through this newest phase in my sweet darlings’ lives.
Since the arrival on island of the boys’ new step-mom, there’s been a whole new community dynamic to deal with. For example, one mom told me her son came home after visiting with my son at his dad’s house and said, “There’s some strange woman there who is not their mom. Who is she?” And the conversation began. This morning I received a call from a parent whose son is invited to my son’s sleep over party. This child was upset upon receiving the invite because he has been told that my son has a “new mom” by other kids at school, and he was concerned with the “new mom” being at the party and not me, the mom he knows. Now this one broke my heart. I reassured the parent I would be at the party, but I would not stay there overnight.
This is the nature of living in such a small community where everyone knows your name and your history. My boys have a mom (ME), and I can’t say it doesn’t hurt me to hear kids in the neighborhood describing my kids’ step-mom as their “new mom.” But, all I can do is try to keep my cool and keep being the best mom to my boys as I can in the midst of even the most uncomfortable or heartbreaking of situations. The hardest thing for me has been to hear about her implementing discipline strategies or planning events with my boys or even directing them how to eat healthier and so forth. These are not bad things. It’s just my job to do them, and I never gave that job up. I may not be married to their dad anymore, but it does not mean I am not my kids’ mom, and that I no longer have the responsibility of being a good parent to them. In fact, I have continued to stay very involved in their lives since the divorce, and in some ways, even more so, and I don’t plan to change my level of involvement because there’s another parenting figure living with them now. It’s just all very mind boggling to me...I don’t know where or how to categorize what I’m feeling or how to deal with it.
I’ve been reluctant to write much about this in my blog before because it’s so personal to me, but it’s a big part of my life out here right now, and it affects me to the core, so I have to write it out, and maybe I can let go a little more and more forward toward the boys’ new blended family and their step-mom’s role in it with more grace and understanding as the Powers that be would have me to do. I know I can’t do it alone, so I’ll be praying for extra strength and to ability to see other’s through God’s eyes instead of my own as I walk through this newest phase in my sweet darlings’ lives.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
October 20, 2010-Positive Praise!
Lately, there’s been a lot of focus on positive praise in my workplace. This is a set of words that I’ve used quite often, and I believe fully in the power of the tongue to bring life or death as the Bible states. Speaking to children in positive ways in the classroom and providing lots of positive praise versus focusing regularly on the negatives of their choices makes a huge difference in the classroom atmosphere and the attitude of both the students and teachers. Being a former classroom teacher for school age kids from K-6 and in the preschool, I quickly learned how much better it was for me to focus on the positive, even in my own thinking about going to work and dealing with the most challenging of situations that arise when working with children, but since transitioning recently back to teaching the teachers, I hadn’t thought about the effect of positive praise on adults in quite a while.
This past weekend when reading “The Five Love Languages,” I was reminded of how much we as adults also need positive praise. The first love language detailed in the book is “Words of Affirmation.” Another verse in the Bible says, “An anxious heart weighs down a man, but a kind word cheers him up.” Words of affirmation are not my primary love language (in other words, it’s not the type of love I most crave), but to many, it is. Those words of praise or appreciation can go a long way and are actually communicators of love as expressed in the book. It’s not that I don’t like to hear positive praise myself. I do. Doesn’t everyone? But, I don’t need to hear that as much as I need quality time with others. Realizing that this is one way to communicate love that others in my life may really need has refocused me on trying to do that more with my friends and family and even my co-workers. Unfortunately, it has been much easier for me lately to provide positive praise at work, and then go home tired, get really comfortable as we tend to do with family and forget to continue it at home. It’s something I need to work on...
Now, the book focuses mainly on the marriage and love relationship between couples, but I believe it applies to all relationships you have in life. What better way to encourage morale in the workplace and to promote healthy communication than to operate using the five love languages there. In fact, I’m sure Mr. Chapman probably already has a book about this. I just haven’t read it yet. Point being, today I used this love language during a staff luncheon by handing out written compliments and lollipops to each member of our wonderful department.
At first, it may sound silly, adults don’t want or need lollipops and laminated compliments to feel good about the work they are doing, but I believe they do. We all need to hear that we are doing a good job sometimes and that we are appreciated. In turn, I received so many heart felt thank yous for taking the time to write out and consider the strengths of each person in the group, and that’s the words of affirmation and positive praise coming back to me in an awesome way! I can’t take credit for any of it really as I simply re-implemented something my predecessor had started way back when, but in the chaos and stress of life, it had been left behind for the past couple of years and needed to be brought back to our staff to lift them up. So, thank you Mr. Chapman and my friend and former co-worker, for helping me make a difference in the workplace by teaching and reminding me how important positive praise is for everyone! Now, if I can just be more diligent to take it home with me as well. Thank you friends and family for all you do. I don’t know where I’d be without you! Love and hugs to you all! :)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
October 19, 2010-House Hunting
Today, I had the keys to over 9 housing units on island to look over and choose one I would like to move into in the next month. On a military base all the houses are basically the same, except that there are 1, 2, and 3 bedrooms homes, and there are manager level and “regular” level housing according to your “rank.” I rate a regular 2 bedroom home. All of the homes available to me at this time (as there are 2-3 different floor plans of homes which have been built at different times since the 1960’s) are 2 story concrete block homes with one bathroom upstairs and a “half tub” shower as I call it. The homes are all painted off-white with a brown trim, and they all have the exact same floor plan and square footage.
So, there are about 4 factors I looked at when going in and out of all these identical homes. These factors were: does it have a fairly private location close to the schools and thus my work as well (even though nothing is actually really far from work and school on a three mile long island), does it have a covered patio out back, does it have relatively new appliances, and does it look well maintained or are there lots of cracks in the walls, windows, moldy smell, etc...Remember, all the houses I was looking at are the earliest built, around 1960, so there is natural wear and tear on all of them, but some are worse than others depending on how well the previous owners have cared for them.
With the older 2 bedroom homes here, a back patio cover is coveted! There are very few left standing these days that are not torn down when the previous resident leaves. The first house I looked at is the only one with a full patio cover, a painted concrete pad underneath the cover, new fridge and freezer and fairly new stove, washer and dryer, and the only one recently vacated that was clearly very well maintained over the years. So, that’s 3 out of four of my factors met. The only drawback is that the house is located right on the main road across from a three story BQ at the edges of island “suburbia.” Well, beggars can’t be too choosy. I am one of the blessed few at this period of time on the atoll to have an actual “home” of my own, not simply a “dorm room,” and it’s a home with no mortgage, free home care in terms of major repairs (I simply call it in to the help desk, and they come fix it), and that coveted large back patio. So, tomorrow I will make my final decision, and in approximately 3 weeks, I move and begin yet another new phase in my life on an atoll. Wish me luck!
Monday, October 18, 2010
October 18, 2010- Empty Doors...
I planned to get so much done today. To clean my room, which hasn’t been cleaned in more time than I care to admit, to wash clothes (but upon finding all the washers on my floor full this afternoon, I decided to postpone that), and to clean up and organize the piles of mail and other miscellaneous accumulations of daily life that I never have time to put away because I am so rarely here except to sleep, shower, and occasionally eat. I did organize and put away the mail and other stuff, but I found myself mostly looking through old picture albums of my kids as babies with their adorable grins and giggling faces and taking down the art work on the doors.
You see, since moving in over 3 years ago, I have been periodically hanging up the school work and art of my two boys on the doors in my room to keep them close to my heart and make me feel a little more like they are with me here even though they’ve never been allowed to step foot in this room. The back of my front door holds the work of my oldest, and the front of the bathroom door, which actually faces the back of my front door at only about 15 feet apart (which is not much more than the length of my almost square room) showcases my youngest son’s art. I also had some overflow of all my little one’s work from the end of Kindergarten last year on the wall above my bed and the door frame around the bathroom. I even had a couple of pieces of art from my boys and a friend’s child or two on the closet doors.
