March 5: Writing Prompt #64-Perspective

Write about the last disagreement you had with a friend or family member — from their perspective.

I am an argumentative person, and I also tend to play devil’s advocate, sometimes without even realizing it, so I have minor disagreements with those I am particularly comfortable with (mostly family) fairly regularly.  I often disagree with things my youngest son says, but he’s eleven, so that’s pretty much par for the course. I disagree with my husband at times over little things, but we are two different and two very independent people, so again, normal in my book. I disagree with my dad at some point every time I spend more than a couple of days with him at a time, but he’s the one who taught me to be argumentative, and he’s better than anyone I know at playing devil’s advocate in a way that makes it seem he really believes in what he is saying (whether or not he really does).  J Love you, Dad!! The one person I have never really disagreed with hardly at all is my mom, but even that is not 100% as I had a fairly heated disagreement recently (which is very unusual for her to get heated-she is like my grandfather in that way-she puts up with a lot very calmly for a long time, then when she does get upset, she REALLY gets upset). Love you too, mom! J Bottom line, disagreements with others are a part of life, although I do think we are all a bit happier, able to let go easier, and wiser over all when we can learn to consider how the other person is feeling or what they are thinking and why.

I have been pretty “all out there” with this blog in the New Year, which was one of my goals, to put myself out there, but I do have lines drawn, and for this prompt, I do not particularly feel comfortable sharing the details of any of my recent disagreements with friends or family because they may not wish for me to discuss that in this forum, so here I am, writing without a focus….or maybe not….

My Granddaddy and my husband are the two people who have taught me the most about perspective over my lifetime.  My Granddaddy taught me about it when he pointed out the perspective of my dad during the time my parents were newly divorced, and my Grandmother, Mom, and I were being ugly in our speech about my dad and his behavior. I’ll never forget the unconditional love and non-judgmental perspective he presented to us. When there was finally a lull in our gossipy, one-sided conversation, he said (and this was the only thing he said the entire time), “I wonder what life is like for him right now with his new wife and how he must feel.”    After that, none of us said anything…not a word.  That’s all he HAD to say in order to put us in our place and remind us that there’s two sides to every story. 

My husband is very similar. When I first met him, I was going through my divorce, and it was a very, very difficult time. He was such a good friend to me from the start, listening to my pain for hours over the phone between our two island homes.  Because things were rapidly changing within me and my life then, there were times when I would say something without really thinking that would cause him to pause.  During these times, he would “take a break,” so to speak and step back from calling me for a day or two.  I would usually jump to conclusions and get concerned that I had lost my good friend, but I discovered as I got to know him better and better that he was taking that “step back” time to think about what we had said to each other, and in particular, to think about things from my perspective….MY PERSPECTIVE. Who does that when they’ve had a disagreement?  I know it was not something I was accustomed to doing, but it is something I am learning to do because of him.  I try to stop myself when I am getting heated and consider how the other person feels, although I’m still not very good at it.  I have much to learn, but know this, I do WANT to know how you feel, what you are thinking, where you are coming from, but I also kindly ask the same of you when you think of me, when you read this blog…consider the perspective I am coming from before judging me, and I will readily give you the same courtesy.  J