My process for displaying and keeping their work is this: I keep all the stuff I would like to see displayed on my doors for awhile and when I have more than enough precious work to cover the doors, I take off the old work, throw away that which has become too sun bleached from the large window across the room or that which I have decided I can let go of (because if I tried to keep everything from my kids’ school years, I would have no room for anything else in my life), then I put the rest away in a large Marshallese basket for my kid’s memories boxes and books later in life. Once I put up new artwork, I take a picture of the doors with my point and shoot digital camera and save it to my computer and a thumb drive for safe keeping. That way, the ones I do end of having to get rid of can still remain in my memory later through those pictures.
Today, I didn’t have any new work to put up. I just decided to take them down because it’s been up so long now, and I will, hopefully, be moving into a house sooner rather than later, and I figured that was one less step to take care of in cleaning and packing up to move. The only thing is that the empty doors make me sad tonight as I write this. It looks funny without my kids’ colorful personalities plastered all over my doors. In addition, because I haven’t accumulated anything new in such a long time, the empty doors mean they are getting older because they are not doing all the cute artwork anymore. They are doing worksheets and book reports and handwriting practice instead. These are all essential, but it signals the end of another stage in their lives for me. They are not little boys anymore; they are becoming big kids with bigger responsibilities.
The empty doors symbolize a change in life for me as well. These are my last days, maybe ever, to reside in a BQ, and although, it has been bittersweet to have to go back to living in what most consider a “dorm room” when I have kids who can’t visit me here, it has also been a good place for me in many ways. It’s been a place of healing, a place where I could reflect, grow, and just be me and to be honest, a place where I’ve have the time to figure out who me is again and gain strength, confidence, and faith in myself and my God. It’s hard to believe the home with the boys I’ve dreamed of having and worked so hard for here is finally becoming a reality. It will most likely be my last home on the atoll as I will not be here forever. Truthfully, I’m much close to the end of my island years rather than the beginning or even the middle, but at least I know I’ll be leaving with my goals, career and family wise, met, and with plenty of awesome memories with which to fill up the empty doors in my next home, wherever that may be!
You see, since moving in over 3 years ago, I have been periodically hanging up the school work and art of my two boys on the doors in my room to keep them close to my heart and make me feel a little more like they are with me here even though they’ve never been allowed to step foot in this room. The back of my front door holds the work of my oldest, and the front of the bathroom door, which actually faces the back of my front door at only about 15 feet apart (which is not much more than the length of my almost square room) showcases my youngest son’s art. I also had some overflow of all my little one’s work from the end of Kindergarten last year on the wall above my bed and the door frame around the bathroom. I even had a couple of pieces of art from my boys and a friend’s child or two on the closet doors.
My process for displaying and keeping their work is this: I keep all the stuff I would like to see displayed on my doors for awhile and when I have more than enough precious work to cover the doors, I take off the old work, throw away that which has become too sun bleached from the large window across the room or that which I have decided I can let go of (because if I tried to keep everything from my kids’ school years, I would have no room for anything else in my life), then I put the rest away in a large Marshallese basket for my kid’s memories boxes and books later in life. Once I put up new artwork, I take a picture of the doors with my point and shoot digital camera and save it to my computer and a thumb drive for safe keeping. That way, the ones I do end of having to get rid of can still remain in my memory later through those pictures.
Today, I didn’t have any new work to put up. I just decided to take them down because it’s been up so long now, and I will, hopefully, be moving into a house sooner rather than later, and I figured that was one less step to take care of in cleaning and packing up to move. The only thing is that the empty doors make me sad tonight as I write this. It looks funny without my kids’ colorful personalities plastered all over my doors. In addition, because I haven’t accumulated anything new in such a long time, the empty doors mean they are getting older because they are not doing all the cute artwork anymore. They are doing worksheets and book reports and handwriting practice instead. These are all essential, but it signals the end of another stage in their lives for me. They are not little boys anymore; they are becoming big kids with bigger responsibilities.
The empty doors symbolize a change in life for me as well. These are my last days, maybe ever, to reside in a BQ, and although, it has been bittersweet to have to go back to living in what most consider a “dorm room” when I have kids who can’t visit me here, it has also been a good place for me in many ways. It’s been a place of healing, a place where I could reflect, grow, and just be me and to be honest, a place where I’ve have the time to figure out who me is again and gain strength, confidence, and faith in myself and my God. It’s hard to believe the home with the boys I’ve dreamed of having and worked so hard for here is finally becoming a reality. It will most likely be my last home on the atoll as I will not be here forever. Truthfully, I’m much close to the end of my island years rather than the beginning or even the middle, but at least I know I’ll be leaving with my goals, career and family wise, met, and with plenty of awesome memories with which to fill up the empty doors in my next home, wherever that may be!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
October 17, 2010- “Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder”
Today, the trade winds stopped completely, and the clouds dumped rain on the island in a literal downpour. I walked to church and back zipped and buttoned up in my dark green Coleman rain coat, saying “Good Morning” to people along the way who replied back with perplexed looks on their faces, thinking, “Who’s that?” as only the very center of my face peeked out from the cinched hood over my head, and they could not tell who I was. I walked because you can sometimes stay drier that way than charging through the pools and puddles of water on your bicycle, but mainly, I walked because I enjoy trudging slowly through the warm puddles. There’s something about wading through puddles that makes me feel like a little girl again, especially when I have on the right kind of “slippahs” (the Hawaiian slang word for flip flops) that are not affected by the wetness.
Unfortunately, no little ones showed up for my Sunday school class this morning due to the rain (although I found out later that my own little one didn’t show up because he went with his brother down the street to play in the rain with friends), but that’s okay. I was in no particular hurry to get back home as I had no particular plans for the weekend. This is unusual for me because when it’s not my weekend with the boys, it’s my weekend with my love, but I couldn’t make it this time. The flights on Sunday have been cancelled indefinitely, and I committed to teaching on Sunday mornings, and there’s only so many times I can ask someone else to cover class for me.
Anyway, on the way back home through the puddles, I stopped at the store to grab a movie or two and something for lunch later as it was clear the rain was not letting up anytime soon, and that’s what you do on rainy days, right? You stay inside, read, watch movies, eat comfort foods, and drink hot chocolate. Yes, even on a warm, tropical island, we like hot chocolate on yucky days. Sometimes, I can even imagine it is autumn weather outside as I sit by the window and drink my cocoa. I do miss fall and spring in the states more than I ever would have believed when first coming out here. After picking up my chick flicks and snacks, I stopped under the cover of the walkway outside the stores to wait out the rain a bit and chat with a long time friend on the island.
Eventually, we came around to the subject of how long each of us planned to stay as it’s been over a decade so far for both of us. “Well,” my friend said, “I’m staying 4 more years until I’m old enough to retire.” Like me, he has been through a lot out here, watched his kids grow up and move away along with most of his good friends, and there’s not a whole lot of draw to staying anymore, so his plans are now purely practical, staying for financial reasons. I told him what I’ve told many others over the last few years in that I am only here because of my boys and boyfriend. He told me, “At least you have someone.” And while I am so thankful for my honey, I hate living on two separate islands. Upon expressing this to my friend, he used the cliché that titles this blog entry, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” While in many ways, I can agree, my immediate reaction to that is, “but it doesn’t make being apart any easier.”
It may not give us the chance to experience the everyday challenges of living together, such as when one of us is in a bad or down mood or when we say something curtly to the other and hurt feelings crop up, but I want to experience the chaotic times along with the late night chats, the challenges of maintaining a strong relationship along with the kind consideration and comforting hugs of each other through thick and thin. I do want both the easy parts and the hard parts all wrapped up together. I don’t want the absence.
I have been reading the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, and I went online to take the love language profile that helps you identify what “love language” you communicate through most (words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch), and surprise, surprise, my strongest love language is quality time. I just want to be with those I love having real conversations, listening to what they have to say, and putting our attention and focus on each other. This love language applies to all those in my life whom I love, my family and friends too. I love to just be with you all. Yes, maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder as you quickly forget those tough times due to the simple fact of missing out on the good times, but I would much rather spend all my time, positive and negative, surrounded by friends, family, and especially the 3 loves of my life, my three best guys! :) Missing you all today...
Saturday, October 16, 2010
October 16, 2010-Jumping Up and Down News!
I am still a bit in shock, but late yesterday I received a call from my boss who had some news for me about my exception to policy request to be granted housing with my new job on island. As I’ve mentioned before in this blog, there are two types of jobs offered to the contract employees on island, accompanied and unaccompanied. I have been living in a dorm room where my children are not allowed to visit me until they turn 21 with an unaccompanied contract for the last 3 years hoping and praying that some day I would be able to move into an accompanied position, which are generally only given to managers or critical positions on island because of the lack of housing options available on the island.
All of the housing is military built and “free” of rent or house payments. We all live “on base,” so to speak, because off base is in the ocean with the fish! :) Now after many long weekends dragging my boys from friend’s house to friend’s house to hotel rooms and Roi, I have been offered an accompanied position with the possibility of a home to go with it. The “possibility part” meant I still had to send up an exception to policy to be provided the house allotted to accompanied positions because my children are under my ex-husband’s contract as his dependents, and I have no dependents on my contract. The funny thing is this is a unique situation toKwajalein because our legal paperwork says we have joint custody, but because I did not have an accompanied contract at the time of the divorce, I could not have them under me as dependents here, so there’s the rub.
At any rate, it’s been several weeks since the exception to policy talks began, and when my boss called, I, trying not to get my hopes up, said, “Is it news that’s going to make me want to jump up and down?” And he said, “Yes. Your exception to policy for housing has been approved.” Part of me will continue to feel it’s just a dream until I have keys to an actual home and have moved in, but today I was handed a copy of the official paperwork that says I can be given a 2 bedroom home to reside in for as long as I remain in my current position or as long as the job itself exists out here, and I continue to have my contract renewed each year.
Praise the Lord! My prayers have been answered. I feel equally blessed and spoiled because there are plenty of others here who wish they could live in a house, and I’ve been granted that atoll luxury. If it wasn’t for the boys, I’d stay right here in my dorm room, but now I will have a home for them, with them, and finally be able to move forward in an area of my life that has been at a standstill. For those of you out there who have a roof over your head, good food to eat, and family and friends who love you and live with or near you, celebrate life with them today. It’s a tough world out there and being thankful for the little things makes the big things seem not quite so tough just as this one small “extra” for me will make a world of difference to my family time with the boys.
All of the housing is military built and “free” of rent or house payments. We all live “on base,” so to speak, because off base is in the ocean with the fish! :) Now after many long weekends dragging my boys from friend’s house to friend’s house to hotel rooms and Roi, I have been offered an accompanied position with the possibility of a home to go with it. The “possibility part” meant I still had to send up an exception to policy to be provided the house allotted to accompanied positions because my children are under my ex-husband’s contract as his dependents, and I have no dependents on my contract. The funny thing is this is a unique situation to
At any rate, it’s been several weeks since the exception to policy talks began, and when my boss called, I, trying not to get my hopes up, said, “Is it news that’s going to make me want to jump up and down?” And he said, “Yes. Your exception to policy for housing has been approved.” Part of me will continue to feel it’s just a dream until I have keys to an actual home and have moved in, but today I was handed a copy of the official paperwork that says I can be given a 2 bedroom home to reside in for as long as I remain in my current position or as long as the job itself exists out here, and I continue to have my contract renewed each year.
Praise the Lord! My prayers have been answered. I feel equally blessed and spoiled because there are plenty of others here who wish they could live in a house, and I’ve been granted that atoll luxury. If it wasn’t for the boys, I’d stay right here in my dorm room, but now I will have a home for them, with them, and finally be able to move forward in an area of my life that has been at a standstill. For those of you out there who have a roof over your head, good food to eat, and family and friends who love you and live with or near you, celebrate life with them today. It’s a tough world out there and being thankful for the little things makes the big things seem not quite so tough just as this one small “extra” for me will make a world of difference to my family time with the boys.
October 15, 2010-Taking the Logs Out
There’s a verse in the Bible that talks about judging ourselves before daring to judge anyone else. The analogy used is to take the log out of your own eye before attempting to take the speck out of someone else’s eye. Unfortunately, it’s so easy to talk about others and make assumptions about their actions or their lifestyles and judge them first before taking the time to get to know them including why they have made the decisions they’ve made and what they’ve been through to get there. You honestly can’t say, “If I was in that situation, I would never have reacted that way,” OR “I don’t respect them because I wouldn’t do that.” Frankly, you don’t know how you’d react until you’ve been in their situation. I’ve been guilty lately of making some assumptions about others and judging them before taking the log out of my own eye. Coming from someone who has been judged harshly and had many assumptions made about me during difficult times in my life on this tiny atoll, I should be the last person to do that to others. It hurts, and there’s nothing helpful about it. So tonight, I ask forgiveness from all those I have judged harshly or acted in a less than loving manner to over the years, and I challenge all of you to do the same: to look at yourself first and take the logs out, so you can see others clearly and love them because of their uniqueness and life experiences not judge them for what some people might view as flaws.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
October 14, 2010-The Challenge of Life
Today at the local convenience store, I saw a friend who has been off island for quite some time. I immediately called her name and headed over to give her a long overdue hug. After the “long time no sees,” we stood in line at the register to catch up on life for a minute. The first question she asked me was “Has life given you any new challenges this year?” Now granted, she’s a close enough friend to know where life has taken me during my time on the island, but I thought that was such an intriguing way to pose the usual “How are you?” question. It made me really think about how to answer instead of just saying, “Fine” or “Good” in the tradition of typical small talk that’s not truly aimed at finding out how you really are. I was not surprised by her question as she’s always been one of those friends who lives her life from a deeper level, and that’s one of the things I love most about her. What was nice is that she actually went to the trouble to inquire how I am. Her husband is the same way, and I’m not one to avoid answering questions or to give the easiest and quickest reply, so I laid it out there.
First off, I said, “always,” meaning every year is filled with its own challenges. Life itself is the biggest challenge of all. Then, I told them briefly about my job change, which is at least the third in as many years, and why I changed jobs, which was not just for the love of it, but also for the possibility of finally being granted a home to stay in with my children, and I told them about the transition of having my ex-husband get remarried to a good friend of mine from the past and how that has not been the most comfortable change, but it’s all part of life. What’s funny is that this is not the first time I’ve been approached this week by friends asking how things are going. I seem to be getting that a lot lately. And that’s okay. It is a small island, and most people already know of my challenges without even asking, but it’s still nice to have someone show that concern now and again and not be afraid to speak to me about it. For the friends who have done that, I know it’s all been out of genuine concern and good wishes for the best for the boys and me. For that, I am most grateful today, grateful that there are people here who have a heart for others, who are more concerned with seeing good people excel and thrive than whether or not the person down the street is talking bad about them or whether the powers that be on island help ensure they have all their special needs met. There are selfish people everywhere, but sometimes I think living on an atoll brings the bad traits to the forefront more due to the isolation and the feel that everyone is family, and we can act however we want.
I teach my own kids and the kids I work with the Golden Rule which is “Do unto others as you would have done to you” or in their words, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” And I try to follow this myself in every day life. I don’t always succeed, but I try. What’s the point of holding grudges or judging others when you don’t know what it is to live their life? How would you want them to treat you in the same situation? It’s so important to look at things from all perspectives, and it’s a lesson I have to remind myself of daily at times. I’m not perfect, but I know what it is to live the challenge of life, and it’s so much better when we support and love each other than when we work against each other. So, thank you, my friends who have taken the time to get to know me and face the challenges of life with me. Know that I am here for you whenever you need a hug, a listening ear, or just a hand to hold and not feel alone. :)
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
October 13, 2010-Winds of Time...
Some days start and end as fast and furious as the trade wind that kicked up at the campsite the other night. After an uneventful early morning flight back to Kwaj, and a special, leisurely “comfort food” breakfast of hot steamers (flavored milk from a coffee machine at the local convenience store) and muffins, the boys and I headed off to school and work for a short 4 day work week. Once 8:30 hit, the wind began blowing us all over the place until lunch at 11:30. I didn’t even have a chance to start up my computer and check e-mails for the day until after 12:30. My children even commented on how they couldn’t believe it was lunch time already, and they couldn’t wait for 3:30, so they could go home and rest. Remember, this is my 6 and 8 year old boys who rarely run on anything but full speed, and sometimes wear me out before I’ve even really gotten started for the day.
The afternoon winds kept blowing until 5:30 when the office where I work finally sat quiet, and the boys finished up the evening resting on the couch and vegging in front of the TV until dinner and bedtime with dad or at least that’s the way I left then on my way home. For me, the winds picked up again with an evening meeting, and a few more work errands to take care of before settling down in my PJ’s for the night. So, here I sit, wishing I had something more eventful to report to my faithful blog, always waiting patiently for me to keep the story of my year flowing like the constantly moving waves of the waters surrounding this atoll.
Unfortunately, life on an atoll is in some ways just like anywhere else. We spend our days taking care of life’s responsibilities with work, kids, eating, and sleeping. Granted some days are more than extraordinary, but most days are simply normal, and for now, that’s enough for me. There’s so many struggling with so much more tonight, those who don’t have enough food to eat or even a comfortable place to sleep. There’s people out there who are mourning the loss of something or someone in their life or hurting in ways I can’t even imagine due to family problems or personal issues. So, normal and uneventful is as good as extraordinary today, and who knows what tomorrow holds, so I am appreciative for now, knowing that tomorrow has enough trouble of its own.
The afternoon winds kept blowing until 5:30 when the office where I work finally sat quiet, and the boys finished up the evening resting on the couch and vegging in front of the TV until dinner and bedtime with dad or at least that’s the way I left then on my way home. For me, the winds picked up again with an evening meeting, and a few more work errands to take care of before settling down in my PJ’s for the night. So, here I sit, wishing I had something more eventful to report to my faithful blog, always waiting patiently for me to keep the story of my year flowing like the constantly moving waves of the waters surrounding this atoll.
Unfortunately, life on an atoll is in some ways just like anywhere else. We spend our days taking care of life’s responsibilities with work, kids, eating, and sleeping. Granted some days are more than extraordinary, but most days are simply normal, and for now, that’s enough for me. There’s so many struggling with so much more tonight, those who don’t have enough food to eat or even a comfortable place to sleep. There’s people out there who are mourning the loss of something or someone in their life or hurting in ways I can’t even imagine due to family problems or personal issues. So, normal and uneventful is as good as extraordinary today, and who knows what tomorrow holds, so I am appreciative for now, knowing that tomorrow has enough trouble of its own.
Monday, October 11, 2010
October 12, 2010-Taking a Break from the Weekend...
We've all had those vacations where you feel like you need to take a vacation after your vacation, right? I mean you go, go, go trying to fit in all the activities, sightseeing, and fun you can in your chosen vacation destination, then you get home, and you're exhausted. Lately, I feel like that about my life and my weekends. Things are so busy at work, and then so busy over the weekend, that I can't wait for a day or two that I can just sleep until I don't feel tired anymore. There's only been a few times in my life where I felt like I couldn't catch up on rest, and I think that makes me pretty lucky. I've had plenty of friends and family who never slept well a day in their life and always feel tired, but I don't have trouble sleeping when I'm tired. It's more about having the time to sleep. My type-A driven personality drives me to sleep deprivation at times because I can't leave things undone. I'll stay at work later without getting paid just to get something finished that I don't feel comfortable leaving until the next day, then I'll continue to think about my job after hours to the point of dreaming about it at night. I've gotten better about it over the years, letting the little things go until later, but that dedication to my job, which is also one of my passions in life, has gotten me to where I am in my career, and I'm proud of what I've accomplished so far because of that.
That said, this weekend, I've not thought about work once, but I've been so busy helping entertain the boys with swimming, camping, and general kid type fun, that I feel more tired than refreshed. It's been a fabulous weekend, and I wouldn't have chosen to spend it any other way. Although, I think I need a break from the weekend! Tomorrow, the boys will be back with their dad at his house, and I'll get a chance to rest in my own bed in my own tiny dorm style room, and the funny thing is, I'll miss those things that usually keep me from resting when I'm with them, the brotherly fighting, the constant reminders to keep your voices down and to use walking feet when inside. The "I'm hungry," and "I'm bored," and "Can I have a treat?" requests will be absent, but that means my boys are absent from me, and that's simply not acceptable. I chose to have kids and to take on that responsibility. I knew when I had kids it would mean that sleep would be minimal for the next 18+ years, and I was okay with that, so yes, I'll have my sleep tomorrow, but I will miss the kisses on the check, the good morning hugs, the "Every day has been so much fun" comments, the reading together by the campfire, and the sharing giggles over lunch at the chow hall more than my sleep. My children have enhanced my life in a way sleep has never been able to do for me, so I choose being with them anytime over rest that I can get tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year.
That said, this weekend, I've not thought about work once, but I've been so busy helping entertain the boys with swimming, camping, and general kid type fun, that I feel more tired than refreshed. It's been a fabulous weekend, and I wouldn't have chosen to spend it any other way. Although, I think I need a break from the weekend! Tomorrow, the boys will be back with their dad at his house, and I'll get a chance to rest in my own bed in my own tiny dorm style room, and the funny thing is, I'll miss those things that usually keep me from resting when I'm with them, the brotherly fighting, the constant reminders to keep your voices down and to use walking feet when inside. The "I'm hungry," and "I'm bored," and "Can I have a treat?" requests will be absent, but that means my boys are absent from me, and that's simply not acceptable. I chose to have kids and to take on that responsibility. I knew when I had kids it would mean that sleep would be minimal for the next 18+ years, and I was okay with that, so yes, I'll have my sleep tomorrow, but I will miss the kisses on the check, the good morning hugs, the "Every day has been so much fun" comments, the reading together by the campfire, and the sharing giggles over lunch at the chow hall more than my sleep. My children have enhanced my life in a way sleep has never been able to do for me, so I choose being with them anytime over rest that I can get tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year.
October 11, 2010-Camping Daze
It's been awhile since we were able to camp with the boys, and when I asked them what they would like to do this weekend on Roi, the unanimous response was "go camping," so today was the day. We started early as it requires quite a bit of work. First, we have to rent a golf cart to haul our cooler of food for dinner and breakfast to the beach shack as well as all the pillows and blankets for our beds, and often times, if you are not ready and waiting for a cart before 8 am, you'll miss out on this necessity for a camping adventure on the atoll. Fortunately, we have room in my boyfriend's small shed at his beach shack to keep our tents, air mattresses, and other sundry items such as the tools for the grill, plates, utensils, and more, so we don't have to haul those things back and forth. After loading up the coolers and setting up the tents, which required some special rigging of tent poles that are starting to suffer from the salt air and trade winds out here, we headed off to grab rocks for the fire pit. The last couple of years, the beach in front of the shacks have begun to erode. Whether it's because of the rising water around the world due to global warming or the recent storm surge that racked the island of Roi in 2008, no one can say for sure what is causing it, but the fire pit we used to have has fallen in and been swept into the ocean. We gathered a few heavy rocks from around the island and build a half pit a little above and to the left of the old one, then we headed to find some wood from the burn pile. It's important to check the wood you select carefully because often, the wood is pressure treated, painted, or has nails in it, none of which are good for a beach campfire, especially not with little ones around.
After making the beds in the tents and getting our campfire rebuilt and started, we grilled one of our favorite camp side meals, Italian sausage dogs, and for my "sudo vegetarian," grilled cheese quesadillas. Of course, we couldn't have a camp out without smores, so in the tradition of living on an isolated island in the Pacific, we had to make do with what we could find. Just like fixing up the tent poles to work because we can't just run to the nearest Coleman Outlet Store and buy more, we had to fix up our smores in a non-traditional way because there were no large roasting marshmallows available at the one local grocery store on Kwajalein or Roi. My sweetie carefully placed handmade smores with graham crackers, chocolate bars and several tiny marshmallows a piece on our slowly dying grill until they were full of melted chocolaty goodness, the kind of chocolate goodness that ended up all over my oldest son's swim trunks, and all up and down my youngest son's arms and hands.
When dinner was complete, we relaxed by the fire for a bit, until our eyelids began to get heavy, mine in particular! In fact, I fell asleep in the beach chair by the fire before anyone else. :) We planned for an uneventful night because there was no wind and no rain in the immediate forecast, but almost as soon as the boys went to bed in their tent, the wind kicked up with a vengeance. As my boyfriend struggled to tie down their tent in several extra places because it was the "struggling" one we had just temporary rigged up to hold on a calm night, the fire blew chunks of embers at us. It was a bit harrowing for a bit, but thanks to my camping buddy's valuable camping experience, he was able to put out the fire with water and sand and rig the tent to survive a small island storm without ever waking the precious boys inside. After that, I was really tired, so I headed to the tent and slept very soundly until my little one had trouble sleeping and woke me up out of a heavy dream sequence calling my name. I settled him down and awoke less than a couple of hours later to help him get out of the tent to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, it was a restless night, but there's still something about going to sleep to the sound of the waves at your feet, and the cool breeze of the trade winds blowing through your tent that takes me from my immediate concerns in life and to another world. When it's pitch black out, and I step outside for my own bathroom break in the middle of the night during a camping weekend, it feels like we are the only people on an island all to ourselves. It's a lot of work to set up and often more sleep is lost than gained, but I still look forward to it each time we have an opportunity to escape into the nature of the atoll and "live off the land," so to speak, even if it's only for a night, and supported by plenty of creature comforts along the way.
After making the beds in the tents and getting our campfire rebuilt and started, we grilled one of our favorite camp side meals, Italian sausage dogs, and for my "sudo vegetarian," grilled cheese quesadillas. Of course, we couldn't have a camp out without smores, so in the tradition of living on an isolated island in the Pacific, we had to make do with what we could find. Just like fixing up the tent poles to work because we can't just run to the nearest Coleman Outlet Store and buy more, we had to fix up our smores in a non-traditional way because there were no large roasting marshmallows available at the one local grocery store on Kwajalein or Roi. My sweetie carefully placed handmade smores with graham crackers, chocolate bars and several tiny marshmallows a piece on our slowly dying grill until they were full of melted chocolaty goodness, the kind of chocolate goodness that ended up all over my oldest son's swim trunks, and all up and down my youngest son's arms and hands.
When dinner was complete, we relaxed by the fire for a bit, until our eyelids began to get heavy, mine in particular! In fact, I fell asleep in the beach chair by the fire before anyone else. :) We planned for an uneventful night because there was no wind and no rain in the immediate forecast, but almost as soon as the boys went to bed in their tent, the wind kicked up with a vengeance. As my boyfriend struggled to tie down their tent in several extra places because it was the "struggling" one we had just temporary rigged up to hold on a calm night, the fire blew chunks of embers at us. It was a bit harrowing for a bit, but thanks to my camping buddy's valuable camping experience, he was able to put out the fire with water and sand and rig the tent to survive a small island storm without ever waking the precious boys inside. After that, I was really tired, so I headed to the tent and slept very soundly until my little one had trouble sleeping and woke me up out of a heavy dream sequence calling my name. I settled him down and awoke less than a couple of hours later to help him get out of the tent to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, it was a restless night, but there's still something about going to sleep to the sound of the waves at your feet, and the cool breeze of the trade winds blowing through your tent that takes me from my immediate concerns in life and to another world. When it's pitch black out, and I step outside for my own bathroom break in the middle of the night during a camping weekend, it feels like we are the only people on an island all to ourselves. It's a lot of work to set up and often more sleep is lost than gained, but I still look forward to it each time we have an opportunity to escape into the nature of the atoll and "live off the land," so to speak, even if it's only for a night, and supported by plenty of creature comforts along the way.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
October 10, 2010-Liquid Bliss
A lazy morning turned into a lazy afternoon on the atoll this Sunday. Sometimes you really just need day of rest, am I right? Today was that day for us, although we did make it out to the chow hall for breakfast and brunch, and then finally in the early afternoon to the beach shack where the sun graciously appeared. Relaxing in the 70+ degree water is like nothing else in the world. It's liquid bliss. I can float on my back with the tingling sound of the ocean below in my ears and the caress of the gentle waves carrying me down along the shore until the shout of my boys or the chill of deeper waters pulls me back to land and reality.
Playing with old bamboo pipes from a wind chime broken by the unrelenting trade winds on the island and a large plastic bag which makes a perfect beach hot tub when placed into a large hole in the sand, we watched the boys play while floating in the warm lagoon water. It always surprises me when I go home and jump in a fresh water, chlorinated pool and realize that my body will not float on the surface like it does here in the salt infused waters of the Pacific. The water in my mom's Gulf Shores, Alabama condo pool in July is warmer than here like still bath water, but it also has a heaviness and is often teaming with mosquitoes. Swimming in my mom's pool is wonderful, but floating in the largest lagoon in the world is awesome. It makes all the days of exhausting, hard work worth it. I can't say in all honesty that there haven't been days, weeks, even months and years that I haven't longed for all the things that living in the states offers that the atoll can't, but simple days like today, spent in liquid bliss, keep me here. I don't know how I'll ever leave, but I know the day will come, probably sooner rather than later. Until then, I will enjoy the time I have left basking in the island's liquid sunshine in liquid bliss.
Playing with old bamboo pipes from a wind chime broken by the unrelenting trade winds on the island and a large plastic bag which makes a perfect beach hot tub when placed into a large hole in the sand, we watched the boys play while floating in the warm lagoon water. It always surprises me when I go home and jump in a fresh water, chlorinated pool and realize that my body will not float on the surface like it does here in the salt infused waters of the Pacific. The water in my mom's Gulf Shores, Alabama condo pool in July is warmer than here like still bath water, but it also has a heaviness and is often teaming with mosquitoes. Swimming in my mom's pool is wonderful, but floating in the largest lagoon in the world is awesome. It makes all the days of exhausting, hard work worth it. I can't say in all honesty that there haven't been days, weeks, even months and years that I haven't longed for all the things that living in the states offers that the atoll can't, but simple days like today, spent in liquid bliss, keep me here. I don't know how I'll ever leave, but I know the day will come, probably sooner rather than later. Until then, I will enjoy the time I have left basking in the island's liquid sunshine in liquid bliss.
October 9, 2010-"Playing Hookey"
Where else in the world can you leave school and work early to catch a plane to a whole other island destination for the weekend and be there in less than an hour? That's exactly what my sweet boys and I did today. We left around 1:30 to catch the 2:15 plane to Roi-Namur to spend four glorious days basking in the sun and fun of our favorite get away destination with one of our favorite people and luckily, my sweetheart. Upon taking off, I realized I had forgotten to lock our bikes together, which is a potential problem, as some people like to "Marshallese Borrow" bikes and take them from one spot to another and make it hard for the owner to find them again when they return (not purposely to be rude, but just to get to where they need to go in a culture which always helps each other out, even if it makes it inconvenient for the original owner), but that thought quickly escaped me upon looking out the window and seeing the magnificent view of my home atoll fading away into a tiny spot of sand as we headed into the sky above. My youngest told me on the way to the terminal that he was excited about going to Roi for the weekend, but he was not excited about the plane ride. He tends to get motion sickness, but I told him that wasn't going to happen today as, unlike the last couple of weeks, it has been a beautiful day without a drop of rain, so the ride would be smooth and easy. Fortunately, this ended up being true as the clouds were puffy and white the whole way. Some days, when it is bumpy and gray, we feel the effects of the weather from our head to our toes as the tiny tube of metal is tossed by the winds and rains of the moment. The planes are small, 19 seater, prop planes, and as safe as they are, they can also be unsettling to the unseasoned small plane travelers. Upon landing, we waited patiently and caught the work bus to the housing office where we received our keys to our "home" for the long 4 day weekend.
Overall, it was a quiet Saturday night as my love and I were over tired from a long week at work, but the idea of a relaxing few days together with possibilities for camping, snorkeling, and general amusement filled out minds for the following days, and sleep came easy. No matter what, weekends are always better when spent when loved ones. Good night small world, enjoy the goodness of the day as there's always something to be thankful for...
Overall, it was a quiet Saturday night as my love and I were over tired from a long week at work, but the idea of a relaxing few days together with possibilities for camping, snorkeling, and general amusement filled out minds for the following days, and sleep came easy. No matter what, weekends are always better when spent when loved ones. Good night small world, enjoy the goodness of the day as there's always something to be thankful for...
Friday, October 8, 2010
October 8, 2010- Adjustment
Two weeks worth of 10+ hour work days, learning about my new job, and trying to affect positive, immediate changes in problem areas has definitely worn on me. Today, I am literally exhausted. The upside is I am accomplishing things, and I do feel like I am making a difference, slowly but surely. I’m happy for that, but simply cannot wait until tomorrow when my long holiday weekend (Columbus Day is this coming Tuesday for us since it’s on Monday in the states, and our Tuesday is their Monday). I’m heading to Roi with my boys for, hopefully, some dry camping, snorkeling, eating at the snack bar, and enjoying some much needed time together and away from the sometimes chaotic work and school environment. So tonight will be a short blog again because I have laundry to put away (that was done almost a week ago now), and more clothes to pack for the weekend, and it’s already getting late. Unfortunately, life sometimes gets in the way of my favorite activities, such as writing, but the weekend should provide plenty of material for discussion! :)
October 7, 2010-Writing Blues...
I knew the day would come before the year was over, but I have not had any time to write today and even worse, I have writer’s block on what to write about! To be completely honest, I am writing this a day late and trying desperately to catch up before I get too far behind to continue. The funny thing is that because I wasn’t able to start and/or end my day writing I feel very discombobulated. To clarify my writing process, sometimes I write up my blog at night before bed, and other times, I give my brain time to rest and write up my thoughts about the day before first thing the next morning and post them immediately (that’s also the advantage of being a day ahead here-it’s like I have an extra day to reflect on yesterday before my post will belie my lateness. :) Last night and this morning, I did neither, so now I have two days worth to write and still no choice topic comes to mind. The problem with this is that the day after not writing at either my usual evening or morning times, I can tell my emotions and glass half full attitude have been affected. Because I was not able to write out my frustrations and come around to the positive side of the day by the end of my post, I have struggled to move forward in confidence and strength for the day ahead. For me, it’s the writing blues...
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
October 6, 2010-Little Things Make Big Differences...
Isn't it always the littlest things that make the biggest differences in our lives? It's the warm greeting your child gets in the morning when they are dropped off at day care that makes them grin from ear to ear and go running from mommy to their teacher without a hesitation, and that little thing makes mommy's day start off easier because there's no tears or separation anxiety, and you can head to work or back home relaxed. It's that warm cup of steaming coffee when you are still feeling groggy from a not quite long enough night's rest that wakes you up and gets you going and makes your tummy feel comforted. I've said it before in this blog, and I'll say it again, but those little things like taking the time to hug a friend and let them cry on your shoulder can change a person's day. Sending a quick e-mail or making a short phone call to let a colleague or co-worker know they are appreciated for all they do at work brightens both your day and theirs. I can't preach positive thinking and finding the silver lining in every dark cloud enough. It's made my life so much easier.
Living on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean can be isolating, and often gives us too much time to think, to ponder over all the little inadequacies of the world, the people in it, and every detail of our lives and jobs. It's one of the disadvantages of living here, mainly that we tend to focus too much on what is not working right in our lives and on the island instead of what is working well and what the advantages of being here are. We live next to the most breathtaking part of the world's oceans that I have ever seen. We have warm, tropical weather year round to enjoy inside and out. Most of us live tax free here, and those who don't still live rent and mortgage free, car costs free, and generally free from the multiple bills and budget constraits those living in the "real world" experience daily, montly, and year after year. We have unique island style celebrations and the chance to travel with our airline tickets paid for to almost anywhere in the world for at least 4 weeks a year. We have more than so many of our friends and family members in the states right now. Life could be so much worse, and by focusing on those little negatives about your life on the atoll and letting them build and build inside you until you are hot with anger and frustration only makes everything that much harder. My goal today and every day, really, especially through this blog, is to seek out and find the positive in every experience and if I can't find one, then I'll make one! Today was a hectic, stressful day, but it ended by having a glass a wine with a dear friend of mine and watching one of my favorite movies that just happened to be on when I arrived home, and so I made sure I ended on a positive note by focusing some time on nurturing a friendship and escaping into the movies for a bit, so I could sleep peacefully and wake up refreshed, renewed, and ready to start again.
Living on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean can be isolating, and often gives us too much time to think, to ponder over all the little inadequacies of the world, the people in it, and every detail of our lives and jobs. It's one of the disadvantages of living here, mainly that we tend to focus too much on what is not working right in our lives and on the island instead of what is working well and what the advantages of being here are. We live next to the most breathtaking part of the world's oceans that I have ever seen. We have warm, tropical weather year round to enjoy inside and out. Most of us live tax free here, and those who don't still live rent and mortgage free, car costs free, and generally free from the multiple bills and budget constraits those living in the "real world" experience daily, montly, and year after year. We have unique island style celebrations and the chance to travel with our airline tickets paid for to almost anywhere in the world for at least 4 weeks a year. We have more than so many of our friends and family members in the states right now. Life could be so much worse, and by focusing on those little negatives about your life on the atoll and letting them build and build inside you until you are hot with anger and frustration only makes everything that much harder. My goal today and every day, really, especially through this blog, is to seek out and find the positive in every experience and if I can't find one, then I'll make one! Today was a hectic, stressful day, but it ended by having a glass a wine with a dear friend of mine and watching one of my favorite movies that just happened to be on when I arrived home, and so I made sure I ended on a positive note by focusing some time on nurturing a friendship and escaping into the movies for a bit, so I could sleep peacefully and wake up refreshed, renewed, and ready to start again.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
October 5, 2010-Taking the Time to Play
Spending a large portion of my day today in the classrooms here at the preschool and before and after school programs on island, I am reminded of why I love my job so much. I decided to write a little about this because as I was headed home today, a friend stopped on her way around the island with a new hire in a golf cart and introduced me as a teacher on island. Then she said she didn't know how I spent all day with kids. For me, it's a no brainer because I like to play pretend and imagine and dream just as much as they do. I love to watch them learn new things about the world and their excitement about the littlest accomplishments. Children appreciate everything in a way we as adults have gradually become accustomed to and now take for granted. Most mornings when I visit the before school program, I am bombarded with little girls wanting to show me the pictures they have drawn for their friends or boys showing me what they have made with the Knex building system. As parents, it's easy to become complacent about these small accomplishments our kids achieve, but if we take a minute to stop and talk to them about it, we'll find out how much they are learning and how creative they really are. So, with the kids in the program, I don't just stop at, "Wow, that's a beautiful drawing or I really like your ship you've created with the K'nex." I delve deeper. "Tell me who the picture is for and what you have drawn or what kind of ship is it and what can it do?" The greatest thing about asking these questions is the broad smiles of excitement you receive from the children because you are showing interest in their world, and usually, they can't wait to tell you all about it.
Later this morning, I spent some time in the preschool classroom where some of my favorite little friends attend. It's that "they're so cute you just want to pinch them age group." Anyway, out on the playground, one of the little boys asked if I wanted to play with him, and I said "sure." So, we went to the water table with some toy boats and began motoring around the "ocean," docking, and dropping off boxes and picking up passengers. After a few minutes of this, I asked my friend where we should go next, and you know what he told me? He said we were going to Machu Picchu! I was amazed he had even heard of that famous "Old Mountain" which is part of a Pre-Columbian Inca site located in Peru, South America. Of course he didn't know where it was exactly, but it was fun to "travel" there with him on boats in our very small water table world. Another group of kids was building an "Ant Trap" with outdoor blocks on the playground. When I asked them how the ants would get in there, they said they would put them in, and then they wouldn't be able to get out. When the rain showers began, 4 kids ran into the small house for shelter. I asked if I could come in and join them and queried them about who they were and what they were doing. Amazingly, there was a mom, dad, daughter, and a grandmother in the house all working very nicely together cleaning and cooking and chatting away.
All of this "play time" is learning time for them, and it's fun to be in that intial learning and exploring the world with them stage. It gives me a renewed perspective and appreciation for life. When one of the boys pushed over the block tower, and another boy pushed him out of anger from the hard work he spent building the structure, it was a perfect teaching time for conflict resolution, teaching both children how to use their words to express their frustration instead of violence and how to be considerate of others by not pushing down the block tower to begin with. It was also a good time to show the children how to work together to help build the tower back and play cooperatively.
When we take the time to play with our little ones or anyone's little ones, it can be a form of escape like reading a good book which takes you to another world and when you look up once again to your duties and responsibilities for the day you feel as if you've taken a journey up to Machu Picchu and back and thus had the break you needed to put you back on track. At least that's how it is for me, but I guess that's why I am a teacher. It's where my passion lies.
Later this morning, I spent some time in the preschool classroom where some of my favorite little friends attend. It's that "they're so cute you just want to pinch them age group." Anyway, out on the playground, one of the little boys asked if I wanted to play with him, and I said "sure." So, we went to the water table with some toy boats and began motoring around the "ocean," docking, and dropping off boxes and picking up passengers. After a few minutes of this, I asked my friend where we should go next, and you know what he told me? He said we were going to Machu Picchu! I was amazed he had even heard of that famous "Old Mountain" which is part of a Pre-Columbian Inca site located in Peru, South America. Of course he didn't know where it was exactly, but it was fun to "travel" there with him on boats in our very small water table world. Another group of kids was building an "Ant Trap" with outdoor blocks on the playground. When I asked them how the ants would get in there, they said they would put them in, and then they wouldn't be able to get out. When the rain showers began, 4 kids ran into the small house for shelter. I asked if I could come in and join them and queried them about who they were and what they were doing. Amazingly, there was a mom, dad, daughter, and a grandmother in the house all working very nicely together cleaning and cooking and chatting away.
All of this "play time" is learning time for them, and it's fun to be in that intial learning and exploring the world with them stage. It gives me a renewed perspective and appreciation for life. When one of the boys pushed over the block tower, and another boy pushed him out of anger from the hard work he spent building the structure, it was a perfect teaching time for conflict resolution, teaching both children how to use their words to express their frustration instead of violence and how to be considerate of others by not pushing down the block tower to begin with. It was also a good time to show the children how to work together to help build the tower back and play cooperatively.
When we take the time to play with our little ones or anyone's little ones, it can be a form of escape like reading a good book which takes you to another world and when you look up once again to your duties and responsibilities for the day you feel as if you've taken a journey up to Machu Picchu and back and thus had the break you needed to put you back on track. At least that's how it is for me, but I guess that's why I am a teacher. It's where my passion lies.
Monday, October 4, 2010
October 4, 2010-Monday Melodies and Bathtime Bliss
I love days when life slows down a bit, at least for me. My boyfriend is currently working 6 days a week due to an important maintenance project at work, and the kids are with their dad for the weekend, so I had a weekend day all to myself. I started out with a good night's sleep and waking up with my honey to go to breakfast. After he took off to work, I blogged a bit and took a walk around the island. I haven't had a chance to do this on Roi since I started my blog this past summer. It was nice to familiarize myself with my "temporary" home again. By the time I was done, it was time for lunch. After lunch, I decided to head down to the beach shack for a bit and relax with a good book. Unfortunately, it's rainy season here, and although it's warm rain, it's still rain, and a gloomy beach day just isn't the same as a sunny one, so after about an hour it was back home to indulge in something I rarely get to indulge in, a bath in a full size bath tub. You see, on Kwajalein, the BQ's (Bachelor's Quarters) only have showers, and many of the homes only have these half tubs masquerading as real bathtubs, so it's quite a treat when I get to relax in a regular size bathtub as the BQ's on Roi all have normal size tubs.
When I take a bath, I require certain luxuries like sweet smelling Calgon powder or some sort of bath beads or bubbles, a comfy bath mat or pillow to relax my body and head on, my Ipod or soft music playing in the background, and a magazine or book to read. Today was no exception, I experienced total relaxation as I almost fell asleep in a warm tub with music in my ears and a book in my hand. Days like today are so important for everyone. We need days where we have no responsibilities, no schedule, no stress, and where we can enjoy those things that make us feel relaxed and special. Today was a day for Monday melodies and bath time bliss. Recalling the melodies of the birds chirping on the path ahead of me during my walk and soaring high in the air above me, the breaking of the waves and the crunching of coral slowly being ground into soft sand under my feet at the beach shack, and the music of my favorite artists on my Ipod as I soaked in the tub. Tomorrow, when the stress of life and work sets in again, I'll close my eyes and take myself back to yesterday and to the melodies of the atoll to relax my mind and body and bring the weekend a little closer to me.
When I take a bath, I require certain luxuries like sweet smelling Calgon powder or some sort of bath beads or bubbles, a comfy bath mat or pillow to relax my body and head on, my Ipod or soft music playing in the background, and a magazine or book to read. Today was no exception, I experienced total relaxation as I almost fell asleep in a warm tub with music in my ears and a book in my hand. Days like today are so important for everyone. We need days where we have no responsibilities, no schedule, no stress, and where we can enjoy those things that make us feel relaxed and special. Today was a day for Monday melodies and bath time bliss. Recalling the melodies of the birds chirping on the path ahead of me during my walk and soaring high in the air above me, the breaking of the waves and the crunching of coral slowly being ground into soft sand under my feet at the beach shack, and the music of my favorite artists on my Ipod as I soaked in the tub. Tomorrow, when the stress of life and work sets in again, I'll close my eyes and take myself back to yesterday and to the melodies of the atoll to relax my mind and body and bring the weekend a little closer to me.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
October 3, 2010-The "Roi Resort" Experience
It's so good to be back on Roi, diving and enjoying adventures on the atoll with good friends. There's just something about this place. "Roi Resort" is definitely an apt nickname for those who aren't required to live in its isolation every day of the year. I've never been a full time resident, but I have spent enough time to get a sense of how different it is for long term residents versus the "downtown" Kwajalein visitors and "baggers" (nickname for those who live on Kwaj, but commute back and forth to Roi on the plane daily). When you live here all the time, the smallness of the place (only around 80 full time residents), the lack of food to cook with and enjoy at the one convenience store on island (there's no grocery or department stores on Roi as there are on Kwajalein), the limited entertainment options (Kwajalein has a bowling alley, two theaters, a range of various community activities almost every weekend; whereas, Roi does the best they can with the one fabulous activities director for the residents), and the general "forgotten stepchild" feel of the island to residents who hear and see of various ways Kwajalein folks and their non-working family members are catered too (there's no housing or children allowed to live on Roi, so everyone here works with the exception of one or two wives), it can become a "hardship" assignment in most senses of the word. It's an unfortunate phenomenon because without the radars and missile and space junk tracking capabilities of those radars located on Roi-Namur, Kwajalein would not exist. The radars are critical to the U.S. purpose of the testing range. The residents here should be treated more like Iron Man rather than like Cinderella before she became a princess.
That said, it takes a certain type of person to live here for very long. You have to be strong enough to handle the isolation without being overcome by loneliness, depression, or maybe even slightly crazed thoughts. You have to be able to remind yourself of the advantages over the disadvantages of life here almost daily. And you have to learn to appreciate the beautiful differences between Kwaj and Roi to fully enjoy it. For example, Roi is half covered with actual jungle. This jungle is filled with gorgeous butterflies, disintegrating WWII Japanese bunkers and gun placements, and fantastically bright green foliage and various flowering plants. Every time the boys and I cruise through it in our rented golf cart, we find a previously unexplored path or "secret hiding place" to crunch our way through and discover treasures such as an old radio or coke bottle or even more exciting for little boys, a shell from a 50 cal gun where we can picture soldiers hiding and fighting over 6 decades ago on the very piece of ground on which we stand. There's also a number of lush, private beach shacks on the lagoon side which residents take care of, but are all too happy to share with whoever wants to relax in their comfy hammocks under wooden coverings for shade and often with grills to make a day of it. My boyfriend recently wrote the best promotion of his shack in an e-mail sent to friends who thought they might not have a place to stay while visiting, so we were going to set up the tents for them to camp. It was such a appealing description of his secluded shack with a fresh outdoor shower and built in air conditioning provided by the trade winds and music to provide sound sleep created by the waves just a few feet away that we were all ready to settle down in it as if it was the finest accommodations on a resort tropical island such as Tahiti. I wish I could cut and paste his description here for you all to read, but alas, it's on my computer at work, plus, I need to ask his permission first anyway. Point being, sometimes it's all a matter of perspective.
If we can learn to be content in our circumstances, no matter what those are, then we have achieved true peace and because of this, we will be able to handle whatever life throws our way in its chaotic, roller coaster ride of constant changes. For me, Roi means diving the airplanes as we did today, which is something much harder to find on Kwaj. It's mostly ships there, which are exciting too, but seeing those airplanes which used to fly so high settled completely on the bottom of the ocean and providing a home to so many magnificent anemones, fish, and brilliantly colored and structured soft and hard corals is a symbol of accepting our fate, our current place in life, and finding joy and peace in it. Roi-Namur has some of the best diving in the world, and those of us who are lucky enough to dive it, can count that as one of the advantages of life here. There are also the people who live here, who have decided to make Roi their home and not Kwajalein, and they are quite special too. Some of the warmest, most engaging people I have ever met, I've found on Roi. I think it attracts people who are in many ways more insightful and reflective than those from the "bigger cities" like Kwajalein. Because of the isolation, you have to like yourself and spending time on your own, and that usually means you are comfortable in your own skin and able to reflect on who you are and who others are and accept people more easily without judgement. You also recognize your room for growth, and for me, this is definitely a place where I can grow, where I have the time to read, write, and see life in a different way, and accept its hardships along with its beauty. Life at Roi Resort is pretty unique, and I for one, am thankful for those friends I've made here who have accepted me into their hearts, invited me into their lives, and considered me a "sudo Roi-Rat" even though I've never had the opportunity to become a full fledged resident.
That said, it takes a certain type of person to live here for very long. You have to be strong enough to handle the isolation without being overcome by loneliness, depression, or maybe even slightly crazed thoughts. You have to be able to remind yourself of the advantages over the disadvantages of life here almost daily. And you have to learn to appreciate the beautiful differences between Kwaj and Roi to fully enjoy it. For example, Roi is half covered with actual jungle. This jungle is filled with gorgeous butterflies, disintegrating WWII Japanese bunkers and gun placements, and fantastically bright green foliage and various flowering plants. Every time the boys and I cruise through it in our rented golf cart, we find a previously unexplored path or "secret hiding place" to crunch our way through and discover treasures such as an old radio or coke bottle or even more exciting for little boys, a shell from a 50 cal gun where we can picture soldiers hiding and fighting over 6 decades ago on the very piece of ground on which we stand. There's also a number of lush, private beach shacks on the lagoon side which residents take care of, but are all too happy to share with whoever wants to relax in their comfy hammocks under wooden coverings for shade and often with grills to make a day of it. My boyfriend recently wrote the best promotion of his shack in an e-mail sent to friends who thought they might not have a place to stay while visiting, so we were going to set up the tents for them to camp. It was such a appealing description of his secluded shack with a fresh outdoor shower and built in air conditioning provided by the trade winds and music to provide sound sleep created by the waves just a few feet away that we were all ready to settle down in it as if it was the finest accommodations on a resort tropical island such as Tahiti. I wish I could cut and paste his description here for you all to read, but alas, it's on my computer at work, plus, I need to ask his permission first anyway. Point being, sometimes it's all a matter of perspective.
If we can learn to be content in our circumstances, no matter what those are, then we have achieved true peace and because of this, we will be able to handle whatever life throws our way in its chaotic, roller coaster ride of constant changes. For me, Roi means diving the airplanes as we did today, which is something much harder to find on Kwaj. It's mostly ships there, which are exciting too, but seeing those airplanes which used to fly so high settled completely on the bottom of the ocean and providing a home to so many magnificent anemones, fish, and brilliantly colored and structured soft and hard corals is a symbol of accepting our fate, our current place in life, and finding joy and peace in it. Roi-Namur has some of the best diving in the world, and those of us who are lucky enough to dive it, can count that as one of the advantages of life here. There are also the people who live here, who have decided to make Roi their home and not Kwajalein, and they are quite special too. Some of the warmest, most engaging people I have ever met, I've found on Roi. I think it attracts people who are in many ways more insightful and reflective than those from the "bigger cities" like Kwajalein. Because of the isolation, you have to like yourself and spending time on your own, and that usually means you are comfortable in your own skin and able to reflect on who you are and who others are and accept people more easily without judgement. You also recognize your room for growth, and for me, this is definitely a place where I can grow, where I have the time to read, write, and see life in a different way, and accept its hardships along with its beauty. Life at Roi Resort is pretty unique, and I for one, am thankful for those friends I've made here who have accepted me into their hearts, invited me into their lives, and considered me a "sudo Roi-Rat" even though I've never had the opportunity to become a full fledged resident.
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